Lawama nimpe Nani?

[MwanajamiiOne]

MJ1 Mapenzi hayana formulae... Infidelity ingekua kwamba inasukumwa na sababu moja tu!! Ingekua rahisi saana kupata jibu kua ni nani alaumiwe. Mara nyingi sie wanadamu tuko very quick at judging hasa issue kama hii ya kutembea na kaka/dada wa mwenza wako ikitokea. Naamini kua in different situations na circumstance lawama uhama toka kwa mtu wa kulaumiwa...

..........Hapo nakubaliana na wewe kabisa darling sana tu but hii haikupi sababu ya wewe/yeye kutembea na mdogo/dada/kaka yangu! wanawake/ume mbona wako wengi huko nje??

Mfano wa pale unapokuta Mumeo kalala na dadako ukitaka umpate nani alumiwe yategemea...

• Je wee kama Mke umeacha kua dadako (awe mdogo ama mkubwa kwako) karibu mno na mumeo... Yaani zile za kutreat kila mmoja wenu kama wife mdogo and mkubwa, utani mwiiiingi... huyo dadako yupo huru mno kwa shemejie uko so relaxed waweza ondoka hata home yeye ndo apike, amfulie ampokee, ahandle nyumba, ahandle watoto... yaani ukiiangalia kwa ukaribu with a detached mind anakua kama mke mdogo/mkubwa vile - Hapo kwa mwanaume yeyote lijali lazima atapita hapo kwa dadako, hasa kama wako so free na wewe ni busy person.

Thanx AshaDii for this very useful post. Hili pia nalikubali na ninakubaliana na wewe. Kategwa AKAKUBALI kutegeka. AKAKUBALI kutegeka. Still to me sidhani kama anaescape lawama kwa kuwa ametegwa na mazingira!! Ina maana akiishi na dada yake yeye, kisha dadake akawa anamhandle na kumtunza kama ulivyoelezea hapo, atapitiwa pia?

Kwa mke ina maana naye akiwa anaishi na shemejiye ambaye amamcare, handle kuliko mumewe anavyomhandle kwa sababu tu mumeo yuko buzzy ndio umchojolee?? Au ndo mtaniambia kuwa hawa wanaokutwa na situation hii hujikuta tu wameshaanza kukiss na kufanya hayo mambo bila ya kutongozana? na hata ikitokea mara moja basi wananogewa na kuendeleza?? Bado utasema hawana lawama kwa kuwa mume/mke alijisahau wajibu wake??

kutembea ninakokuzungumzia mimi hapa ni kule kwa kumfanya nyumba ndogo/serengeti boy yaani sio ile ya one night stand ambayo inawezatokea hata kwa sababu ya ulevi n.k

Je unajua tabia ya dadako (maana hii ipo saana) kua yeye kutembea na mume wa mtu sio shida kwake, yeye ni mtu wa kujirusha, ndio huja once in a while nyumbani hasa kama ndio siku kachelewa kurudi hataki enda wagongea home but yupo comfy kwako... Yupo free saana tu kwako, aweza ingia chumbani upo na mumeo... kazoeana mno na mumeo, ndo kwanza asubuhi yake anapoondoka lift anapata ya shemeji kwenda kwake.

• Je unajua tabia ya mumeo ya ukicheche.... kwake skirt isipite machoni kwake ni shida kabisa. Mume wa namna hio hafai kuachiwa dadako ndani na akwa nae huru saana. Na lazima umpe warning dadako tabia ya shemijie (thou it is beyond me kwanini aendelee kukaa hapo.

• Hizi sababu ni za msingi sana ninazielewa but inapokuja kwenye AMEKUBALI kuhadaika na kujenga kibanda huwa wanawaza kuwa hawatakaa wagundulike au nini? Na wanapokuwa wanayafikiria haya hawahisi suala zima la lawama?

Ikumbukwe pia kua ndio mwaweza kua mlikutana na mumeo mkaoana... But in the long run tokana na sababu tu kua mapenzi hayana ADABU mumeo anarealise kua the Woman ambae anapenda zaidi kuliko alivowahi penda ni dadako.... na dadako pia aka fall kwa mumeo.... Hapo kweli kabisa na hivi mko karibu ana excuse ya kuja hapo home.... Possibility ya kutembea ni kubwa mno.

So unataka kusema its okay hata akifall kwa mamangu ambaye anahapen kuwa single au binti yangu mkubwa ambaye nilimpata enzi za ujanani?? Kuwa its okay mimi nikajikuta ninafall kwa Baba mkwe wangu au mtoto wa kiume wa mume wangu ?? AishaDii tafadhali usinichanganye zaidi ya hapa nitaokota makopo barabarani mwenzio.

Uwezo wa mwanaume pia yaweza changia hasa kama mwanamke umetoka familia ya kimasikini mno... na mwanaume anale familia yenu kwa kila kitu, yaani ukileta dadako hapo kwa wale ambao hawana ustaarabu kwa wazi kabisa atatembea nae kwa kujua huna la kufanya wala pa kukimbilia....

Hii Darling unanipa jibu la why wengine wanavumilia lakini si nani alaumiwe. Yeye kuwa na pesa zake sio kigezo cha kujivua utu wake na kutembea na dada zangu hata kama amewakuta wanauza Ohio! yaani kesho yake atatembea barabarani kifua mbele wakati tupu yake imeshaonywa na ukoo mzima??

Mimi kama mwanamke nikiwa na pesa zangu namtunza Baba chanja na ukoo wake wote ndo inanipa uhuru wa kuchagua among the bullies?

Hata hivo haya mambo yapo soo complicated na nimegusia hivo kwa mfano but kiukweli sidhani kama nimejibu ipasavo... Ukiangalia hizo baadhi ya sababu ama ambavo vyaweza pelekea... unakuta lawama ina hama from one person to another....

MJ1 Naamini kua wewe ni mzima wa Afya. Nakutakia usiku mwema dear...

Kama kuniweza leo umeniweza. Aksante Mpenzi ah uzima utoke wapi mamii?

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

Heheheheee.......let me batasamu first kwa kushindwa kumquote AshaDii! Lol! As long as kubakana is not concerned, ADI pamoja na yote hayo uloeleza still kuna kitu makubaliano ambacho ndicho kinachopelekea kuvunja heshima ya ndoa na familia nzima kwa ujumla! IMO, wote walaumiwe kwa sababu walikubaliana kutenda hilo jambo makusudically while wakijua kabisa ni makosa! Adhabu yao ni kuwafungisha ndoa ya mkeka, then kwa sababu wamesababisha makwazo makubwa sana, basi kama ikiwezekana itakuwa heri wafungwe mawe shingoni mwao wakatupwe baharini huku wakiifurahia ndoa yao mpya kwa pamoja!

Aksante kipipi. Hapo kwenye red hapo ndipo panapohusika. Hatukatai kuna wale ambao wanajikuta wameenda disco wakalewa asubuhi wanajikuta wako kitandani na mambo wameyabananga. Hawa wakiishia hapo itaeleweka lawama itakwenda kwenye pombe but wanaochonga na mzinga kabisa na kuibandika majina ya hun, sweelhearts e.t.c. ah hapo bado natatizika Mtanga mie!!

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

Before lolote lile kwanza.... Kipipi mie naamini saana kua Mwenza wako anapocheat, kabla ya hasira yako kukuchukua kombo... Jiangalie kwanza wewe ambae ndo mume/mke.... Believe me you sometimes mwenza ulonae ndo chanzo kikubwa cha mmoja wenu kucheat (si justify but trying the reality as according to me)

............Ni sawa nakubali. But hata kama kuna kitu ameksure kuwa tulishakizungumzia na kukumbushana na sijabadilika ndo ikampelekea kucheat na MTU MWINGINE si ndugu yangu! Lakini eti kwa kuwa kila akija basi Mwj1 simpokei anapokewa na mdogo wangu changambili ndio kesho amweke kimada changambili? Sitawaelewa wote wawili. !

Back to the topic and what you have posted.... Nakubali uloongea, ila tu kwangu bana wao kukubali kunisaliti na kuamua kufanya hivo - ni mambo mengi saana ya kuobserve...Nitolee Mfano ambao more in analogy... ni sawa na mtu ambae sio mwizi wala hajawahi iba, akawa na tatizo kama vile mtoto anaumwa mno; hana msaada kabisa, hana wa kumlilia na issue ni ndogo tu for dawa ya kununua yaeleweka kabisa kua ni dawa fulani na ni shilingi elfu 10 tu! Kajaribu kuomba hio alfu 10 na kuiazima kila kona but watu wooote wamemtolea nje.... Kipipi huyo mtu akikuta alfu 10 imekaa vibaya haijalishi kua anajua ni yanani believe me you ataona for once.... Wacha niibe.... It does not make it right, but it makes it logical. Hapo nani alumiwe... walomnyima?? mtoto anaeumwa?? yeye?? aloweka hio hela vibaya??

Usijali kuhusu kuquote dear... hata hivo the post is too long... I hope you are well and good.

Aksante kwa kutoa mfano ambao ni more analogue mpenzi. What if huyo mwizi anayo option ya kumwibia jirani ambaye naye anaacha mlango wazi? Kwa nini aibe kitu ambacho kiko ndani mwetu na ni mimi na yeye tu ndio tunaishi?? Haoni kuwa ni rahic kugundulika kuwa ni yeye ndo ameiba>>

Hapana nimelegeza kamba kukupenda, kukutreat au tamaa imekushika, nenda kwa jirani kajihifandhi huko lakini si kwa wadogo zangu hata kama watakutangazia tenda!

 

[Mbu]

kutembea ninakokuzungumzia mimi hapa ni kule kwa kumfanya nyumba ndogo/serengeti boy yaani sio ile ya one night stand ambayo inawezatokea hata kwa sababu ya ulevi n.k

...ooohhh, okey....kumbe hukuwa unaizungumzia hii?
i take back my postings, zote....

...maana kigezo cha utetezi wao kilikuwa machungu yaliyowapelekea hao wawili (mke wa jamaa yangu) na kaka wa jamaa
kujikuta wameshaliwazana kupita mapitilizo...i mean, wakati akili inawarudia, tayari na kausingizi kalishawapitia...ati wameamka na regrets....

,....kwahiyo kwa sababu za ulevi, hasira etc hakuna wa kulaumiwa ee? lol....ashadii urudi pls...

 

[Mbu]

Aksante kipipi. Hapo kwenye red hapo ndipo panapohusika. Hatukatai kuna wale ambao wanajikuta wameenda disco wakalewa asubuhi wanajikuta wako kitandani na mambo wameyabananga. Hawa wakiishia hapo itaeleweka lawama itakwenda kwenye pombe but wanaochonga na mzinga kabisa na kuibandika majina ya hun, sweelhearts e.t.c. ah hapo bado natatizika Mtanga mie!!

...case closed....ashadii unakubaliana nami sasa niwaombe mods waifunge topik hii?...
mstaafu DC upo wapi kaka?

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

ADii, MJ1 na wengine waliochangia hapa, bado sipata mtu wa kunijibu. Tunahaha kutafuta mahali pa kurusha lawama. Hivi kwa kufanya hivyo wametenda kosa lolote? Kama ndiyo nani anatoa hiyo hukumu na kwa kutumia sheria ipi??Naoma mnijibu tafadhali!!!Babu DC!!

.................. Babu DC tunakitu tunakiita common maadili kwa watanzania (with exceptions of few tribes) katika makabila mengi mahusiano ya aina hii huwa yanapingwa na wahusika huonekana wamekosea wanakugundulika wakiwa na mahusiano ya hivi. Ninazungumzia societies ambazo kitu hiki hakiruhusiwi.

Suala la nani atoe hukumu nafikiri hukumu juu ya mambo kama haya inatoka kwa muhujumiwa. Aliyesalitiwa, yeye ndie aliye kwenye position ya kuamua asamehe au aendelee na hamsini zake. Kama akisamehe anao uhuru wa kuamua awafanye nini hawa wahusika wawili.

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

Mbu naomba unisome kwa kituo. Ulevi ina maana utakuruhusu ujikute umeanguka mara moja ukajuta na kurudi kwenye mctari. Ulevi unakutoa ufahamu sina uhakika na hacra kama zinakutoa ufahamu kuwa unafanya usiloliju!! Lakini kwa kesi kama ya huyu hapa


.............
I am a married man and have a beautiful loving and caring wife and six months old son too. She loves me a lot and usually we talk over phone for hours in the night before going to bed (Since from last three months I am out of town). more than three years has passed for our marriage and I never cheated on her. My job never allows me to settle at one place. My job keeps me roaming in all parts of my countries and this is the thing that decides my salary which is very good amount. After my marriage I decided to take my family wherever I go since it is borne by my organization.

It all started six months back when She wished to spend some time in her native place as well as in my native place. Now this project started six months back and is supposed to finish after two months back. So I'll be heading to her after two months. Six months back when I came to this project, one day I called her sister, who is married and 7 years older than me. While talking to her I admired her beauty and her figure (indeed she has superb figure). She caught that line and started to chat me on the same topic again and again. within next fifteen days we became so close that we started discussing our sex life. now whenever we talked we discussed only sexual things and we felt arousal and wet pants. soon we confessed to each other to have a sex. four months back without telling anyone I took flight to her house and I stayed there for 4 hours and we had sex three times. now since past four months I have gone to her house for six times and all the time we had sex. We are also committed to only secret relationship and that this relation wont affect or change our love for our spouses.

Huyu anayekiri kuwa anampenda mkewe and yet.................. ?? kweli akili yangu imezeeka, somo dogo kama hili halitaki kuingia!!

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

...tupo pamoja.

Tupo pamoja ingawa kwangu lawama zitakwenda kwa wote; Kwa nini umekubali kutoa kwa shemeji yako; na yeye kwa nini ameomba kwa shemeji yake. As long as hakukuwa na kubakwa; na hata kama kungekuwa na kubakwa ningelielewa kama lilikuwa ni tukio la mara moja lakini ndo mmewekeana mpaka uvimada eti mnadai mnafanya kwa siri?!

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

I am glad.... I see you see what I see....lol...

Eh!!

..hhhaahhaha....mnh...?...ngoja nimuombe mod aifunge sredi hii...lol..

......Too late for that sweetheart! nakusoma tu hapa.

 

[Mbu]

Mbu naomba unisome kwa kituo. Ulevi ina maana utakuruhusu ujikute umeanguka mara moja ukajuta na kurudi kwenye mctari. Ulevi unakutoa ufahamu sina uhakika na hacra kama zinakutoa ufahamu kuwa unafanya usiloliju!!

...lol...mwanajamiione,...ndio maana twaambiwa drink sensibly...
huo ulevi mpaka unashindwa kutambua nani mumeo/mkeo sio excuse inayokubalika kwangu...

upande wa pili,...wanawake wengi wapo soo emotional...na wanaume wengi ni wepesi kutumia udhaifu huo kwenye
hit and run... ndio maana mbu mie katika "sermons" zangu huwausia walio wapenzi wangu --hata wanapopatwa na uchungu kiasi gani, wasi delay kuniambia...nami nitamsikiliza na kujitahidi kumliwaza kuliko kuangukia kwa mafisi huko nje ambayo hubembeleza huku mikono ikipapasa sehemu siyo na mwishowe kujikuta kwenye point of no return,...

 

[Mbu]

Eh!!

......Too late for that sweetheart! nakusoma tu hapa.

...commercial break...

​

...nitarudi baada ya lunch..

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

Ashadii; nakubadiliana na wewe kuwa kuna vitu vingi vyasababisha hiyo hali, but l only wish kuwa hizo sababu zingekuwa communicated between couple before the actual cheating kama kweli kuna nia ya kulinda ndoa! Si muumuni wa kuwatafutia excuse wanaume at least now; l use to be zamani; so kama kuna shida, why not discuss that n find solution!

Sina Mdogo but hivyo hakuna bloodsister aliyenitenda; but mashemeji zangu (waume wa dada zangu) did make passes over me, l was firm na soln niliyofikia was not to spend more than 4 days kwao and it did work!

Mwanajamii, if u r a victim sioni sababu ya msingi kutafuta mtu wa kumlaumu if u need to; uzito mkubwa ni kwa ndugu yako wa damu unless amebakwa! Ikinitokea sitafikiria mara mbili kuend ndoa! Narudia hakuna excuse ya cheating worse with ur blood relative; but kuna sababu za talaka kama kuna shida yoyote iliyoletwa na mke!

Eti ooh wanaume ni dhaifu or what; l refuse to buy that crap!

Nakuelewa sana kaunga kusema kweli hakuna explanations ambazo zitakidhi. Kama nikiamua kusamehe nitaamua kwa sababu zangu tu na si kwamba nimekosa wa kumlaumu au nimemlaumu mwingine na mwingine nikamchukulia kuwa eti ameingia kwenye mtego by default no way. Anapotembea na mdogo wako/dada yako anaweza kukusababishia kuwa na chuki ya ajabu. Pia ikumbukwe kuwa

Wanaume wengi hutafuta respect katika sehemu zote za maisha na respect ni moja ya vitu muhimu sana kwa maisha ya wanaume, hasa respect from their wives (na ndio maana kesi nyingi tunazisikia sababu ni kuwa mke haniheshimu!!) na mara tu wanapoikosa hiyo respect wanawezafanya vitu vya ajabu sana. Sio nakubaliana na AshaDii kuwa unapoona mwenzio kamissbehave (hasa mwanaume) wewe mwanamke jichunguze kwa sababu inapotokea hivyo mwanaume anawezaamua kuitafuta hiyo respect from another woman ambaye anaweza akamtreat well na kumrespect (issue ya nyumba ndogo ) but awe wa nje na si ndugu wa mkewe for heaven's sake.

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

I am glad.... I see you see what I see....lol...

...lol...mwanajamiione,...ndio maana twaambiwa drink sensibly...
huo ulevi mpaka unashindwa kutambua nani mumeo/mkeo sio excuse inayokubalika kwangu...

upande wa pili,...wanawake wengi wapo soo emotional...na wanaume wengi ni wepesi kutumia udhaifu huo kwenye
hit and run... ndio maana mbu mie katika "sermons" zangu huwausia walio wapenzi wangu --hata wanapopatwa na uchungu kiasi gani, wasi delay kuniambia...nami nitamsikiliza na kujitahidi kumliwaza kuliko kuangukia kwa mafisi huko nje ambayo hubembeleza huku mikono ikipapasa sehemu siyo na mwishowe kujikuta kwenye point of no return,...

Hahahah Aksante Hatimaye tuko kwenye page moja (Au kwa kuwa AshaDii hayupo?):yield:

 

[Mbu]

... wewe mwanamke jichunguze kwa sababu inapotokea hivyo mwanaume anawezaamua kuitafuta hiyo respect from another woman ambaye anaweza akamtreat well na kumrespect (issue ya nyumba ndogo ) but awe wa nje na si ndugu wa mkewe for heaven's sake.

...dahhh, yani umenifanya niache kula hapa...iwapo mke wa jamaa yangu katembea na shemeji yake,
na jamaa yangu huyo kaamua kurudisha heshima kwa kutembea na mke wa kaka'ke na kumalizia
kwa mdogo wa mkewe,...kwa upande wangu nimemchukulia jamaa a hero...maana kiukweli heshima ilirudi
kwenye hilo li pentagon!

 

[Nyani Ngabu]

Je kosa ni la nani kati ya hawa?

That's a no brainer as far as I'm concerned.

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

...dahhh, yani umenifanya niache kula hapa...iwapo mke wa jamaa yangu katembea na shemeji yake,
na jamaa yangu huyo kaamua kurudisha heshima kwa kutembea na mke wa kaka'ke na kumalizia
kwa mdogo wa mkewe,...kwa upande wangu nimemchukulia jamaa a hero...maana kiukweli heshima ilirudi
kwenye hilo li pentagon!

Mbu labda sijakuelewa huyu hero wako heshima yake imerudi kivipi? kuwa kaonekana ana heshima kwa kuwa ametembea na hawa wawii au? Na alivyoamua kutembea nao ili heshima yake irudi (Unless ni ile hali ya yeye kujifeel mwanaume again ) si inabidi watu wajue wazi? Unataka kusema ndivho alichokifanya? Kutembea nao waziwazi ili kila mtu ajue??

 

[Derimto]

Kwa kifupi jamani kila mtu anatakiwa ajitunze na kujiheshimu na mara zote nimekuwa nikiwaza kila ninapomtamani mwanamke na kujiuliza hivi nitawavua nguo wangapi? Na kila ninayemuona ana mvuto hivyo naamua kupuuzia na kuendelea na mambo yangu nadhani ni njia rahisi ya kujiepusha na ngono zembe pamoja na kuwapitia jamaa zako wa karibu NI VIZURI KUWA UTASHI BINAFSI

 

[Mbu]

Mbu labda sijakuelewa huyu hero wako heshima yake imerudi kivipi? kuwa kaonekana ana heshima kwa kuwa ametembea na hawa wawii au? Na alivyoamua kutembea nao ili heshima yake irudi (Unless ni ile hali ya yeye kujifeel mwanaume again ) si inabidi watu wajue wazi? Unataka kusema ndivho alichokifanya? Kutembea nao waziwazi ili kila mtu ajue??

...dahhh, ni ngumu sana kukuelezea uelewe...achana na tafsiri zangu bana...itakuwa kama najaribu kukufundisha matusi...

• chukulia mtu anamfumania mkewe, kisha 'kumtia adabu' anamvisha chachandu na kumlawiti huyo mgoni wake...
• chukulia mtu anamfumania mumewe, anamkunja mgoni wake na kumtandika makofi sawasawa huyo binti...

hizi zote ni reactions ambazo kwa kiasi fulani huenda zinawapa faraja waathirika...

...siwezi kusema zaidi kwanini nampongeza jamaa yangu alichokitenda, ila dawa aliyoitoa imekuwa fundisho,
maana si kaka mtu wala mkewe ambaye amethubutu hata kulalama the aftermath pamoja na kuujua ukweli...

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

...dahhh, ni ngumu sana kukuelezea uelewe...achana na tafsiri zangu bana...itakuwa kama najaribu kukufundisha matusi...

• chukulia mtu anamfumania mkewe, kisha 'kumtia adabu' anamvisha chachandu na kumlawiti huyo mgoni wake...
• chukulia mtu anamfumania mumewe, anamkunja mgoni wake na kumtandika makofi sawasawa huyo binti...

hizi zote ni reactions ambazo kwa kiasi fulani huenda zinawapa faraja waathirika...

...siwezi kusema zaidi kwanini nampongeza jamaa yangu alichokitenda, ila dawa aliyoitoa imekuwa fundisho,
maana si kaka mtu wala mkewe ambaye amethubutu hata kulalama the aftermath pamoja na kuujua ukweli...

lol hapo nimeelewa Mbu duh
Kwa kesi hii sasa nadhani tuanze kuangalia kesi moja baada ya nyingine
1. Mke wa (hero) na binamu mtu walianza! - Wanalaumiwa
2. Hero akaenda kwa mke wa Binamu (Hapa hakumbaka) walikubaliana - Kosa la Mke wa binamu (kama hakuwa naye anajua usaliti wa mumewe arevenge) kwa kuwa Hero yeye alikuwa kwenye mission
3. Hero katembea na mdogo wa mkewe (Hakumbaka) - lawama kwa mdogo wa mke (kama si under age lakini)

 

[MORIA]

Mj1 ktk case sampuli hii wafuatao lazima walaumiwe WAZAZI-iweje wawaruhusu vijana/binti zao wakakae na ndugu zao(wanandoa) pengine pasina ulazima au tahadhari kuchukuliwa..ndoa iheshimiwe na watu wote...WANANDOA pia hawataachwa kulaumiwa kubeba ndugu ktkt ya ndoa yao(hamwogopi?) bila kuwa na tahadhari...mke/mme kuukwepa wajibu wao WIVU...MJ1 wivu ni wajibu wako namba2 baada ya Ibada..usione soo,usiogope kumtimua yeyote nyumbani kwako ukihisi au hata ukiamka na malaria tu..WAZAZI watauheshimu uamuzi wako pia..MUNGU pia huwapenda wanawake wenye wivu juu ya waume zao..