Bishanga
JF-Expert Member
- Jun 29, 2008
- 15,321
- 10,075
mmmmmmhhhhh!
mmmmmmhhhhh!i dnt advyz ha ku-go back 2 any of da x....lyf goz on...
thanks bro for your understanding
in any sort of this nature (dilemma) the best way is to hvae two sides of the coin... most of you here have one side and i am bringing the other side ili kuwawakilisha hao wanaume watatu wasio na mtetezi... and i will stick to my gun because in our life siku hizi bila lawyer, hakuna kinachoenda, hadi wanetu wana tabia ya kusemeana hadi aje mwenzake ndio tupate ukweli wa mambo
I know nimewaboa baadhi especially MJ1 but i am 99.9% certain (na mimi sio sheikh yahya), utakuja kuniambia after a year kwamba bwana namba tatu katoswa kaonekana hafai tena bora mmoja kati ya wale wa kwanza au hata nwe guy kabisa amejoin.....
APOLOGIES KWA KUHARIBU THREAD YAKO MKUU NA NINAOMBA NISICHANGIE TENA KWANI NIMEONA DALILI YA KUKERA MTU FULANI NINAYEMHESHIMU SANA
BUT NAOMBA UHAI AFTER A YEAR I WILL ASK ABOUT HIS THREAD AGAIN... INSHALLAH
Dah Mbu hiuyu mdada ppengine tunawezasema anachanganywa na mambo mengi; kwa mtazamo wangu
1. Kwa kuwa huyu wa sasa (kama ulivyosema) ni mpya bado - pengine anahofia future yake lets say umri unaenda hana kitu stable (je ana mtoto/watoto) maana pengine hizo pasts zake hakujaaliwa mtoto na sasa amekwenda age so anataka mtoto au familia. Therefore anachanganyikiwa afanyeje of which hata ukimshauri arudi kwa mmoja wapo then atarudi kwa wrong reason- ili naye ahesabike 'mtu' katika jamii awe na normal family.
2. Pengine anachanganyikiwa na presha za 'baby come back' lol toka kwa hao ma-abuser. Na kwa sababu zimekuja wakati hana strong 'roots' kwa relationship ya sasa (of which inaeleweka- bado ngeni) basi anajiona anahang na kujikubalisha kuziwazia zile what ifs. Asipoangalia ataangukia mikononi mwa simba kote kote, whether akirudi kwa one of the exex au hata ikitokea huyu alonaye akaamua klumtangazia 'ndoa' surely she will ingia kwenye ndoa hiyo kwa wrong reasons na baadae anawezajikuta anarudi tena na kilio kwako!
Mbu hapa nakubaliana na wewe kabisa isipokuwa tu nadhani tutashindwa kuelewa ivizuri kama information alokupa ziko nusu nusu. Nina maswali kwenye hili
1. Je hao ma-Ex wake alivyoachana nao aliachana nao kivije? Mf. walishajaribu kutatua matatizo yao kabla ya kuamua kila mtu kushika hamsini zao? au ilikuwa ni yale mambo ya hacra za mkizi? BWana karudi saa tisa usiku basi mke kesho kafungasha kaondoka kiasi cha sasa kujuta kuwa pengine angecool down na kumwuliza alikuwa wapi labda wangeelewana? Hizo abuse anazozisema ni za aia gani? What were the extreme of the abuses kiasi kwamba nawe mshauri wake umeamini kuwa alikuwa abused na utaumia sana ukimwona akirudi kule? Kwa sababu inawezekana kabisa they were not abuses na hivyo sitashangaa kusikia kuwa anakula nyuma ya mgongo wa mpenzi wake wa sasa!!
ati???
can you confidently tell me kwamba huyo amekata ties na hao wa zamani? or do you sense enthusiasm kwa huyo mpya??
hebu ngoja niende zangu kunyoosha viungo mie naona kizunguzungu tu
Mamy inabidi ajue hisi zake ziko wapi ili asije akamchagua ambae sio alafu mambo yasipoenda vizuri ajikute anajilaumu na kujuta zaidi kwa kumpa mtu nafasi wakati hakustahili na wala yeye hakumpenda kivile.Lizzy mamito hapa umemaliza. Jibu la hili swali ndilo litadetermine ushauri wa Mbu kwa huyo mtasha!!
thanks bro for your understanding
in any sort of this nature (dilemma) the best way is to hvae two sides of the coin... most of you here have one side and i am bringing the other side ili kuwawakilisha hao wanaume watatu wasio na mtetezi... and i will stick to my gun because in our life siku hizi bila lawyer, hakuna kinachoenda, hadi wanetu wana tabia ya kusemeana hadi aje mwenzake ndio tupate ukweli wa mambo
I know nimewaboa baadhi especially MJ1 but i am 99.9% certain (na mimi sio sheikh yahya), utakuja kuniambia after a year kwamba bwana namba tatu katoswa kaonekana hafai tena bora mmoja kati ya wale wa kwanza au hata nwe guy kabisa amejoin.....
APOLOGIES KWA KUHARIBU THREAD YAKO MKUU NA NINAOMBA NISICHANGIE TENA KWANI NIMEONA DALILI YA KUKERA MTU FULANI NINAYEMHESHIMU SANA
BUT NAOMBA UHAI AFTER A YEAR I WILL ASK ABOUT HIS THREAD AGAIN... INSHALLAH
...yaani mwj1 umekuja at the right time kwakweli...ngoja nikapashe moto kiporo niendelee kuidadavua hii mada...
safi sana kwa uchambuzi wako...i hope kina Lizzy sasa wataelewa uzito wa skendeli hili...na mdada anavyosema " bora ya zimwi likujualo...!"... hizi what if's ndio nilizoshindwa kuziweka bayana hapa...angalau wewe umejivika viatu vya huyo mdada...MTM usiondoke kamanda...
...mwj1, kama nilivyoeleza awali, maelezo yapo vague,...siwezi kum pressure sana a reveal yote...kwani kuna watu wana uwezo wa kutafuta hizi sympathetic votes kwa njia mbalimbali, na kuna watu wapo reserved sana, lakini pia wana watu wao ambao wanaweza kuwamegea sehemu ya story.
mimi na yeye tupo kwenye kundi la pili,..amenimegea sehemu ya maisha yake...
lakini hizo past relationships zote waliishia 'vibaya' bila muda wa reconciliation...
narudia, bila muda wa reconciliation...----
...kamanda subiri bana,....utakwenda gym baadae....
hivi, ukisha cut ties na ex spouse/ partner...baadae maishani mkikutana utaendelea kuchuna tuuu?
as if hamjuani? ...hapana, huyu mdada kwasababu zilizo nje ya uweza wangu kuelewa, they've managed to re establish their
friendship bana...lol
Nikiendelea kuamini anavyoamini MTM; mheshimiwa Mbu bado unaweza kumsaidia kwa ushauri huyu mdada; though swali laweza kuwa "amwache yupi?' though wewe amekuuliza "achague yupi?". These are similar but different questions but the answer can address both of them.
thanks bro for your understanding
in any sort of this nature (dilemma) the best way is to hvae two sides of the coin... most of you here have one side and i am bringing the other side ili kuwawakilisha hao wanaume watatu wasio na mtetezi... and i will stick to my gun because in our life siku hizi bila lawyer, hakuna kinachoenda, hadi wanetu wana tabia ya kusemeana hadi aje mwenzake ndio tupate ukweli wa mambo
I know nimewaboa baadhi especially MJ1 but i am 99.9% certain (na mimi sio sheikh yahya), utakuja kuniambia after a year kwamba bwana namba tatu katoswa kaonekana hafai tena bora mmoja kati ya wale wa kwanza au hata nwe guy kabisa amejoin.....
APOLOGIES KWA KUHARIBU THREAD YAKO MKUU NA NINAOMBA NISICHANGIE TENA KWANI NIMEONA DALILI YA KUKERA MTU FULANI NINAYEMHESHIMU SANA
BUT NAOMBA UHAI AFTER A YEAR I WILL ASK ABOUT HIS THREAD AGAIN... INSHALLAH
Sasa Mbu ushauri gani tena anataka wakati hapo kwenye RED ni kama ameshaamua kwamba anaowajua na matatizo yao ni chaguo bora zaidi. Kwahiyo hapo ni kiasi tu cha yeye kuchagua kati ya A na B.
Kama angekua hajaamua kwamba ''Zimwi alijualo halitamla likammaliza'' ushauri wangu ......
...hapana nyumba kubwa,....huyu mdada ameniomba ushauri jinsi ya kui handle situation hii...
maana kazungukwa na mapenzi ya pande tatu...kuna kitu/vitu vinakosekana maishani mwake kiasi kwamba hawa wanaume watatu kila mmoja ana mazuri yake....
...aaarrgghhh, kamanda usiondoke bana...khaaa?
mwanajamiione asikushinde kwa hoja bana, ...mpaka sasa wote humu
umeweza kuwashawishi kwa huo msimamo wako...hiovi ukimkimbia mwj1
aspirini na klorokwini watakuelewaje hapa?
hapana, pambana kwa hoja...
hilo la wanaume watatu wasio na mtetezi nimelipenda sana ulivyoliweka,
kumbukeni niliweka maneno hapa kwamba mdada kajichunguza na amegundua iwapo anayoyafahamu
sasa angeyajua hapo awali labda angeokoa mahusiano yake...maybe they deserve another chance...
halafu, klorokwini juzi aliandika kwenye posti fulani kule nje, kwamba ni bora ujikubalishe kwa partner ambaye
anaweza kukuvumilia mapungufu yako,...hudhani mdada anajionea ni bora nusu shari?
Hapo hata mi pamenichanganya kidogo hapo mkuu.
Ila ninachoweza kumshauri, aangalie nani ambaye anampenda sa
babu kwa jinsi hii case ilivyo inaonekana wote wana-equal chance za kuwa selected, so aende kwa yule ambaye moyo wake umeguswa.
NB: ajichunguze vizuri kuhusu huyu kijana mpya, sababu unaweza kukuta yeye hajampenda ila alienda kwake sababu tu labda alikuwa desparate, binadamu tukitoka kuachana tunakuwa na kaaina flani ka kuchanganyikiwa mara nyingi inakuwa ngumu kufanya maamuzi sahihi ya kihisia za mapenzi, hvyo huishia kuangalia sehemu ya kupumzika....
Ngoma uchovu ukiisha sasa! Unatafuta pakutokea na kuanza kuona mapungufu ya kijana/binti wa watu lol
Hapo hata mi pamenichanganya kidogo hapo mkuu.
Ila ninachoweza kumshauri, aangalie nani ambaye anampenda sa
babu kwa jinsi hii case ilivyo inaonekana wote wana-equal chance za kuwa selected, so aende kwa yule ambaye moyo wake umeguswa.
NB: ajichunguze vizuri kuhusu huyu kijana mpya, sababu unaweza kukuta yeye hajampenda ila alienda kwake sababu tu labda alikuwa desparate, binadamu tukitoka kuachana tunakuwa na kaaina flani ka kuchanganyikiwa mara nyingi inakuwa ngumu kufanya maamuzi sahihi ya kihisia za mapenzi, hvyo huishia kuangalia sehemu ya kupumzika....
Ngoma uchovu ukiisha sasa! Unatafuta pakutokea na kuanza kuona mapungufu ya kijana/binti wa watu lol
Kabisa Lizzy unless Mbu anajua interval ilikuwaje loh!! (Information nyingine ni ngumu kuzipata!!). Mambo ya unfinished businesses with the former Boss!!Hapo kwenye red nadhani ndio haswa panapochangia huyu dada kuwa kwenye situation aliyokuwamo.
Yani yeye kabla ya kuvunja ties na abuser A akakimbilia kwa abuser B...huko nako kiliposhindikana akakimbia bila kufunga milango mpaka anaweza kuwa gentleman C. Sasa milango yote iko wazi hajui aingie wapi...ndio maana mwisho nikasema itakua best kama ataweza funga milango yote mitatu (iwapo C hana nafasi kubwa moyoni) aanze upya. Otherwise atazunguka kwenye hilo duara mpaka apate kizungu zungu.
Kabisa Lizzy unless Mbu anajua interval ilikuwaje loh!! (Information nyingine ni ngumu kuzipata!!). Mambo ya unfinished businesses with the former Boss!!
Tena si kulianzisha tu asijetuumizia huyu shemeji yetu wa tatu loh!!!Hahahah,..dada ana lots of unfinished business!!
Bora ahangaike kuzimaliza kwanza kabla ya kuanzisha mpya!!
Tena si kulianzisha tu asijetuumizia huyu shemeji yetu wa tatu loh!!!
Nawaza tu hivi wanaume wao huwa hawaabusiwi? loh natakamvika uanaume huyu workmate wake Mbu hah maisha matamu aisee
...............dah! umeongea ukweli mtupu mana mvutano wake kama mkuki unamchoma mtu moyoni vile akiambiwa amuache yani ni hataki hata kusikia ingawa kila cku anakua na manundu kila cku loh!.............anaweza amuache kama wiki anamrudia tena ............miez cta lkn anarudi tena yani balaaa tupu na wanaume wakorofi wanamaneno matamu asikwambie mtu waweza kujiona ni ww tu ktk hii dunia hiyo saa anakubembeleza na wakati anakupa kosovo na nato utajiona kama uko jangwani peke yako no water wala kijivuli hata cha kujisitiri na hilo jua(kwa ufupi wanakupa tamu na chungu at da same time)Mbu
Kuna kitu kimoja ambacho nataka kukigusia ambacho sijui yeye kinamhusu au la. Lakini wanawake wengi waliokuwa kwenye abusive relationship huwaelezi kitu kwa wanaume hao. Yaani wanakuwa kama wameshikiwa akili. Na huo mvuto wanaouhisi kwa hao wanaume walio wa abuse hawawezi hata kuu control, ni kama vile wanataka ku prove kitu kwao.
Ahsante montress wangu, hili suala nimeanza kuliona ni pevu mara baada ya kupitia posts za kaka MTM (rudi bro bana) na misimamo yake kwenye suala hili,
Kwa jinsi tunavyoendesha mijadala mipana kama hii mara nyingi inapendeza issue i-balance. Kwa mpaka hapa bwana MBU hii ngoma haina msawazo kwamba hatujui pia hao abusers (japo sijisikii kuwaita hvyo) kwa upande wao. Ni kweli walimu-abuse? Tuelewe kidogo upande wa pili wa hadithi.
Ila niunge mkono hoja ya Lizzy, bishosti afunge milango akae ndani peke yake mpaka mvua iishe.
...umeichambua vizuri Lizzy,....
unajua, hata kwangu mimi huo msemo wa "better the devil you know, ...." wakati anasisitiza abuses kwenye past relationship, ndio zilizonifelisha mtihani huu mbu mie...
kwa mtazamo wangu, kuna weakness yake/zake ambazo anajikubalisha kwa "zimwi limjualo..." ambaye angalau wanaweza kukaa chini na kuya address matatizo yao, kuliko hizo "excess baggages" kuhama nazo kwa huyu ambaye bado hajaji commit naye 100%...au?