Funny and Crazy Mugabe quotes that will leave you rolling on the ground with laughter

Funny and Crazy Mugabe quotes that will leave you rolling on the ground with laughter

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Ukisema mfyatukaji unakosea,kuwafukuza wazungu ni kheri kwa wazimbabwe na nchi yao ina maendeleo mazuri tu,sijawahi kusikia kuwa wazimbabwe wanakufa njaa
 
Synthesizer said:
1. “The only White man you can trust is a dead White man.”

2. “So, Blair keep your England, and let me keep my Zimbabwe.”

3. “We don’t mind having sanctions banning us from Europe. We are not Europeans.”

4. “I’ve just concluded – since President Obama endorses the same-sex marriage, advocates homosexual people[sic], and enjoys an attractive countenance – thus if it becomes necessary, I shall travel to Washington, D.C., get down on my knee, and ask for his hand.”

5. “[Nelson] Mandela has gone a bit too far in doing good to the non-black communities … That’s being too saintly, too good, too much of a saint.”

6. “Even Satan wasn’t gay; he chose to approach unclad Eve instead of unclad Adam.”

7. “The only warning the African takes seriously is low battery.”

8. “Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum and you realize witchcraft is real”

9. “If you like school girls, buy a uniform for your wife to wear for you”

10. “Racism will never end as long as white cars are using black tyres; if people still use Black to symbolize bad luck and White for peace, if people still wear white clothes at weddings and black clothes at funerals; as long as those who don’t pay their bills are blacklisted and not white-listed. But I don’t care as long as I am using the white toilet paper to wipe my ass”.

11. “It is hard to bewitch African girls these days. Each time you take a piece from her hair to the witch doctor, either a Brazilian innocent woman gets mad or a factory in China catches fire”.

12. “South Africans will kick down a statue of a White man but won’t even attempt to slap a live one. Yet they can stone to death a Black man simply because he is a foreigner”.

13. “Some women’s legs are like rumours, they keep on spreading”.

14. “Some girls have never seen the doors of a gym but look physically fit because of running from one man to another”.

15. “And to those of you who do not actually go to church but watch it on TV, you will not actually go to Heaven, but you will be allowed to watch it on TV!”

16. “You smoke weed and you take some coke. Few minutes after, you hear ‘chooboi chooboi’ in your head. It’s a set up. The moment you answer, “Yei”!, you are mad.”

17. “The only public place Ghanaian ladies can be romantic is around the ATM machine.”

18. “If you are a lady and you don’t respect men, you will end up serving joll of at your younger sister’s wedding.”

19. “Dear ladies, if your boyfriend did not wish you a happy Mother’s day, stop breastfeeding him”.

20. “Whenever things seem to start going well in your life, the Devil comes and gives you a girlfriend”.

21. “I stopped trusting ladies when my class 3 girlfriend left me for another boy all because he bought a sharpener with a mirror”.

22. “When one’s goat gets missing, the aroma of a neighbour’s soup gets suspicious.”

23. “Treat every part of your towel nicely because the part that wipes your buttocks today may wipe your face tomorrow”.
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There is never a dull day in Zimbabwe, so long as Robert Mugabe, who always have a way with words, remains the president, or so social media would have you believe. When it comes to quotable quotes, not even legendary author and humorist Mark Twain and other greats like Albert Einstein, Winston Churchill or Mahatma Ghandi have anything on him. Doubting? Sample the following latest funny quotes attributed to the Zimbabwean president.

“In Africa, the only warning they take seriously is ‘low battery’.” “Zimbabweans, let us respect pregnant women for it is not easy to carry around evidence of sex in public.” “Girls, learn to take care of yourselves. Some men will use you, use your body, ruin your reputation and then marry a beautiful woman and get born again. And as if that is not enough, use you as testimony in church.”

“We are living in a generation where people ‘in love’ are free to touch each other’s private parts, but are not allowed to touch each other’s phones because they are private.” “Nothing makes a woman more confused than being in a relationship with a broke man who is extremely good in bed.” “The only thing that scares me about marriage is that you have to wake up earlier on the wedding day.” “No matter how men shake their ‘thing’ after urinating, the last drop is always reserved for the boxers.”


“Ladies, don’t be deceived by a man who text you “I miss you” only when it’s cold or raining....you are neither an umbrella nor a jacket.” “Kenyans are good runners because corruption is always chasing them.” “We are all born mad, but some decides to remain so.” “The size of a socialite’s backside is indirectly proportional to the size of her brain.”

“Whenever things seem to start going well in your life, the devil always comes along and gives you a ‘girlfriend’.” “I stopped trusting women when my class three girlfriend left me for another boy, all because he bought a sharpener with a mirror.”

“Witchcraft is when a 24-year-old girl who cannot jog for five minutes expects a 40-year-old man to last for an hour in action.” “If you are a married man and you find yourself attracted to school girls, just buy your wife a school uniform.” “Virginity is the best wedding gift any man would receive from his newly wed wife but lately, there’s nothing as such any-longer because it’ll have already been given out as a Birthday gift, token of Appreciation, Job assurance, Church collection, Examination marking schemes and for Lorry fares!” “Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in a piece of paper with fire on one end and a fool on the other end.” “For a woman with beauty without brains, it’s her private parts that suffer.”
 
bado huwa napata wasi wasi na uzee wote ule hizo quotes anazitunga yeye kweli?
 
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