Would you marry me?

Nilisahau jambo muhimu sana.I would marry you Mwali as long as we dont fight imperfection too much,being real is enough.

Lizzy said:

Obby (usinichape) kuna watu hua wanasema ni vizuri wanaoona wakatofautina. Yani badala ya mlevi kuoa/olewa na mlevi mwenzake atafute mtulivu, mpenda klabu atafute mtulivu n.k . Ila ukweli ni kwamba wakiwa wanatofautiana kama usiku na mchana , nyeupe na nyeusi ni ngumu sana kupata balance kwasababu mmoja anakua anapenda sana kitu wakati mwenzake anakichukia sana. Matokeo yake mtulivu anaona hatendewi haki na mwenda klabu anaona hivyo hivyo akiombwa asiende. Mimi ningependa watu wawe wanahakikisha kwamba hawatofautiani kupitiliza ili mara moja moja wakutane katikati. Mpenda club alione tabu kuwepo nyumbani weekend, ana asiyependa sana asione tabu kuongozana na mwenzake mara moja moja.

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hii kitu ni too theoritical yan ukienda practically ndio hao kila siku wana malalamiko.
hapo ninakubaliana na ww ni bora mkawa hamtofautian saana hapo mwaweza cope yan.

kuna points nyingi nzuri sana ndani ya huu uzi na it seems people know a lot of stuff...but, surprisingly enough, the more watu wanavyozidi ku-analyse na kudadavua haya mambo ya mahusiano, ndoa n.k, the more elusive and unattainable they become na kufanya watu wazidi kuwa confused na kutopata fulfillment wanayoitarajia.... it may need something not less than divine intervention kuweka haya mambo sawa kiukweli

Hili suala kwa mtizamo wangu linaweza kuwa very complicated kama mtu akiamua hivyo na linaweza kuwa very simple kama ukiamua hivyo

Nasema hivyo kwa sababu, wakati mwingine tunakuwa too idealistic when it comes to issues za reality kwenye maisha. Mfano kwenye ndoa....huu usemi wa 'wife material' na 'girlfriend material' wenyewe uko flawed kwa sababu if anything, unamweka mwanamke katika nafasi ya mtu wa 'kupokea amri, maelekezo, mtiifu, asiye mbunifu, asiyeweza kuhoji, asiyependa/takiwa kwende kusocialise ' nk. Na girlfriend material vice versa

Nikimnukulu Mwali, "Wife material ni mpole, mtiifu, ana background nzuri, ni msomi kiasi, future oriented etc. Girlfriend material ana sura na umbo nzuri, ni mcheshi, anapenda kwenda out, ni mtundu kiasi."

Kitu cha kwanza ni kuondokana na hiyo dhana.

Kama walivyosema baadhi hapo juu, kwangu mimi mke pia ni girlfriend na ni "nyumba ndogo" , mhudumu wa bar, trafiki, etc in her own right. Inategemea na mazingira...wapi, wakati gani, kwa namna gani! Hivyo ni muhumu saaaana kupata mke/mume ambaye ni FLEXIBLE kulingana na mazingira ili aweze kucope na hali mbali mbali zinavyojitokeza.

Hivyo basi, Mwali mpwa wangu, be yourself. Kama unapenda kwenda club, na any other social activities za girlfriends, zifanye. Kama pia wapenda kuact kama 'wife material' then be...ILA tu usipretend kwa sababu hii ndo number one killer ya mahusiano yoyote yale. Ukiishi kama wewe, utampata ambaye atapenda maisha yako yalivyo, na wewe utayapenda.

Nikikunukulu tena,

Na the perfect perfect beer buddy hawezi kua perfect husband the at the same time. Hivi hakuna haja ya kubadili hizo criteria za wife material na perfect husband kwa kweli? How can we be perfect spouses if we are not perfect lovers before marriage? Kwa nini marriage isiwe continuity ya mahusiano ya girlfriend-boyfriend?

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Hapo Bold sio entirely true, tutake radhi, watu wengine kwetu beer tumezaliwa nazo an yet ni perfect husbands (sio kwamba najisifu hapana, ngoja ODM aone hapa)

Hapo Red, Hakuna haja kwa sababu the whole thing IMO is flawed. Hapo blue, uko sahihi ila niongezee tu kwamba ni hatari sana kuzungumzia "perfect spouses" watu mliokutana ukubwani...perfect hapo must be very relative. Kuwa spouses kuna sacrifieces na tolerance ya hali ya juu.
Hapo rangi ya magamba, thats the way it is supposed to be (normatively).

Baada ya kusema hayo, Mwali naomba chai sasa....koo limenikauka kidogo.:A S-coffee:

Gaijin said:

Baki kama ulivyo, akikuchagua hivyo hivyo poa kama hajataka his loss

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Nakubaliana na G kwenye hili, hakuna haja ya kujibadili ulivyo....hakuna kitu kizuri na chenye amani kama kujikubali ulivyo na kuwa ulivyo....na nina hakika kuna mtu anatakupenda wewe ulivyo....nachokiona pia ni kuwa watu hubadilika kwenye baadhi ya characher huko mbeleni,sijui sasa mabadiliko hayo watayamudu vipi kama waliangalia tofauti za wife bf na hubby....Let love and commitment lead.

If i were boy n not you sisy, I would Marry you my Mwali....lolest!

Kaizer said:

Hivyo basi, Mwali mpwa wangu, be yourself. Kama unapenda kwenda club, na any other social activities za girlfriends, zifanye. Kama pia wapenda kuact kama 'wife material' then be...ILA tu usipretend kwa sababu hii ndo number one killer ya mahusiano yoyote yale. Ukiishi kama wewe, utampata ambaye atapenda maisha yako yalivyo, na wewe utayapenda.

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Kaizer ukitulia nakukubali sana.... perfect adviser, perfect mume,perfect friend...lol

Yes my darling, I would Marry you with all my heart

hii taasis ya ndoa mwaya ni pasua kichwa haswaa haina shukran.
dont take marriage too serious, make funny out of it and then enjoy.
NB: Usitegemee makubwa sana uko ndoan, expectation ndio zinazowaponza watu jua mumeo/ mkeo sio malaika lololte laweza kutokea.
cheerz.
will me you mwali n take u as u are.

Mmeisha ambiwa na mungu msiwe na uhusiano nje ya ndoa.....haya mambo ya gf/bf ni mambo yalio letwa na wendawazimu....yani mimi nikisikia mwanume au mwanamke anasema na gf/bf najua ni kichaa tu.

Mara nyingi sana hao walio anza utaratibu wa kuwa na ma gf /bf ndo ndoa zao hazidumu, mana walisha enda nje ya nidhamu na ukisha toka nje ya nidhamu....vigumu kurudi kwenye line....itabidi waendelee tu kuwa na gf/bf hata kama wameoa au wameolewa :biggrin:

fazaa said:

Mmeisha ambiwa na mungu msiwe na uhusiano nje ya ndoa.....haya mambo ya gf/bf ni mambo yalio letwa na wendawazimu....yani mimi nikisikia mwanume au mwanamke anasema na gf/bf najua ni kichaa tu.

Mara nyingi sana hao walio anza utaratibu wa kuwa na ma gf /bf ndo ndoa zao hazidumu, mana walisha enda nje ya nidhamu na ukisha toka nje ya nidhamu....vigumu kurudi kwenye line....itabidi waendelee tu kuwa na gf/bf hata kama wameoa au wameolewa :biggrin:

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We nawe unashangaza!!
Kwahiyo unataka watu wakutane na kuoana siku hiyo hiyo? Au we ukisikia Girlfriend/Boyfriend basi akili yako yote inakimbilia kwenye ngono?

Michelle said:

Kaizer ukitulia nakukubali sana.... perfect adviser, perfect mume,nperfect friend...lol

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dah...Michelle....I am humbled....( hadi naona aibu Ngoja aibu ziishe lol)

Lizzy said:

We nawe unashangaza!!
Kwahiyo unataka watu wakutane na kuoana siku hiyo hiyo? Au we ukisikia Girlfriend/Boyfriend basi akili yako yote inakimbilia kwenye ngono?

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Lizzy mimi sjasema uende kama kipofu ukaowe/kuolewa hata mungu anasema owa/olewa sehemu ulio penda....Lizzy mwanaume mpaa afike kwenye hatua ya kukupenda ujuwe kisha tazama hatua zako kwa mbali sana na wewe hujui....wanaume wengi wanatafuta excuse ya kuwadanganya watoto wa kike tu eti wanavuta time mpaa akujue vizuri.


Akujue vizuri kwa nmana ipi?

Afu na mwanamke lazima utazama reputation yako, unataoka na mwanaume kwa mda gani mpaa akujue tabia yako? Ok mmetoka afu badaye kakuwacha kwenye mataa nani atasema hujapendana na yule mwanaume au nani atakataa hata kama yule mwanaume atasema ka sex na wewe.

Afu badaye mnakuja sema wanaume washenzi....washenzi nyinyi wanawake manoa toka na mwanaume ambaye hakuhusu wala huna uhakika kama atakuwa mme wako siku za mbele.

Wkeni akili...mwanaume akipenda hata kusema nakupenda anaona anapoteza wakati tu....anaona bora akibie mbio mbio kwa wazazi wako akapose...kabla ya jamaa wengine hawajamuwahi...lakini hao wakusema ohh sweet ngoja tuvute time wewe unijue na mimi nikujue mwambie sawa...lakini kujunaa sio kutoka nje pamoja kila siku....wewe nichunguze kwa wanao nijua na mimi nikuchunguze kwa wanao kujua na haichukui time....mana kumjua mtu unaweza kumjua hata kwa siku moja ukapata details zake zote kwani duniani kuna siri....Kwenye nia hapakosi njia akitaka kuoa ataoa na atakuchunguza mpaa saa ngapi unalala na wewe hujui kwa week moja tu atakuwa na full details na wewe mwanamke utakuwa na full details za mwanaume anaye taka kukuoa.


Najua hapa kuna wanaume watakasirika kwa kuwa na wapa akili :biggrin:

Mwali said:

If I am just perfect as myself, would you marry me?

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yes I will.

Mtambuzi said:

Mwali, mara nyingi hutokea wanaume huoa mama zao...................................Kwa kawaida sisi tumeathiriwa na malezi tuliyopitia, kwamba tumeaminishwa nini katika swala zima la uhusiano na ndoa, vile ambavyo tumeona mama zetu wakiwafanyia baba zetu katika mahusiano yao ya ndoa na kiunyumba ndivyo tunavyoamini kuwa hivyo ndivyo mke wa ndoa anavyopaswa kufanya au kumfanyia mumewe. Kama mwanaume akijikuta amevutiwa na mwanamke na akatamani kumuoa, basi ukichunguza sana utakuta kuna vijitabia vinavyoshabihiana na mama yake. Haiyumkini hata wewe naamini inawezekana ushaona familia ambazo baba ni mlevi na mama ni mlevi, ni aghalabu sana kukuta watoto nao hawajaingia katika mkumbo huo wa ulevi. Na ndio maana wakati wa kuoa wanaume hawavutiwi na sifa za nje, hizo zinakuwa hazina nafasi katika ubongo wao wa kina, kinachotafutwa hapo ni zile sifa za mama zao au walezi wao wa kike tangu utotoni.

Hata kwa wanawake mara nyingi huvutiwa na wanaume wenye vitabia vyenye kushabihiana na baba zao au walezi wao wa kiume tangu utotoni katika swala zima la ndoa na mahusiano, hutokea kuamini kwamba hivyo ndivyo mume anavyopaswa kumfanyia mkewe. Kama baba alikuwa mfujaji na mpigaji, mara nyingi watoto wa kike nao wataangukia kwa wanaume wenye tabia hizo na kwa wanaume nao hivyo hivyo huwa wapigaji na wafujaji katika ndoa zao, wakipata wanawake ambao hakuwahi kushuhudia mama zao wakipigwa na baba zao ni dhahiri ndoa hiyo au uhusiano huo hautodumu, labda tu mhusika akubaliane na hali hiyo.

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Kama ni hivo sasa kwa nini wanawake wanadondokea wanaume wenye mambwembwe na wanaume wanadondokea wanawake watundu watungu katika uhusiano wa boyfriend girlfriend? Sio wote lakini

Husninyo said:

Mwali swali zuri sana, kuna watu wapo kwenye mahusiano ya ugf na ubf lakini anajua kabisa huyu sitomuoa au sitoelewa nae na sababu nyingi kama ulivyozisema. Tatizo hakuna kati yao anaejitahidi kushape behaviour ya mwenzie iendane na vigezo vyake na ndio maana malalamiko hayaishi, wanaume wanataka kuoa malaika. Hakuna malaika jamani ulimwengu huu na umri unakimbia.

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Baelezee sissy... na ndio maana mi nimeleta hili swali hapa. Ni kama you can read my mind yaani.

Bmsegeju said:

Wahenga walisema, sikio la kufa halisikii dawa. ktk mazingira ya kawaida, mtu huingia kwenye mahusiano hata kabla hajajiandaa kifikra, mtizamo, malengo na kukabili majukumu ya ndoa ili mradi tu apate mwenza kwa kuwa muda umshamtupa. inapotokea hivi akitokea mtu yeyote akamhakikishia ndoa basi hakina kupima kwa kina yeye anachowaza ni ndoa ili kujenga heshima. akimaliza wiki chache ataanza kuwakumbuka marafiki zake alioponda nao maisha. hata kwa mume na mke, wote wanakuwa wagumu kusahau mahusiano yao ya nyuma eti wanaita kukumbushiana. hii huja baada ya kubaini anayeishi naye sasa si yule aliyemhitaji bali amekuja kumuondoa mkosi wa kutokuolewa. hapa utagundua kuna wanaume na wanawake wameshakuwa na ndoa zaidi ya tatu kwani kuna dini zinaruhusu hili ili mradi mlengwa amekidhi masharti.

Nawasilisha!!

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Pamoja na kua umesema ukweli fulani mi sijaongelea wale wanao olewa sababu ya presha ya miaka kupita au kijicho cha jamii. Naongelea wale wanao ingia katika mahusiano huku wakijua kabisa huyu hapa ni sawa kwa kua boyfriend au girlfriend, ila nitakapo taka kuoa au kuolewa nitatafuta mngine...

fazaa said:

Afu badaye mnakuja sema wanaume washenzi....washenzi nyinyi wanawake manoa toka na mwanaume ambaye hakuhusu wala huna uhakika kama atakuwa mme wako siku za mbele.

Najua hapa kuna wanaume watakasirika kwa kuwa na wapa akili :biggrin:

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Mimi mmoja nimekasirika kwa hiyo lugha uliyotumia kwenye red.
:focus:Labda nianze na kuelezea vile maisha yanapokuwa kabla na baada ya ndoa.
Wakati wa u-bf/u-gf:
- Kila mmoja anaishi kwao/kwake (hamko chini ya paa moja masaa 24). Katika kipindi hiki, kuonana yenu inakuwa ya nadra na kupanga. Kunakuwepo na maandalizi japo madogo kabla kuonana - nitoke vipi, niji-behave vipi, tuonane wapi (nisionekane). ME hata kama kachacha, siku hii atajipigapiga; KE atafanya aonekane asivyoonekana.Kila mmoja atataka aonekane mzuri, nje kimwonekano na ndani kitabia.
Mnapoishi pamoja, iwe kwenye ndoa au kukaa pamoja tu.
- Kwanza ile hali tu ya kuwepo pamoja tu 24hrs a day, 7days a week, all the time inabadilisha kila kitu, (hapa simaanishi kuwa hakuna anayeondoka alipo lakini katika masaa 24 ya siku angalau saa 6-8 mtakuwa pamoja). Hakuna tena kujiandaa uonekane vipi, kila mmoja anakuwa kama aivyo katika uhalisia wake, ambavyo mwenzake hakuwahi kumwona kabla ya kuishi pamoja. Zile caring, worrying, treating, listening, behaving...za wakati wa u-bf/-u-gf zinaanza kuyeyuka. Zile samahani zilizokuwa zinatolewa bure, mfano alipokuwa gf/bf unapiga simu imezimwa, hapatikani anazungumza dkk 30 saa moja badae unaambiwa nilikuwa mkutanoni, niliweka silence, iliisha chaji; ule uongo au kweli wa kuwa leo ninaenda kumwona shangazi, wiki ijayo nitakuwa mkutanoni... unaamini kila kitu bila ya maswali wala masharti; lakini mkiwa pamoja unaanza kuzidadisi, kuomba maelezo kamili, na pengine kutilia shaka.

Suluhisho
- Tuwe kama tulivyo wakati wa u-bf/u-gf. Usijaribu utake kuonekana vyengine na kujenga picha ambayo iko siku "itaungua" na kubaki "negative". Ikiwa atakukubali kama ulivyo leo na mkakubaliana iwe hivyo, atakayedai ziada anajitafutia presha za bure.

- Ndoa/kuishi pamoja ni ahadi na wajibu, timiza; ni haki, itoe; ni kuvumiliana, vumilia; ni kusamehe, samehe; ni kupenda na kuheshimiana, penda na heshimu ili nawe upendwe na kuheshimiwa.

- Ingawa wengine wanaweza kukataa, nahisi ule mvuto wa siku/miaka ya nyuma; zile nilizozitaja hapo juu: caring, worrying, treating, listening, behaving...zinaweza kufa kidogo kidogo kama hamkuzidumisha kwa maneno na vitendo; yale mapenzi moto moto yanaweza kufifia kidogo kidogo. Na sio kwa sababu hampendani wala hamtakani, lakini hamna wakati wa kutosha kama mlipokuwa mnaishi mbali mbali. Lakini kama alivyosema Lizzy, basi nobe ndani ya saa 24 unashindwa hata kumega saa moja ya kuwa na mpenzi wako ya kuishi mkajikumbusha na kutenda yale yaliyokuwa yanawapagaza mlipokuwa gf/bf?

Mwali said:

Hapo bold tayari naskia moyo umetulia kidogo.... lol
Ila swali lang bado linahusika. Kufatana na somo unalo nipa najua nitakua perfect wife, ila nina wasi wasi naweza kua borring girlfriend... wewe mwenyewe kwa experience yako, huoni perfect husband alivo tofauti na yule anae enda kuangalia mprira bar, anakunywa bia na mishkaki huku akishangilia Man-U versus Gunners? sasa kama atakua na double life, moja ya nyumbani na moja ya huko nje, si ndio mwanzo ya kuniweka mimi kama pazia za ndani alafu huko nje atafute mwingine?

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Naweza nikasema kua kitu ambacho wanawake wengi tunakosea ni ile kuchagua kua kati ya a hot crazy chic na a decent lady.... Wanasahau ama wanashindwa tambua kua you can be both, yooote kutegemea na timing. Daima as a woman or lady strive to be something your man is proud of katika mazingira yoyote yale.

The secret in all this ni wewe mwanamke kutambua kua wewe ni mwanamke, kua proud kua wewe ni mwanamkea na play your role as a woman beside your man. Mwanaume atoke nje kwa tamaa zake, ama maybe tu imetokea bahati mbaya au maybe tu hamjablend, lakini sio sababu eti kukudefine wewe ni wife material hufai. You as a woman inabidi ukiwa nyumbani be a Great Wife and Mama, na ukiwa na your man mtaani mpaka wenzie waulize "Is she your gal friend/nyumba ndogo?" Nakubali na najua ni ngumu.... But it is possible.

Mwali said:

Nimesoma sana posts za MMU na nimegundua kitu: wanaume wengi wanaamini kuna wife material na girlfriend material. Wife material ni mpole, mtiifu, ana background nzuri, ni msomi kiasi, future oriented etc. Girlfriend material ana sura na umbo nzuri, ni mcheshi, anapenda kwenda out, ni mtundu kiasi.

Kweli kila mtu ana definition yake ila kwa ujumla kuna tofauti kati ya wife material na girlfriend material.
Pia nimeona wanawake wanaamini kuna wanaume wasio faa kwa long term relation ila bado wanafaa kua wapenzi. Wana penda maisha, wanatoa mazawadi mbali mbali, wanapiga sim na kutuma sms kila saa, wanakutambulisha kwa marafiki etc, alafu kuna wanaume wa long term relation: wanakusupport katika mipango yako ya maisha, wanajitambulisha kwa familia yako na wanakutambulisha katika familia zao, hawachelewi kuzungumzia swala la ndoa etc. Kwa wanawake distinction haipo clear sana lakini.

Toafuti hii kati ya boyfriends-girlfriends na husband-wives material naona inaweza kua sababu ya wanaume wengine kuoa wife material ila baadae wanaendelea kua na nyumba ndogo sababu wake zao sio girlfriend material toka mwanzo, na wenyewe bado wanataka kujipa raha huko nje. Wanawake nao wanaolewa kwa tama ya ndoa ila wakisha kua ndani wanagundua kua wanaume hawana ile romance ya boyfriends sababu wanachukua life too seriously, na hii inasababisha yale mapenzi ya moto moto kuisha mapema katika ndoa.

Swali langu kubwa linakuja hapa: kwa mtindo huu nikijaribu kua the perferct girlfriend nitajitoa kwenye orodha ya wife material. Na the perfect perfect beer buddy hawezi kua perfect husband the at the same time. Hivi hakuna haja ya kubadili hizo criteria za wife material na perfect husband kwa kweli? How can we be perfect spouses if we are not perfect lovers before marriage? Kwa nini marriage isiwe continuity ya mahusiano ya girlfriend-boyfriend?

If I am just perfect as myself, would you marry me?

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Duu hii ni staili mpya ya kutafuta mchumba kila la heri mwali...sali sana mungu yu pamoja nawe,...

Ambitious said:

Time is a friend and an enemy as well..It comes a moment in most marriages the hubby-wifey r/ship turns into a sort of joint venture to conquer life and build a hypothetical better future for their children.This is wether they started their relationship from girlfriend-boyfriend level or not.
By the time they think of salvaging their marriage its too late.The husband is no more interested in playing hide and seek or going to picnics what he's found of is meeting deadlines at work,reading his columns in these oversized newspapers and making sure that he grasps everything that a BBC correspondent utters.
The wife has turned into this paranoid-bitter lady approaching her menopause who is highly concerned with making sure that the house is in order,she and her husband are in time for work,children are behaving,supplies are always in excess wether they are needed or not and those sort of things.As a result the husband almost seems to be in a non-existence state to her.
And things fall apart.In worst case scenario 'nyumba ndogo' gets introduced into the picture.By the time the kids have moved on with their own lives,the two remain with a marriage certificate while the actual marriage has been washed down the drain long ago.And the whole sense of a perfect spouce in an imperfect world becomes a dream that never matured.
Bitter reality!!!

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Nashindwa kuamini kua such an descriptive analysis iliishia hapo... twambie how do we overcome this then? tunafanyaje to keep the flame alive?