Hivii kuoa/kuolewa...

CPU said:

By default sitegemei kuona waifu anaendeleza tabia zile zile tangu kabla sijamuoa, hasa zile ambazo zinaleta picha ya usaliti.
Ndoa si disko.
Ushauri wako umefika ila hilo wazo ninalo tangu nilipojua WHAT IS LOOVE LOVE LOVEEE

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Owwwwwkeyyyyy!!!

Lizzy said:

.... ndo mwisho wa kua na marafiki wa jinsia tofauti???

Nauliza kwasababu naona watu hua wanalaani sana msichana mwenye "rafiki" mwanaume aliyeoa au msichana aliyeolewa akiwa na "rafiki" mwanaume.
Upande wa wanaume sijasikia malalamiko sana na nnadhani hii inatokana na zile fikra kuhusiana na "wanawake kua wepesi sana kushawishika pia kishawishi na bila kusahau wanawake kuwa wadhaifu."

Naomba kusema kwamba binafsi sioni tatizo iwapo heshima stahili ipo kwa pande zote na kila mmoja anajua mipaka ya urafiki wao.Mimi nimewahi kua na rafiki aliyeoa na hatukua na matatizo yoyote.Japo sikupata bahati ya kukutana na mke wake ila tulitambulishwa na kujuliana hali mara kadhaa.
Nwy nachojaribu kuonyesha ni kwamba kama kuna urafiki wa kweli bila kua zaidi ya urafiki sioni tatizo la watu wa jinsia tofauti wenye wenza wao kua na marafiki wa jinsia tofauti!!

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NN alishaanzisha thread inayoelekea kuafanana na hii. Kwenye thread alitaka kujua if men and women be friends: https://www.jamiiforums.com/mahusiano-mapenzi-urafiki/125553-can-men-and-women-be-friends.html. Wakati wewe unaangalia kuwa na marafiki wa jinsia nyingine baada ya kuoa/kuolewa, NN simply wanted men and women can actually be friends. Kuna watu waliweka comments nzuri kweli ile thread. Icheki. I will copy and paste my comments here:

"From a broad perspective, there have been dozens of scientific studies and surveyed numbers of people about cross-gender friendships to discover whether these relationships can actually work or not. Also there have been studies listened in on countless discussions with men and women on the issue. Well… there are both sides of the argument.

For many people the idea of a man and a woman being friends is charming, but improbable. "It always leads to something else…" they argue, meaning that the relationship eventually becomes romantic. It is very difficult for a man and woman to have a platonic friendship…normally emotions get in the way and friendship can be ruined by one of the parties starting to get either possessive or jealous…. Will your libido silence while spending pleasant time and having fun and sharing interests and activities, attitudes and values with just a friend of the opposite SEX?...Perhaps NO.

On the other hand, there are those who are seemingly surprised by the question and argue that of course male-female friendships are possible. These people's persuasiveness almost makes the romantic pull of such relationships seem unusual. They ignore it altogether.

So can men and woman be friends? Few relationships issues are that plain and simple. The real answer is "it depends." What do these relationships depend upon? They depend upon how much each person in the relationship is willing to stretch and grow. These friendships, you see, require both men and women to call upon parts of themselves that are usually less accessible when relating to their typical same-sex friends. For a man, a woman who is just a friend allows him to express his more emotional side, to experience his vulnerability, to treat himself and his friend more tenderly than is permissible with male friends. What is typically missing for him in this cross-gender relationship, however, is the kind of rough camaraderie he can have with another man. For a woman, a man who is just a friend helps her express her independent, more reasoned and tougher side - the harder edge that's kept under wraps in relationships with women. The down side for her is the relative absence of emotional reciprocity and intensity she normally shares with a female friend.

So, okay, twist our arms for a NO or YES answer to this question and the answer will be YES. But we will quickly qualify it. Men and women can enjoy friendship together, but not at the same level they do with friends of the same sex."

Source: https://www.jamiiforums.com/mahusiano-mapenzi-urafiki/125553-can-men-and-women-be-friends.html

EMT yani napingana na % 70 ya yaliyoandikwa hapo!!Surely ukweli upo ila dio kwa wote au kwa yote!!

Mimi mke wangu marafiki zake wote ni wanaume kwa visingizio kuwa wafanyakazi wenzake, wanapiga deals pamoja, tangu kuzaliwa amezoea wanaume kuliko wanawake amabao yeye anawita wambea. Sasa tatizo kila akibeba mimba lazima aitoe kwa visingizio mbali mbali kama vile kwa sasa nina kazi nyingi siwezi kupewa likizo ya uzazi, au sijisikii kuzaa kwakweli sasa hivi nk, nk.
Ana uhuru wa kutosha kurudi nyumbani muda anaotaka kwa kile anachosema alikuwa na evening talks na marafiki zake hao wa kiume!!

Je mpaka hapo kuna usalama katika urafiki huo ( manake mimi siulizi hata akirudi saa 6 usiku namfungulia mlango, manake siku hizi utaambiwa ni mfumo dume kumnyima uhuru au kumuuliza anatoka wapi muda huo!!) sasa mimba anazotoa si ni kuogopa zisijekuwa zinafanana na urafiki wake huo???

Lizzy said:

EMT yani napingana na % 70 ya yaliyoandikwa hapo!!Surely ukweli upo ila dio kwa wote au kwa yote!!

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Tusiandikie wino wakati mate yapo (sijakosea hapo). Jana kuna mdada alikuwa analalamika kuwa shosti wake kaingizwa mjini na jamaa aliyekuwa naye kwa muda usiozidi zaidi ya miezi minne kama sijakosea. Jana hiyo hiyo mwingine ambaye ni mke wa mtu kasema ametembea na kijana wa chuo kikuu baada ya kujuana kwa miezi miwili tuu. Kuna mwanaume huko nyuma naye alishaungama hapa jamvini kuwa amempa ujauzito mtoto wa his ex waliekuwa wanaishi kama mume na mke kabla ya kuachana. Kama mtu anaweza ku-fall in love ndani ya miezi miwili na mtu ambaye alikuwa hata hajui sijui. Inawezekana wewe unajua jinsi ya ku-handle huo urafiki, lakini vipi kwa hawa wanaologwa kimapenzi within two months?

Sikatai kuwa mwanamke au mwanaume aliyeolewa/aliyeoa hawezi kuwa na urafiki wa kawaida na jinsia tofauti. There is nothing you can do to stop that. Ila urafiki wa kawaida hata kwa the same sex hauanzi hivi hivi tuu. Lazima kuwe na kitu ambacho kimewa-connect mpaka mkawa marafiki. Vingenevyo sababu itakuwa ni attraction tuu. Na unajua attraction leads to....

mimi kinachonitatiza ni ' implied meaning' ambayo wengi wetu tunatafsiri kwamba inaleta picha si nzuri sana kwa wanandoa. Binafsi sishauri uwe na urafiki wa karibu na mwanandoa.

Jinsi mwanamke anavyoendelea kuwa karibu na mwanaume na jinsi siku zinavyoenda,ndo jinsi anavyoshawishika.
kwa hiyo mi naona heri urafiki uvunjike tu

Mh inakuwa ngumu lizzy.kuna dada kaanzisha thread,alikuwa @ the wrong place na wrong time na my friend wake wakapeana mimba wakati dada wa watu mke wa mtu...ila miye nina kaweakness fulani,huwa naonaga its ok mie kuwa friend wa kike ila demu wangu kuwa friend wa kiume unaniumiza roho kinoma

Mulama said:

Mimi mke wangu marafiki zake wote ni wanaume kwa visingizio kuwa wafanyakazi wenzake, wanapiga deals pamoja, tangu kuzaliwa amezoea wanaume kuliko wanawake amabao yeye anawita wambea. Sasa tatizo kila akibeba mimba lazima aitoe kwa visingizio mbali mbali kama vile kwa sasa nina kazi nyingi siwezi kupewa likizo ya uzazi, au sijisikii kuzaa kwakweli sasa hivi nk, nk.
Ana uhuru wa kutosha kurudi nyumbani muda anaotaka kwa kile anachosema alikuwa na evening talks na marafiki zake hao wa kiume!!

Je mpaka hapo kuna usalama katika urafiki huo ( manake mimi siulizi hata akirudi saa 6 usiku namfungulia mlango, manake siku hizi utaambiwa ni mfumo dume kumnyima uhuru au kumuuliza anatoka wapi muda huo!!) sasa mimba anazotoa si ni kuogopa zisijekuwa zinafanana na urafiki wake huo???

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Aiseee
Huyu mkeo noma
Na bado unamwita MKE WANGU???
Kweli we jasiri.
Mi nina mdada mmoja nafanya nae kazi, nae kauli zake ni hivyo hivyo kwamba "Mi mabest zangu wengi ni men coz wanawake wambea sana". Kiumbile ni mdada wa haja, ameumbika haswa, kuanzia shepu hadi mapokezi. Alipoanza kazi ofisin vijana wengi walishawishika kumtaka kwa ndoa. Na yeye huwa hakataagi kufahamiana na wanaume wengi zaidi, hana limit. Pamoja na kwamba haonekani hata kw dalili kuwa uhusiano wa mapenzi na mwanaume yoyote, lakin tabia yake ya kupenda kukumbatiana na mwanaume yoyote hadharani, kupigwa mabusu mfululizo (sio mdomoni), kukubali kwenda kuongea faragha na mwanaume yoyote anaemwomba hivyo, zimefanya wanaume wote waliokusudia kuanzisha nae uhusiano na hatimae ndoa KUFUTA KABISA MAWAZO HAYO.
Nikiangalia Lizzy anavyojieleza humu, naona kama wanafanana fanana vile na huyu mdada
Amekuwa hatabiriki pamoja na kwamba saa hizi ana 28yrs

A piece of advice!!!

Try as much as possible, to avoid/limit friendship with married men/women. It will solve you a lot of problems!

Otherwise, subiri kujaziwa watu siku moja.....

Nyani Ngabu said:

Ukija olewa jaribu kuwa rafiki yangu uone

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:becky::becky::becky: mwisho wa maelezo duh :becky::becky::becky:

Lizzy said:

.... ndo mwisho wa kua na marafiki wa jinsia tofauti???

Nauliza kwasababu naona watu hua wanalaani sana msichana mwenye "rafiki" mwanaume aliyeoa au msichana aliyeolewa akiwa na "rafiki" mwanaume.
Upande wa wanaume sijasikia malalamiko sana na nnadhani hii inatokana na zile fikra kuhusiana na "wanawake kua wepesi sana kushawishika pia kishawishi na bila kusahau wanawake kuwa wadhaifu."

Naomba kusema kwamba binafsi sioni tatizo iwapo heshima stahili ipo kwa pande zote na kila mmoja anajua mipaka ya urafiki wao.Mimi nimewahi kua na rafiki aliyeoa na hatukua na matatizo yoyote.Japo sikupata bahati ya kukutana na mke wake ila tulitambulishwa na kujuliana hali mara kadhaa.
Nwy nachojaribu kuonyesha ni kwamba kama kuna urafiki wa kweli bila kua zaidi ya urafiki sioni tatizo la watu wa jinsia tofauti wenye wenza wao kua na marafiki wa jinsia tofauti!!

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Nimevumilia kukaa kimya nimeshindwa:-
Mimi huwa siamini katika urafiki wa jinsia tofauti kabisa kabisa, sasa inapotokea mke wa mtu anakuwa na marafiki wa ukweli wa kiume ina maana kama ni marafiki mnasaidiana kwa hali na mali hata kupeana ushauri wa mambo muhimu hata yale yahusuyo ndoa.
Unakuta siku hiyo ndani mmetofautiana kidogo au sana na mwenza wako, ikitokea mtu wa kwanza kukutana naye ni yule rafiki unajikuta unamwomba ushauri wa ufanyeje kuhusu ugomvi ule (wakati mwingine hasira/machungu hupungua unapomshirikisha mtu matatizo yako), sasa hapa unaweza ona ni kwa kiasi gani yule rafiki wa kiume anamfahamu vizuri mme wa dada huyu na anaweza kutake advantage kwa kufidia yale mapengo ya yule mme na kuonekana yeye ndio bora.
Wakati mwingine kwa sababu ni rafiki ya yule mke wa mtu na yule dada anamkubali sana yule rafiki yake (kama ilivyo kwa marafiki wa kawaida), unakuta dada wa watu anaanza kutamani 'mme wangu angekuwa na vitu kama vya huyu, angekuwa mpole au mwenye mawazo kama ya huyu nk), tayari hapa mme kapoteza credit kwa sababu tu ya kulinganishwa na yule rafiki. Na wakati mwingine dada wa watu anaweza mpaka akajisahau akamrefer rafiki wa mme kwa kusema tutununue kitu hiki ni kizuri, kama fulani alichonunua nk... hii kwa mwanaume ni dharau ila wao wadada wanaona ni kawaida.
Sasa hapa unaweza ona loophole za yule dada kugongwa na jamaa husika kwa sababu tayari dada wa watu anakubali ubora wa kila kitu kwa yule rafiki yake (kitu ambacho kama ingekuwa jinsia moja isingekuwa tatizo).
Ivi mwanamke anajisikiaje mme wake atoke alikotoka aseme alikuwa kwa rafiki yake wa kike, ikiwezekana aongezee amekula kule na sifa kibao za kwamba yule mtu anajua kupika?

Lizzy said:

Aiseee...sasa huo ndo ule wivu unaozidi mpaka kero.Yani mtu wa aina hiyo hata Sipiyu akinigongea Thanks na Like JF ananiuliza kwanini fulani kakugongea thanks?Embu kuweni na imani bwana....hata asipokua nao bado anaweza asiwe muaminifu vile vile.Kuwa mdanganyifu ni hulka ya mtu na sio swala la yeye kua na marafiki wa jinsia tofauti au la!!

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???????????????????????????????????

Gagurito said:

natamani kuoa bt gharama za sherehe ya ndoa zanitia hofu.

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We jifungie zako tu ndoa saa nne asubuhi tena kati kati ya wiki,mkitoka hapo we na mai waifu wako na wapambe wawili na mpiga kamera mmoja nendeni zenu mkapate mlo wa mchana,biashara imekwisha,watu wengine watasikia baadae kuwa mlioana.Afterall si ndoa zote za ghrama zinadumu anyway.

BelindaJacob said:

mtu umezaliwa, umesoma, say na kubahatika kupata kazi maishani pia kwa mlolongo wote huo umejijengea marafiki kwanini ukioa au kuolewa upoteze marafiki zako?? watu wengine wana 'misuse' maana ya urafiki kwa kutembea na wake/waume wa rafiki zao vilevile kukombanisha wanandoa kwa umbea, uongo na wivu. hakika huo sio urafiki mwema kabisa.

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Bj mpenzi wewe tu ndo unawaza hivyo kwamba he is just a friend, waliowazunguza hawazi hivyo, watahisi unatembea na mme wa mtu, tena kama hujaolewa acha kabisa urafiki na wanaume za watu utajikosesha wachumba bure, utakutana na kijana anapewa umbea na watu kuwa unatembea na mme wa mtu fulani, taratibu utaona anawithdraw na kama alikuwa ndo anawaza kukutongoza ndo anasitisha kabisa , tena huko na mke wake ndo balaaa mwanaume atanunuiwa kisa wewe,

kuna kaka mmoja alikuwa rafiki yangu sana wakati nipo chuo, ila baada ya yeye kuoa ilibidi tupunguze mazoea coz ilibakiza kidogo tu ndoa ivunjike, mwanamke alikuwa haelewi somo kila akimuelewsha anaona anadanganywa, yule kaka aliniambia tabu anayoipata kutokana na urafiki wetu mmh nikaoana isiwe tabu nikamshauri tupunguze mazoea, pili hata mimi mwenyewe niliwahi kuachwa sababu ya urafiki huohuo na huyo kaka
tu

Lizzy
Samahani kwa kuchelewa kuipitia hii thread

Hili ni swali la muhimu sana kwenye maisha ya mahusiano.

Hakuna kitu kizuri kama kuwa na mwenzi muelewa but also ni vema pia kumtunzia heshma kwa kutokufanya yale ambayo wewe usingependa kufanyiwa!....

CPU;Huyu Lizzy tumsamehe tu Si alishasemaga hana hisia za kike, bali anazo za kiume
Yaani hana hisia za wivu, hata akiona mume wake ana cheza dansi na shosti wake wameshikana viunuuuuuuuuu

Anaishi maisha ya kusadikika bado, akiingia mwenyewe ndo atakataa mwenzi wake kuwa karibu na hao marafiki wa kike.

Mulama said:

Mimi mke wangu marafiki zake wote ni wanaume kwa visingizio kuwa wafanyakazi wenzake, wanapiga deals pamoja, tangu kuzaliwa amezoea wanaume kuliko wanawake amabao yeye anawita wambea. Sasa tatizo kila akibeba mimba lazima aitoe kwa visingizio mbali mbali kama vile kwa sasa nina kazi nyingi siwezi kupewa likizo ya uzazi, au sijisikii kuzaa kwakweli sasa hivi nk, nk.
Ana uhuru wa kutosha kurudi nyumbani muda anaotaka kwa kile anachosema alikuwa na evening talks na marafiki zake hao wa kiume!!

Je mpaka hapo kuna usalama katika urafiki huo ( manake mimi siulizi hata akirudi saa 6 usiku namfungulia mlango, manake siku hizi utaambiwa ni mfumo dume kumnyima uhuru au kumuuliza anatoka wapi muda huo!!) sasa mimba anazotoa si ni kuogopa zisijekuwa zinafanana na urafiki wake huo???

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Hakika UMENITISHA HASWA!Hayo maisha yenu yana utata,yaani hata wivu huna,either una kisamsing nawewe,ua nahisi humpendi tena mwenzio,yamebaki mazoea tu.AU unadanga kitu hapa,heeeeeee???????????????

Ngo said:

CPU;Huyu Lizzy tumsamehe tu Si alishasemaga hana hisia za kike, bali anazo za kiume
Yaani hana hisia za wivu, hata akiona mume wake ana cheza dansi na shosti wake wameshikana viunuuuuuuuuu

Anaishi maisha ya kusadikika bado, akiingia mwenyewe ndo atakataa mwenzi wake kuwa karibu na hao marafiki wa kike.

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Sasa naishije maisha ya kusadikika?!Maana ya kusadikika yanaishia kwenye kufikirika...kama nayaishi hayasadikiki bali yanatendeka!!

Nyani Ngabu said:

Mimi nina mtazamo tofa na uti! Wazo la kujenga mazoea ama urafiki na mwanandoa wa mtu siafikiani nalo kihivyo hususan ukiwa ule urafiki wa jinsia tofa na uti. Amini usiamini mara nyingi hiyo huwaga chanzo cha migogoro mingi sana katika ndoa.

Hebu piga picha bwana CPU. Eti Ngabu na my waifu wako ni washikaji. Aahahahahahaa….daaah ebana eeh utaweza kweli ku-handle hiyo kitu? Utakuwa na amani kweli? Eniwei sijui, ila watu tumetofautiana sana na huenda labda wewe ikawa si ishu kwako. Lakini mara nyingi sana marafiki wa jinsia tofa na uti huwaga ni moja ya vyanzo vya migogoro kwa wanandoa. Binafsi sishauri hivyo. Ni mtazamo tu.

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Sijui kwa nini ila nahisi ww ni she? pls dont judge me wrong