Dear ManUtd, the home shirt is £64.95. Whilst I’m willing to pay the £64.95, I’d rather pay £30 up front, £10 when I’ve worn it 10 times, £10 when the team finish in the top 4 wearing it, £10 when Jadon Sancho scores a hat-trick wearing it and £4.95 if I win the Ballon d’Or.