Arudisheje hisia kwa mumewe? ...Msaada tafadhali


cdhani kama nia ni kukomesha, nia ni kupunguza machungu.....
 
  • Trick ya kwanza ni kummwaga huyo anayemwita mshefa, huyo ndo anayemwangamiza! Huo mvuto anaoupata kwa Mshefa ni sawa na faraja anayopata mgonjwa wa malaria anapokuwa juani. Anapata faraja huku anapandisha homa mwilini na kuwa mgonjwa zaidi. Huyo mshefa ni mgonjwa kama yeye (naye ana matatizo yake kwake ambayo siku moja yataisha).
  • Hatua ya pili ni kuangalia heshima yake mwenyewe! Mapenzi ya mshefa wala si fulfilling, ni kuwa tu alikimbizwa huko na chuki na hasira kwa mmewe. Anashindwa kutoka sababu huyo bwana Mshefa anamng'ang'ania (bado anamhitaji kumtumia), siku atakapomchoka atamfanyia vibaya kuliko alivyofanyiwa na mmewe, kwani huyo hana responsibility yoyote kwake (atamflash kama toilet paper). Mapenzi mengi ya washefa huisha namna hiyo!! Kibaya ni hiyo guilty feeling itakayoendelea kumtesa maisha yake yote (Kinachotofautisha binadam na wanyama ni utambuzi wa mema na mabaya - rationality) - Hayo mabaya anayoyatenda, akijua ni mabaya, yanamuumiza yeye zaidi kuliko huyo anayedhani anamkomoa (akibeba ngoma itamtafuna - hata akimwambukiza na mme siku zote atajuta kuwa yeye ndo fisadi aliyeleta ngoma).
  • Ajitoe fully kwa mme wake, hata kama hajisikii feelings mwanzoni. Ni kama kunywa dawa (yaani ni vigumu kunywa dawa ila matokeo yake ndo yanafanywa tulazimike kuinywa) - Atakavyoendelea kujitoa ndivyo feelings zitakaporudi na bond kuimarika zaidi. Akijitenga ameliwa, kwani feelings ndo zinaweza kupotea kabisaa na akajikuja anatumbukia kwa washefa wengine.
  • Ajue kuwa yeye ni mgonjwa na hakuna dawa rahisi, yaani awe tayari kufanya maamuzi magumu ambayo mwanzoni yatamuumiza (Mfano kujishusha kwa mme wake - ataona anadhalilika, ila long term atapata heshima zaidi). Mapenzi ya washefa yanaleta faraja short term, tena faraja ya uongo. Long term ni maumivu na mateso moyoni, pengine na aibu juu!!
 
Nyamayao said:
cdhani kama nia ni kukomesha, nia ni kupunguza machungu.....
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Dearest, binafsi nahisi naongeza mateso juu ya mateso. Ni either nijaribu kutimiza wajibu wangu kurejesha afya kwenye mahusiano yetu au nikayafanye hayo nikijua basi mkata wetu umeisha....
 
Fidel80 said:
Unapunguza machungu kwa kumegwa nje? hapa unajizidishia machungu ukikolea kwa hicho kidumu ndo balaa huchomoki
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Huwa sielewi wanaojustify infidelity kwa namna yoyote na dnio maana sijawahi kujustify it on my side

Infidelity ni selfishness, but necessary sometimes to reduce internal pressure especially after a rough life ride

As i said before... siwezi kutetea infidelity, lakini siwezi kucondemn.... ila ntacondemn wanaotetea kwani haina haja

THERE IS NO JUSTIFICATION TO ANYONE ELSE EXCEPT THE DOER AND IT IS DOABLE.... AND GOOD AS LONG AS YOU DONT GET CAUGHT
 
bht said:
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Dearest, binafsi nahisi naongeza mateso juu ya mateso. Ni either nijaribu kutimiza wajibu wangu kurjrsha afya kwenye mahusiano yetu au nikayafanye hayo nikijua basi mkata wetu umeisha....
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Buddy... do you real mean what you say?
 
MTM said:
Buddy... do you real mean what you say?
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From the deepest part of my soul...

Sitaki kuishi na guilty feelings, ndio maana naona kuchiti kwa kuwa tu nimechitiwa, will hurt me even more!
 
Fidel80 said:
Unapunguza machungu kwa kumegwa nje? hapa unajizidishia machungu ukikolea kwa hicho kidumu ndo balaa huchomoki
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sasa huyu dada ndio aliona ndio njia mbadala ya kupunguzia machungu yake, na ndio kashanogewa hivyo so kifutacho ni kuishi na mume kwa ajili ya watoto, mume alichokuwa anakitafuta amekipata.....
 
bht said:
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From the deepest part of my soul...

Sitaki kuishi na guilty feelings, ndio maana naona kuchiti kwa kuwa tu nimechitiwa, will hurt me even more!
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what about cheating for fun, as NN showed how it is done in the US
 
Nyamayao said:
cdhani kama nia ni kukomesha, nia ni kupunguza machungu.....
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Experience inaonesha kuwa badala ya kupunguza machungu, yanaongezeka. Rationality (binadamu wote tunayo) itakuambia kuwa unachofanya ni wrong (nafsi inakusuta), hutapunguza machungu. Halafu moyo wako ukija kunasa kwa mtu mwingine ambaye udhibiti wako kwake ni mdogo, utaishia kwenye mateso zaidi - Unamhitaji mida fulani fulani, huwezi kumpata; unahitaji kumbeba forever - haiwezekani, halafu jamii ina macho kila mahali - heshima inatumbukia shimoni!!

Ukiachana na hilo la kushikwa tu au kufanyiziwa na mwengine unayeingilia mapenzi yake (hilo linaweza lisitokee) - maumivu kwenye penzi la wizi ni mengi. Kuna risk ya mimba zisizopangwa na risk ya kulazimika kufanya abortion (tusidanganyane hapa mkishazama mipira hutupwa), kuna risk ya magonjwa ya zinaa (huyo wa nje ndo huna uhakika kabisa), kuna risk ya kuonwa na mtu anayekuheshimu - heshima inasambaratika ghafla, kuna risk ya kutendwa wakati umeshazama - jamaa kapata kipya zaidi (hii hapa ni kubwa mno - mara nyingi wanaume wanaotembea na wake za watu huku wakijua huwa ni mapepe sana), n.k.
 
MTM said:
what about cheating for fun, as NN showed how it is done in the US
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I do not know how 'fun' that is, but again huo ndo msimamo wangu na hakuna cheating for fun kwangu mimi....
 
BlackBerry said:
abadilishe namba y simu basi kama anaona anasumbuliwa na mshefa
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mm nadhani wahame mji kabisa waende mbali wakaishi huko hii itasaidia mke kutokua kumuona mshefa wake kwa muda, kama tujuavyo asiyekuwepo machoni na moyoni pia hayupo!
 
Nyamayao said:
sasa huyu dada ndio aliona ndio njia mbadala ya kupunguzia machungu yake, na ndio kashanogewa hivyo so kifutacho ni kuishi na mume kwa ajili ya watoto, mume alichokuwa anakitafuta amekipata.....
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Sasa huku ndo kujikomesha na kujitesa ninakosema mimi....kule hakuendeki, huku hakukaliki!
 
Nyamayao said:
sasa huyu dada ndio aliona ndio njia mbadala ya kupunguzia machungu yake, na ndio kashanogewa hivyo so kifutacho ni kuishi na mume kwa ajili ya watoto, mume alichokuwa anakitafuta amekipata.....
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Ok kishanogewa kama unavyosema hapo, unadhani ana furaha? Unadhani ana amani? .... hana hivi vitu ndo maana ameyapeleka kwa marafiki zake!! Anafanya na kanogewa, ila nafsi yake yamsuta - hana amani, hana furaha, hajiamini, hajioni kuwa anachofanya ni sahihi!! Kifupi hayuko happy ingawa anapata thrill.

Bahati mbaya sana thrill huwa ni kitu cha muda mfupi tu. Akishamaliza hiyo thrill, anaishi na matezo muda uliobaki. Binadamu wote tuko rational (labda vichaa). Tukifanya mabaya yanatutesa hata kama tutajifanya kuwa tunafurahia!!
 
Reactions: bht
Swali...........................Huwa inawezekana kupenda tena baada ya kuoa/kuolewa maana hapa naona mchanganyiko wa mambo.
 
Chauro said:
Swali...........................Huwa inawezekana kupenda tena baada ya kuoa/kuolewa maana hapa naona mchanganyiko wa mambo.
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Inawezekana sana maana wengine ndoa zao za kwanza ni kama walikosea milango..i know a couple or two waliofanikiwa kwenye ndoa zao za pili.
 
Nimeangalia comments za wengi zikiwa zimejaa lawama kuliko namna ya kumtoa dada kwenye tatizo ...........Naamini inawezekana kama Lizzy anavosema.

MTM said:
............we unaonaje??
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They need something special that's why they do it.

Hapa mkuu linakuja swala la kwa vile yeye anafanya ngoja na mm nifanye sijui ukifanya kwa kulipiza kwa ubaya unamkomoa nani.
 
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