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Kukataliwa ni hisia kali zinazomkabili mtu na kumfanya aamini hakubaliki miongoni mwa wengine. Hali hii inaweza kumkabili mtu kwa sababu za kijamii (tofauti ya rangi), migogoro ya kifamilia (hususani ya mahusiano), tofauti za kimtazamo, tofautu za kimadaraja (aliye nacho na asiye nacho) n.k
 
Hisia za kukataliwa, bila ya kujali kisababishi, hupelekea madhara makubwa kwa mtu husika kama:
¤ hupelekea ugomvi wa nafsi;
¤ kuvunja mahusiano baina ya mtu na jamii yake;
¤ kupunguza ufanisi kwa kushindwa kuelekeza nguvu kwenye kazi;
¤ kushuka kwa kinga ya mwili hivyo kupelekea maradhi ya mara kwa mara.
 
Jinsi ya Kuepuka Kukataliwa.
1. Kuzuia mawazo ya kukataliwa

Mtu anapaswa kukuza hisia (mawazo) chanya dhidi ya wengine, hususani wapinzani wake. Mikakati itumikayo ni kama; kutathmini sababu za kutokukubalika, kutathmini uhalisia wa mambo yanayoleta tofauti, kuamini kuna suluhu ya kudumu, n.k.

Mikakati hatarishi ni kama; kukataa kuwasiliana na mpinzani, kuamini 'mimi' ni sahihi, kuamini kwamba mtu husika hana bahati ya kukubaliwa, kukumbuka mabaya mtu aliyofanyiwa n.k
 
2. Kuepuka mazingira ya upweke.

Ikiwa baada ya ugomvi, mtu ataamua kukaa mazingira tulivu kwa muda mrefu, hupelekea chuki na kutaka kulipiza kisasi. Ili kuepuka upweke, mtu anapaswa kujihusisha na makundi ya watu (marafiki) ambao watatoa ushauri juu ya upatanisho.
 
Kujipa majukumu.

Mtu anapaswa kupanga majukumu ya siku kana kwamba siku nzima (na siku zote) inakuwa na majukumu. Majukumu yahusishe mawasiliano ya mara kwa mara baina ya mtu husika na wengine. Kuwa na muda siokuwa na matumizi huruhusu mtu kukumbuka maovu mtu aliyofanyiwa hapo awali.
 
Kusamehe na kusahau.

Mtu anapaswa kujitahidi kadiri ya nguvu zake zote kusamehe na kusahau maovu aliyofanyiwa na jamaa zake. Ikiwa kama mtu anataka kuishi kwa amani na upendo, kisha kukuza uhusiano anapaswa kusamehe kwa moyo wake wote makosa yote aliyowahi kufanyiwa.
 
Kutaka suluhu.

Baadhi ya watu husubiri upande wa upinzani uchukue hatua za kuleta suluhu. Hali huwa mbaya sana ikiwa kama kila upande utakaa kimya na kusubiri upande wa pili utake kurekebisha tofauti. Mtu anapaswa kujiuliza, je kukaa kimya huleta suluhu? Na je nitakaa kimya mpaka lini huku nikisubiri suluhu ije?
 
Kumsaidia mpinzani.

Ikiwa kama mtu ataamua kuchukua hatua na kubebe 'mzigo' unaomkabili mpinzani wake, atakuwa ameonyesha ubinadamu wa hali ya juu sana. Hivyo, mpinzani ataona hakuna haja ya kuendekeza vita. Kwani kana asingeekuwa mpinzani wake kutoa msaada wa hali au mali, basi angeweza kuangamia.
 
Kumwomba Mungu.

Ikiwa mtu anapata ugumu wa kusamehe na kusahau, kuanzisha mazungumzo ya upatanisho n.k anapaswa kumwomba Mungu kulingana na imani yake. Kumwomba Mungu husaidia kupata ujasiri utaovunja mizizi ya shetani. Kwani shetani hapendi amani miongoni mwa watu walio sura na mfano wa Mungu.
 
HOW TO INSPIRE MANNERS IN YOUR CHILDREN.

1. When entering the house greet your children or even hug them. This should help develop their sense of love and self worth.

2. Be good to your neighbours and never backbite. Never speak ill of other drivers when on the road. Your children would listen, absorb and emulate.

3. When calling your parents, encourage your children to speak to them. When visiting your parents take your children with you. The more they see you take care of your parents the more they will learn to take care of you.
 
7. Try not to blame or comment on every word or action they say or do. Learn to overlook and let go sometimes. This certainly builds their self-confidence.

8. Ask your children's permission before entering their rooms. Don't just knock and enter, but then wait for a verbal permission. They will learn to do the same when wanting to enter your room.


9. Apologize to your children if you made a mistake. Apologizing teaches them to be humble and polite.
 
4. When driving them to school, don't always play albums or cds in the car. Rather, tell them some motivational stories yourself. This will have a greater impact - trust me!

5. Read to them a short story and even a scripture a day – it doesn't take much time, but very impactful in creating strong bonds and wonderful memories.

6. Comb your hair, clean your teeth and wear presentable cloths even if sitting at home and not going out for the day. They need to learn that being clean and tidy has nothing to do with going out!
 
Indeed!!!
 
10. Don't be sarcastic or make fun of their views or feelings, even if you "didn't mean it" and was "only joking". It really hurts.

11. Show respect to your children's privacy. Its important for their sense of value and self-esteem.


12. Don't expect that they will listen or understand the first time. Don't take it personal. But be patient and consistent.
 
13.Pray with them. Show them how to pray. Lead by example.


14. In addition, ask them to discuss their daily plans after the morning prayers. Children without concrete daily plans usually join others in executing theirs. They fall easy to peer pressure.

15.Hold them and bless them specially every morning.
 
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