Kaka,
Huu ushauri sio mzuri kwa state aliyonayo dada Carmel. You men dont know how we, Women feel when are in such situations. We can do anything. We can poison our husbands and kill our precious children just because we are frustrated.
Ila to contribute towards the debate nafikiri njia zifuatazo zaweza kutumiwa kuua kirahisi:
Hii nimeitoa
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/HowTo:Kill_and_not_get_caught
[edit] Your perfect murder
Let's now step-through the planning and execution of your perfect murder.
[edit] Step 1: Your Location
Do not chose a location that can be readily linked to you or your victim. Consider a rarely frequented location, such as an
abandoned warehouse. Do not phone your victim or send a letter inviting them to meet you there. You are not asking this person for a date, and you certainly do not want to leave any evidence of your being there.
A chat room could be used, but be sure to use a computer at a location that cannot be linked to you. Most successful murderers operate in areas far from their home. When traveling to this location, alternate your route and avoid retaining evidence of your travels - such as bus tickets and souveiner t-shirts. Pay with cash, and avoid using your ATM card en-route.
Befriend a drunk stranger in an out-of-town bar. With a little persuasion, they will likely follow you to their death. This can be risky, since witnesses in the bar could describe you to the police. Be prepared to change your appearance to render those descriptions useless.
[edit] Step 2: Your Weapon
There are literally thousands of weapons available to you. Be careful to chose one appropriate to the setting, and one that you are comfortable using. The weapons used to put-down a slave revolt or a zombie attack aren't necessarily appropriate for a discrete murder at the opera. Consider the following:
[edit] Step 3: The murder
Try to make the murder look like suicide. This is achieved by rubbing the weapon on your victim when you are finished. It collects their DNA. Note that this strategy will prove ineffective if you killed the person by stabbing them in the back, or if you carved the word
***** on their head.
You must quickly dispose of your clothing and anything else that could link you to the crime. Far too many murderers have been caught when a random traffic cop pulled them over for speeding and noticed a severed head on the passenger seat.
Consider these advanced techniques relating to specific weapons:
Knife Apply the knife to the victim's neck, wrist, chest, or back of the legs. These are the location of major arteries and veins. However, this spills blood, try making the victim stand on a large piece of cloth that covers your location's room. Then, set fire to it. Simple.
Heavy Object Whack your victim until their screams end, and perhaps until the voices in your head stop crying out for blood. Mother, why don't you love me as much as daddy?
Fire Burn them to death by trapping them in a small room. This is risky, since fire may be difficult to control.
Pillow Invite the victim to have a sleep. When they're drowsy, hold the pillow over the face and don't let go until they stop wriggling. The bitch isn't laughing now.
Killing her softly with his song This method is unreliable and has only every worked one-time or perhaps two-time.
[edit] Step 4: Removing the Evidence
If you follow this simple guide you will carefully and systematically remove all evidence. Do not miss out any stages - it will result in an Imperfect Murder:
If using a weapon that draws
blood, ensure that you clean the murder scene or otherwise destroy it with fire. Note that excessive tidiness is in itself suspicious, so avoid getting blood on anything that will be seen by others. If you intend to murder the person in a property owned by you, prepare beforehand. Consider coating the room in plastic wrapping.
If you intend to make a career of murder, you should consider establishing multiple identities, and you must always have a clear escape plan for each location in which you live. It's tempting to create dramatic fake identities, such as
Juan Sebastapol Steele, the millionaire shipping magnate and
soldier of fortune. This is bad, since your identities should allow you to blend in. Juan would stick-out like a sore thumb, unless of course you plan on infiltrating the shipping magnate scene in order to commit murder. Even so, you'd be more discrete if disguised as a waiter or perhaps a hotel bellhop. It's rumoured that
Elton John is in fact the cover for a successful murderer, but his success does not guarantee yours.
[edit] Step 5: Dispose of the corpse
A simple and easy way to deal with the corpse is to
burn it. However, burning rarely destroys all evidence. You should either chemically prepare a fire so that it burn at around 800 degrees celsius, or return to collect the remains for disposal. A remote body of water is an ideal choice. Or throw it in your 1995 Honda Accord.
[edit] Step 6: Blame Someone else
The classic lesson of politicians and business leaders alike will serve you well. As well as keeping yourself free from blame, you may intent to frame someone else for the murder. Perhaps this is to aid your evasion of the
authorities, or maybe it's linked to your motive for the murder.
In the unlikely event that the police suspect your involvement, the following approaches may be used in order to make you confess:
- Lie - they will pretend to have some damming evidence and say you might as well own up it'll make the paperwork easier. Don't believe them.
- Guilt trap - they will tell you about the family's anguish, and how the victim suffered. They will make you want to make yourself suffer as a penance. Avoid guilt, kill someone without family, who cannot feel pain.
- The Bad Cop/Really Bad Cop routine - they unplug the CCTV camera, swivel their chair round and mount it rodeo style. This is their way of telling you you're about to get ridden. They will beat the confession out of you if they have to, and maybe if they don't have to as well. Learn Kung Fu, wear camouflage, keep your murder kit handy - just remember, if it's self defence, it doesn't count.
- Polygraph test - these can be beaten by making your responses erratic. When asked calibration questions, think of sexually exciting imagery or tense your sphincter muscles. If necessary, imaging yourself showering with you wife or girl friend. By causing unusual calibration, the fluctuations caused by your lies will fail to be noticed.
[edit] Step 7: Bask in your brilliance
Congratulations! You've just completed your first murder, and you've not thus far been caught. Do not become overcome by bravado, since many murderers have been caught after bragging about their crime. This is your secret, and no-one else can possibly know. It's just you and me, mother, and we don't need anyone else do we?
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.
Hey! Wote msemao atafute njia mbadala ya kusahau nawapinga cause that is brooding na side effects zake zinakwenda mbali zaidi ni bora kuface reality and dealing with it!
Usiahirishe matatizo!
Just kill the bastard!
Nanukuu "Hate isn't the opposite of love, indifference is the oppositee of love because if you HATE you still CARE"