Men and Emotional Intimacy

zubedayo_mchuzi · 2012-08-25T18:38:56+00:00

A man who can cry is a man who has learned some secrets about intimacy. But sadly, for many men it takes something tragic or life-changing before they understand this truth. Here are a few ways you can tell if the man you love has trouble with intimacy or struggles to open up: Hes unable to discuss his feelings. Hes determined to avoid his feelings. Hes unable to express love, sorrow, or pain. Hes unable or unwilling to cry. Hes determined to make all situations into a joke. Hes determined to lighten the mood or change the topic when emotional issues are discussed. He physically leaves the room when emotional issues are discussed. Hes insensitive to the emotions of those around him. Most menunfortunatelydo not undergo such traumatic experiences as the one described above. Yet many boys emerge from adolescence with a strong sense that being strong and unfeeling is the masculine thing to do. When a male brain is saturated in testosterone, it doesnt take much, even from well-meaning family members, to give a boy the message that emotions and feelings are only for girls. Here are some things your husband may have heard when growing upthings that may have shaped him into a seemingly uncaring person: Dont cry unless youre hurt. Tough it out. Boys dont cry. Only sissies get hurt feelings. Its a sign of weakness to let people know youre hurting. If you love a man who doesnt seem to be able to express his feelings, you might want to consider using word pictures to help him identify whats going on inside. A word picture uses a story or object to simultaneously activate the emotions and intellect of the hearer. As a result, he experiences your words rather than just hearing them. Its important to realize that helping your husband learn to express his feelings will take time. You might have to use several examples or try for several days, weeks, or even months before he is able to feel and share with you whats in his heart. And until he reaches that point, he wont be able to connect with you on an emotional intimate level. Based on what Ive learned in my many years of counseling, Ive found that a womans definition of intimacy is very different from a mans. Consider the following lists: What women mean by intimacy Deep emotional connection Daily time sharing your heart Daily time hearing the heart of the one you love Ability to cry easily and together at emotional moments A sensitivity to know immediately when feelings are hurt Understanding each others dreams and goals Closeness of the heart and soul What men mean by intimacy Deep physical connection Foreplay Hand-holding, hugging, kissing Understanding each others physical needs An ability to communicate physical needs Physical time alone together A sensitivity to know when physical needs are present One of the reasons men may be more focused on physical closeness is that men arent as sensitive to physical touch as women are. In other words, it takes more physical touch to meet a mans physical needs. In the same way that a woman has twice the daily word count, a man has twice the need for physical stimulation. The point is this: Women often feel unloved because their emotional needs arent being met, and in the same way, men often feel ignored because their physical needs arent being met. I think the problem is clear at this point: Guys have trouble with true emotional intimacy. Written by Dr. Gary Smalley

Thread starter zubedayo_mchuzi
Start date Aug 25, 2012

zubedayo_mchuzi

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Men and Emotional Intimacy

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