2 Samuel 13:1-39
Love vs hate
In this passage we see strongly contrasting emotions. Amnon ‘fell in love with Tamar’ (v.1). He says, ‘I’m in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister’ (v.4). David had many wives and many children. The boys would probably have been separated from the girls after the age of five or six; there would not have been a sense of belonging together that exists in a normal family today.
Amnon plotted to rape Tamar, who pleaded with him: ‘Don’t do this wicked thing’ (v.12). She even offered to marry him (v.13). The law forbade marriage to a half-sister. Possibly, this was not being practised at the time. More likely, Tamar was clutching at straws. Amnon ‘refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her’ (v.14).
The Bible does not ignore the issue of sexual abuse. Rape has always been, and still is, a horrific crime. Tamar describes it as ‘wicked’ (v.12). It is an act of a ‘wicked fool’ (v.13). It leads to ‘desolation’ (v.20) and it is a ‘disgraceful’ (v.21) act.
We see a glimpse of the terrible damage sexual abuse does to the victim: ‘Tamar poured ashes on her head, then she ripped the long-sleeved gown, held her head in her hands, and walked away, sobbing as she went’ (v.19, MSG). She became ‘bitter and desolate’ (v.20, MSG).
Instantly, it appears, ‘Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her’ (v.15). This led to further tragedy for David and his household. The violence is perpetuated – Amnon is killed and Absalom flees, separating him from David (vv.23–39).
Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that Amnon was ‘infatuated’ with Tamar. He may have been ‘in love’ with her, but he certainly did not love her. It is extraordinary, though true to fallen human nature and experience, that infatuation can quickly turn to hatred. Amnon’s love was certainly not true love.
‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres’ (1 Corinthians 13:4–7).
Lord, deliver us from hatred. May we be filled, not by a superficial love, but by a love that is the fruit of the Holy Spirit.