Lesson learned from Nyamayao and Nyumba Kubwa..........What are your Two cents on this ....!

[MwanajamiiOne]

wewe tena usimtetee mwanajamiione ? mbona siku hiyo utatuacha midomo wazi ? hahahaha!
Nikirudi kwenye topic kuna kuvumiliana kwa vitu vidogo lakini haikubaliki kufumbia macho uozo au manyanyaso.

LOL Uporoto bana, let not the keyboard fool you.........kuna mtu mkorofi kama Mbu? Huoni watu kutwa twakimbizana na ma-Expel na Marungu? hahahahaaaaaaa.

hahahaha,...dahhh...kumbe nishazoeleka ee?
aaah, anaonewa kiasi cha kutosha bana...mimi naamini hajaeleweka tu mwj1 maskini,
she's an angel kwa nafasi yake.

Aksante Soulmate ingawa nami nina cents zangu zilizochangia whatever situation it was. So I dont blame anyone else but me, I and myself.

unajua mkuu Mbu limbwata lingine unabugia mwenyewe wala haina haja ya kulaumu kinadada lol!

Hahahahahh uko sawa kabisa Uporoto, huyu bwana aliliomba mwenyewe, tena kwa goti chini haha kisha akaomba nimwongezee dozi hahahhahhah

Hamna bwana, he knows his Soulmate more. (Nsijeachika bure kwa talaka ya mtandaoni)

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

Ahsante klorokwini, unajua tumekuwa vipofu na hizi elimu zetu tunazopata wanawake siku hizi, tunasahau mambo hayo hayaingiliani kabisa na maisha ya ndoa, hasa kwetu huku afrika, tuna aply mambo ya kiwestern ambayo yanawasuit wenyewe huko kwao,basi na matokeo yake tuvumilie matokeo yake tu,nahisi ukimpa heshima yake na kumpa nafasi ya kuwa mwanaume kenye family mambo mengine yatajiseti tu, mie pia naamini katika uvumilivu

Ni kweli kabisa usemayo mydia ila tu napenda kukwambia kuwa kuna wengine wameumbwa kama walivyoumbwa. Mwanaume ambaye tangu analelewa kwao alishakuwa ki-monster kidogo hata ukiwa unambeba kila siku asubuhi kumpeleka kwenye gari na kumpokea, ataendelea kuwa a monster tu. Sikatai wapo ambao wanakitreatiwa vema anakaa kwenye mstari lakini kuna wengine lol.

Kama mlivyosema wewe na nyumba kubwa kuwa ni muhimu kumlea mtoto wa kike ili kumwandaa kuwa mke mwema na mtoto wa kiume pia anahitaji hiyo elimu.

Kuhusu kumfanya ajisikie mwanaume au kwenye position yake kama mume ni kitu cha muhimu sana katika kurise ego ya mwanaume.

 

[EMT]

AshaDii ninakuelewa mpenzi ........mie nimeamua kufunguka. Nakumbuka kuna post nilimwomba nyumba kubwa atusaidie kuainisha haki zetu au atusaidie kuzijua position zetu. Mie kama mke wa ndoa (si ndoezi) ndoa halali kabisa mwenzi wangu anapo
1. Rudi chelewa kurudi usiku (na ikifika saa nne usiku ukipiga simu hapokei)!! au akipokea anakupa rafiki aliye naye UONGEE naye.
2. Mtu anayerudi saa saba/nane za usiku ukimwuliuza anakuwa mkali yeye kuwa unampangia muda wa kurudi nyumbani kwake; na kukukomoa kesho anarudi saa kumi alfajiri au kumi na mbili asubuhi
3. Hatoi matumizi lakini akirudi anadai nyama na mahanjumati
4. anarudi usiku wa manane na wewe unaamka kumsongea ugali wa moto (anaudai)

Haki yangu mie kama mke, kuchukia iko wapi??

Mwanajamii One kama ungekuwa umejiuliza hayo maswali, kuyafanyia uchunguzi na kuyatatolea maamuzi kabla hamjaoana wala usingekuwa unayauliza sasa simply because usingekubali kuolewa na mtu wa aina hiyo. Kama ulikuwa unajua kuwa ana hizo tabia, lakini ukaamua kuolewa naye hapo utakuwa kama vile ulikubali hayo yote. You can't complain afterwards kuwa tunda ulilonunua ni bovu wakati ulikuwa na uwezo wa kulichunguza vuzuri. Buyers be aware ina apply pia kwa wale wanaotafuta wachumba.

Wanasema prevention is always better than protection. Ili kuepukana na maswali kama haya baadae chukua precautions during selection. Sometimes tunafanya selections vizuri lakini tatizo kubwa tulilo nalo ni kwamba wakati mwanaume anaoa ana expect mwanamke asibadilike (awe vile vile), mwanamke nae ana expect mwanaume abadilke. Tatizo linakuja pale mwanamke anapobadilika au mwanaume asipobadilika. Kama mwanaume alikuwa na tabia hizo usitegeee atabadilika baada ya kuoa. Na kama alianza kuwa na hizo tabia baada ya kuolewa na wewe then kuna uwezekano mkubwa kuwa umechangia.

But the bottom line is that we pick the wrong person because we expect him/her to change or not to change after we're married. We pick the wrong person because we focus more on chemistry than on character. We pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a woman needs most. We choose the wrong person because we do not share a common life goals and priorities. We choose the wrong person because We get intimately involved too quickly.

We pick the wrong person because we do not have a deeper emotional connection with this person. We pick the wrong person because we choose someone with whom we don't feel emotionally safe. We pick the wrong person because we don't put everything on the table. We pick the wrong person because we use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness. We pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle. We pick the wrong person because we're focus more on their materialism.

If we pick the right person wala hakutakuwa na haja ya kusimamiana kwa vidole gumba na kudemand explanations from our partners kutokana majibu ya kutoridhisha au kuwa mkali. Pia kuna kitu kingine kinaitwa compromise. Maisha ya ndoa bila compromise hayaendi.

 

[Nailyne]

Hahahaha Dada Mkubwa umenichekesha sana mpenzi .......eh unajilalia, ukiamka usiku kwenda chooni, kitu kipo pembeni! hahahah so bora tu halali nje eh!!?

Mie iko siku nilirudiwa saa kumi na mbili asubuhi. Bahati mbaya mie huwa naamka mapema so anafungua mlango anakutana na mie nataka kutoka nikaanike nguo zake!! Sikuhoji mpaka kesho! maana hata mie zile za leo karudi saa saba usiku, unauliza kulikoni mydia, hujibiwi sawia halafu kesho yake anarudi saa kumi alfajiri utaendelea tena kuuliza kweli? nadhani batani ya kuuliza ilishakufa.

MJ1, nilichokuwa najaribu kuonyesha ni jinsi gani jamii yetu na hasa sisi wanawake tunajengwa katika mazingira ya kutokuhoji wenza wetu kwa vitu ambavyo ni haki yetu kuhoji, na si kutokuhoji lakini pia haki yake ya kukasirika as a normal human being inaondolewa kabisa, coz under normal circumstances mtu amekujia saa nane za usiku without prio information siajabu amelewa , yet unafundishwa kutohoji mahali alipokuwa mpaka kwanza umemuhudumia mahitaji yake yote!! this is nonsense kwa kweli hata hiyo nguvu utaitoa wapi??

 

[Nailyne]

Uko right Gaga kiuna vitu ukiuliza utadanganywa tu.Tena mimi nilishaenda kushitakiwa kwa wazazi eti nina wivu mno wakati yeye anatafuta pesa ninamtuhumu.Wanawake ambao ni business partners wake nawasumbua.Nilikuwa nina stress ya ajabu,sura imeweka ndita mpaka nilizeeka lakini nilipoamua kumtoa moyoni na kutoangaika na kuhoji wala kutafuta wabaya wangu.Hata nisipomuona siku mbili simtafuti nina amani na hata makunyanzi yameondoka.Sasa yeye ndio anapata wasiwasi na mpaka anahisi ninamsaliti wakati hata wazo sina.

hapo kwenye red r u serious kabisa? humjamuona mume wako two days hata hushtuki,u knw wat my dea ur emotinally dead, na umekataa tamaa na umeamua kukubali yaishe ili mradi tu na wewe uonekane una ndoa,anyway as long as ur happy siye yetu macho

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

Mwanajamii One kama ungekuwa umejiuliza hayo maswali, kuyafanyia uchunguzi na kuyatatolea maamuzi kabla hamjaoana wala usingekuwa unayauliza sasa simply because usingekubali kuolewa na mtu wa aina hiyo. Kama ulikuwa unajua kuwa ana hizo tabia, lakini ukaamua kuolewa naye hapo utakuwa kama vile ulikubali hayo yote. You can't complain afterwards kuwa tunda ulilonunua ni bovu wakati ulikuwa na uwezo wa kulichunguza vuzuri. Buyers be aware ina apply pia kwa wale wanaotafuta wachumba.

Nakubaliana na wewe 100% na ndio maana nikasema I dont have anyone to blame than I,me and Myself. Laiti ningeligundua hilo mapema but how? kabla ya ndoa hamuishi pamoja (na pengine mko mikoa mbalimbali) unajuaje kama ni tabia yake kuchelewa kurudi? na kama ni long distance relationship mnaonana kwa muda mfupi ni rahic kuficha makucha ambayo unakujakuyagundua the moment mnaishi pamoja. Hukuwa na tabia ya kumtegemea kwa matumizi, utajuaje kuwa hatokujajali familia yake au he is not responsible? Unless useme tuwe tunawajaribu na scenerio mbali mbali.

Wanasema prevention is always better than protection. Ili kuepukana na maswali kama haya baadae chukua precautions during selection. Sometimes tunafanya selections vizuri lakini tatizo kubwa tulilo nalo ni kwamba wakati mwanaume anaoa ana expect mwanamke asibadilike (awe vile vile), mwanamke nae ana expect mwanaume abadilke. Tatizo linakuja pale mwanamke anapobadilika au mwanaume asipobadilika. Kama mwanaume alikuwa na tabia hizo usitegeee atabadilika baada ya kuoa. Na kama alianza kuwa na hizo tabia baada ya kuolewa na wewe then kuna uwezekano mkubwa kuwa umechangia.[/QOUTE]

Big thank you kakarafiki . Hapa I salute you.

But the bottom line is that we pick the wrong person because we expect him/her to change or not to change after we're married. We pick the wrong person because we focus more on chemistry than on character. We pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a woman needs most. We choose the wrong person because we do not share a common life goals and priorities. We choose the wrong person because We get intimately involved too quickly.

We pick the wrong person because we do not have a deeper emotional connection with this person. We pick the wrong person because we choose someone with whom we don't feel emotionally safe. We pick the wrong person because we don't put everything on the table. We pick the wrong person because we use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness. We pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle. We pick the wrong person because we're focus more on their materialism.

If we pick the right person wala hakutakuwa na haja ya kusimamiana kwa vidole gumba na kudemand explanations from our partners kutokana majibu ya kutoridhisha au kuwa mkali. Pia kuna kitu kingine kinaitwa compromise. Maisha ya ndoa bila compromise hayaendi.

Amen to that bro .....na pia tunasahau kumshirikisha MUNGU katika kutambua mume/mke mwema!

 

[Nailyne]

King'asti hata mimi nashindwa kabisa kuelewa. Mtu anirudie nyumbani alfajiri, kuna ndoa hapo? Nadhani ni sulal la malezi na mila. Kuna watu wamekuwa prepared kukubali manyanyaso. NOT ME.
Kwani niki file divorce xxx itachacha???? Ni nini kinachokung'ang'aniza kwa mwanaume anayekujia alfajiri? Ndio pale hata ukiumwa kikoozi unajua tayari. Maisha ya wasiwasi na mashaka siwezi yavumilia. Narudia, sometimes tunawalea hawa wanaume wawe hivyo walivyo. Wanaume ni kama watoto. Anaanzaje kuja asubuhi??? Am sure alianza taratibu kuchelewa wife akawa anamkenulia.

My dad sent me to school ili niwe independent including kutokukubali mtu yeyote afanye maisha yangu a living hell. Na alikuwa akitukumbusha mara kwa mara kabla hatujaolewa kuwa tusikubali kunyanyaswa na mwanaume; and the only thing to escape that is to be financially independent.

yaani umenikumbusha mbali sana i had a friend chuoni boyfriend alikuwa mlevi sana, kuna siku yule dada kaenda kulala chumbani kwa huyo b/friend akamrudia saa kumi na moja asubuhi, yule rafiki yangu akaja kunilalamikia, nikamwambia wazi kama huyu jamaa anakufanyia hivi leo hamjaoana je mkioana itakuwaje?? Baada kumaliza chuo wakaoana nikaenda kuwatembelea nyumbani kwao the same stori rafiki yangu anananiambia now the husband anarudi nane usiku, kumi alfajiri, hapo wanamtoto tayari..,ila mwisho wa siku yule dada huwa anasema ndio 'wanaume walivyo sasa utafanyaje' ila nilichogundua pamoja na kuwa yule dada aliilea ile tabia kabla hata ya kuoana, yeye pia anatoka kwenye familia ambayo baba yao ni mtemi mnoo, na mama yao amevumilia todate, no wonder hata yeye anaweza kuvumilia.

 

[Nailyne]

Kumbe sipo pekeyangu.Mimi kuna siku aliniambia nikimfuatilia ni kama namwambia ongeza.Nilichaacha.siku hizi nikienda kuoga nikirudi namkuta yupo busy kuangalia simu yangu.akiniona anajidai kuirudisha.HAWA viumbe kumbe wapo sawa

sasa baada ya wewe kuacha kumfuatilia maana yake ndio ameacha kufanya vile alivyokuwa anavifanya hadi wewe ukawa unaamuliza? au umeamua kukubali ya yaishe hata kama unajua kuna vitu anavifanya na havikupendezi, na ukihoji unaambiwa ndio ataongeza kuvifanya? Mungu akutie nguvu mpendwa,uweze kujitambua.

 

[King’asti]

ndo hawa nilikua naongelea! pata picha saraM ni mama mkwe, au dada yako, afu anakuambia hivi. kuwa uvumilie,bibi yako akipigwa alikua hajibizani akaishia kuvunjwa mguu...

Wamama zetu walikuwa wavumilivu sana ndio maana waliweza kuishi bila kokoro na waume zao, kulikuwa hakuna majibizano enzi hizo kati ya mume na mke, embu angalia sasa wanawake wanataka kuchukua role ya wanaume unadhani kuna kitu kitaeleweka hapo? tusilalamike sana tunanyanyaswa, tuangalie na sie tumeplay role yetu kama wanawake wa kiafrika?

 

[King’asti]

emt, nakosa la kusema manake uko sawa kabisa. as i write this,im helping my big sister to make a life mistake:marrying the wrong guy for all the wrong reasons! yaani ukweli ni kuwa, ukiangalia mambo anayofanya wenzio,ukitafakari kiduchu tu utagundua alikua anafanya hivyo from day one. ila unakua unajitetea tu: atakua anarudi kwake late coz hakuko interesting,yuko alone,hakuko homely, anakua lonely, anakunywa sana na washkaji etc. ah,ngoja nitoke kwanza,i need fresh air!

Mwanajamii One kama ungekuwa umejiuliza hayo maswali, kuyafanyia uchunguzi na kuyatatolea maamuzi kabla hamjaoana wala usingekuwa unayauliza sasa simply because usingekubali kuolewa na mtu wa aina hiyo. Kama ulikuwa unajua kuwa ana hizo tabia, lakini ukaamua kuolewa naye hapo utakuwa kama vile ulikubali hayo yote. You can't complain afterwards kuwa tunda ulilonunua ni bovu wakati ulikuwa na uwezo wa kulichunguza vuzuri. Buyers be aware ina apply pia kwa wale wanaotafuta wachumba.

Wanasema prevention is always better than protection. Ili kuepukana na maswali kama haya baadae chukua precautions during selection. Sometimes tunafanya selections vizuri lakini tatizo kubwa tulilo nalo ni kwamba wakati mwanaume anaoa ana expect mwanamke asibadilike (awe vile vile), mwanamke nae ana expect mwanaume abadilke. Tatizo linakuja pale mwanamke anapobadilika au mwanaume asipobadilika. Kama mwanaume alikuwa na tabia hizo usitegeee atabadilika baada ya kuoa. Na kama alianza kuwa na hizo tabia baada ya kuolewa na wewe then kuna uwezekano mkubwa kuwa umechangia.

But the bottom line is that we pick the wrong person because we expect him/her to change or not to change after we're married. We pick the wrong person because we focus more on chemistry than on character. We pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a woman needs most. We choose the wrong person because we do not share a common life goals and priorities. We choose the wrong person because We get intimately involved too quickly.

We pick the wrong person because we do not have a deeper emotional connection with this person. We pick the wrong person because we choose someone with whom we don't feel emotionally safe. We pick the wrong person because we don't put everything on the table. We pick the wrong person because we use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness. We pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle. We pick the wrong person because we're focus more on their materialism.

If we pick the right person wala hakutakuwa na haja ya kusimamiana kwa vidole gumba na kudemand explanations from our partners kutokana majibu ya kutoridhisha au kuwa mkali. Pia kuna kitu kingine kinaitwa compromise. Maisha ya ndoa bila compromise hayaendi.

 

[Nailyne]

Wamama zetu walikuwa wavumilivu sana ndio maana waliweza kuishi bila kokoro na waume zao, kulikuwa hakuna majibizano enzi hizo kati ya mume na mke, embu angalia sasa wanawake wanataka kuchukua role ya wanaume unadhani kuna kitu kitaeleweka hapo? tusilalamike sana tunanyanyaswa, tuangalie na sie tumeplay role yetu kama wanawake wa kiafrika?

are u tryn to say mama zetu were happy kwenye ndoa zao hizo zenye uvumilivu uliopiliza ? umeshawahi kukaa na mama yako akakuambia mapito aliyopitia? i suppose hujaolewa yet nakuombea uolewe coz hapo ndio mama yako na shangazi zako watakapokupa maisha waliyopitia ndio utajua kumbe ni zaidi ya uwaonavyo....,kulikuwa hakuna majibishano kwa sababu hawakuwa na haki ya kuhoji my dia, hata kama walinyanyaswa au kukosewa hakupaswa kuhoji, na hicho ndio kitu MJ1 anachojaribu ku-advoctae kwenye hii thread,

 

[nyumba kubwa]

Na wanaume wanyanyasaji wanajua type ya wanawake wa kuoa. Unakuta mwingine anaenda kuoa kijijini kabisaa ili aendelee kutesa. Huwezi kuwa myanyasaji ukaoa mke anayejitambua unajitafutia matatizo.

 

[Mamamkwe]

Kumbe sipo pekeyangu.Mimi kuna siku aliniambia nikimfuatilia ni kama namwambia ongeza.Nilichaacha.siku hizi nikienda kuoga nikirudi namkuta yupo busy kuangalia simu yangu.akiniona anajidai kuirudisha.HAWA viumbe kumbe wapo sawa

we acha tu hiyo simu inakaguliwa mno,majina ya kiume anayatumia sms za kiuchokozi aone kama nina mahusiano nao.hata e mail nimeibadilisha password kwani akinitumia mwanaume ilikuwa kero.Ki ukweli kero kubwa sasa si matendo yake ni ghubu alilonalo

 

[nyumba kubwa]

They weren't happy at all. Mama yangu nakumbuka alikuwa ni wale wamama wakali kama pili pili. Now have come to learn kuwa alikuwa anatuonea kwa kuwa tulikuwa weaker targets. Alikuwa anaweza kukutuma ukamchukulie kitu chumbani, unajua mambo ya utoto unasahau ulichotumwa, kurudi kumuuliza unashindwa maanake utaambulia kibao just image. That was due to frustrations za kumezea mambo ya baba na kushindwa ku mface.

I have a friend ambaye ana mume mwenye tabia za hovyo hovyo, including kuchelewa kurudi home na ni violent. Huyo dada ni mpole sana lakini kwa wanae ni kama chui. Unaweza kuta anamtukana mtoto with no reason. Totally frustrated.

are u tryn to say mama zetu were happy kwenye ndoa zao hizo zenye uvumilivu uliopiliza ? umeshawahi kukaa na mama yako akakuambia mapito aliyopitia? i suppose hujaolewa yet nakuombea uolewe coz hapo ndio mama yako na shangazi zako watakapokupa maisha waliyopitia ndio utajua kumbe ni zaidi ya uwaonavyo....,kulikuwa hakuna majibishano kwa sababu hawakuwa na haki ya kuhoji my dia, hata kama walinyanyaswa au kukosewa hakupaswa kuhoji, na hicho ndio kitu MJ1 anachojaribu ku-advoctae kwenye hii thread,

 

[Mamamkwe]

King'asti hata mimi nashindwa kabisa kuelewa. Mtu anirudie nyumbani alfajiri, kuna ndoa hapo? Nadhani ni sulal la malezi na mila. Kuna watu wamekuwa prepared kukubali manyanyaso. NOT ME.
Kwani niki file divorce xxx itachacha???? Ni nini kinachokung'ang'aniza kwa mwanaume anayekujia alfajiri? Ndio pale hata ukiumwa kikoozi unajua tayari. Maisha ya wasiwasi na mashaka siwezi yavumilia. Narudia, sometimes tunawalea hawa wanaume wawe hivyo walivyo. Wanaume ni kama watoto. Anaanzaje kuja asubuhi??? Am sure alianza taratibu kuchelewa wife akawa anamkenulia.

My dad sent me to school ili niwe independent including kutokukubali mtu yeyote afanye maisha yangu a living hell. Na alikuwa akitukumbusha mara kwa mara kabla hatujaolewa kuwa tusikubali kunyanyaswa na mwanaume; and the only thing to escape that is to be financially independent.

Sikukaa kimya ndugu yangu.Mambo yalivyoanza ilikuwa ni kumkaripia mtindo mmoja,nilimtafuta mmbaya wangu na nikampiga mkwara sanasana alienda chukua rb eti atakapodhurika mimi nikamatwe.Kuna wakati nilidanganywa nikaenda hiyo nyumba nilijua mume wangu yupo majirani wakamficha.Ndugu na wanasema mimi nina wivu.
Nina elimumu nzuri lakini upo kwa ajili ya watoto kwani kwa vyovyote tutaenda mahakamani kugombea custody ya watoto kwa bahati mbaya mume wangu ni mwanasheria na court system yetu inajulikana

 

[Mamamkwe]

Mwanajamii One kama ungekuwa umejiuliza hayo maswali, kuyafanyia uchunguzi na kuyatatolea maamuzi kabla hamjaoana wala usingekuwa unayauliza sasa simply because usingekubali kuolewa na mtu wa aina hiyo. Kama ulikuwa unajua kuwa ana hizo tabia, lakini ukaamua kuolewa naye hapo utakuwa kama vile ulikubali hayo yote. You can't complain afterwards kuwa tunda ulilonunua ni bovu wakati ulikuwa na uwezo wa kulichunguza vuzuri. Buyers be aware ina apply pia kwa wale wanaotafuta wachumba.

Wanasema prevention is always better than protection. Ili kuepukana na maswali kama haya baadae chukua precautions during selection. Sometimes tunafanya selections vizuri lakini tatizo kubwa tulilo nalo ni kwamba wakati mwanaume anaoa ana expect mwanamke asibadilike (awe vile vile), mwanamke nae ana expect mwanaume abadilke.. Kama mwanaume alikuwa na tabia hizo usitegeee atabadilika baada ya kuoa.
But the botto pick the wrong person because we expect him/her to change or not to change after we're married. We pick the wrong person because we focus more on chemistry than on character. We pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a woman needs most. We choose the wrong person because we do not share a common life goals and priorities. We choose the wrong person because We get intimately involved too quickly.

We pick the wrong person because we do not have a deeper emotional connection with this person. We pick the wrong person because we choose someone with whom we don't feel emotionally safe. We pick the wrong person because we don't put everything on the table. We pick the wrong person because we use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness. We pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle. We pick the wrong
Watu huficha tabia wengi wao ni kama ma saints.

 

[EMT]

King'asti hata mimi nashindwa kabisa kuelewa. Mtu anirudie nyumbani alfajiri, kuna ndoa hapo? Nadhani ni sulal la malezi na mila. Kuna watu wamekuwa prepared kukubali manyanyaso. NOT ME.
Kwani niki file divorce xxx itachacha???? Ni nini kinachokung'ang'aniza kwa mwanaume anayekujia alfajiri? Ndio pale hata ukiumwa kikoozi unajua tayari. Maisha ya wasiwasi na mashaka siwezi yavumilia. Narudia, sometimes tunawalea hawa wanaume wawe hivyo walivyo. Wanaume ni kama watoto. Anaanzaje kuja asubuhi??? Am sure alianza taratibu kuchelewa wife akawa anamkenulia.

My dad sent me to school ili niwe independent including kutokukubali mtu yeyote afanye maisha yangu a living hell. Na alikuwa akitukumbusha mara kwa mara kabla hatujaolewa kuwa tusikubali kunyanyaswa na mwanaume; and the only thing to escape that is to be financially independent.

NK ume mention kitu muhimu. Mwanamke kuwa financially dependent. Mbona kuna wanawake wengi tuu duniani wako financially dependent lakini bado ni dependent on men? Mbona wanawake ambao ni financially dependent wana kuwa cheated na hata kupigwa na wanaume zao lakini wanaendelea kuwa nao? Mbona kuna wanawake ambao sio financially dependent na hawanyanyaswi na wanaume zao? Sidhani kuwa financially dependent is the solution. There is something more.

According to evolutionary psychology, wanawake hawaitaji wanaume tuu bali pia wamekuwa fundamentally programmed kutegemea wanaume. Samahani, I may sound extraordinarily sexist lakini naamini wanawake hata wale walio kwenye happiest of relationships wamekuwa programmed to worry their men are going to abandon them. And they're terrified in a way sisi wanaume wenyewe tunashidwa kabisa kuelewa.

Wanawake wa karne ya 21 wanaweza kusema they are truly independent for the first time in our social history. They may tell themselves and each other that they don't need a man. They can even start a family on their own thanks to IVF techniques. Lakini while feminists may argue this proves women have finally kicked off the shackles of dependence on men, I'm afraid they're wrong. In evolutionary terms the huge cultural changes over the past generation amount simply to the merest blink of an eye. It could take another 10,000 years for women to change their thinking.

Quite simply, women are preprogrammed to feel dependent on men. Even today women may be richer and enjoy all the trappings of success but, deep down in their psyche, they fear they can't survive alone. Labda nikuulize swali. kwa nini wanawake ambao ni financially dependent, still look for a mate of higher social standing? Is not because she would immediately get greater access to resources because her social standing would be elevated too? Are these rich women having cosmetic surgery and Botox treatments purely to feel better about themselves? Women are driven by a primeval urge to keep their men by looking youthful and fertile. Sexist? Maybe. True? I fear so.

The only solution sio kuwa financially dependent bali kuondoa hiyo programming. They way women treat computers is exactly they way they treat men. Unakumbuka mara mwisho uli formart computer yako lini? Au kwa sababu its working fine you don't need to format it? Au ikiharibika you will throw it away and buy a new way because you're financially dependent?

 

[Victoire]

sasa baada ya wewe kuacha kumfuatilia maana yake ndio ameacha kufanya vile alivyokuwa anavifanya hadi wewe ukawa unaamuliza? au umeamua kukubali ya yaishe hata kama unajua kuna vitu anavifanya na havikupendezi, na ukihoji unaambiwa ndio ataongeza kuvifanya? Mungu akutie nguvu mpendwa,uweze kujitambua.

kaacha yaani kawa mwanaume ninaemtaka awe.ndo maana akakiri "mke wangu ulivyokuwa unanifuatilia ndo nilikuwa nazidisha"

 

[Chauro]

usinikumbushe rafiki nilishapitia hiyo hali na mnyonge wangu alikuwa mwanangu nilikuwa nampiga hasa can u imagine a son of 3 yrs amekataa kunywa dawa unamtandika viboko vya haja sitaki kukumbuka jamani nani kaleta hii post ya machungu namna hii

They weren't happy at all. Mama yangu nakumbuka alikuwa ni wale wamama wakali kama pili pili. Now have come to learn kuwa alikuwa anatuonea kwa kuwa tulikuwa weaker targets. Alikuwa anaweza kukutuma ukamchukulie kitu chumbani, unajua mambo ya utoto unasahau ulichotumwa, kurudi kumuuliza unashindwa maanake utaambulia kibao just image. That was due to frustrations za kumezea mambo ya baba na kushindwa ku mface.

I have a friend ambaye ana mume mwenye tabia za hovyo hovyo, including kuchelewa kurudi home na ni violent. Huyo dada ni mpole sana lakini kwa wanae ni kama chui. Unaweza kuta anamtukana mtoto with no reason. Totally frustrated.

 

[EMT]

Nakubaliana na wewe 100% na ndio maana nikasema I dont have anyone to blame than I,me and Myself. Laiti ningeligundua hilo mapema but how? kabla ya ndoa hamuishi pamoja (na pengine mko mikoa mbalimbali) unajuaje kama ni tabia yake kuchelewa kurudi? na kama ni long distance relationship mnaonana kwa muda mfupi ni rahic kuficha makucha ambayo unakujakuyagundua the moment mnaishi pamoja. Hukuwa na tabia ya kumtegemea kwa matumizi, utajuaje kuwa hatokujajali familia yake au he is not responsible? Unless useme tuwe tunawajaribu na scenerio mbali mbali.

Hapo naona kama umeuliza how do I get married secretly without my family knowing? LOL. Naamini a great relationship starts with friendship. It is through friendship that you can know in and out of someone. Lakini ukianza moja na relationship sijui kama utamjua unless the relationship was made from heaven. Kuwa friends kwanza will usually make your friend to divulge information about past faults, relationships, and sexual antics that they'd never divulge to you if they started out meeting you in hopes to have these activities with you.

If and when a friend tells you that they may be interested in you, you go into the relationship knowing all of this information stacked against them, and if your friend is ridiculous enough, s/he will make you absolutely paranoid and thinking "Will s/he treat me like s/he did to _______________?" Wengine tanaanza vizuri na friendship lakini hatujui lini tu cross over na kuanza dating. About long distance relationship hata wachaga wameacha hiyo.