I'm honestly a very lucky person. Nilipata loan wakati nasoma so my college days were great, early 20s weren't awful and mid 20s were awesome!
Crazy as I am....nikaachana na fani yangu ya psychology niliyosoma and decided to pursue a career as a creative few years ago. Dude!!!Seemed like a huge mistake then...my sister didn't get me, my EX was like
"achana na hizo ishu za kijinga and a get a paying job!" Yani alikuwa ananisema mpaka basi, ugomvi kila siku. Sema ndo hivyo tena na mie kichwa kigumu, I've never been one to submit to external pressure. Once I make my mind up about something basi nakomaa mpaka siku nione siwezi tena. Ila kwenye hili nashauri kama unang'ang'ania kitu...usiangalie tu the fact that you are passionate about it...hakikisha kwamba ni kitu ambacho kweli kinaweza kufanikiwa. Otherwise, you'll be wasting your time na muda haurudigi kamwe.
Anyway, tukiachana na hiyo back story...I just wanted to share my COVID-19 experience kidogo maana najua kuna watu bado wanapitia magumu and.... they could use some encouraging words & a little reminder that they are not the only ones. Honestly though....mtu ukiwa umekabwa na mambo, kuna wakati unajiona kama vile ni wewe tu unaeteseka ....like... no one can relate at all. Mtu akikuambia
"hang in there!" unamuona anakuzingua tu. Ila "hanging in there".....staying hopeful & keeping up the fight is the best thing you can do for yourself and those around you.
So....2020!!!
What a year right
Picha inaanza all the projects I was looking foward to zikaanza kuwa cancelled moja baada ya nyingine. And they were huge projects!!! Mbaya zaidi end of 2019 me and a friend of mine took a 5m loan for a project we were 💯 it would pan out....na makubaliano ilikuwa kulipa in 2020, The. Project. Did. Not. Pan. Out!!
Itoshe kusema I was broke BROKE!!!Like all the way broke! Acc inasoma 00.00
for-the-longest-time broke!!! Uzuri nilikuwa nimelipa kodi ya zaidi ya mwaka the previous year so my rent was paid mpaka July 2020. Ila ilivyofika April na mambo hayasogei nikaanza kupata stress. May...stress zikaongezeka. June ndo kabisa. Mwarabu (my landlord) akaanza kunikumbusha kuwa my rent will be due soon. Japo tulikuwa tunaelewana but I knew nikizidisha miezi mingi tutasumbuana tu eventually...so... nikafanya maamuzi magumu, gave up my apartment & moved in with my sister.
Sasa ukiweka stress za kuwa broke + no projects/money coming in + kutokuwa na place of my own ( I really value my independent) ....I started getting depressed. Kulala kwingi, bad moods etc. Etc. Mwishowe tukazinguana, nikaona ananichosha (but I'm sure mie ndo nilikuwa namchosha yeye zaidi ) and decided to leave.
There is this BFF of mine...and I mean bff in every sense of the word pamoja na mapungufu yake . She is married with 3 kids in her household & 2 dadas (maids). We are super tight so my son used to spend a lot of time with them tangu kitambo.
Owwkey let me just say this before I go on....hamna kipindi nilikuwa nasumbuliwa na anxiety kama hiki. Yani I was just like....not owwkey! Nilikuwa nikitaka kitu kwa mtu (no matter how small) no calls...no meet ups. I'll either text or send a voice note then regret it as soon as I push SEND!
Anyway, nikamtumia this bff of mine VN asking her to have my son stay with them for a while (I've stayed with them before aswell, used to hang out quite a lot....travelled together etc. etc.) ila mi sikutaka kwenda kukaa kwao. Obviously she was happy to, mie nikaenda kwa rafiki yangu mwingine ambae alikuwa anaishi zake
ki-single-girl. It was the only way I could just be myself - depressed, moody, tired all the time or whatever maana my bff is a talker. Yani ukikaa nae kuongea ni lazima...she just can't help it, and that was far from what I needed at the time. Alafu nyumba yenye watoto...where you all have dinner together most nights utaachaje kuwa
"social"?
To cut this super-long story short...things were really awful in 2020 - 2021. I borrowed from all....and I mean
all my friends. Sold some of my stuff etc. etc. I went through so many ups and downs...could have given up and felt like I had all the rights to, but, I didn't. Luckily, I didn't lose anyone I'm close to, to the pandemic zaidi ya my ex's dad (I liked the old man very much ) so thank God for that!!
And before I forget, here is a little fun fact...I used to have these moments ambapo nilikuwa najilaumu eti why couldn't I be like other women nitafute sugar daddy/nidange maisha yawe rahisi? Maana kuna watu effect ya Covid-19 hata hawakui-feel jamani . Walikuwa wanakula bata kama kawaida But I guess I'm not built like that
Mungu alivyo wa ajabu sasa....nikapata idea flani hivi for a project kipindi cha corona, inspired by the pandemic itself....nikaifanyia kazi zaidi after a friend of mine pushed me to (
ndo msaada unaohitajika sometimes ). Then end of last year I got into this workshop in Nairobi because of the said project. As if that's not enough....I just got a couple (not 2 though ) of thousand euros to seat around and develop my "corona" project this year. Would this have happened if I had given up completely??? NOPE!
So what's the lesson here??? Don't stop fighting!!!
NEVER!!!! But also....trust your instincts! Kukata tamaa kupo na ni rahisi sana mambo yanapokuwa magumu ila jitahidi kuendelea kuwa na
'matumaini' kadri uwezavyo maana it's the only way you are gonna make it out of the darkness you are in right now.
Bila kusahau
WATU!! Watu ni muhimu, na kuishi na watu vizuri ni muhimu zaidi! Be good to others because you might one day end up in the receiving/needing end. And no....usitoe ili upate maana msaada sio deni. Kwanza mara nyingi unaowasaidia sio watakaokusaidia. We saidia kwasababu unaweza. Na siku moja kuna mtu mwingine atakusaudia kwasababu nae anaweza. Trust me...even a kind word, encouragement/advice can change someone's life!
🫂 🫂 🫂
PS
Kwa wale ambao wamevurugwa mpaka wanafikiria suicide sababu ya ugumu wa maisha please don't. Don't fvcking do it. Find someone to talk to....and if you are not much of a talker, find some other way to deal with the sh!t in your head.
🫂