Mimi na mzee wangu hatuko sawa, na sioni dalili ya kuja kuwa sawa tena

[Aizat]

Kuna Binti alikuwaga anachapwa hivi na yeye kwa kuchangiwa kaka na mama,nilikuwa naumia nikimuona anachapwa vile, wote wanainua mikono juu wanashusha fimbo kwa pamoja daah, pole kama na wewe ulipitia hayo mkuu.

Sante mkuu....ni watu ambao wanaonesha upendo mkubwa kwangu kwa sasa hivi...but mi hawako moyoni kabisa, sipendi hata kuwatembelea maana najusikiaga hasira sana nikiwaona!

 

[Nafaka]

Kila binadamu huwa anakuwa na mtihani wake... Leo nimeona nitoe japo snippet yangu, kwa vile hili jukwaa ni kubwa nadhani naweza kupata mtu wa kunibadilisha mawazo..

Kwanza kabisa.... I'll be 29 this month. Na kuna vitu huwa navipuuza but they're starting to make clear sense now..

Si unajua utu uzima dawa Buddha! So japo mapambano yanaendelea kuna time inabidi uwe vulnerable kidogo uache ego ikae pembeni maana haiweki chakula kwenye sahani wala kulipa kodi.

So, kufupisha stori ni hivi...

Mimi na mzee wangu hatuko sawa, na sioni dalili ya kuja kuwa sawa tena... Maana Kadri siku zinavyoenda nazidi kupata picha yake halisi na ninazdi kukosa connection nae kabisa sioni kama kuna umoja kati yetu..

Ninamheshimu sana mzee, amenipa maisha, ya kipekee sana, katusomesha, he was overly protective. Ila alikuwa sijui itakuwa sahihi kusema kapitiliza kutoa protection..

Baba yetu alikuwa mtu wa perfection yaani hataki kusikia ulisahahu nini, alikuwa hataki mazoea na watu growing up nimelelewa maisha ya geti kali.. Hatukua wa kishua hata ila ni vile tu mzee alikuwa na secure job.

Mama yangu was such a best woman ever existed (may she rest easy)

Sitaki kwenda deep zaidi, ila hayo maisha ni mabaya sana kwa watoto. Yanawaharibu sana kisaikolojia..
Mzee wangu alikuwa so controlling na ikifika hatua by the age of me getting to secondary school nikawa naona kabisa haya maisha sio right.. Yaani he was dealing with alot for sure, but even when since mom was still available akifanya vile vile kwake, so nimekuwa nikiona familia iliyo njema na yenye furaha kwa nje, but giza likitanda usiku ni hatari.. Kelele torture kwa wanaishi ndani.

Sitaki kuingia sana kuelezezea nini kulikuwa kinatokea ila nahisi mmepata picha sahihi..

Ili fika kipindi ikawa ukifika muda wa kurudi shule moyo unafurahi... Ila bado unatoka home na Maumivu tu, yaani it was hell... Na ukiwa mtoto wa kiume inapaswa umezee ndani. Usiwe weak, usiwe coward..

My school life was nerve wrecking, I never enjoyed it.. Hata ndugu hawakutaka kusikia kuhusu mimi na drama za mzee wangu. It was lonely as fvck.. It reached a point nikawa suicidal kabisa.. Ningekuwa najua mbinu za Kujimaliza ningelifanya hivyo.. I always thought of my mom.. Na hata kifo chake mzee pia alichagiza(she was tired of all the mess)... Na muda nikikaa kufikiri huwa natumia vibaya sana.

Kupunguza stori, ni kuwa beside yote hayo mzee katufunza kuwa disciplined, alikuwa ni mtu wa nothing happens usipo jituma. Na ilinisaidia sana kuperform shule I despite mazito niliyo kuwa na pambana nayo ndani.

Ila with all the chaos, nilipo fika chuo nilisema mazima home, or tuseme nilikuwa soo tired hata kumface mzee machoni ilikuwa trauma inducing. Ilikuwa hata akinioigia simu natetemeka kuokota.. Hiyo ni miaka ya 2021 na huko na maliza chuo nikasema.. I have nothing to do with him, nikajiapia ntarudi ila I was terribly tired of thinking atakuwa sawa. Ilikuwa ni kelele daily aisee..

Sasa baada ya kutoka home life ilikuwa ngumu mbaya mbovu... Sijawahi kuona uchungu wa kutafuta wazee, that's when life kicked me to the curve. Nililala chini mimi. All I had was money ya kodi tu. Nikifanya kazi kama mtumwa, na sijui hata ujasiri huo Ulitoka wapi.. All I did was for money, imagine unafanya kazi kutwa unapata elf5? Hapo Natafuta Ajira ya kujishikisha.

All was well, baada ya muda nikaanza kuwa stable, na maisha ya kaanza kuwa smooth, but trust me kuna muda kidogo nirudi home, ila ili shindikana kwa sababu ningeaibika tu. I worked my ass off nikaanza kuona matunda.. Japo Sija fika ila I see progress.

So baada ya miaka kama mi3 hivi ya ku struggle ndo sasa naanza kuiona picha halisi ya mzee, wangu. He only instilled fear on me. Nimejikuta nikichukia watu sana, nikichukia hasa kuona mtu ana I control... Hasa makazini. Sipendi mtu aniamrishe(huwa ina induce pain kutoka kwa mzee wangu)

I know ni kwa sababu ya zile kumbukumbu za mzee wangu, nimekuwa nikijibizana sana na maboss kazi baada ya kazi, nataka niwe my own boss. Ila we both know sio rahisi. Maisha ya nahitaji kujishusha ila kwangu inakuwa kipengele maana huwa naweza kuwa people pleaser au kujiona kupitiliza(hii ni imbalance ya bad treatment utotoni)
Najaribu kujifunza na kuwa bora, na naona matokeo kuhusu hilo(it's taken me years of shadow work)

Tukiachana na hayo yote, baada ya muda mrefu mzee amekuwa kama anataka nirudi, najua uzee na upweke utakua unammendea ila sioni kama nitaweza hata kumface tena.

Hivi unajua ile ya kuwa huna commonness na mtu? Yaani unajua kabisa huyu ni mtu wa namna gani, na unajua hata iweje hawezi kuwa wamoja?

Ndo ninavyo mwona baba yangu, I do respect and love him for being a good Dad. Ila ile treatment yake udogoni iliniharibu vibaya sana mustakabli wa maisha yangu, nimesha samehe na namtakia afya na maisha marefu sana but sioni kama tutakaa kuelewana tena. Yeye ana namna anayaona mambo ambavyo mimi sioni..

So kama mtu mzima, na utu uzima dawa nimeona hakuna haja tena ya kukaa na jambo lenye kuja kuwa na impact ambayo mimi huenda nisiione now.

Ningependa kama tungeacha drama kidogo katika hili, ingependeza kidogo.

Jaribu kuconnect naye mkuu before it's too late. Mimi nilianza kumwelewa mzee wangu baada ya kufariki. Mambo mengi niliyokuwa ninahisi anakosea nimekuja kugundua alikuwa sawa kwa 98.

 

[Gunner11]

Hizo hisia haziji zenyewe mkuu, mtoto anapitia maumivu makali mfufulizo ndo anafikia hiyo hali. Jiulize mfano watoto wanaobakwa na baba zao, hawa nao wakilalamika utasema wanawapuuza baba zao?

Mkuu mm naona ni heri kusamehe tu.
Hatuwezi kucontrol binadamu ila tunaweza kujicontrol sisi wenyewe

 

[Aizat]

Aisee.. 😔
Pole sana, kumbe watu mmebeba maumivu Daah.. Kama kwa sasa umesha kuwa mtu mzima, let that shit go, yameshapita.. Waambie kuwa uliumia na bado hujasahau Itakusaidia...

Mimi mzee wangu huwa namkumbusha sana, na huwa na tendency ya kumwambia sijasahau kitu.. He knows now na ni yeye ndo ananitafuta ni rudi ila sio rahisi kama a navyo dhani.. Ila mwishoni forgiveness is the only option lazima kusamehe

Hawa dawa yao ni madongo tu kwenye simu...wakiletaga shobo za kunimiss naingizia na story za manyanyaso yao kipindi hicho, wanakaa kimyaaa!

 

[Gunner11]

Hawa dawa yao ni madongo tu kwenye simu...wakiletaga shobo za kunimiss naingizia na story za manyanyaso yao kipindi hicho, wanakaa kimyaaa!

Haswaa😂😂 ila kama wameshalitambua hilo na kujua makosa yao. Inakuwa poa sana.

Seems mnaishi vyema tu kumbe?

 

[Strong ladg]

Mkuu mm naona ni heri kusamehe tu.
Hatuwezi kucontrol binadamu ila tunaweza kujicontrol sisi wenyewe

Kusamehe ndio tunawaambia wasamehe,ila sio sawa kuwashutumu hao watu kwa maneno ya kejeli eti" wanawapuuza wazazi wao" ilihali wanaelezea ukweli wa yaliyowatokea. Mimi huwa sifurahii mtu anayekejeli maumivu ya mwenzake.

 

[Dejane]

Kaa nayee.. Mfanye awe rafiki in a more stric way... Sometimes naona wazazi wengi wanakuwa kama watoto wawaone wa kuogopwa which inamfanya awe na nidhamu ya uoga

Aisee sijui nikuambiaje kuna muda tunacheka tunafurah tunapiga story ila we acha tu ,ukimchekea na kumuangalia tu bila ukali ndio anakuonyesha sasa anataka uhuru zaidi isingekuwa hivyo angepigwa mimba sasa acha tu sitaki mchezo

 

[Strong ladg]

Nimekukosoa ulivyokuja bila kujua uzito wa maumivu anayopitia mtu.

Hao watu wasiojali maumivu ya wenzao bora wawe wanakaa kimya.

 

[Gunner11]

Kusamehe ndio tunawaambia wasamehe,ila sio sawa kuwashutumu hao watu kwa maneno ya kejeli eti" wanawapuuza wazazi wao" ilihali wanaelezea ukweli wa yaliyowatokea. Mimi huwa sifurahii mtu anayekejeli maumivu ya mwenzake.

Hakika..
Hicho kitendo ni sawa na kuvalidate haikuwa mbaya kiasi cha kumvunja mtoto.. Na wazazi wengi wa kiafrika huwa na ego mbaya sana kukataa impact waliyoiacha kwa watoto wao

 

[maranguvillage]

Maisha ni mafupi sana malizana na mshua wako He is a good man Nobody is perfect halafu ikatae Ego! Tuliza kichwa mkuu

 

[Aizat]

We face the same issue.
Upumbavu wa wazazi wengi ni kwamba, wao hawakua na vision yoyote ya maana kwenye maisha yao, alafu wanakuja kulazimisha watoto wao waishi kwa misingi yao na mawazo yao kwa lazima, bila kujali wewe mtoto una maono gani na unapenda.

Unakuta mzazi anavuta sigara, mtoto na yeye akivuta sigara unashangaa dingi anaanza mzozo na kelele mixer ngumi,

Mwisho binafsi sina mapenzi na mzazi mpumbavu, kwani wapo wazazi wanaomwaga damu za watoto wao kaajiri ya vitu vya kidunia

🤣🤣🤣😁...

 

[Gunner11]

Hao watu wasiojali maumivu ya wenzao bora wawe wanakaa kimya.

Hakika mkuu. Ndo maana nikiona mtu hajali na mimi humpotezea tu

 

[baunsamuoga]

Mkuu ishi maisha uliyotengeneza wewe kwa kutumia kanuni ulizotengenezewa,, maisha unavyo ya elewa wewe Leo hiii ni tofauti na anavyoelewa na kuyaishi mzee wako! Elewa kwamba hisia za uchakataji wa matukio ambayo umeyapitia yanakupa majibu ya maisha yako ya Leo, Kuna namna mzee inapaswa apongezwe ingawa inaumiza, hebu angalia maisha ya sasa vijana wengi wanaharibika kwa amna frani ya malezi waliyopitia lkn kwa upande wako umeishi kiume licha ya kutafsiri ni makosa, hata idea ya wewe kuanza kujitafuta baada ya kukumbuka maisha ulopita, hivyo usilaumu Sanaa wala kulani Sana Kuna namna utahifadhi kumbumbu kwa maumivu yenye faida na historia kwa kizazi chako, hapo ni wewe kwenye utawala wako utaamua ulee vipi watoto wako ila ukumbuke wewe ni baba mpya na hata baba yako aliyafanya hayo kwa upendo kwa kuamini ndio malezi kwa wakati wake!

 

[Aizat]

Haswaa😂😂 ila kama wameshalitambua hilo na kujua makosa yao. Inakuwa poa sana.

Seems mnaishi vyema tu kumbe?

Yeah ofcourse tuko poa! Wananilelea na katoto kangu (wako vizuri sana kiuchumi)...

Mi siko Africa nimewakimbia kabisa!

 

[Gunner11]

Yeah ofcourse tuko poa! Wananilelea na katoto kangu (wako vizuri sana kiuchumi)...

Mi siko Africa nimewakimbia kabisa!

Daah OK 👌
Inaonekana uchungu ule ulikufanya ujitume zaidi..

 

[Surya]

Siku akiondoka utajua huo unayosema ufala utaona ulikuwa na maana.
Acha kumwita mzazi ana ufala.

Mathayo 10:34-37
[34]Msidhani ya kuwa nimekuja kuleta amani duniani; la! Sikuja kuleta amani, bali upanga.

[35]Kwa maana nalikuja kumfitini mtu na babaye, na binti na mamaye, na mkwe na mkwe mtu;

[37]Apendaye baba au mama kuliko mimi, hanistahili; wala apendaye mwana au binti kuliko mimi, hanistahili.

 

[lost files]

Una miaka 29???mimi siku zote nilifikiri una miaka 18-20...

When someone tells you to "be a man" the emphasis isn't on the male part of man,the emphasis is on the adult part of man.

They are telling you to grow up..

 

[Gunner11]

Una miaka 29???mimi siku zote nilifikiri una miaka 18-20...

When someone tells you to "be a man" the emphasis isn't on the male part of man,the emphasis is on the adult part of man.

They are telling you to grow up..

Mkuu acha matani basi
Yaani kwa mabandiko yangu makini unigroup kwenye age group hiyo kweli?

I think being a man is so overrated these days. To be a man is not enclosed in just being serous all the time, and hiding the pain away. Atleast I'm just tryna win, win myself and become the best version

 

[Aizat]

Daah OK 👌
Inaonekana uchungu ule ulikufanya ujitume zaidi..

Sema nawashukuru kwa hili...wamenifanya niwe na roho ngumu sana!

 

[Gunner11]

Sema nawashukuru kwa hili...wamenifanya niwe na roho ngumu sana!

Ok sawa kuna kitu nataka kuku Uliza kama hautojali mkuu