Would you say it? (Ungesema?)

Katika Mahusiano:
Rule no 1: Thou shalt not cheat
Rule no 2: Uki cheat then NEVER confess
Rule no 3: Uki bambwa hata kama ni live we kataa,yaani kataa kabisa kabisa,hata kama alikukuta kwenye mlango wa gest we sema ulikuwa unapita tu,hakuna kitu kitamuumiza mwenzio kama kukiri,actually the moment ukikiri then ngono kati yenu will never be the same again.
Rule no 5: Ukiamua ku cheat ,then cheat with dignity,usimdhalilishe mwenzio kwa kufanya mambo waaaaaaaaazi mpaka dunia ijue.
Na final rule:
Ukiamua ku cheat ALWAYS tumia kinga,it is one thing kulamba/kulambwa nje,it is another thing kuleta maradhi ndani.
 


Hapo ndo wanaume washamba hushindwa.... (hata wadada naona....)
 
Hommie.........kama huna guts za kucheat...usicheat.....
 
mkuu kaizer,mim kama nitacheat nitasema kwa sababu kwanza kabisa siwezi kumcheat mtu ninayempenda,hivyo mpaka nifikie kucheat ina maana sina tena mapenzi naye.
Ila hata kama nitakua sina tena mapenzi na mtu sitatoka nje ya uhsiano mpaka tuachane kabisa na mtu niliyenaye,ila kama nitakuwa nimejikuta nimecheat nitasema ukweli ili huyo ambaye nimemcheat ajue kuwa we are no longer together.

naomba nimalize kwa kusema kama unampenda mtu usimcheat,kucheatiana ni kubaya,huko unakocheat unapata nin cha zaid ammbacho umpendaye hawezi kukupa.
na kama huko unakocheat kuna la zaid basi hamia huko huko na umweleze wa zamani ukweli.
 
Askofu said:
Kama hukutakata MTONI usitegemee kutakata BAFUNI....:nono:......
Click to expand...

"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
 


thats ma gal, so intelligent, and rightly so!
 

Cheusi my dear thanks for your comments,
, hivi kweli utamweleza kwamba nimecheat kwa hiyo tuachane, ama utamwambia kuwa 'tunaachana kwa sababu nimecheat'? I mean kipi kitaanza hapo...
 
tatizo lake aliniambia ndo mana mpaka leo namchukulia kama extra hata akiniacha hainiumi kivile
 
Kuna mitazamo kama mitatu hivi. Mtazamo wa kwanza ni ndio au hapana. Siku utakayomwambia kuwa ume cheat itakuwa pia siku ya mwisho ya uhusiano wenu. Hata kama akikusamehe, bado utakaka kuwa na mtu ambaye haku respect 100%? Au ungependa kuwa na uhusiano na mtu aliyekucheat? Unawezamwambia sababu za kucheat na una mpango gani. Unataka uhusiano uishe au uendelee and on what basis? Whether or not utaconfess itategemeana na sababu ya kucheat.

Mtazamo wa pili ni ndiyo. Kuwa ni fair kumwambia partner wako ili aweze kumake "an informed decision" juu ya uhusiano wenu. Kwa hapo inabidi uwe very sincere na straight to the point. Usilete execuses zozote. Kubali wewe ndio mwenye makosa na jiandae kwa lolote litakalotokea ikiwemo mazungunzo makali baina yenu on why you cheated. Partner wako then, itambidi afanye assessment ya mahusiano yenu and see if it can be fixed. Yeye ndiye atakayekuwa na maamuzi ya mwisho juu ya kuendelea au kusitiswa kwa uhusiano wenu. Kama akiamua kusitisha, then itakubidi uheshimu maamuzi yake and move on. Wanaounga mkono mtazamo huu wanasema kuwa ni kitu kigumu sana kumwambia mwenzio umecheat, but it has to be done. Honesty and trust ni vitu muhimu sana kwenye mahusiano. Kama hakuna hivi vitu viwili ni vigumu sana uhusiano wenu kudumu.

Mtazamo ya wa tatu ni hapana. Kama cheating ilikuwa ni one-off na una uhakika kwa asilimia 100 kuwa hautacheat tena, then keep the cheating to yourself. Wapo watu kibao tuu wamecheat labda kwa sababu walikuwa wamelewa mno. Suala linakuja utajuaje kama ilikuwa ni one-off mistake? Unajiskiaje? Guilty? Kama inapita hata miezi sita na bado una feel gulity, it may be that you are still a good boy/girl who just made a boo-boo. Lakini kama hu feel guilty sana, kuna uwezekano utacheat tena. Hapo itabidi u fix what is wrong in the relationship au achana na partner wako atakatafute mtu ambaye hatamcheat. Kama umecheat unaweza kuwa na sababu nzuri, mbaya au kutokuwa na sababu kabisa ya kufanya hivyo. Lakini ukishacheat ni umecheat. You cant undo it. So, swali linakuja why on earth would confess? Uta confess kwa faida ya nani? Utakuwa unafanya hivyo in your conscience lakini utakuwa unamhurt parther wako ile mbaya The whole exercise becomes even more selfish than the initial cheating. Utajisikia better kwa muda mfupi, lakini yeye atajifeel vibaya na uhusiano wenu utasuffer in the long term. Huwa wanasema ignorance is bliss.

So you decide.
 


EMT Hapa tunarudi kule kule kua mpaka mtu uka confess usha pima risks na unajua kua it may be the end of you and your relationship, na i genuinely believe mpaka mtu ana confess ana malengo specific ambayo si genuine kama Kukomoa (labda uli cheat nawewe uka confess...), kusitisha uhusiano (kua umemchoka mwenza na unatafuta sababu za kuachana...).. ama you are soooo NAIVE (kua utaonekana kweli wajutia... very funny!!)



The above mtazamo.... Hata uwe sincere vipi au straight to the point it does not matter any more... Yes unasamehewa but kutakua na an inevitable cold war ya US na Russia... which in some cases it is better an explosion for as much as it is sudden at the end of the day you get the true estimates of the damage...



I believe what makes you ku confess ni the fact kua unajua it will happen again and you want it to.. Kwa wadada waweza confess (napo mpaka ukutwe redhanded...) na ukaachana na huyo mtu unaetoka nae... BUT for men it is worse... Mwanaume hata umfumanie kama bado anamtaka huyo mwanamke - watapanga miadi mingine na kua more careful haijalishi ulifumania... Hivyo nikirudi kwenye hio ya one-off cheat.... in most cases hawa watu wanaojikuta katika mazingira haya ni wale ambao labda wako safarini na desperetly needs the shag, yupo mbali na mwenza, kalewa (kama ulivyo suggest...), walikaa pozi mbaya na the opposite sex katika mazingira hamasishi...etc... kwa yule ambae hupanga...HASEMI...

Kwanza huu uzi umenipa saana insight na most Men wamesema they wont confess... which sometimes is for the beta...
 
Reactions: EMT
Bishanga said:
Katika Mahusiano:

Rule no 5: Ukiamua ku cheat ,then cheat with dignity,usimdhalilishe mwenzio kwa kufanya mambo waaaaaaaaazi mpaka dunia ijue.
Click to expand...

Mkuu hapo umeniacha njia shuka. Kucheat with dignity? Nafikiri whether or not mwenzio amejua, cheating itabakia kuwa cheating. Badala ya kucheat with dignity why don't you treat her/him with some dignity by not cheating in the first place? Or why don't you act with dignity by addressing the reasons for cheating, try to fix your relationship or end it altogether in dignified way?
 

Unafikiri kuna cold war kati Mr Clinton na Mrs Clinton as the result of the former cheating on the later? I think what really matters ni sababu za kucheat and how long the cheating has been going one. Still this may not be enough. Itategemea na aliwekuwa cheated pia. B'se the cheating might have been going on for quite a while and without any reasons, na still alikuwa cheated akaendelea na uhusiano bila kujali au kwa sababu fulani. Mwingine anaweza aka-analyse the cheating subjectively or objectively which may lead to completely different results. Pia mtu uliyecheat naye ana- matter sana kwenye kumake decision ya ku-konfess ana pia kwa yule alikuwa cheate kumake decision ya kusitisha mahusiano.

Mitazamo niliyoitoa hapo juu ni mitazamo ya watu mbalimbali. Lakini nafikiri whether or not ku-confess itategemeana na circumstances za kucheat. Cheating na sababu za kucheat zinatofautiana. Watu anaocheat na kuwa cheated wanatofautiana. Mazingira nayo yanachangia. It could be normal ku-confess in one society but difficult in another.
 


EMT my commenting on the last post does not mean i am in disagreement with your
comments and point of view, i was looking at it from another angle - an angle which both
of us (presumption...) would agree upon.

Na la muhimu zaidi kuhusu the whole cheating issue and the confessing part ni kweli kabisa kua
ni more circumstantially affected and also the mazingira of the affected....
 
Reactions: EMT
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