My wife hates my ndugus (bro's and sis's)

RealTz77

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my wife doesnt love my ndugu's. She dont even want to hear they come and stay with us, eg helping them in stydying for even 3 months course.i had had a bad relation with her after I realised that, we fought much. Now my fellow will u please help me out of it? Is she right?or i' being hard to her, forcing her to love my sisters and bro's no matter what she think about them? it hurts me much to experince that.
note: we are two years old marriage, before she loved them very much just recently things begun
 

This is quite unfortunate ndugu!
First step, have u taken the trouble to figure out why she hates ur nduguz? Do u love her's? I know of cases where the hubby's ndugus did not like the woman at all even before she got married.It was the guy who would tell her , "you know what? my sister, my bro and my mom did not like you from the moment i told them I want to marry you". Now surely, what makes you think she will adore them jamani?!
Hebu tell us the story kwanza then will advise you.
 
Pole sana kwa hilo. But did she give you reasons why she hats your relatives? She must have reasons. Let her give you the reasons and then weigh them out.... from there one can advise accordingly.
 
Mkuu hii ni kawaida kwa mwanamke kubadilika kama kinyonga kabla ya kuolewa iwa wachache wanakuwa wanaupendo kwa ndugu wa kinafiki ukisha mweka ndani anabadilika tena na kufungua makucha yake unaweza ukajuta kwa nn ulimwoa.
Lakini kama anawachukia ndugu zako muulize chanzo ni nn ili uweze kusolve lakini mkuu Ndugu yako ni zaidi ya mke wako.....mm ndugu zangu nawapa kipaumbele kuliko mwanamke.
 
Pole sana. Ni kweli watu siku hizi hawataki mizigo ya dependants. Ingawa inauma sana kushindwa kusaidia wadogo zako. Can you two people politely discuss the issue together. Kwa sababu gharama ya kuwa na ndugu wajinga ni kubwa sana huko baadae kuliko msaada mdogo ambao ungewapatia sasa hivi. Akizidi kuwa mgumu, nakushauri uwasaidie kwa remote yaani kule kule walipo. Wapelekee misaada kama ada za shule n.k hopefully utafanikiwa maana ndoa yako pia ni muhimu sana kwa amani ya moyo wako.
 
Angekuwa hakupendi wewe ndiyo lingekuwa tatizo, mimi naona hilo jambo dogo sana kati ya matataizo kibao ya ndoa, hilo!! acha bwana!
Mkalishe siku moja mkiwa huru kabisa ikiwezekana msiwe nyumbani tafuteni faragha nyingine yenye amani, muulize kwaupole tu kulikoni siku hizi? angalia usionyeshe kuwa uko upande wa ndugu zako wewe muunge mkono tu, hata inapotokea hukubaliani nae usitumie maneno kama lakini, kwanini na mengine yanayoashiria ubishi.
Nakwambia atakueleza tu tatizo ninini?
Mwisho kumbuka huyo ni mkeo siyo wa ndugu zako! japo ni kweli anatakiwa kuelewana na ndugu zako.
 


Duh!

Ushauri maridhawa huu. Wana JF wote hatuna budi kuuzingatia. Especially watoto wa wakulima wenye majukumu lukuki ya kusaidia ndugu zao huko vijijini.
 
Lakini jamani dada zetu na nyinyi muwe mnakuwa serious. Mtambue mazingira ya Kiafrika. Unakuta jamaa alienda shule pekee yake ukoo mzima. Sasa jamani unategemea afanyeje zaidi ya kuwasaidia hao ndugu? Ofcourse usaidizi lazima uwe na limitations, lakini ni vema watu wawe waelewa. Mfano dada yupo Dar anakutana na Masanja mambo yake tambarare..asijue kwamba Masanja kufika alipo..shangazi aliuza kitenge, mama mdogo aliuza chapati, bibi aliuza ulezi..yote katika harakati za kumsaidia Masanja asome..sasa leo ikija payback..mama anakuwa mkali...Nadhani ni vyema watu wakalijadili hili mapema..maana si wote wanaotoka familia bora.Na kama alivyosema muungwana hapo juu..gharama za kuwana ndugu wajinga ni kubwa mno.
 
yap naamini kuwa mazingira ya uafrica bado tunayo' ni mambo yasiyoepukika kirahisi'.miaka ya 1800 huko kwa wale wanaosoma historia, wenzetu nao walikuwa sana na extended family, leo hii dada unakuja kwa mumeo unataka ujitafunie peke yako kweli?sioni kama kuna ubaya kuwa karibu na ndugu zako japo ni mzigo lakini muhimu ni kuwa mkweli wa mambo, kuwa mimi kipato changu ni hiki na hiki, naweza kukusaidia mpaka hapa tu! Sometimes unapangiwa majukumu kwa kuangalia kitambi na kagari ka mkopo as if una mahela, tuwe wawazi pia hata utegemezi unaweza ukapunguza makali yake.
 
pole kwa tatizo, ila hilo si jambo geni, ni moja kati ya vijimambo vya kuishi wawili, pana mambo kadhaa ya kuangalia.

Uelewe kwamba mwanamke anapoolewa anahitaji uhuru na nafasi ya kuthaminiwa kama yupo kwake, inawezekana kuwepo kwa ndugu kunafanya thamani ya kuwepo kwake isionekane anakuwa kama mtoto anayelelewa haina tofauti na alipokuwa naishi kwa wazazi, hivyo mpe nafasi mkeo, na umthamini na kumuonyesha kuwa ndugu wapo pale kwa muda tu ila yeye ndio mama!!

Je wanapokuwepo ndugu unakuwa na nafasi ya kukaa na kuongea na mkeo, au ukifika home basi wewe na ndugu tu na kusahau kuwa mkeo anahitaji kuongea nawe,
je ndugu wanamsaidia mama au msaidizi wa kazi majukumu ya nyumbani?
je mama ana uhuru wa kuwatuma au kuongea nao, au wao ndugu ndio wameshika hatamu kwa maana kila kilichopo ndani ni mali ya mwanamme ( ndugu yao) an hivyo dharau kwa mama!

Unaweza ukatafuta nafasi ya kuzungumza na mkeo kuhusu familia na kama paan lolote lililopo baina yake na watoto mnaoishi nao; au fanya uchunguzi wewe mwenyewe kwa kuangalia style ya maisha hapo ndani utagundua kama pana tatizo au la!

ila ushauri wa mwisho ni kama walitangulia, ndugu mara nyingi ni chanzo cha migogoro, na hatuwezi kupingana na maisha yetu ya extended family, ila kama unaweza kulizuia hili kwa kuwasaidia kwa kule walipo itakuwa ni vema na busara zaidi kuliko kuwa na familia kubwa, kuiangalia familia ya namna hii ni jukumu kubwa kwa mama, haswa kama ndio ndoa changa anahitaji muda mwingi wa kuwa na mumewe!!
 

Ohhhhhhhhhh, a big mistake!!!! Mkeo ulimuoa wewe na si ndugu zako. Baada ya kuoa au kuolewa, kinachobaki ni mahusiano ya kifamilia na kuheshimiana na si kuleta mambo ya traditional/extended familly hapa. Hivi Watanzania tutaondokana vipi na hii kasumba chafu ya kuvamia familia za ndugu zetu??? Mtu utakuta mtu yuko tayari kulala sitting room eti kwa kaka yake au dada yake!!!Ondoeni giza jamani.Waacheni ndugu zenu wawe huru na maisha ya familia zao.

Na ukiona ndugu unawakumbatia sana ujue ndoa italeta mushkeli tu. Nyie kumbatieni hao ndugu kama ndoa haitaingia garage mwishowe iwe vyuma chakavu!!!
 
ulishawahi kukaa nae kitako na kumuuliza kwanini ghafla imekuwa hivyo, wakati mwingine ndugu's nao wana bore sana, mie nilikuwa nawapenda ndugu's wa mr kupitiliza matokeo yake wakawa wanmpelekea ishuz za uongo kaka yao, mara hiki mara kile, unafiki unafiki tu usio na maana, niliwachukia hata mie mana niliona wananiharibia ndoa, na cku ya cku mbele ya kaka yao nitawapa ukweli wao! kuanzia hapo tukaanza kwenda sawa, nikajua walikuwa wananifanyia kusudi kuniyumbisha tu! ongea na mamii vizuri ujue kulikoni, sio kila mtu anaweza kutoa donge alilonalo moyoni wengine dizaini kinyongo, na umesema mwanzoni alikuwa anawapenda, mkalishe chini ongea nae kirefu...gudluck bro.
 
this is the part that i hate..... "why do people pretend to be what they aren't?". to me she was a fake so that she gets married... there is no way she hates all ndugus even "if " it happened kakosewa na mmoja. a wife bwana, eespecialy a woman must learn how to forgive ehh..grudges za nini? life is too short my Bro, she will end up frastuating every one in ur family, including you ( ur arleady frastuated anyways), its about time, mkae muelezane openly, she cant change basiii..... hafai(nionavyo). hamna haja ya kuhudumia ndugu kisirisiri, why? sidhani kama inaleta maana halisi... mume na mke lazma mshirikiane, muambiane, msaidiane.. sirisiri mwanzo wa separation huo,(nionavyo lakini)... alipenda boga na maua, iweje maua sasa ivi hayapendi?
 
Kuna kitu naona hakizungumziwi.... mara nyingi watu wanapooana, assumption ni kuwa ndugu wa kusaidiwa ni wa mwanaume tu! Mimi nafikiri kama wanandoa hawatakubaliana kuhusu plan ya kuwainua ndugu wa pande zote basi wataishia kuwa na migogoro isiyopata ufumbuzi.
Huyu ndugu nilimuuliza maswali : je yeye anawapenda ndugu wa mke? na je ameshajisumbua kupata ukweli kwa mkewe kwanini hawapendi wifi na hata shemeji? mambo ya mawifi yanajulikana kuwa kuna competition for attention lakini nijuavyo, shemeji mara nyingi ni rahisi kupendeka.Iweje mke huyu achukie hata shemeji? Kuna kitu hapo!
 
Mkalishe tu mpe soma familia ni pamoja na ndugu,hata kama mumeoana amani ya ndoa inakuwepo pale wote wawili munapoheshimu ndugu wa pande zote,wote tunajua bado waafrika hatujafika mahala pa kila mmoja kuwa na unafuu wa maisha kwa hiyo kwa kujadiliana munaweza kutengeneza uwigo wa nyie wote wawili kuamiana na kushirikiana katika kuhakikisha ndugu wankuwa ni sehemu tu ya maisha yenu sio kiini cha maisha yenu
kweli haipaswi kudhalau ndugu wa mwenzio kwa maana ya kuwa mume awapende ndugu wa mke na mke awapende ndugu wa mume kukiwa na hali hii mara nyingi ndoa inakuwa na amani sana
kweli wanawake wengi huwa wanachukia ndugu wa mume wakati mwingine bila sababu za msingi
 

Mama,

Katika REAL world hiyo inawezekana pale ambapo mwanamke ana kipato cha kueleweka. Vinginevyo ni matatizo tuu. Its natural kwamba wanaume ndo wana misalaba mikubwa kuliko watoto wa kike. Hii kitu naweza sema ni historical. Infact ni familia chache sana za watoto wa kike wanaomtegemea binti yao pale anapoolewa. Sema siku hizi hali ina improve kwa sababu ya kusoma na empowerment ya mtoto wa kike..lakini hali baado kabisa. Na hili wala hatuhitaji kumlaumu yeyote..ni historia ilivyo..the best we can do ni kumsomesha mtoto wa kike. Na uone maajabu sasa..masikini ambao ndo wanahitaji msaada..ndo hao hao..hawapendi (au walikuwa hawapendi) kusomesha watoto wa kike..Its a complex equation.
 
...mambo haya ndiyo yanayowafanya wajane wanyanyasike na ndugu za mume siku 'mfalme wa nyumba' anapoiacha dunia!
 
Haya mambo yapo sana katika familia nyingi za kiafrika esp Tanzania hii hii, na sijui kwa nini. Ishi kwa akili kwa vile umeshaliona hilo, wasaidie kwa kuleee kama alivyosema MASANJA, yaani kwa remote.
 
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