Khaaa......
Mtambuzi siku 90 ni miezi kama mitatu hivi, sasa kigezo gani umetumia mkuu? Ujue hasa muktadha wa swali langu ni kwamba hatuwezi kuwa na mzani sahihi wa kupima tusubiri muda gani. Hata yule anayefanikiwa "kupatamo" siku ya kwanza wanaweza kuoendelea hadi ndoa, na siye "madomo zege" "tusio na mvuto" tukasubiri hata miaka saba kisha unakula siku moja na "kukinai" kwa sababu huoni tena kilichokupa hamu muda wote huo ni nini? Unaweza kukuta ndo ivo gari imeenda 'kilomita nyingi' au we mwenyewe kumbe 'hutoshei'! LOL
Kuna kitabu kinaitwa:
Steve Harvey: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man
Kitafute kina majibu yote...................
The Ninety-Day Rule
Nineteen seventy-seven-it was a good year. I wasliving in Cleveland, I had a two-bedroom apartment,brand spanking new. I hadn't quite gottenthe car I wanted, but I was working on it. And I had a job atthe Ford motor plant. They had a high hourly wage there, andovertime-more money than a man of my stature could dreamof making. But more important, Ford had benefits. Thing is,you had to be on the job for a while to get them. Oh, you couldget a paycheck, but you could not get the benefits; and as far as any of the full-time regulars on the line were concerned, you were not in until you had the benefits.
Ford's policy was thatyou had to work at least ninety days before they'd cover yourhealth insurance; this was the plant management saying to me,we will provide you benefits after you have proven to me youare worthy-work hard, show up on time, follow your supervisor'sorders, and get along with your co-workers for ninetydays, and then you can get dental and medical coverage. Youcan get your eyes checked, no problem. Your hernia could bustand we will take care of you. We will take care of your kids'teeth and eyes, and if you've got a woman, she can get glassesand crowns on her teeth if she needs them, and any more babiesyou have with your lady after this, we're going to take care ofthem, too. Your whole family will be covered. We are going toprovide you with a benefit package.And you know something? All of this made perfect sense tome. I was being challenged to show everybody at the plant thatI was serious, and ready and able to work hard for both thesalary and the right to have them pay my medical and dentalexpenses-and as a man, I needed and wanted to prove that Iwas up for the challenge and worthy of the reward. I agreed 100percent with what the Ford Motor Company was saying to me,and so I signed on the dotted line. I wanted to be a part of theFord family.The first day I got paid, the supervisor came through and said,"Here's your check, appreciate you coming." The check wascool, but I wasn't making an appointment at the doctor's office
anytime soon. If I got a toothache-hell, if both of my frontteeth were loose and about to fall clean out of my mouth-therewouldn't be any dentist appointments for ninety days, becauseFord had already said I had to prove myself to the people whosigned the checks in order to get the extras-the perks.It was a really simple equation: work hard, prove yourself,get the benefits.And guess what? It's the same way with jobs in the government,places like the post office, the DMV-and even in somecorporations. You have got to prove yourself to get the goodstuff, the extras, the benefits.So if Ford and the government won't give a man benefitsuntil he's been on the job and proven himself, why, ladies, areyou passing out benefits to men before they've proven themselvesworthy? Come on now, you know what the
benefits are. I'm not talking about being nice to him, or cooking for him, orgoing out to dinner with him, or helping him pick out an outfit,or bringing him around your mother. Those are things thathappen during the course of a budding relationship-you dospecial things for each other because you care. By benefits, incase you haven't figured it out, I'm talking about sex. And ifyou're giving your benefits to a guy who's only been on the jobfor a week or two, you're making a grave mistake.You don't know this man-not much about him, anyway.He doesn't know you.He hasn't proven himself.
And he could walk off the job at any time.And you'll have no one but yourself to blame.Think about it: the first guy you slept with quicker thanninety days-where is he? I'm willing to bet that you're probablynot with him. True, there are some people out there somewherewho had sex early in the relationship and are still togetherto this very day, but that's rare. More likely than not, a guy whogets benefits early in a relationship, without having to put inwork or prove himself, leaves and moves on to a committedrelationship with a woman who puts him through some type ofprobationary period to find out more about him. I'm sure thatwoman laid out the rules-the requirements-early on, and lether intended know that he could either rise up to those requirements,or just move on.A directive like that signals to a man that you are not aplaything-someone to be used and discarded. It tells him thatwhat you have-your benefits-are special, and that you needtime to get to know him and his ways to decide if he
deserves them.
The man who is willing to put in the time and meet therequirements is the one you want to stick around, because thatguy is making a conscious decision that he, too, has no interestin playing games and will do what it takes to not only stay onthe job, but also get promoted and be the proud beneficiary ofyour benefits. And you, in the meantime, win the ultimateprize of maintaining your dignity and self-esteem, and earningthe respect of the man who recognized that you were worth thewait.
Of course, you've got to use your ninety days wisely; a probationaryperiod means nothing if you're not putting this guythrough the paces. During that ninety-day period, you shouldbe checking him out-does he come when he says he's going tocome; does he call when he's going to be late; does he like andcare about your friends and, if you have them, your children;does he express his joy at being in your presence? Most important,is this really a man with whom you can see yourself in acommitted relationship? Or do you see signs that make yourGod-given intuition kick in? You know how it goes: youhaven't been invited over to his house, you only have the cellphone number, he won't answer his phone when you're in theroom or he takes hushed calls in the corner where you can'thear what's being said-he tells you he's dating other women,or, somehow, you just know he is.
These are tendencies youcan't possibly see in a man you've dated for less than ninety daysbecause guess what? The guy who is dating you just to get thebenefits up front is going to be on his best behavior in the beginning,specifically so he can make you think he's worthy. Butjust as sure as time is going to come and go, he'll eventuallyshow his true nature.Give it at least ninety days, and you can smoke all of that outof him, so that you can be sure that this guy is the right man foryou. After all, it's your right to want what you want-and toactually get it. Put yourself first: ask the five questions (as mentionedin the previous chapter), withhold the benefits, anddemand the respect. If you have a high level of respect for your
self, you're automatically going to command that respect froma man. Make him qualify for the benefits, and I guarantee you'llhave a better man on your hands-and in your bed. And onceyou're satisfied he's worthy of the benefits, you can pass it outlike sandwiches at a picnic.Hold on, I know what you're thinking: you're thinking thatif he doesn't get sex from you, he'll go and get it somewhereelse, and you will have lost out on that one chance to get himto be your man-or he'll think you're playing games if youmake him wait, and he'll move on to the next woman who'swilling to take him into her bed.Wrong.In fact, one of those mind tricks we've been playing onwomen since the beginning of time is to convince you all thatwaiting doesn't matter, that giving it up early and quick is theway to go.
Listen to me: if we could convince you that youshould strip naked and get to it within the first five minutes ofour first meeting, we would. This is not a secret: men love andwant sex, and will try (within reason) to get it by any meansnecessary.But guess what? He. Can. Wait. Yes, of course you run therisk of scaring him off, but isn't the guy who sleeps with youwithout any obligation to you, or consideration of your wants,needs, and emotional well-being, the one you want to go away?Isn't reserving something that special for a man who earns itmore of a benefit to you? You have the power to make him wait-
to prove to you that he deserves your love and affection. ThePower. Just think of it this way: when it comes to having sexwith a woman, we men don't decide a thing. We don't determinewhen we're going to sleep with you-that decision isyours. The decision of when we get to kiss you is yours. Whenwe let go of each other's hug and embrace? That decision isyours. We put our hands somewhere on your body other thanyour shoulder and
you decide if we can keep touching that placeor if we gotta let it go. Our job is to convince you to give it tous-to allow us to touch it, let us have it. But the decision onwhether we actually get to have it is Y.O.U.R.S.Don't give up that power. Keep it. You only give up thatpower when the man has earned it, and he is going to respect itand do something with it.That's the truth.Women have crumbled empires with that power. Cleopatrahelped destroy Rome. Read your Bible: we're still in a jamright now because of Eve. Women have always had that kind ofpower, and you do, too-including making the man you'redating wait for the benefits. Oh, I'm not saying you can't paythe man; payment comes along the way during that ninety-dayprobationary period. You can hug, kiss, talk on the phone, gofor a walk in the park, have an ice cream cone together, go outfor dinner. Your time is a form of payment. When we're out todinner with you, you can't imagine how we feel when we'relooking forward to meeting you and you show up with your lip
gloss shining, your eyes seductively made up, and your hair-whether it's blown out, in a weave, or natural-is lovely, andyour body gleaming. I cannot tell you the fulfillment we havein knowing that we've secured your time. And to be seen inpublic with you is a bonus; it's all the affirmation we need. Thepayment is incredible.Hugging? Payment.
Kissing? Payment.You getting dressed up? Payment.Going out with us? Payment.Exchanging explicit e-mails? Payment.But if he wants to sleep with you-make babies and have afamily? Those are benefits.So he's got ninety days on the job to prove himself worthy-ninety days in which you can figure this man out. You're aninvestigator-can't nobody find stuff out like a woman. Y'allput the police to shame, make the little investigative tricks theyshow on
CSI and Law & Order: SVU look like counting lessonson Sesame Street. You know how to find stuff out about a manhe may not have even known about himself. So get to it. Createsome scenarios so you can figure out just who this guy is, andwhether he's good enough for your benefits. Here are a few
things you might want to find out.
