Hallow wana JF, Naomba radhi kwa simulizi hii ndefu..
Mimi ni kijana, umri wangu ni kati ya 25-30. Ni mhitimu wa chuo kikuu. Ni msaarabu, najiheshimu na napenda maendeleo. Nipo kwnye mahusiano imara, japo tupo mikoa tofauti na tupendana sana na girlfriend wangu & recently tumeanza taratibu za utambulisho nyumban japo si rasmi..hivi karibuni nimepatwa na tukio la ajabu, kuna rafiki yangu wa kike way back toka primary scul tulikuwa tunawasiliana kawaida as normal friends lakin kumbe mwenzangu alikuwa na hisia za mapenz kwngu,,alipoona simtamkii akaamua avunje ukimya, nikamwambia haiwezekan na sabab nikampa..alilia sana akaomba 2fanye kwa siri coz hata yeye ana boyfrnd bt yupo mbal bt nikabak na msimamo wngu..akaomba tuonane japo tuongee, nikakataa lakin akaforce kuja home (nlikuwa peke yang) coz alikuwa anapajua,,kafika home hana jipya, alipoona nmegoma kabsa akaanza kunfanyia fujo(sexual harassment) akavua nguo zote tufanye ngono, nikajikaza kiume nikamvalisha nguo & nikamtoa nje, too bad nlisahau funguo za gate ikabidi nirud ndan kumbe mwenzang ananfata nyuma pasi na kujua,,akaanza fujo tena & this time nlizidiwa nguvu & we had sex, unprotected sex..i was raped na mwanamke,,nlilia sana that day nikapanga safar kwnda kumwambia my girl coz hatufichan ki2 (kwnye sim nilishindwa),,ucku huo yule mwanamke akantext kuwa nikijaribu kumwacha atamwambia girlfriend wngu, cjui alichukua phone no. mda gani,,ikabid niwe mpole..then akanambia "too late" kuulza ana maana gan akawa anacheka..nlimwambia my friend lawyer akacma kesi ngumu coz tukio lilitokea hme so ngumu kuprove a rape..after 1 month nikaanza kupata symptoms za ajab, nikaenda kuchek STI (ckupima HIV) nikawa sina bt nlipata UTI,, nkafuatilia zile dalili na kugundua ni related na Acute HIV, nkaogopa sana, nikaanza kumkwepa girlfriend wang kila akipanga safar natfta excuse, nia yangu itimie 3 months...i knw knowldge z power & najua kila kitu kuhusu HIV japo si dokta, najua i can live 30 years, najua the cure is near or imepatikana bt held in disguise,berlin patient,missisipi baby(cured of HIV) bt God AM FREAKED OUT, juz imetimia 3 months naogopa kwenda kupima, ntamwambia nin girlfrnd wng kama nmeathirika, ataniacha,,i'l be alone...am not too weak to kil myself or kill anyone..nmeamua kumsameh aliyenfanyia huu uchaf nmemwachia Mung,,all my life nimeishi vizur(mbal na vishawish) only God knows haya majaribu yana maana gani,,
Nimechanganykiwa naombeni msaada wa mawazo, nmejiunga huku walau niitoe moyoni nipate relief coz naogopa kuambia watu...I've got no one to talk to kuhusu hii ishu.
Kwa asili maumbile ya mwanaume wa sawasawa sio rahisi ku-react katika mazingira uliyoelezea--anahitaji utulivu na hiyari ya hisia zake kabla ya kuthubutu kutenda!