Watoto wa kike na baba zao

[Viol]

Umenikumbusha Baba yangu alipolia sana dada yetu alipoolewa hadi alitoka nje ya ukumbi. Kumbe alimpenda sana ngoja nikamwambie....

Wababa wengi wana experience ya maisha - As MEN. wanajua walivyodanganya wengi, walivyotapeli wengi, na hata yale ambayo wanayaongea katika vijiwe. Hakuna mwanaume atapenda binti yake awe kama ifuatavyo:
1. Awe legelege na dependent to men - ateseke
2. Awe hana elimu anyanyasike (mahausigeli, ma secretary, etc) aombwe rushwa ya ngono apate kazi au abakwe, awe vulnerable
3. Awe hajiamini - asiwe na confidence cos men will take advantage of her.
Ndiyo maana wanasema - be like a Man, do this or that. There is no fear like seeing your daughter growing up and become a prey of men because of circumnstances which can be avoided.
Therefore the rule is:
Daddies make daughters strong while Mummies make sons soft to become good husbands. Thats natural.

Tatizo kuna baadhi ya familia mama ndo anahangaika na watoto wa kike,baba anahangaika na watoto wa kiume

 

[EMT]

Nyumba Kubwa,

Kama nimekuelewa unataka kujua kama boys and girls should be parented the same or differently. Hapa najaribu kutofautisha ile imani kuwa watoto wa kike huwa wana connection zaidi na baba zao, wakati wa kiume na mama zao. Ni muhimu kutofautisha hili kwa sababu the fact kuwa girls are more connected to their fathers, does not mean kuwa ndio inayosabisha walelewe kama boys. Wapo watoto wa kike wamelelewa na mama zao kama wavulana. There are girls connected with their fathers out there but they are still parented like girls.

Baada ya kutofautisha, wapo wanaosema kuwa boys and girls are biologically hard-wired. Wengine wanasema their differences are learned. Nakubali inborn differences zipo, japokuwa ni ndogo sana. Tofauti ndogo zilizopo ni kuwa boys are likely to seek out power wakati girls watatafuta connection zaidi. That is biological difference, and we can't change it. But the problem is that these small differences are nurtured and exacerbated by the way parents treat girls or boys. Jamii nayo ina-take over na ku-reinforce hizi tafauti kuwa kubwa badala ya kuzi-minimise au kizicha kama zilivyo. Lakini wapo wengine wanaoamini kuwa a girl can be both powerful and connected at the same time.

Ninaamini boys and girls, ukiondoa biological differences hawako tofauti sasa. Tofauti inakuja tuu when they enter the society. That is where they start to become different because the society wants them to be so. Kuanzia kwenye rangi za majengo ya nursery mpaka kwenye toys na michezo. Why? "Because you are a girl." Hapo ndipo tatizo linapoanza. Sidhani kama kuna jamii yoyote duniani inayotreat boys and girls the same way. Tukubali tusikubali 99.99% ya wanaume na wanawake wa jamii ya Tanzania tumelelewa tofauti. Hii ndio inayofanya to tuwalee boys and girls differently in order to counteract the negative messages that society sends to us. Lakini wapo wazazi ambao wako tayari kwenda against the belief of the society, and raise their boys and girls they way they think is better.

Kwa hiyo at the end of the day, decision itabakia kwa mzazi mwenyewe. Either awalee boys and girls in accordance with what they society think, or to his/her belief. In my family, boys and girls were raised differently. Not probably because our parents wanted that to happen but because of the society we lived in. Hii ilidhihirika baadae because tuliambiwa kuwa kuwa tutasomeshwa wote mpaka A Level, then after that kila mtu atajijua yeye mwenyewe na maisha yake. Wote tulifanikiwa kwenda mpaka chuo kikuu, and this in itself brought a lot of changes kijijini. Wazazi kijijini walianza kutambua kuwa hata girls can do it.

Kwa hiyo unaweza kumlea msichana kama mvulana, still asifanikiwe. Unaweza kumlea girl as girl na akafanikiwa vile vile (kama dada zangu). Bado siamini kuwa all successful women out there were parented like boys. Lakini naamini kuwa there are women out there who were raised as girls and become very successful. Naamini cha maana ni kumpa mtoto options. Badada ya huyo rafiki yako Mganda kutotaka kabisa binti yake achezee mwanasesele, ampe uhuru zaidi. Hapo sidhani kama anamtendea haki mototo wake. Naona kama sio tuu analimit opportunities za huyo binti bali pia her biological right. Mzazi anatakiwa amlead mtoto, sio ku force afanye vitu ambavyo yeye mzazi anaamnini. Let the girl explore all available options.

Swali za kizushi: Siku hizi tunaona boys wengi ambao wanaseek more connection than power and girls seeking more power than connection. Pia kuna baadhi ya watu huwa wanasema kuwa wanaume wa siku hizi wana wana vi-elements vingi vya "kike"? Mpaka imekuja tofauti ya being a "boy" and a "man". Does this means that in the modern society boys are more parented like girls?

 

[nyumba kubwa]

Ume sum up very well. Ila kwa huyu mganda ntakuja muuliza anachofokiri deep inside mpaka kutaka mwanawe awe more like a boy. Ila sijawahi kulea mtoto wa kike na hata ningelea mimi si mwanaume. Hence nilitaka nijue hao wanaume wanaolea watoto wao kuwa more men like wanawaza nini au they just do it bila kuwa na malengo yoyote? Je hawataki mabinti zao waonewe in future? Je wao wanaona being a lady is disadvantageous? Au wanaamini ukiwa na tabia za kike zaidi hutaweza ku work hard for you life wakimaanisha kuwa kuoelwa si mtaji? Maana kuna msemo watu usema mmeo wa kwanza duniani ni elimu/kazi etc.

Nyumba Kubwa,

Kama nimekuelewa unataka kujua kama boys and girls should be parented the same or differently. Hapa najaribu kutofautisha ile imani kuwa watoto wa kike huwa wana connection zaidi na baba zao, wakati wa kiume na mama zao. Ni muhimu kutofautisha hili kwa sababu the fact kuwa girls are more connected to their fathers, does not mean kuwa ndio inayosabisha walelewe kama boys. Wapo watoto wa kike wamelelewa na mama zao kama wavulana. There are girls connected with their fathers out there but they are still parented like girls.

Baada ya kutofautisha, wapo wanaosema kuwa boys and girls are biologically hard-wired. Wengine wanasema their differences are learned. Nakubali inborn differences zipo, japokuwa ni ndogo sana. Tofauti ndogo zilizopo ni kuwa boys are likely to seek out power wakati girls watatafuta connection zaidi. That is biological difference, and we can't change it. But the problem is that these small differences are nurtured and exacerbated by the way parents treat girls or boys. Jamii nayo ina-take over na ku-reinforce hizi tafauti kuwa kubwa badala ya kuzi-minimise au kizicha kama zilivyo. Lakini wapo wengine wanaoamini kuwa a girl can be both powerful and connected at the same time.

Ninaamini boys and girls, ukiondoa biological differences hawako tofauti sasa. Tofauti inakuja tuu when they enter the society. That is where they start to become different because the society wants them to be so. Kuanzia kwenye rangi za majengo ya nursery mpaka kwenye toys na michezo. Why? "Because you are a girl." Hapo ndipo tatizo linapoanza. Sidhani kama kuna jamii yoyote duniani inayotreat boys and girls the same way. Tukubali tusikubali 99.99% ya wanaume na wanawake wa jamii ya Tanzania tumelelewa tofauti. Hii ndio inayofanya to tuwalee boys and girls differently in order to counteract the negative messages that society sends to us. Lakini wapo wazazi ambao wako tayari kwenda against the belief of the society, and raise their boys and girls they way they think is better.

Kwa hiyo at the end of the day, decision itabakia kwa mzazi mwenyewe. Either awalee boys and girls in accordance with what they society think, or to his/her belief. In my family, boys and girls were raised differently. Not probably because our parents wanted that to happen but because of the society we lived in. Hii ilidhihirika baadae because tuliambiwa kuwa kuwa tutasomeshwa wote mpaka A Level, then after that kila mtu atajijua yeye mwenyewe na maisha yake. Wote tulifanikiwa kwenda mpaka chuo kikuu, and this in itself brought a lot of changes kijijini. Wazazi kijijini walianza kutambua kuwa hata girls can do it.

Kwa hiyo unaweza kumlea msichana kama mvulana, still asifanikiwe. Unaweza kumlea girl as girl na akafanikiwa vile vile (kama dada zangu). Bado siamini kuwa all successful women out there were parented like boys. Lakini naamini kuwa there are women out there who were raised as girls and become very successful. Naamini cha maana ni kumpa mtoto options. Badada ya huyo rafiki yako Mganda kutotaka kabisa binti yake achezee mwanasesele, ampe uhuru zaidi. Hapo sidhani kama anamtendea haki mototo wake. Naona kama sio tuu analimit opportunities za huyo binti bali pia her biological right. Mzazi anatakiwa amlead mtoto, sio ku force afanye vitu ambavyo yeye mzazi anaamnini. Let the girl explore all available options.

Swali za kizushi: Siku hizi tunaona boys wengi ambao wanaseek more connection than power and girls seeking more power than connection. Pia kuna baadhi ya watu huwa wanasema kuwa wanaume wa siku hizi wana wana vi-elements vingi vya "kike"? Mpaka imekuja tofauti ya being a "boy" and a "man". Does this means that in the modern society boys are more parented like girls?

 

[AshaDii]

Swali za kizushi: Siku hizi tunaona boys wengi ambao wanaseek more connection than power and girls seeking more power than connection. Pia kuna baadhi ya watu huwa wanasema kuwa wanaume wa siku hizi wana wana vi-elements vingi vya "kike"? Mpaka imekuja tofauti ya being a "boy" and a "man". Does this means that in the modern society boys are more parented like girls?

One million dollar question.... The answer who knows... really???

I love your perspective and point of view EMT.. Wonderful!

 

[AshaDii]

Swali za kizushi: Siku hizi tunaona boys wengi ambao wanaseek more connection than power and girls seeking more power than connection. Pia kuna baadhi ya watu huwa wanasema kuwa wanaume wa siku hizi wana wana vi-elements vingi vya “kike”? Mpaka imekuja tofauti ya being a “boy” and a “man”. Does this means that in the modern society boys are more parented like girls?

One million dollar question.... The answer who knows... really???

I love your perspective and point of view EMT.. Wonderful!

 

[Dr Lizzy]

Hapa tutajua nani ni mzazi na nani si mzazi. Ila kwa ujumla suala la malezi mara nyingi wanaume tunawaachia wamama, kitu ambacho ni kibaya sana. Mdingi flani alikuwa akim-treat binti yake kwa namna alivyokuwa anaona inafaa. Binti akampenda zaidi baba yake zaidi ya mama, siku alipotumbukia kwenye janga la mimba akiwa shule, watu walimsingizia baba mtoto kwamba ndo mwenye mimba. Mzee wa watu alipata aibu hadi kumhurumia - akawa hatoki hata ndani. Mambo ya malezi ni kumuachia muumba, kama binti atakuwa na tabia za kiume powa, akiwa na za kike powa. Kijana wa kiume huyo ndo lazima kunyooshwa awe na tabia za kiume kwa sababu akiwa na za kike .... ????? mnajua mijini mnayaona.

Yani malezi umwachie muumba?!Na mzazi kazi yake itakua nini?!?!Dah umenimaliza kwa hiyo statement!!

 

[anko1960]

kama baba na mwenye watoto wa kiume na wa kike hujitahidi kuwalea sawa lakini ukaribu wa mtoto wa kike hujapale ambapo binti huonyesha upendo na unyenyekevu hata pale anapokosa hukiri mapema zaidi ya mwanaume na ndicho hujenga mapenzi na uaminifu kwa haraka

 

[nyumba kubwa]

Kumbe. Ila mimi nina watoto wawili wa kiume na sina mtoto wa kike. Wanangu nimewalea kuwa wepesi wa kuomba msamaha. Sikujua kuwa hiyo ni nature ya watoto wa kike. Mwanangu hata afanye kosa kubwa kiasi gani, akinambia mama nisamehe nimekosa basi namwambia umesamehewa usirudie tena.

kama baba na mwenye watoto wa kiume na wa kike hujitahidi kuwalea sawa lakini ukaribu wa mtoto wa kike hujapale ambapo binti huonyesha upendo na unyenyekevu hata pale anapokosa hukiri mapema zaidi ya mwanaume na ndicho hujenga mapenzi na uaminifu kwa haraka

 

[EMT]

Ume sum up very well. Ila kwa huyu mganda ntakuja muuliza anachofokiri deep inside mpaka kutaka mwanawe awe more like a boy. Ila sijawahi kulea mtoto wa kike na hata ningelea mimi si mwanaume. Hence nilitaka nijue hao wanaume wanaolea watoto wao kuwa more men like wanawaza nini au they just do it bila kuwa na malengo yoyote? Je hawataki mabinti zao waonewe in future? Je wao wanaona being a lady is disadvantageous? Au wanaamini ukiwa na tabia za kike zaidi hutaweza ku work hard for you life wakimaanisha kuwa kuoelwa si mtaji? Maana kuna msemo watu usema mmeo wa kwanza duniani ni elimu/kazi etc.

Zinaweza juwepo sababu mbalimbali. Wapo wanaume wanaopendelea kuwa na watoto wa kiume tuu. Sasa wanapopata mtoto wa kike wanamlea kama mtoto wa kiume. Tena kwenye developing countries kama nchi yetu where sons ni sawa na more manpower on the farm land, perhaps there its deemed a disappointment if a poor couple has a baby girl. Wapo wengine wanaamini ile theory kuwa having a daughter means more concern for them when they go out alone because they are easily exploited by the opposite sex physically, emotionally, etc. Ulishawahi kukuta familia yenye mapacha wa kike na kiume, halafu inapotokea party, pacha wa kiume tuu ndiye anayeruhusiwa kwenda? Kwa hiyo wanapopata mtoto wa kike wanajaribu kumlea kama mtoto wa kiume ili aweze kupambana na the opposite sex.

Sababu nyingine ni more specific na zinawezatokana na jinsi mzazi mwenyewe alivyolelewa wakati akiwa mtoto au mazingira aliyopitia. Kitu ambacho najiuliza if the girl as she grows starts expressing a girl interest, will he make it forbidden? Kwa nini anamzui mtoto ku enjoy the pink princesses? If that's what she naturally gravitated towards, then why discourage it? That doesn't seem particularly fair.

 

[The Boss]

Umenikumbusha baba yangu NK... baba alikua ananipenda saaana but bahati mbaya saana
nilikua sijui... wazazi wetu walikua na policy ya no child being favoured kuliko mwingine
(which i came to know after his death baada ya mon ku admit...) Hivyo alipofariki my mom
baada ya arobaini aliniita na kuniambia Asha i want you to know baba yako alikua anakupenda Mno!
Hakuna siku toka umezaliwa hajakutaja even just before he slept...

Wakati niko 18 nilipata mimba ya Jerk fulani hivi (kipindi hicho the love of my life na cause of existence....)
nikiwa kama the only gal na nilikua ni wa chini chini - najua si vizuri kuadmit hii kitu but the tensions i GOT,
Naamini ningetoa ile mimba na the wonderful daughter i have would have been history.. in short
sikua na guts za kutoa hio mimba! Nililazimika kuwambia wazazi am getting married. Making the long story short
Siku naondoka (ya harusi... yaani naenda kwa mme...) Baba yangu alilia kama mtoto mdogo kwa kelele kubwa
mno na for almost 15 minutes... ilinibidi nirudishwe nikaongea nae for an hour.... (but still sikuja kua ananipenda.. i was so selfish!)

mhhhhhhhhhhh how sad this was ...

 

[The Boss]

muanzisha mada

nimegundua ukiona baba anataka mtoto wake wa kike awe strong
ujue huyo baba anampenda kweli binti yake
but ukiona baba anam treat binti yake kwa starehe hivi
ujue huyo baba maluuni.mwisho atamtafuna tu huyo binti....

 

[EMT]

kama baba na mwenye watoto wa kiume na wa kike hujitahidi kuwalea sawa lakini ukaribu wa mtoto wa kike hujapale ambapo binti huonyesha upendo na unyenyekevu hata pale anapokosa hukiri mapema zaidi ya mwanaume na ndicho hujenga mapenzi na uaminifu kwa haraka

Umegusia point muhimu sana. Baba anaweza kuwa na mtoto wa kiume mkubwa kabisa lakini baba asimpende kabisa huyo mtoto. Japokuwa wanasema huwa kuna bond kati ya mwanaume na mwanaume, in reality it does not work. Ni vigumu sana kwa baba kukubali makosa yake mbele ya mtoto wake wa kiume hata kama mtoto ni mature kiasi gani. So, its a dead end relationship unless a third party intervenes. Lakini kwa mtoto wa kike, baba anajua kabisa kuwa mtoto wa kike ana emotions na atamwelewa.

 

[EMT]

One million dollar question.... The answer who knows... really???

I love your perspective and point of view EMT.. Wonderful!

Nakumbuka tulijaribu kulijadili hili suala kwenye thread moja. The Boss atakuwa na jibu.

 

[nyumba kubwa]

I don't know. Inawezekana ana life experience iliyompelekea kuwa na mtazamo huo. Usikute mama yake alikuwa anaonewa na baba yake sasa anamwandaa mwanawe kuwa mpambanaji. Sasa kwa kuwa mtoto anazaliwa akiwa hana kitu kichwani sidhani kama binti anajua kuna other way of leaving ila sie third party ndio tunaona anaonewa.

Zinaweza juwepo sababu mbalimbali. Wapo wanaume wanaopendelea kuwa na watoto wa kiume tuu. Sasa wanapopata mtoto wa kike wanamlea kama mtoto wa kiume. Tena kwenye developing countries kama nchi yetu where sons ni sawa na more manpower on the farm land, perhaps there its deemed a disappointment if a poor couple has a baby girl. Wapo wengine wanaamini ile theory kuwa having a daughter means more concern for them when they go out alone because they are easily exploited by the opposite sex physically, emotionally, etc. Ulishawahi kukuta familia yenye mapacha wa kike na kiume, halafu inapotokea party, pacha wa kiume tuu ndiye anayeruhusiwa kwenda? Kwa hiyo wanapopata mtoto wa kike wanajaribu kumlea kama mtoto wa kiume ili aweze kupambana na the opposite sex.

Sababu nyingine ni more specific na zinawezatokana na jinsi mzazi mwenyewe alivyolelewa wakati akiwa mtoto au mazingira aliyopitia. Kitu ambacho najiuliza if the girl as she grows starts expressing a girl interest, will he make it forbidden? Kwa nini anamzui mtoto ku enjoy the pink princesses? If that's what she naturally gravitated towards, then why discourage it? That doesn't seem particularly fair.

 

[AshaDii]

Nakumbuka tulijaribu kulijadili hili suala kwenye thread moja. The Boss atakuwa na jibu.

EMT, Upload link hapa.. no need to bother The Boss...lol..

 

[BongoLogik]

Sasa hilo ni jambo la kujisifia na kufurahia?? Ku forge sex as If aliyekuumba alikosea.! UNATISHA ! Be your Age!!Wala usije ukajisifu kwa ujinga huo tena mlaumu sana babako kwa kukutenga na jinsia yako kwa kudhani anakujenga kumbe kakumaliza kijinsia! Hata hivyo namshangaa mama yako wakati wote hadi unageuzwa kuwa kama kaka zako alikuwa wapi.Madhara yake utayaona ukubwani,Hata hivyo haya uliyoyaleta hapa ni madhara mjumuisho bado yale reja reja.CHUNGA SANA[/COLOR][/SIZE]

hujaelewa vizuri hoja yake, soma tena.

 

[The Boss]

mimi nafikiri kimsingi kwenye malezi tutumie watu wengine pia

mimi naweza kusema sikuwa close na baba kwa kuwa alikuwa
anasafiri safiri sana
but kulikuwa na kina kaka na wajomba
ambao wali ni influence mambo mengi
ukiwa first born ni kazi kubwa
kwa sababu
wewe ndo una lead familia...

 

[MAMENGAZI]

kwa uzoefu wangu na ninachofahamu mimi watoto wakike na baba zao na wakiume na mama zao, na si baba kupenda mtoto wa kike tu ila hata mtoto wa kike anampenda baba zaidi na wakiume anampenda mama zaidi na sijui ni kwanini labda wataalamu wanaweza kutufafanulia.

 

[EMT]

I don't know. Inawezekana ana life experience iliyompelekea kuwa na mtazamo huo. Usikute mama yake alikuwa anaonewa na baba yake sasa anamwandaa mwanawe kuwa mpambanaji. Sasa kwa kuwa mtoto anazaliwa akiwa hana kitu kichwani sidhani kama binti anajua kuna other way of leaving ila sie third party ndio tunaona anaonewa.

Jaribu kumwuliza tuu. You never know. Anaweza kukupa sababu ambayo hata hukuitegemea. Things happen for a reason. Na kwa vile umesema ni Mganda inaweza kuraise more issues. Kuna conspiracy theory Afrika kuwa baadhi ya wanawake wa Kiafrika wanavutiwa na wanaume wa Kiganda kwa vile wanajua jinsi ya kum-take care mwanamke. Kuwa they know how to "make a woman feel a woman". Ni sawa na wanaume wengi wa Kiafrika wanaosema wanawake wa Kitanzania ni "wakarimu" sana. Don't ask me what they mean by "wakarimu".

 

[The Boss]

Jaribu kumwuliza tuu. You never know. Anaweza kukupa sababu ambayo hata hukuitegemea. Things happen for a reason. Na kwa vile umesema ni Mganda inaweza kuraise more issues. Kuna conspiracy theory Afrika kuwa baadhi ya wanawake wa Kiafrika wanavutiwa na wanaume wa Kiganda kwa vile wanajua jinsi ya kum-take care mwanamke. Kuwa they know how to "make a woman feel a woman". Ni sawa na wanaume wengi wa Kiafrika wanaosema wanawake wa Kitanzania ni "wakarimu" sana. Don't ask me what they mean by "wakarimu".

mkuu
umenikumbusha wakenya..
wa namanga,wanagombania wanawake wa tz wanasema
dada zetu sio wabishi,na wanajua kuwa treat wanaume vizuri..
kuna mkenya mmoja inasemekana alikuwa mlevi kupindukia
anarudi saa tano usiku amelewa kila siku..
alipomuacha mke wake mkenya,akamuoa mtanzania...
pombe kaacha,saa kumi na moja yupo home lol

mimi niliwahi fika uganda na kenya.
wakijua tu we ni mwanaume wa tz..
wanakugombania lol