Am I wrong if I process divorce?

[FineForever]

Hello,
I have always been reading threads without commenting. Kwanini nimeanzisha hii thread?

I am a married lady..in my very early 30s( with over 11 years of marriage experience). I got married when I was in my early 20s. Graduated my masters in my very early 20s as well.

It has never been a peaceful marriage pamoja na jitihada nyingi nilizofanya mimi kuisimamia na kujinyenyekeza kwa kuweka elimu na appearance yangu pembeni. Kifupi tu ya ninayopitia;

1. Being heavily beaten mpaka kulazwa whenever he drinks( mind you, he is a regular drinker)
2. Hakuwahi kuja msiba wa baba yangu mzazi sababu kuu 'alikuwa na washkaji trip'
3. Sijui sh.yake japo anajenga..so i pay for house and family needs mpaka nilipojua ameandikisha hio nyumba jina la ndugu yake
4. Gari pia nilimpa hela akaninunulie yard hapa mjini karudi kaiweka jina lake. Sio kwamba hana hela..no he is financially stable.( sijui ananikomoa nini na sijawahi kutishia kuondoka wala nini-kwa wanaonijua nje wanaweza kuthibitisha hili)
5. Restrictions with my dress code. Anataka nishone vitenge mpaka miguuni. Ana wivu wa ajabu sana na mimi kupendeza au hata kusuka nywele hataki. Hataki nivae suruali,jeans and he found me wearing all those.He wants me rough NOW na anasema nataka kupendeza kwa ajili ya nani? Ananitumia mpaka threads sijui za wanawake 'wenye makalio makubwa hawana akili' nijitathmini na mimi(he picks everything from the internet). Hili halinisumbui sana because i know nina akili ya shule na maisha pia
6. Sex life is bad..very bad( nilishakamata mengi kwenye simu yake). And to be honest it is better this way..kwamba hatushiriki like normal married couples miezi minne sasa na wala hajali yani sawa tu kwake. Binafsi nitavumilia sababu afya yangu matters a lot
7. Sijawahi kumjibu chochote, ninaomba msamaha hata ninapokosewa, ninaandaa bedroom na scents nzuri, napika napeleka mtoto kwa dada yangu for sleep over ili tupate muda fulani ila ndio anarudi alfajiri na asubuhi ananiuliza nani kanifundisha mambo ya kihuni. Vikao vilishakaliwa mno..i know for a fact, he won't change.
8. I have shared my case kwa mtu mmoja tu,a man lately..ambae amekuwa so concerned na sijui tutaenda nae wapi as am beginning to fall in love na yeye(najua inabidi niwe muangalifu kwa wanaokuja kusikitika na mimi kumbe amenitamani tu kutokana na physical appearance and all that)

Sijaacha kuwa msafi..sijaacha kujipenda BUT i am dying deep down. NO LOVE NO SUPPORT hata ile kidogo na sijamuongelesha kwa mara ya kwanza toka anipige miezi 4 iliopita na kulazwa(sababu hapa ilikuwa sikuvaa nguo kama madira ambapo kazini siwezi kuvaa japo navaa kiheshima sana yet smart)na kisha kurudi nyumbani baada ya kusuluhishwa..hajui naishi vipi japo nina kazi yangu ni kama KAKA NA DADA.

Our wedding was a church wedding. NIMECHOKA. Sijui naanzia wapi kutoka but ninahitaji kutoka kwenye hiki kifungo

I believe atakuja kunifukuza kwenye nyumba alioiandika jina la ndugu yake. Maana hapa ni kama mpangaji na hela anayo mpaka ya kunywa ma hennessy kila weekend. I am a God fearing person deep down..sana! Sikuwahi kuwaza kwanini wengine wananunuaga viwanja pembeni..na nilikuwa mtu wa kwanza kupinga wanawake wa aina hii.

Ninasukumwa kuanza 'ku save kidogokidogo' na kupunguza kulisha familia ili nijipange na kibanda changu japo najiuliza mpaka nimefanikiwa kumaliza kujenga sio leo wala kesho i assume(kutokana na nachoki earn) na nitakuwa tortured kwa level ipi mpaka nimalize kujenga. Niko confused hasa

But I need advice..ninachanganyikiwa hata kazini performance inashuka.
Kindly advice

Kwanza nikupe pole Sana kwa madhira unayopitia and 4sure "No dagger that hurt and pains like this".

Ushauri wangu: Fuata moyo wako unasema nini.

 

[Extrovert]

na wadada siku hizi wanaomba

maisha yanaenda speed sana ,,,asantee kwa msimamo wako

Aisee hapana kwa kweli siwez hilo asilani!

 

[Masokotz]

Mkuu

Ulikua na matatizo ya kiakili that time....abusers wote ni maniacs....

Umeenda likizo tu,huo ukichaa utarudi tu baada ya triggers mbili tatu....

Hakuna mwanadamu mzima wa akili anaweza kua abuser wa kumwaga damu tu na anafurahia ku-abuse watu huku anajua ana-abuse conciously

Tafuta tiba mzeee.....professional tiba,hii umeenda likizo tu

Mkuu,we are working on that

 

[Rosiela]

Sijasoma yote lkn wewe mwenzetu umelogwa acha upumbavu. Unasubiri divorce ya nini? Ili iweje yaani? Huna maamuzi binafsi hadi jamii ikuamulie?...

You spoke with so much bitter...I take it positively..itanivusha hii msg naamini

 

[Rosiela]

Ngoja ufe ndo utajua unatokaje, ninyi ndo yale makundi ya watu mnaamini kuteseka na kutaabika ni mipango ya Mungu, hata hivyo pamoja na elimu na maarifa mengi uliyonayo kuna kitu kimepungua kwako ni kwamba "WEWE HUJIPENDI" na hujawahi jikubali.

Taking it positively...thank you

 

[Extrovert]

Jamani mbona ndoa tamu hivii, nyie wengne mnakwama wapi?

Hahahahah vipi huenda ndoa yako ina zali la mtende 😅!

Wengine walioangukia machungwa na maembe mabichi wanaugulia tu 😀 what i believe ukiolewa kisha both of you mkawa positive na maisha bila mmoja kuwa na overthinking maana ndio huleta stress basi ndoa inakuwa raha tu!

Muhimu ni peace of mind kabla ya yote.

 

[jje's]

Aisee hapana kwa kweli siwez hilo asilani!

napenda watu wenye hofu ya Mungu kama wewe, mimi kama mimi naamini wanaopenda kufanya hivyo hawajui kama Mungu yupo.

 

[bagi]

Omba mungu akupe maamuzi sahii and the best option

 

[Extrovert]

napenda watu wenye hofu ya Mungu kama wewe, mimi kama mimi naamini wanaopenda kufanya hivyo hawajui kama Mungu yupo.

Ofcourse its completely immoral to me kabla hata sijaiweka kwenye mizania ya dini

 

[Rosiela]

ila bi dada hajiongezi wala hajipendi

mimi ninavyojipenda na kutamani kuishi miaka mingi ya furaha na amani ningeshajiongeza,,,kaburini nitaenda alone so sitaki fujo za maisha bhana.. we only live once and for that reason, we have to live happily.

You are probably right..

 

[Maria Nyedetse]

Hello,
I have always been reading threads without commenting. Kwanini nimeanzisha hii thread?

I am a married lady..in my very early 30s( with over 11 years of marriage experience). I got married when I was in my early 20s. Graduated my masters in my very early 20s as well.

It has never been a peaceful marriage pamoja na jitihada nyingi nilizofanya mimi kuisimamia na kujinyenyekeza kwa kuweka elimu na appearance yangu pembeni. Kifupi tu ya ninayopitia;

1. Being heavily beaten mpaka kulazwa whenever he drinks( mind you, he is a regular drinker)

2. Hakuwahi kuja msiba wa baba yangu mzazi sababu kuu 'alikuwa na washkaji trip'

3. Sijui sh.yake japo anajenga..so i pay for house and family needs mpaka nilipojua ameandikisha hio nyumba jina la ndugu yake

4. Gari pia nilimpa hela akaninunulie yard hapa mjini karudi kaiweka jina lake. Sio kwamba hana hela..no he is financially stable.( sijui ananikomoa nini na sijawahi kutishia kuondoka wala nini-kwa wanaonijua nje wanaweza kuthibitisha hili)

5. Restrictions with my dress code. Anataka nishone vitenge mpaka miguuni. Ana wivu wa ajabu sana na mimi kupendeza au hata kusuka nywele hataki. Hataki nivae suruali,jeans and he found me wearing all those.He wants me rough NOW na anasema nataka kupendeza kwa ajili ya nani? Ananitumia mpaka threads sijui za wanawake 'wenye makalio makubwa hawana akili' nijitathmini na mimi(he picks everything from the internet). Hili halinisumbui sana because i know nina akili ya shule na maisha pia

6. Sex life is bad..very bad( nilishakamata mengi kwenye simu yake). And to be honest it is better this way..kwamba hatushiriki like normal married couples miezi minne sasa na wala hajali yani sawa tu kwake. Binafsi nitavumilia sababu afya yangu matters a lot

7. Sijawahi kumjibu chochote, ninaomba msamaha hata ninapokosewa, ninaandaa bedroom na scents nzuri, napika napeleka mtoto kwa dada yangu for sleep over ili tupate muda fulani ila ndio anarudi alfajiri na asubuhi ananiuliza nani kanifundisha mambo ya kihuni. Vikao vilishakaliwa mno..i know for a fact, he won't change.

8. I have shared my case kwa mtu mmoja tu,a man lately..ambae amekuwa so concerned na sijui tutaenda nae wapi as am beginning to fall in love na yeye(najua inabidi niwe muangalifu kwa wanaokuja kusikitika na mimi kumbe amenitamani tu kutokana na physical appearance and all that)

Sijaacha kuwa msafi..sijaacha kujipenda BUT i am dying deep down. NO LOVE NO SUPPORT hata ile kidogo na sijamuongelesha kwa mara ya kwanza toka anipige miezi 4 iliopita na kulazwa(sababu hapa ilikuwa sikuvaa nguo kama madira ambapo kazini siwezi kuvaa japo navaa kiheshima sana yet smart)na kisha kurudi nyumbani baada ya kusuluhishwa..hajui naishi vipi japo nina kazi yangu ni kama KAKA NA DADA.

Our wedding was a church wedding. NIMECHOKA. Sijui naanzia wapi kutoka but ninahitaji kutoka kwenye hiki kifungo

I believe atakuja kunifukuza kwenye nyumba alioiandika jina la ndugu yake. Maana hapa ni kama mpangaji na hela anayo mpaka ya kunywa ma hennessy kila weekend. I am a God fearing person deep down..sana! Sikuwahi kuwaza kwanini wengine wananunuaga viwanja pembeni..na nilikuwa mtu wa kwanza kupinga wanawake wa aina hii.

Ninasukumwa kuanza 'ku save kidogokidogo' na kupunguza kulisha familia ili nijipange na kibanda changu japo najiuliza mpaka nimefanikiwa kumaliza kujenga sio leo wala kesho i assume(kutokana na nachoki earn) na nitakuwa tortured kwa level ipi mpaka nimalize kujenga. Niko confused hasa

But I need advice..ninachanganyikiwa hata kazini performance inashuka.
Kindly advice

My dear sister, Nafahamu and for sure I can figure out exactly the situation you're in...

Naomba kukushauri yafuatayo;
Kwanza kwa maelezo yako huyo mume hajitambui, hana future na wewe na hawezi kukusaidia kufikia ndoto zako kama mwenza katika safari hii ya maisha ya duniani. Kama mlishakaa vikao na hakuna kinachoendelea nakushauri waweke wazi wazazi wako waelewe situation you're in na upate back up yao. Then file for divorce ili kuondokana na hiyo ndoa katika mazingira ya kisheria ili hata kesho na kesho kutwa ukitaka kuwa na mtu isije kukuletea matatizo wewe na huyo mwenza wako mpya.

Pili epuka kuanzisha mahusiano kipindi hiki ukiwa kwenye frastrations kwani ni rahisi kuangukia kwenye mikono isiyo salama kwa kwa sasa ni rahisi kufanya mamuzi kwa hisia zaidi kuliko proper reasoning na critical thinking...

 

[jje's]

Mkuu

Wanawake ni waongo sana,ada hajalipa popote,nyumba hajajenga popote wala chakula hajalisha popote

Wanawake wanapenda ku-exxagrate sana their strenghts ili kumshusha huyo mwanaume

Siku mwanamke analeta nyama nyumba ndo inakakariwa yeye ndio analisha nyumba siku zote

Sipo hapa kumteta huyo jamaa au kufurahia tatizo la huyu dada,hapana,huenda ni kweli ila maelezo ya wanawake hua nachanganyaga na akili zangu mwenyewe sichukui kama msahafu

mbona wanawake wa hivi wako wengi sana mkuu, au tuseme hujawahi kuona au kusikia hata mtaani unakoishi.

kuna wanaume ni wavulana kabisa kwenye ndoa zao,,,nikisema wavulana naamini unanielewa.

 

[jje's]

Ofcourse its completely immoral to me kabla hata sijaiweka kwenye mizania ya dini

thank you once again.

 

[Extrovert]

Kabisa, ndo wanaume wanataka mwanamke wa hivyo.

Mie binafs nataka mwanamke wa hivyo ili tu niwe na peace of mind! Huwa hawanaga makelele😅

 

[Rosiela]

Uvumilivu wake sio wa kawaida, Ila nakwambia huyo dada haondoki hapo... miaka nenda rudi atakuwepo hapo hapo. Tunapoteza muda kumshauri

Usiwe negative sanaaa...kama uliwahi kushauri watu and never picked your advise(usi generalize). We are different binadamu..

 

[Extrovert]

mbona wanawake wa hivi wako wengi sana mkuu, au tuseme hujawahi kuona au kusikia hata mtaani unakoishi.

kuna wanaume ni wavulana kabisa kwenye ndoa zao,,,nikisema wavulana naamini unanielewa.

Hahahahahah boyz 2 Men

 

[Jadda]

Hatuwezi kuhukumu kwa kusikiliza upande mmoja tu, hatuwezi kamwe…. hapa unatafuta huruma tu na kumchafua mumeo.

Wanawake wanao andika kwa kuchanganya lugha mbili kuunda sentesi huwa wana viburi na jeuri sioni kosa la mme wako kukuadhibu kwa kukuzaba vibao.

Pili usisikilize maneno ya wadada humu ndani wengi wao hawajui nini maana ya ndoa, pengine hata hawajaolewa na asilimia kubwa humu ni Wasimbe hivyo usidanganyike na shauri wanazokupatia utazidi kupotea.

Tatu na mwisho itisha kikao cha familia zote mbili naona wao wako na nafasi nzuri ya kukushauri vyema.

Kila la kheri.

Usikimbiliame kutoa hoja kwenye story ya pande moja.

Hivi angekuwa ni mwanamke ndiyo anafanya haya kwa mumewe mngeshauri hivi

 

[jje's]

Jje

Hayo matukio ni machache mno as a percentage ya wananchi milioni 60 nchini na ndoa zilizopo

Hiyo ndio hoja yangu kwamba statistics hazikubaliani na wewe

labda hao wachache na yeye yumo, hivi unajua kwa nini wanaume wanakufa zaidi ya wanawake? wanaume ni watunzaji siri sana hawawezi kushare matatizo hata na rafiki wa karibu,,, so wanakuwa overwhelmed na wanapata shida ya BP na moyo na wanaanza tu mbele bila kikwazo

 

[Extrovert]

Kuna ndugu yangu alikuwa anavumilia hayo tukaongeaaa wee kanyaaa wee waaapi basi bwana tar za mwishoni mwezi wa 12 mwaka 2015 tukapigiwa simu tukachukue maiti ya ndugu yetu, tukazika na maisha yanaendelea. Story yake ikaishia hapo japo tunamkumbuka sana. Ndoa siyo kifungo kama inavyohubiliwa makanisani, upendo ukiisha kila mtu ashike hamsini zake.

Dah ni noma aisee mkuu, mie ndugu yangu ningemfata aisee nisingemuacha apigwege kiboya kwa sababu ambazo hazina msingi

 

[fimboyaasali]

Hello,
I have always been reading threads without commenting. Kwanini nimeanzisha hii thread?

I am a married lady..in my very early 30s( with over 11 years of marriage experience). I got married when I was in my early 20s. Graduated my masters in my very early 20s as well.

It has never been a peaceful marriage pamoja na jitihada nyingi nilizofanya mimi kuisimamia na kujinyenyekeza kwa kuweka elimu na appearance yangu pembeni. Kifupi tu ya ninayopitia;

1. Being heavily beaten mpaka kulazwa whenever he drinks( mind you, he is a regular drinker)

2. Hakuwahi kuja msiba wa baba yangu mzazi sababu kuu 'alikuwa na washkaji trip'

3. Sijui sh.yake japo anajenga..so i pay for house and family needs mpaka nilipojua ameandikisha hio nyumba jina la ndugu yake

4. Gari pia nilimpa hela akaninunulie yard hapa mjini karudi kaiweka jina lake. Sio kwamba hana hela..no he is financially stable.( sijui ananikomoa nini na sijawahi kutishia kuondoka wala nini-kwa wanaonijua nje wanaweza kuthibitisha hili)

5. Restrictions with my dress code. Anataka nishone vitenge mpaka miguuni. Ana wivu wa ajabu sana na mimi kupendeza au hata kusuka nywele hataki. Hataki nivae suruali,jeans and he found me wearing all those.He wants me rough NOW na anasema nataka kupendeza kwa ajili ya nani? Ananitumia mpaka threads sijui za wanawake 'wenye makalio makubwa hawana akili' nijitathmini na mimi(he picks everything from the internet). Hili halinisumbui sana because i know nina akili ya shule na maisha pia

6. Sex life is bad..very bad( nilishakamata mengi kwenye simu yake). And to be honest it is better this way..kwamba hatushiriki like normal married couples miezi minne sasa na wala hajali yani sawa tu kwake. Binafsi nitavumilia sababu afya yangu matters a lot

7. Sijawahi kumjibu chochote, ninaomba msamaha hata ninapokosewa, ninaandaa bedroom na scents nzuri, napika napeleka mtoto kwa dada yangu for sleep over ili tupate muda fulani ila ndio anarudi alfajiri na asubuhi ananiuliza nani kanifundisha mambo ya kihuni. Vikao vilishakaliwa mno..i know for a fact, he won't change.

8. I have shared my case kwa mtu mmoja tu,a man lately..ambae amekuwa so concerned na sijui tutaenda nae wapi as am beginning to fall in love na yeye(najua inabidi niwe muangalifu kwa wanaokuja kusikitika na mimi kumbe amenitamani tu kutokana na physical appearance and all that)

Sijaacha kuwa msafi..sijaacha kujipenda BUT i am dying deep down. NO LOVE NO SUPPORT hata ile kidogo na sijamuongelesha kwa mara ya kwanza toka anipige miezi 4 iliopita na kulazwa(sababu hapa ilikuwa sikuvaa nguo kama madira ambapo kazini siwezi kuvaa japo navaa kiheshima sana yet smart)na kisha kurudi nyumbani baada ya kusuluhishwa..hajui naishi vipi japo nina kazi yangu ni kama KAKA NA DADA.

Our wedding was a church wedding. NIMECHOKA. Sijui naanzia wapi kutoka but ninahitaji kutoka kwenye hiki kifungo

I believe atakuja kunifukuza kwenye nyumba alioiandika jina la ndugu yake. Maana hapa ni kama mpangaji na hela anayo mpaka ya kunywa ma hennessy kila weekend. I am a God fearing person deep down..sana! Sikuwahi kuwaza kwanini wengine wananunuaga viwanja pembeni..na nilikuwa mtu wa kwanza kupinga wanawake wa aina hii.

Ninasukumwa kuanza 'ku save kidogokidogo' na kupunguza kulisha familia ili nijipange na kibanda changu japo najiuliza mpaka nimefanikiwa kumaliza kujenga sio leo wala kesho i assume(kutokana na nachoki earn) na nitakuwa tortured kwa level ipi mpaka nimalize kujenga. Niko confused hasa

But I need advice..ninachanganyikiwa hata kazini performance inashuka.
Kindly advice

Ondoka hataka