jerrytz
JF-Expert Member
- Oct 10, 2012
- 5,975
- 4,266
Are You Emotionally Intelligent? Heres How to Know for Sure
People with high EQ's master their emotions because they understand them, and they use an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so. While many people might describe themselves as simply feeling bad, emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel irritable, frustrated, downtrodden, or anxious. The more specific your word choice, the better insight you have into exactly how you are feeling, what caused it, and what you should do about it.
1. Youre Curious about People
It doesnt matter if theyre introverted or extroverted, emotionally intelligent people are curious about everyone around them. This curiosity is the product of empathy, one of the most significant gateways to a high EQ. The more you care about other people and what theyre going through, the more curiosity youre going to have about them.
2. You Embrace Change
Emotionally intelligent people are flexible and are constantly adapting. They know that fear of change is paralyzing and a major threat to their success and happiness. They look for change that is lurking just around the corner, and they form a plan of action should these changes occur.
3. You Know Your Strengths and Weaknesses
Emotionally intelligent people dont just understand emotions; they know what theyre good at and what theyre terrible at. They also know who pushes their buttons and the environments (both situations and people) that enable them to succeed. Having a high EQ means you know your strengths and you know how to lean into them and use them to your full advantage while keeping your weaknesses from holding you back.
4. Youre a Good Judge of Character
Much of emotional intelligence comes down to social awareness¾the ability to read other people, know what theyre about, and understand what they are going through. Over time, this skill makes you an exceptional judge of character. People are no mystery to you. You know what theyre all about and understand their motivations, even those that lie hidden beneath the surface.
5. You Are Difficult to Offend
If you have a firm grasp of whom you are, its difficult for someone to say or do something that gets your goat. Emotionally intelligent people are self-confident and open-minded, which creates a pretty thick skin. You may even poke fun at yourself or let other people make jokes about you because you are able to mentally draw the line between humor and degradation.
6. You Know How to Say No (to Yourself and Others)
Emotional intelligence means knowing how to exert self-control. You delay gratification, and you avoid impulsive action. Research conducted at the University of California, San Francisco, shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Saying no is indeed a major self-control challenge for many people. No is a powerful word that you should not be afraid to wield. When its time to say no, emotionally intelligent people avoid phrases such as I dont think I can or Im not certain. Saying no to a new commitment honors your existing commitments and gives you the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.
7. You Let Go of Mistakes
Emotionally intelligent people distance themselves from their mistakes, but do so without forgetting them. By keeping their mistakes at a safe distance, yet still handy enough to refer to, they are able to adapt and adjust for future success. It takes refined self-awareness to walk this tightrope between dwelling and remembering. Dwelling too long on your mistakes makes you anxious and gun shy, while forgetting about them completely makes you bound to repeat them. The key to balance lies in your ability to transform failures into nuggets of improvement. This creates the tendency to get right back up every time you fall down.
8. You Give and Expect Nothing in Return
When someone gives you something spontaneously, without expecting anything in return, this leaves a powerful impression. For example, you might have an interesting conversation with someone about a book, and when you see them again a month later, you show up with the book in hand. Emotionally intelligent people build strong relationships because they are constantly thinking about others.
9. You Dont Hold Grudges
The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about the event sends your body into fight-or-flight mode, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. When the threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when the threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means youre holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. Letting go of a grudge not only makes you feel better now but can also improve your health.
11. You Neutralize Toxic People
Dealing with difficult people is frustrating and exhausting for most. High EQ individuals control their interactions with toxic people by keeping their feelings in check. When they need to confront a toxic person, they approach the situation rationally. They identify their own emotions and dont allow anger or frustration to fuel the chaos. They also consider the difficult persons standpoint and are able to find solutions and common ground. Even when things completely derail, emotionally intelligent people are able to take the toxic person with a grain of salt to avoid letting him or her bring them down.
12. You Dont Seek Perfection
Emotionally intelligent people wont set perfection as their target because they know that it doesnt exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal, youre always left with a nagging sense of failure that makes you want to give up or reduce your effort. You end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and what you should have done differently instead of moving forward, excited about what you've achieved and what you will accomplish in the future.
13. You Appreciate What You Have
Taking time to contemplate what youre grateful for isnt merely the right thing to do; it also improves your mood because it reduces the stress hormone cortisol by 23%. Research conducted at the University of California, Davis, found that people who worked daily to cultivate an attitude of gratitude experienced improved mood, energy, and physical well-being. Its likely that lower levels of cortisol played a major role in this.
14. You Stop Negative Self-Talk in Its Tracks
The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our negative thoughts are just thatthoughts, not facts. When it feels like something always or never happens, this is just your brains natural tendency to perceive threats (inflating the frequency or severity of an event). Emotionally intelligent people separate their thoughts from the facts in order to escape the cycle of negativity and move toward a positive, new outlook.
15. You Wont Let Anyone Limit Your Joy
When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that theyve done, they wont let anyones opinions or snide remarks take that away from them. While its impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you dont have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take peoples opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within.
AUTHOR: Dr. Travis Bradberry
People with high EQ's master their emotions because they understand them, and they use an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so. While many people might describe themselves as simply feeling bad, emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel irritable, frustrated, downtrodden, or anxious. The more specific your word choice, the better insight you have into exactly how you are feeling, what caused it, and what you should do about it.
1. Youre Curious about People
It doesnt matter if theyre introverted or extroverted, emotionally intelligent people are curious about everyone around them. This curiosity is the product of empathy, one of the most significant gateways to a high EQ. The more you care about other people and what theyre going through, the more curiosity youre going to have about them.
2. You Embrace Change
Emotionally intelligent people are flexible and are constantly adapting. They know that fear of change is paralyzing and a major threat to their success and happiness. They look for change that is lurking just around the corner, and they form a plan of action should these changes occur.
3. You Know Your Strengths and Weaknesses
Emotionally intelligent people dont just understand emotions; they know what theyre good at and what theyre terrible at. They also know who pushes their buttons and the environments (both situations and people) that enable them to succeed. Having a high EQ means you know your strengths and you know how to lean into them and use them to your full advantage while keeping your weaknesses from holding you back.
4. Youre a Good Judge of Character
Much of emotional intelligence comes down to social awareness¾the ability to read other people, know what theyre about, and understand what they are going through. Over time, this skill makes you an exceptional judge of character. People are no mystery to you. You know what theyre all about and understand their motivations, even those that lie hidden beneath the surface.
5. You Are Difficult to Offend
If you have a firm grasp of whom you are, its difficult for someone to say or do something that gets your goat. Emotionally intelligent people are self-confident and open-minded, which creates a pretty thick skin. You may even poke fun at yourself or let other people make jokes about you because you are able to mentally draw the line between humor and degradation.
6. You Know How to Say No (to Yourself and Others)
Emotional intelligence means knowing how to exert self-control. You delay gratification, and you avoid impulsive action. Research conducted at the University of California, San Francisco, shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Saying no is indeed a major self-control challenge for many people. No is a powerful word that you should not be afraid to wield. When its time to say no, emotionally intelligent people avoid phrases such as I dont think I can or Im not certain. Saying no to a new commitment honors your existing commitments and gives you the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.
7. You Let Go of Mistakes
Emotionally intelligent people distance themselves from their mistakes, but do so without forgetting them. By keeping their mistakes at a safe distance, yet still handy enough to refer to, they are able to adapt and adjust for future success. It takes refined self-awareness to walk this tightrope between dwelling and remembering. Dwelling too long on your mistakes makes you anxious and gun shy, while forgetting about them completely makes you bound to repeat them. The key to balance lies in your ability to transform failures into nuggets of improvement. This creates the tendency to get right back up every time you fall down.
8. You Give and Expect Nothing in Return
When someone gives you something spontaneously, without expecting anything in return, this leaves a powerful impression. For example, you might have an interesting conversation with someone about a book, and when you see them again a month later, you show up with the book in hand. Emotionally intelligent people build strong relationships because they are constantly thinking about others.
9. You Dont Hold Grudges
The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about the event sends your body into fight-or-flight mode, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. When the threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when the threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means youre holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. Letting go of a grudge not only makes you feel better now but can also improve your health.
11. You Neutralize Toxic People
Dealing with difficult people is frustrating and exhausting for most. High EQ individuals control their interactions with toxic people by keeping their feelings in check. When they need to confront a toxic person, they approach the situation rationally. They identify their own emotions and dont allow anger or frustration to fuel the chaos. They also consider the difficult persons standpoint and are able to find solutions and common ground. Even when things completely derail, emotionally intelligent people are able to take the toxic person with a grain of salt to avoid letting him or her bring them down.
12. You Dont Seek Perfection
Emotionally intelligent people wont set perfection as their target because they know that it doesnt exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal, youre always left with a nagging sense of failure that makes you want to give up or reduce your effort. You end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and what you should have done differently instead of moving forward, excited about what you've achieved and what you will accomplish in the future.
13. You Appreciate What You Have
Taking time to contemplate what youre grateful for isnt merely the right thing to do; it also improves your mood because it reduces the stress hormone cortisol by 23%. Research conducted at the University of California, Davis, found that people who worked daily to cultivate an attitude of gratitude experienced improved mood, energy, and physical well-being. Its likely that lower levels of cortisol played a major role in this.
14. You Stop Negative Self-Talk in Its Tracks
The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our negative thoughts are just thatthoughts, not facts. When it feels like something always or never happens, this is just your brains natural tendency to perceive threats (inflating the frequency or severity of an event). Emotionally intelligent people separate their thoughts from the facts in order to escape the cycle of negativity and move toward a positive, new outlook.
15. You Wont Let Anyone Limit Your Joy
When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that theyve done, they wont let anyones opinions or snide remarks take that away from them. While its impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you dont have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take peoples opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within.
AUTHOR: Dr. Travis Bradberry
