Wazazi wenza...!

Wazazi wenza...!

Hii thread mngetuachia sisi tuliopata mtoto kabla ya ndoa, nawashauri msije mkafanya makosa haya tuliofanya sisi. ni mateso bila chuki.
 
asha d said:
nampenda because he is one of the writers ambao wananifanya nielewe men's mind zaidi...
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duh.....
Pole sana....

But tatizo sio kwamba hamtuelewi
tatizo ni kuwa tupo wired differently....
Na baadhi ya mambo yako beyond our control
 
Asha D said:
Michelle Michelle... mambo gani tena haya...
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usiku mwema dearest,naona frustration zangu binafsi nataka zimu-influence Lizzy kwenye decision yake....i just love her,thats it,sitapenda kutomuona au kitu ki-mbadilishe.....nafikiri alipo ana maisha mazuri na ameridhika na ndo maana anakuwa useful kwetu,binafsi naogopa sana ndoa kwa kuwa wengi walioko hawanishuhudii raha,so najua any psychological disturbance will not be good for her & us....sweetdreams!!:A S-rose:
 
Mtoboasiri said:
Kwahiyo naomba niwaulize wababa wenye mtoto/watoto tayari..hawapo kwenye ndoa ila wanatarajia kuwa siku moja...mmejiandaa vipi kukabiliana na changamoto zitakazosababishwa na juhudi za wazazi wenza kutaka kuvuruga ndo zenu na kuwaondolea amani ndani ya nyumba????!

Unamkumbuka yule bwana aliesema he is 42 years old with two kids from different mothers? Ndicho kinachomsibu hadi ashindwe kupata mwenza. Tatizo ni kuwa ni kina mama (at least in a conventional marriage) ndio wanaotumia muda mrefu na watoto. Same case you don't hear problems between father-in-law and son-in-law (as contrasted with mother-in-law VS daugther-in-law).

But it is simplistic to just assume there is a clear-cut solution to this situation, because each person was created unique. We react differently to the same situation, though generally bado sijajua what is the problem with (the majority of) women kushindwa kuwalea watoto wao wa kambo kama wanavyowalea wa kwao wenyewe. Ukiniuliza mimi (sijui wanaume wengine out there wanasemaje) nitakwambia hivi juu ya swali lako:

Sina jibu, inategemea huyo mwanamke nitakaekutana nae yukoje. Lakini Biblia inatwambia ndoa hujengwa na mwanamke! Which means hata ndoa inayokutanisha wazazi wawili kutokana na mahusiano yao ya awali kwa kiwango kikubwa itategemea mwanamke - kwa utashi wake toka moyoni mwake - yuko tayari kiasi gani kuwalea watoto wa mwenzake (kulea watoto wa wenzetu kwa wanaume hilo kwetu si shida kabisa maana hata ndani ya ndoa twabambikiwa sana tu na unajua ila mzee unauchuna kama Bushoke).
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Mtoboasiri tatizo hapa sio mwenye ndoa bali aliyepo nje...
 
The Boss said:
kumbe sionekani???
Ngoja nitumie mkorogo lol
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Hahahhahh!We sogea tu uongee na mimi!!

Jamani sasa ikibidi nichague kati ya partner na dearest ntafanyaje?!Dearest nenda kalale mwaya sio leo wala kesho ntaachana na hii club yetu...yani bado nipo nipo mpaka utakaponifukuza!!

Partner fanya mambo nianze kumuandaa huyo mtarajiwa ili tukiingia tusigombanie mlango kutoka!!
 
Matola said:
Hii thread mngetuachia sisi tuliopata mtoto kabla ya ndoa, nawashauri msije mkafanya makosa haya tuliofanya sisi. ni mateso bila chuki.
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Pole kaka/dada....tupe basi eksipiriensi tujifunze .....!
 
The Boss said:
duh.....
Pole sana....

But tatizo sio kwamba hamtuelewi
tatizo ni kuwa tupo wired differently....
Na baadhi ya mambo yako beyond our control
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Ndio... but at least inanifanya niwe na idea... Through Puzo nimejifunza a guy is interested in a sport... do not disturb him for the attention you seek at that time will be useless his mind wont be with you.... Sio kwamba katoa guidelines but you get that by reading his stories..
 
michelle said:
usiku mwema dearest,naona frustration zangu binafsi nataka zimu-influence lizzy kwenye decision yake....i just love her,thats it,sitapenda kutomuona au kitu ki-mbadilishe.....nafikiri alipo ana maisha mazuri na ameridhika na ndo maana anakuwa useful kwetu,binafsi naogopa sana ndoa kwa kuwa wengi walioko hawanishuhudii raha,so najua any psychological disturbance will not be good for her & us....sweetdreams!!:a s-rose:
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michelle
unafahamu kwamba maisha yako ya mahusiano
yanakuwa influenced zaidi na watu around you??????

Ukiwa na marafiki walio dirvoced very likely na wewe uta dirvoce
and vice versa...
 
Michelle said:
usiku mwema dearest,naona frustration zangu binafsi nataka zimu-influence Lizzy kwenye decision yake....i just love her,thats it,sitapenda kutomuona au kitu ki-mbadilishe.....nafikiri alipo ana maisha mazuri na ameridhika na ndo maana anakuwa useful kwetu,binafsi naogopa sana ndoa kwa kuwa wengi walioko hawanishuhudii raha,so najua any psychological disturbance will not be good for her & us....sweetdreams!!:A S-rose:
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You are a good person Michelle... naamini kesho ungemrudisha kwenyer mstari....
 
asha d said:
ndio... But at least inanifanya niwe na idea... Through puzo nimejifunza a guy is interested in a sport... Do not disturb him for the attention you seek at that time will be useless his mind wont be with you.... Sio kwamba katoa guidelines but you get that by reading his stories..
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unajua the godfather the book ilikuwa inaitwa
the sum of all wisdom na recommended kwa kila mwanaume...

Now wewe unanifanya nione maybe na kila mwanamke asome vitabu vya mario puzo...
 
The Boss said:
unajua the godfather the book ilikuwa inaitwa
the sum of all wisdom na recommended kwa kila mwanaume...

Now wewe unanifanya nione maybe na kila mwanamke asome vitabu vya mario puzo...
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Hata kama wewe ndo BOSS hapa acha kuchakachua bana!!!Alafu na wewe unasomaga kumbe?!Kesho nakuja usome mi nisikilize!!
 
Hii thread imeshachakachuliwa. ombi kuna sehemu ya kuchart hapa JF haipendezi maongezi yenu binafsi kuyaleta kwenye thread ya mtu.
 
Lizzy said:
Habari yenu wandugu...natumaini wote m-wazima wa afya!<br />
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Linapokuja swala la mahusiano/ndoa na watoto waliozaliwa kabla hua hatuachi kuongelea mama wa kambo na malezi ya watoto.Naongelea wamama tu maana wababa wengi hua hawana matatizo wawe wazazi kabisa au walezi(wale wa kambo) linapokuja swala la mzazi mwenza kua na mahusiano mapya au wale wa kambo kulea watoto wa mwenzie tofauti na wa mama!<br />
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Nwy mara nyingi wasiwasi hua unakua kwa watoto zaidi na malezi/uwepo wa mama wa kambo.Tunasahau kwamba hata yule mwanamke mpya anaweza akanyanyasika na uwepo wa watoto wasio wake pamoja na mama yao bila kusahau ndoa yake kuyumbishwa kama mti usio na nguvu dhidi ya upepo.Kama tunavyojua wakati mwingine au niseme baadhi ya wanawake hua na vinyongo..gubu..chuki kwa wazazi wenzao kwa kuachana nao...na kitendo cha mwanaume kupata mwanamke mwingine na kuoa hakiwi cha furaha kwa wote!Sasa wanawake wa aina hii wanaweza kutumia watoto wao kuyumbisha ndoa ya wengine pia kusambaza chuki.Ila muhimu hapa ni hili la kuyumbisha ndoa...kuharibu au hata kuondoa kabisa amani ndani ya nyumba ya mwanamke mwingine kwa kutengeneza mazingira ya kuwachanganya wapendanao!Unakuta mwenye watoto anawatumia wanae kumuendesha mwanaume kama gari moshi kitu ambacho hakiwezi kumfurahisha mwenye mume.Yani kama aliyeolewa ni mwepesi wa kukasirika na kubugidhiwa ndoa inaweza ikaishia kuzimu.<br />
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Nakumbuka kuna mtu wangu wa karibu alipata shida sana kipindi cha mwanzo cha ndoa yake.Mwenye watoto alikua ni mkorofi sana na kila anachofanya anafanya kukomoa tu.Watoto amewahamishia shule ya kawaida ila ada anapokea ya shule ya international.Anawadanganya watoto wakubali kwamba wanaumwa ili amchune baba wa watu mpaka abaki mifupa tu.Ilikua kazi kweli maana unakuta mke alishataka/hitaji kitu akaambiwa pesa hamna bwana mwezi huu tufanye kitu flani alafu mwezi ujao tutafanya utakavyo...alafu mwenzie anapiga na kuagiza wala sio anaomba awe amepata maelfu kadhaa ndani ya masaa na anapata bila ubishi. Alilia mpaka baadae alipogundua kwamba sio kosa la mume wake...yeye tatizo lake ni mapenzi kwa wanawe na woga kwa yule mama.Ikabidi aanze kumshauri mumewe asiwe mwepesi wa kukubali kuchezewa na yule mama ndo mume nae akawa mgumu na kukataa kusukumwa kama mkokoteni!<br />
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Kwahiyo naomba niwaulize wababa wenye mtoto/watoto tayari..hawapo kwenye ndoa ila wanatarajia kuwa siku moja...mmejiandaa vipi kukabiliana na changamoto zitakazosababishwa na juhudi za wazazi wenza kutaka kuvuruga ndo zenu na kuwaondolea amani ndani ya nyumba????!<br />
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Binafsi naamini mwanaume akikataa kuchezewa na mzazi mwenza basi haitatokea...hivyo basi nawashauri muwe mnawapa wale mlio nao kipaumbele.Kama akiashiria kua kuna matatizo yanayosababishwa na mzazi mwenzio hakikisha tu haitokani na chuki kisha yafanyie kazi.Usikubali kuharibiwa ndoa/mahusiano yako kwa kisingizio cha watoto ambao hata hawahusiki.Usikubali kutumiwa wala kuchezewa....mahitaji mengine ya mtoto nunua mwenyewe usije ukageuzwa kitega uchumi.Kwa wamama ukijikuta kwenye situation kama hii jitahidi kua mvumilivu na mshauri wa mwenzio...pia jitahidi matatizo yatakayosababishwa na mama mtu yasizae chuki kwa mtoto!!<br />
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Usiku mwema kwa mnaojiandaa kulala...jioni njema kwa mnaomalizia malizia siku na siku njema mnaoianza!Poleni kwa thread ndefu!
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Lizzy Leo Umenishika Pabaya sana,nahisi Umeziminya korodani zangu,kulia nashindwa kucheka nashindwa,am just on tenterhook knowing not what to do!!
UMENIGUSA!! Mimi nimezaa na Mwanamke mmoja wa Kichaga watoto wawili,wa kwanza nilimzaa nikiwa na Miaka 24 na Wa Pili nikiwa na Miaka 25, I am 29 years old now approaching 30;the first one is 5 yrs old the second is 4 yrs!! Ni hadithi ndefu kidogo lakini kifupi sikuwa nimepanga kuishi na huyu Mwanamke wala kuzaa hawa watoto during then!! I wudnt like to go into details but Sikuwahi kumpenda huyu Mwanamke(Ilikuwa Uhuni wangu tu) na wala simpendi sasa but I LOVE THE KIDS ILE MBAYA,I TAKE CARE OF THEM,I GV THEM MY LOVE,MY TIME AND MY SUPPORT!!
Natazamia kumwezesha huyu Mwanamke kama uwezo utaruhusu kumjengea nyumba na kumpa some small business ili asimame mwenyewe!! Its hard to live with someone u dnt love although sijawahi kum-mistreat!! On the other hand wala sijampata wala kumtafuta mwanamke wa Kumpenda!!

Wasiwasi wangu Mimi sio kusumbuliwa na huyu Mama wa watoto wangu,hilo haliwezekani hata kwa sekunde,naujua uwezo wangu wa kudhibiti hila na Usimamizi!!!
Wasiwasi wangu siku zote umekuwa kama huyo Mama mtarajiwa atawapenda na kuwakubali watoto wangu na nitapenda niishi nao coz wanakamilisha Furaha yangu hapa duniani!!

Nitajitahidi kuwa-influence watoto wampende Mama mtarajiwa na nitaweka mikakati kabisa ya makusudi kabisa kutimiza azma hiyo e.g Nitafanya kadri ionekanavyo ionekane kama Yeye(Mama mpya) ndiyo anaewanunulia zawadi zawadi,mavazi n.k pamoja na kumsifia frm time to time kuhusu jinsi anavyowapenda!!
Kwa upande wa watoto sina shaka,kwa sababu ni watoto wangu najua nitawamudu,TATIZO huyo wa Mama Mtarajiwa,sijajua what i will do in case she shows signs of indifference to them!!
When It comes to my Children,i can go miles to defend them!! Please advise people!!
 
Tumaini jipya kitu cha kwanza nnachoweza kukushauri my dear brotha ni ukikutana n mdada unaedhani mnaweza kua pamoja mbeleni hata kama hujapanga kumtokea mweleze ukweli wako wote.Kua mkweli katika hali ya kutaarifiana kuhusu maisha yenu...ukiwa na bahati anaweza akakwambia yeye anaonaje ishu ya kulea watoto wa mwenzie kama maongezi ya kawaida tu...ukishajua hata siku ukija jikuta umemdondokea utajua kama mtawezana au la....pia dada nae hatosita kukukatalia kama hawezi kutekeleza hilo kinadharia!!Pili usisahau kumwomba Mungu akutumie mtu mwelewa na mwenye moyo wa uvumilivu ili maisha yasiwe na milima mingi sana....zaidi ya hapo kila la kheri!Ntakuombea umpate wa kukufaa wewe na wanao...na wewe umfae pia!
 
Ndoa hizi ambazo mmoja ana mtoto huwa zinachanganya sana wanandoa hasa yule mzazi mwenza anapoingilia, mie nashangaa huyu mwanamke aliyeachana huwa anakuwa na maisha yake na mtu mwingine , huku bado anataka amshikie mwenzake balls zake, hapa mwanamme asipokuwa makini ndoa inayumba haswa, mwanaume kuwa na mipango na mipaka na umwonyeshe mzazi mwenzako hutaki akuingilie kwenye maamuzi yako.
Kuhusu shule unaweza ukawa unalipa moja kwa moja kwenye account ya shule kuepusha usumbufu kama mwanamke anakuwa na tamaa. Mie nashangaa mwanamke utahamisha watoto wako shule nzuri sababu ya pesa kweli?
 
Lizzy said:
Still....i feel like something is missing!
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In summary: How mwanaume -na mwanamke for that matter- anajiandaa depends na watu wenyewe wakoje, wameamuaje na wako commtted how much to make their intended marriage work. Au unashauri maandalizi yaanze baada ya ndoa? Au sijui kiswahili kilichomo kwenye swali lako nililowekea red???
 
Lizzy said:
Tumaini jipya kitu cha kwanza nnachoweza kukushauri my dear brotha ni ukikutana n mdada unaedhani mnaweza kua pamoja mbeleni hata kama hujapanga kumtokea mweleze ukweli wako wote.Kua mkweli katika hali ya kutaarifiana kuhusu maisha yenu...ukiwa na bahati anaweza akakwambia yeye anaonaje ishu ya kulea watoto wa mwenzie kama maongezi ya kawaida tu...ukishajua hata siku ukija jikuta umemdondokea utajua kama mtawezana au la....pia dada nae hatosita kukukatalia kama hawezi kutekeleza hilo kinadharia!!Pili usisahau kumwomba Mungu akutumie mtu mwelewa na mwenye moyo wa uvumilivu ili maisha yasiwe na milima mingi sana....zaidi ya hapo kila la kheri!Ntakuombea umpate wa kukufaa wewe na wanao...na wewe umfae pia!
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Asante sana kwa Ushauri wako Lizzy!! Sio majivuno wala kijisifu ila nina hakika kwamba nitakuwa Mume Mzuri(km mtu ambaye sikupanga kuishi naye na nimekaa naye kwa amani,itakuwa zaidi kwa mtu ambaye kutakuwa na Mutual agreement),kuhusu kuwa responsible father,hapo pia sina shaka pia,Namshukuru Mungu,For me to love is my natural inclination!!
Once again,Thank u for ur advice although i must admit that i wish u were that "dream" woman of mine!!
 
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