Married but ...............Oh...... so lonely.............

Married but oh so lonely

"He asked me when I had come back, of course I did not understand. Apparently, my husband was telling his friends that I was working out of town. It was his way of explaining why he never took me out, and why he stayed out every night. I was livid" Photo/COURTESY/Eternity City Lounge/ posed by model
By CIKU KIMANIPosted Friday, November 19 2010 at 17:31

John sat amongst his friends in a pub; his phone beeped, signalling a message had been received.



He looks at the message, shakes his head then passes the phone to his friends to read the message. Like John, his friends shake their heads, none saying a word about the message.

The message was from a married woman who was begging him for a clandestine relationship – he was divorced, the divorce a result of his wife's cheating. He could never do that to another man.

"I need company, I need intimacy, I need you right now, I am so lonely," the message read. The institution of marriage does not get much good PR. The media, gossip, pubs – everywhere you turn, people are marriage-bashing. Who can blame them?

Men and women are cheating on each other left, right and centre. But make no mistake in assuming that the punishment for cheating is similar for both.

When a man cheats, the only person who seems to get shocked in his wife, everybody else thinks ‘it was bound to happen', or ‘men will always be men.' Woe unto you if you are a woman caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

Tongues will wag non-stop, and you may end up ostracised by majority of the society. The rules are simple; men will always be men, women should never even think of cheating.

People might act surprised when a woman ‘behaves badly', but trust me, they are not that shocked, at least not for her cheating, they are shocked that she let herself get caught.

Women are just a little more calculating, a little more careful; they do not just jump into an affair without planning a lie, just in case they get caught. It is possible that women have always cheated as much as the men, but most are too devious to get caught.

I sit opposite two housewives in a restaurant. Looks wise, they are as different as night and day, but they have a lot in common.

For starters, they are best of friends, they are married to very rich men, their husbands are not interested in them, they are lonely, but refuse to be alone and the icing on the cake, they have both cheated on their husbands and have no regrets.

Meet *Njoki and *Akinyi; beautiful and still in their prime, more money (from their husbands) than they can spend, and secretly having one over their husbands.

Affair with the best man

*Njoki had an affair with the best man because, as she says, if she hadn't done that, she would have lost her mind.

"I married my husband even though everybody warned me against it. He treated me badly from the word go. This was something new as I always dated men who worshipped me. He fascinated me.

"Despite the fact that he hit me once before we got married, I still went ahead and married him. He was just so different, and I suppose I looked at him as a challenge. He was the first man I met who was not totally captivated by me and who did not worship the ground I walked on."

Things got worse immediately after the wedding. "I think he immediately regretted marrying me, otherwise how do you explain the fact that, two months into our marriage we still had not consummated it? From day two, he would come home after I had gone to bed and we barely spoke two words to each other – we were total strangers."

"Because everybody had warned me against him, when things turned ugly, I could not bring myself to talk to anyone about it. I was too ashamed to admit that my marriage had failed even before it started, so I bit the bullet and soldiered on.

"I figured I got what I wanted and I might as well carry my cross. He was very cruel, he told me mean things about why he did not want me, eventually, because he was the only person I was in contact with, I started believing that there was something wrong with me, that it was my fault he found me unattractive.

"For a year, I was the loneliest person in the world. I lost all my friends, I was pushing my family away and they were getting pretty fed up with me. He had convinced me to stop working. We were intimate four times in our first year of marriage and this would be after I begged him, and only when he was drunk."

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