Women v/s Women

[jerrytz]

Written by: Bethany

The sad truth is that we women aren’t always very good to each other. It isn’t just Hillary Clinton’s infamous categorization of Monica Lewinsky as a “narcissistic loony toon,” or Ann Coulter tweeting that “without fat girls, there would be no protests.” Who out there hasn’t experienced another woman knocking you down professionally, or refusing to support you?

Among women in male dominated professions, some, in candid moments, will say that they didn’t get any help from the women who came before. Quite the opposite. The attitude has been, “I had to suffer, so you do too.” And it isn’t just in the professional world. What mother hasn’t experienced the cruelty of other women, who often seem to act like we’re all back in Mean Girls High School.

For all the power we have to hurt each other, we also have the power to help each other. When I sent a draft of this piece to a friend, she responded with a quote from Goethe: “I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element.

It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.” Indeed.

So here’s my battle cry! Regardless of whether you do or don’t do all the official mentoring stuff, direct some energy toward helping other women, even if it’s just an offer to have a drink with a colleague or subordinate, a friendly smile in the school pick up line, or a rescue of that woman standing alone at the cocktail party.

If there’s a moment where you can be a bitch or be gracious, where you can denigrate or congratulate, where you can shoot down or lift up, for heaven’s sake, do the latter.

Written by


Bethany McLean
Journalist

 

[kui]

Nice one and interesting at the same time. I wonder if it's the Male dominated World that made it challenging for us to do the Latter most of the times.

 

[Sky Eclat]

I remember the day I met a woman at church with the same dress I had put on, this woman didn't want to look at my face, it was as if "how dare do you put on the same dress like mine". My male friend was just next to me and laughed, he told me "women you have a big problem, if it was us guys, we could have even asked each other which shop did you buy yours".

Our biggest problems is that every one of us thinks she is better than the other.

 

[jerrytz]

Nice one and interesting at the same time. I wonder if it's the Male dominated World that made it challenging for us to do the Latter most of the times.

Is it something deep rooted in women's DNA?
I discussed this with someone very close to me and her argument was quite surprising.
At one point she pointed out that women are in competition against each other.
My question what is the basis/Reason for this competition?

 

[jerrytz]

I remember the day I met a woman at church with the same dress I had put on, this woman didn't want to look at my face, it was as if "how dare do you put on the same dress like mine". My male friend was just next to me and laughed, he told me "women you have a big problem, if it was us guys, we could have even asked each other which shop did you buy yours".

Our biggest problems is that every one of us thinks she is better than the other.

You have pointed out one of the primary reason.
Most of Women think they are better than other women or at worst she would do anything to differentiate herself.

 

[jerrytz]

I remember the day I met a woman at church with the same dress I had put on, this woman didn't want to look at my face, it was as if "how dare do you put on the same dress like mine". My male friend was just next to me and laughed, he told me "women you have a big problem, if it was us guys, we could have even asked each other which shop did you buy yours".

Our biggest problems is that every one of us thinks she is better than the other.

 

[dustless]

Kwa hiyo hapa kiswahili ndo hakuna kabisa. Duuh, kweli bongo kama ulaya.

 

[dustless]

The best friend of a woman is a man while the best friend a man is a man himself.

It obvious that a man can appreciate himself in whatever he is doing but a woman cannot and that is where the problem begins. In reality, men and women are all equal but men have got something extra.

 

[FARU JEURI]

Friendship is not possible between two women, one of whom is very well dressed.....!!

 

[kui]

I remember the day I met a woman at church with the same dress I had put on, this woman didn't want to look at my face, it was as if "how dare do you put on the same dress like mine". My male friend was just next to me and laughed, he told me "women you have a big problem, if it was us guys, we could have even asked each other which shop did you buy yours".

Our biggest problems is that every one of us thinks she is better than the other.

Sky you're right on red, that's part of the problem.
Sad thing about it is, it mostly happen among those who somehow know each other or, in the same circle of friends.

My thing is, we all have different talents and gifts, if you think you're better than others at something, someone else might be better at something totally different from yours and for that case, it's a good idea not to look down on others, rather, leave a room for ourselves so we can learn a thing or two from them.

The woman at your church is a sad soul. I mean, why did she get all worked up for something she couldn't control?!
It was just a coincidence that you two happened to be wearing the same kind of dress, it's not like you knew what she was going to wear on that Sunday then copied her.
If I was you and knew she's mad, I could 've walked over to her and be like, "hey twin"...just to see her reaction...lol

 

[kui]

Is it something deep rooted in women's DNA?
I discussed this with someone very close to me and her argument was quite surprising.
At one point she pointed out that women are in competition against each other.
My question what is the basis/Reason for this competition?

Jerry it depends, if it's for a good or bad reason. Profitable or not, in a sense of what someone's really getting out of it. Some, do compete to either catch up on something or fulfill a goal, with no bad intention towards the other person. But I think there's those who do it because they lack something in them,(confidence, self-esteem) and they do so to cover up or trying to catch up with whoever they think is better than them.

 

[jerrytz]

Jerry it depends, if it's for a good or bad reason. Profitable or not, in a sense of what someone's really getting out of it. Some, do compete to either catch up on something or fulfill a goal, with no bad intention towards the other person. But I think there's those who do it because they lack something in them,(confidence, self-esteem) and they do so to cover up or trying to catch up with whoever they think is better than them.

Very interesting discussion.
Kui, I think there is one area where some women fail to either express or fail to channel aggression properly.
when aggression cannot be channeled into a healthy, positive edge, it becomes inhibited and goes underground. What could have been healthy competition becomes a secret feeling of envy and desire for the other to fail – laced with guilt and shame.
Thus, what looks like hostile competition between women may instead mask feelings of insecurity as you mentioned "lack of confidence and self esteem".

 

[kui]

Very interesting discussion.
Kui, I think there is one area where some women fail to either express or fail to channel aggression properly.
when aggression cannot be channeled into a healthy, positive edge, it becomes inhibited and goes underground. What could have been healthy competition becomes a secret feeling of envy and desire for the other to fail – laced with guilt and shame.
Thus, what looks like hostile competition between women may instead mask feelings of insecurity as you mentioned "lack of confidence and self esteem".

Yes Jerry, I could never put it better. Interesting discussion indeed.

I wish more of us could come out openly to express the issue. Am sure there're some women out there who might argue that aggressive Women vs Women competition can be lucrative.

 

[Kifyatu]

Ngoja nichokoze nyuki waje wanishambulie.

This rivalry among women will never end because most women (by nature or nurture) are passively waiting to be picked up by men. Consequently, no woman would like to see another woman outshine her in case a suitor sees them. This is true even for married women. The search for approval by males has no boundaries.

May be if women become empowered and seek (tongoza + kuhonga) men then this rivalry will end.

I will stop here. Let it rip, sisters.

 

[cherie neisha]

Ngoja nichokoze nyuki waje wanishambulie.

This rivalry among women will never end because most women (by nature or nurture) are passively waiting to be picked up by men. Consequently, no woman would like to see another woman outshine her in case a suitor sees them. This is true even for married women. The search for approval by males has no boundaries.

May be if women become empowered and seek (tongoza + kuhonga) men then this rivalry will end.

I will stop here. Let it rip, sisters.

The rivalry won't ever end unless the male population outnumber the female population.