Turejee kwenye mambo ya ndoa: Mapenzi Vs Maslahi wakati wa kuchagua mwenzi!

Turejee kwenye mambo ya ndoa: Mapenzi Vs Maslahi wakati wa kuchagua mwenzi!

data said:
ni kweli kwamba tuingiapo ktk ndoa ule upendo wa awali na hamshahamsha la kimahaba tulokua nalo kabla ya kuhalalishana kwa pingu laisha na tunageukia ktk maslahi...?? Na je ni kwa wote.!? Dark City ? et.al

Babu data
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Siwezi kusema wote ila yanawakuta wengi!!
 
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KOKUTONA said:
Hata mimi nimepawaza sana hapa Fixed Point, kulazimishwa kuoa mtu wa kabila lako ilhali huna mahusiano bado na mtu wa jinsi hiyo. Ni kazi ngumu sana ameepewa huyu mjukuu wa babu yetu Dark City.

Mkasa huu ulimtokea kijana mmoja wa kwetu, maana miongoni mwa makabla yenye kasumba hii ni wakwetu huko. Alileta mchumba mrugulu, very beautiful, decent, mpole nakadhalika. Wazazi wakataa kabisaaa kwa nguvu zote wakidai wanataka wa kabila lao, otherwize aoe huyo mrugulu but asahau kuwa ana baba, mama na ndugu. Ilikuwa hot and serious.
Aliamua kufuata ya ukoo akiogopa laana, akatafuta wakwao tena kujijini kabisaa, na alikuwa 7yrs older than him. but after marriage life was living hell. Yule mkaka alianza tabia ambazo hakuwa nazo, alianza ulevi, uhuni na akawa mtu wa kutanga tanga tanga, simply because yule aliye nao si wa chaguo lake na hampi vile alivyovizoea na hana furaha nae na amejitahidi kumkubali imeshindikana.

Mwisho wa siku kaka yangu yule alifariki kwa HIV/AIDS akiacha mjane na mtoto wa 5yrs, na hadi anakata roho alilaumu ukoo wake wote esp mama yake ambaye ndo alishika bango kweli kweli.

So nashauri pamoja na mslahi mengi mengi katika mahusiano na ndoa, wazazi/ndugu hebu tuwaachie watu wachague wenzi wao wanaotaka kuoa au kuolewa nao tusije tukawa wakulaumiwa baadae mambo yanayofanana na haya yakitokea.
Ahsanteee















I
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mambo ya kuchagulia au kulazimishana huwa hayafai kabisa, na wengi huwa tunaogopa lawama kama hizi pale ambapo ndoa itashindwa kufanikiwa.
kuna binti mmoja nampenda sana, ni kabinti kazuri, kamesoma, kana heshima na adabu tele, kanajiheshimu na kubwa zaidi kwangu kanamjua na kumwogopa Mungu. Nipo karibu nako sana, natamani sana kangekuwa kawifi kangu. sasa swali kila siku linanijia, nitamwambiaje kaka yangu kuwa huku kuna mchumba ambaye angemfaa? kaka yangu pia ni mdogo tu, ndo kaanza maisha, ingawa hajaoa na hajamleta hata mdada kwetu, lakini najua kabisa kwa umri wake na ana kazi, lazima atakuwa na msichana.
nawaza nikiwaunganisha hawa na mambo yaende kombo, lawama itakuwa kwangu toka kwa wote wawili. basi nimeishia kusali tu na kuomba Mungu awaunganishe kivyao
 
MadameX said:
Dark City , tuko busy na shopping ya sikukuu si unajua wajukuu zako bila nguo mpya hapakaliki.

Mada ni nzuri na kweli nimekufahamu, mapenzi peke yako hayatoshi kuwa na long lasting relationship, hayo maslahi unayoyazungumzia kwa watu wa siku hizi wanaangalia kipata zaidi ambacho nacho kipo leo kesha hakipo, lakini vitu kama sifa na tabia za mtu ni muhimu hata family ya mtu anapotekea lina umuhimu fulani. Ni vipi ambavyo hatuvipi umakini lakini hivi huwa ndio vinaweka mapenzi. Sisemi kuwa mapenzi sio lazima lakini to my context sio lazima umpende mtu kupindukia ndio kujua ndio mwenza. Muhimu kuwa kuna some common ground or some likes its enough to be together.

Ubarikiwe
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Nimependa mchango wako MadameX, mapenzi ya kupindukia bila maslahi hayana tija, ndo maana watu wanaolewa na the love of their life na wanaishia kuishi miezi kadhaa na kutoka, na wengine wanaamua kwa makusudi kabisa, anajua huyu nampenda sana, lakini anaamua kuolewa na mtu mwingine sababu tu anajua ndo ataweza kuishi naye
 
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data said:
ni kweli kwamba tuingiapo ktk ndoa ule upendo wa awali na hamshahamsha la kimahaba tulokua nalo kabla ya kuhalalishana kwa pingu laisha na tunageukia ktk maslahi...?? Na je ni kwa wote.!? Dark City ? et.al

Babu data
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kwani babu Dark City ndo kasema hivi? au mimi sijamweliewa?
 
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Fixed Point said:
Nimependa mchango wako MadameX, mapenzi ya kupindukia bila maslahi hayana tija, ndo maana watu wanaolewa na the love of their life na wanaishia kuishi miezi kadhaa na kutoka, na wengine wanaamua kwa makusudi kabisa, anajua huyu nampenda sana, lakini anaamua kuolewa na mtu mwingine sababu tu anajua ndo ataweza kuishi naye
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Umenikumbusha boss wangu ni juzi tu nilikuwa tunazungumzia habari hii, yeye ni mzee wa miaka 60+, alikuwa muwazi na kusema kuwa his wife of 40yrs now has never been his true love, lakini changanya na maslahi anayopata kwa huyo mama, he can't think of anybody else than her na hakuna anayemfahamu kama yeye.

Nikapata somo hapo.....
 
MadameX said:
Umenikumbusha boss wangu ni juzi tu nilikuwa tunazungumzia habari hii, yeye ni mzee wa miaka 60+, alikuwa muwazi na kusema kuwa his wife of 40yrs now has never been his true love, lakini changanya na maslahi anayopata kwa huyo mama, he can't think of anybody else than her na hakuna anayemfahamu kama yeye.

Nikapata somo hapo.....
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unataka kutuambia nini MadameX ?
 
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data said:
unataka kutuambia nini MadameX ?
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Ni kwamba hakumpenda mapenzi ya wazimu wakati wanaoana, lakini kwasasa haoni yeye kuishi bila huyo mama kwa mapenzi na heshma aliyokuwa nayo. Ndoa na huyo mama ilibase na vigezo vyengine ambavyo sio love and he learned to love her in the process.
 
Roulette said:
Just being in love is not enough for two people to decide to spend the rest of their lives together. It is not even enough to start a relationship! It is important, it is essential but BY NO MEAN enough!
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Mhhhh!
 
Dark City said:
Sasa wewe Kaunga, si umekiri mwenyewe kuwa, watu wenye ndoa za mapenzi ya kweli (tena both sides) ni wachache sana! Ndio maana nikasema kuwa wengi wetu tunaogelea kwenye maslahi zaidi. Which is fair even biologically. Ulishaona mnyama gani anayependa kuzaa na lofa?
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Babu umenichekesha, hata wanyama wanapenda wanyama wenzi wenye maslahi? Kweli hii ya kumalizia wkend.

Ahsante babu.
 
MadameX said:
Umenikumbusha boss wangu ni juzi tu nilikuwa tunazungumzia habari hii, yeye ni mzee wa miaka 60+, alikuwa muwazi na kusema kuwa his wife of 40yrs now has never been his true love, lakini changanya na maslahi anayopata kwa huyo mama, he can't think of anybody else than her na hakuna anayemfahamu kama yeye.

Nikapata somo hapo.....
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katika ndoa, mapenzi yanatakiwa, lakini siyo ndo yawe kila kitu kilichokufanya uingine huko.
 
Mrembo said:
Ngoja niwape kisa kidogo,
kuna rafiki yangu (university graduate) alimpenda sana dada mmoja ambaye alikuwa mdogo sana kiumri, walipishana kama miaka 10 au zaidi, isitoshe dada huyo alikuwa na elimu ya Darasa la saba. Yaani huyu rafiki yangu alikuwa akinieleza mapenzi yake, he was seriously crazy about her.

Lakini nilijaribu kumshauri kuhusu gap iliyopo kati yao kielimu na kiumri, yeye hakutaka kabisa kuelewa. nilimtolea mifano ambayo nimeshuhudia ktk familia, unajua maisha hubadirika inawezekana baadae ukamuona huyo dada hakufai may be kwasababu anashindwa kuwaentertain wageni wako (yaani wa level yako) kutokana na uelewa wake mdogo.

anyway nilikuja kukutana nae ivi karibuni analalamika kuhusu yale yale niliyojaribu kumshauri. Yaani mwanamke anashindwa kukope na maisha anayatoka yeye waishi, analalamika kwamba she is boring kwa sababu hata maongezi yao hayaendani.

kwahiyo ebu tujaribu kutafuta watu ambao you have something in common, otherwise mapenzi ufifi after sometime.
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Nakubaliana sana na wewe Mrembo, tofauti kidogo tu za kinaslahi na tabia na level za uelewa zinaweza huharibi kabisa mahusiano na ndoa inaweza isiwe ya amani.

Hasa pale ambapo wenza wanashindwa kuchukuliana.
 
Fixed Point said:
mambo ya kuchagulia au kulazimishana huwa hayafai kabisa, na wengi huwa tunaogopa lawama kama hizi pale ambapo ndoa itashindwa kufanikiwa.
kuna binti mmoja nampenda sana, ni kabinti kazuri, kamesoma, kana heshima na adabu tele, kanajiheshimu na kubwa zaidi kwangu kanamjua na kumwogopa Mungu. Nipo karibu nako sana, natamani sana kangekuwa kawifi kangu. sasa swali kila siku linanijia, nitamwambiaje kaka yangu kuwa huku kuna mchumba ambaye angemfaa? kaka yangu pia ni mdogo tu, ndo kaanza maisha, ingawa hajaoa na hajamleta hata mdada kwetu, lakini najua kabisa kwa umri wake na ana kazi, lazima atakuwa na msichana.
nawaza nikiwaunganisha hawa na mambo yaende kombo, lawama itakuwa kwangu toka kwa wote wawili. basi nimeishia kusali tu na kuomba Mungu awaunganishe kivyao
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Unaona dad mambo yalivyo magumu.
Mapenzi, mahusiano na ndoa ni vitu complicated saana, Mungu atusaidie kwa kweli.
 
KOKUTONA said:
Babu umenichekesha, hata wanyama wanapenda wanyama wenzi wenye maslahi? Kweli hii ya kumalizia wkend.

Ahsante babu.
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Ni kweli kabisa Koku!

Ulishajiuliza kwa nini mbwa jike hukusanya midume? Simba ndo usiseme!
 
Kila la heri Koku ila usisahau kutupa feedback.
 
Babu Dc habai ja lelo.. ndoa za zamani ziliangalia maslahi, japo nyingine zilitazama upendo kwanza..nataka nikuambie wapo wahenga waliojua love matching (ideal luv) kwa vigezo vyao...leo hofu ya maisha (fosi kingi)/kukosa maarifa vinapelekea kufungwa hizi ndoa maslahi ambazo kwa ndani zina machungu mengi unless Bwana Yesu aingilie kati... Babu Dc naweza kukuambia tokana na maarifa ya dunia kuwa makubwa sasa ndoa 'maslahi' ni jambo la kujitakia tu...kama jinsia ya mtoto yaweza pangwa basi na vigezo vya kuyapima mapenzi viko..kura yangu mapenzi kwanza..
 
Mkuu Fixed Point kwa maoni yangu mapenzi yanatakiwa yawe na aslimia kubwa sana kuliko maslahi. Nasema hivi kwa sababu kazi za siku hizi kama tujuavyo leo ziko kesho haziko hata biashara pia inaweza kuchanganya sana halafu mambo yakaenda mrama biashara kugoma na hela ikawa inatoka kwa kasi ya kutisha. Sasa haya yakitokea mdada kama aliweka zaidi maslahi mbele kuliko mapenzi basi ndoa kama hii haina maisha marefu lazima itasambaratika tu, lakini kama kulikuwa na mapenzi ya kweli basi inaweza kudumu hata kama wana ndoa hao wanapitia kipindi kigumu sana cha ukosefu wa ajira au biashara kufa.

Fixed Point said:
katika ndoa, mapenzi yanatakiwa, lakini siyo ndo yawe kila kitu kilichokufanya uingine huko.
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