Kama una stress pitia hapa, usiache kutupia na wewe maneno yako

[Glenn]

Nakuona unaperuzi tu

[emoji23] [emoji23] Kulikoni mkuu, nimekanyaga shambani kwako nini!

 

[Glenn]

[emoji3] [emoji3] [emoji3] yaan

Uko vizuri

 

[Shokonzi]

Hivi mnajua sisi wavutaji sio wachoyo[emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji23] [emoji23]
Hata kama ikiwa mtu simjui lakini akiwepo gheto muda wa kuvuta nitampasia round

[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23] kweli kabisa

 

[Kanungila Karim]

Maisha Bhana!! Yani We Ukivuta Subira Kuna Mwingine Anavuta Bangi[emoji13]

 

[Scars]

I was In Church And The Pastor Said "Do Something Crazy For The Lord"
I Could See ladies Removing Their Wigs. The Pastor Said Again
"Do Something Crazier For The Lord!"
I Saw People dropping their car keys inside the offering box.
Now He Was Like, "Can't You Do Something The Craziest?"
Someone From The Back Came And Took The Offering Box And Was Walking Out Of The Church majestically.
The Pastor Shouted "Hey! Hey!! Bring It Back This Is Not Craziness;
Yours Is MADNESS... [emoji1] please don't laugh alone[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

[lucley]

*TANGAZO*
Mkioga na maji ya mvua tumieni perfume tafadhali
Nimekaa na mtu kwenye hiace ananukia mabati.[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

[lucley]

*kumbukumbu ya kusikitisha*[emoji24][emoji24]

*Tarehe kama ya leo miaka mitano iliyopita muuza karanga alikimbia na chenchi yangu*
[emoji6][emoji6]

 

[Scars]

A lady went to a newspaper firm to publish her story saying "I'm looking for a man who won't beat me, leave me and who will satisfy me in bed".

Two weeks later she heard a knock on her door as she opened, she saw a man with no arms and legs and she asked, "How can I help you?"
The guy quickly answered, "I'm answering your request for a man."
The lady continued, "You have no arms!" The guy answered, "I won't beat you".
Lady: You have no legs.
Guy: I won't leave you.
Lady: How will you satisfy me in bed?
Guy: What do you think I was knocking with?

Dont laugh alone, forward this to all your friends.

 

[Kanungila Karim]

Wanyama wangekuwa na WHAT'S UP.
Status zingekuwa:

MENDE: "nimekoswa na guu la mama mwenye Nyumba, maisha yangu mashakani, why always me???? "

PANYA: "nimekula nguo lenye pafyumu, nasikiaje kiu. uwiiiii"

NGURUWE: Binadamu wabaya jamani, wameshanizushia nasambaza mafua "

MBU: Nina HIV, nimekomaje kunyonyanyonya hovyo.

MBUZI: teh teh teh. thank Good pasaka imepita. ni kula BATA tuu mpaka EID.

KUKU: "friends mkiona kesho kimya mjue nipo mezani maana kuna wageni wamekuja leo hapa home, tuombeane uzima wapendwa, love you all"

MBWA:Wadau mie nshakuwa wa kulala nje tu na kuwalinda washikaji kisha wananipa makombo

PAKA:Kweli unga umepanda kabana hadi panya hawaonekani vichochoroni


[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

[GISAMBO]

*[emoji23]Enzi hizo shule kuna wanafunzi walikuwa wanaandika topic kwa kalamu nyekundu, sub topic kalamu ya nyeusi, na notes kalamu ya bluu.[emoji23] Sijui mko wapi siku hizi, au mlipata kazi sadolin?*

[emoji125][emoji125][emoji125][emoji125][emoji125]

 

[Obamamtoto]

Nimemuomba baba mwenye nyumba anikopeshe pesa, alafu amenipa tu hivi, nikamlipa nazo kodi hapohapo. Tumecheka na yeye kama dakika 5 ivi, alafu akanifungia nyumba. [HASHTAG]#nadhani[/HASHTAG] tunaenda kunywa soda kwenye duka la mangi hapa jirani maana hakuamini ningemlipa kodi kwa wakati

 

[Obamamtoto]

Posted by Vichekesho Reloded on May 3, 2017
Nyumba ya mlevi mmoja nje kuna shimo kubwa la maji bila mfuniko. Siku moja mume karudi usiku kalewa tooooop, mambo yakawa hivi:
MUME: Fungua mlango!
MKE: Leo sifungui! Nimechoshwa na ulevi wako.
MUME: kama hufungui najitupa kwenye hili shimo nife kabisa.
MKE. Kufa huna faida yoyote duniani!
MUME kachukua jiwe kubwa kalitupa kwenye shimo dubwi!
Mara mke kajifunga kanga moja tu, kafungua mlango. Ghafla mume kaingia ndani na kumfungia mke nje.
MKE: Nifungulie la sivyo nitapiga kelele majirani waje.
MUME: Piga kelele na wakija uwambie unatoka wapi usiku huu na khanga moja.

 

[Obamamtoto]

TEACHER: How do you call a Lizard in Kiswahili?
STUDENT: Lizard kuja hapa

 

[Shokonzi]

TEACHER: How do you call a Lizard in Kiswahili?
STUDENT: Lizard kuja hapa

[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

[ladislaus makene]

[emoji3] [emoji3]

 

[ladislaus makene]

.....Juzi nilimnunulia wife vile vichupi vyenye Kamba(Bikini)

Basi unaambiwa kuna siku nimetoka zangu bar kupata Yale mambo ya kikubwa(beer), Ile nimefika home ilikua almost 5:30pm
Nikamkuta wife amelala kifudifudi huku amevaa kale kachupi!!
Basi acha nianze kucheka mpaka wife akaamka

Wife: Vipi baba anduje mbona unacheka?

Mimi: Acha tu mke wangu yaani tangu nizaliwe sijawahi ona matak** yamevaa ndala....[emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23]

[emoji3] [emoji3]

 

[kivyako]

Tena Phonekis ya nkulima

 

[Foxhound]

[emoji15] [emoji15] [emoji15] [emoji15] ,, hiyo avatar yako na matendo yako yanafanana kabsaa…!!,,,usiach kutumia ilo jani

[emoji106] [emoji106] [emoji106] [emoji106]

 

[Foxhound]

Nafwaaa huku

Jana niliuziwa mzigo feki, nimeuvuta wote na macho kujicheki kwa kioo eti meupe kama ya kwenye avatar yako[emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji23] [emoji23], ngoja nika[emoji377] [emoji377] [emoji377] [emoji125] [emoji125] [emoji125]

 

[Foxhound]

Maisha Bhana!! Yani We Ukivuta Subira Kuna Mwingine Anavuta Bangi

Yaani wewe tuko sawa[emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23]
Tena bora mvuta bangi anatoa moshi[emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23]
Je mvuta kamba?[emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23]
[emoji125] [emoji125] [emoji125] [emoji125] [emoji377] [emoji377] [emoji377]