Yes brother, mpaka unakuta baba na mama zetu wanafanya jubilee ya miaka 40 ya ndoa, haloo sio mchezo hata kidogo. Kunakuwaga na ups na downs nyingi sana zimetokea hapo kati lakini wanazidi kuvumiliana kwa maana kila mmoja ni size sahihi ya mwenzake.Ni sahihi unachokisema mkuu. Hapo kwenye uvumilivu nadhani ndio backbone ya ndoa, maana unavumilia for the rest of life, not only for few years.
Kuna ile kupuuzia mambo,yaani kujifanya mjinga,hasa mke wangu kisirani,na huwa hapendi kushindwa jambo,hivyo huwa nampa ushindi kwenye mgogoro unapotokea,pia hata akikosea msamaha naomba mimi,yeye akikosea haombi msamaha hata iweje,hujiona yupo sahihi,anapenda kuwa juu,hata hapa home panajulikana kwa " mama fulani", jambo la kwanza kupuuzia baadhi ya mambo,kujishusha.Thanks mkuu. Ni kwa namna gani mmeweze kuishi 10+ years of marriage bila kashkash kubwa za kuitikisa ndoa yenu? I mean how do u avoid kuchokana, visirani n.k. Nini kinachowaweka pamoja na upendo kubaki as if ndio mmeoana?
Quoting huo mfano wa bro wako aliyepata mke kwenye harusi inaelezea kabisa kwamba kuoa na kuolewa ni bahati tu,Achana na ile misemo ya mtaani, kwamba kama unapata kila kitu kwenye mahusiano, basi ndoa haina umuhimu. Au wale wanaosema ukishamuweka ndani basi anaota mapembe.
Ukweli ni kwamba huwa inafikia point in this life unahitaji kusettle down. Kwamba hata kama ni kichomi au kivuruge unaamua tu kutulia nae, maana ushazurura sana. Sometime changamoto zinajitokeza mbeleni kabisa, ila wengine wanaanza nazo hizo changamoto, ila baadae zinapotea na wanatulia kwa amani.
Kuna nyumba moja niliwahi kupanga, yule baba mwenye nyumba alikuwa peace sana. Kwenye lile eneo ana nyumba mbili kubwa, moja anakaa na familia yake yenye watoto watano, nyingine ndio tulikaa sisi wapangaji. Kuhusu kodi ya nyumba, alimuachia mkewe ndio awe anachukua ili zimsaidie katika mahitaji ya nyumbani. Yeye Mzee alikuwa anasimamia gharama za uendeshaji mashamba yake na kusomesha watoto. Huyu mama mwenye nyumba alikuwa hapendi kabisa wapangaji wakike. Sometime hata kama kuna chumba kipo wazi, alikuwa anawaambia hapangishi. Alikuwa ni mlevi sana, ikitokea hujalock mlango, unaweza mkuta kajilaza chumbani kwako, hii huwa inatokea sometimes hata kama hajalewa.
Kuna siku nilikuwa napiga story na baba mwenye nyumba, akaniambia kitu kimoja "Jitahidi usije ukakosea kuchagua, kama nilivyofanya mimi baba ako"
Ofcourse mifano ipo mingi, nina broh mtoto wa baba mkubwa ambae alipataga demu kwenye harusi ya binamu. Huyo dem alikunywaga pombe mpaka akazima, ila kabla hajazima alifanya sana vituko. Broh alimsaidia at the end wakawa lovers, siku anatangaza kutaka kumuoa familia nzima iligoma, maana wanajua alipomtoa na vituko alivyofanyaga ambavyo kwa mwanamke ni fedhea. Jamaa alifosi ndoa, ila wakamwambia yakikukuta utajua mwenyewe. Leo hii ndoa yao ina zaidi ya miaka 13, wale waliokuwa wanajiona wamechagua pazuri, washaachana acha wengi tu, plus vikao vikao daily.
BACK TO THE TOPIC
Ningependa kusikia kutoka kwenu dada zangu na kaka zangu mlio kwenye ndoa. Kwamba kwa kutolea mfano ndoa yako, unawashauri nini ambao bado hawajaoa?
Share na wadogo zako, hii elimu ambayo hawatoweza ipata darasani.
Feel free to express anything, walau tuweze jifunza. Real life experience huwa ni mwalimu mzuri sana.
Thanks.
Regards.
Analyse
hapo nimekuelewaUshauri wa bure kwa vijana wa kike na wa kiume ukiwa upo katika harakati za kutafuta jiko hakikisha unaoa/unaolewa mtu ambae unaweza kuvumiliana nae na anayekubali mapungufu yako na anakukubali jinsi ulivyo(anakuheshimu).
Muhimu kati ya yote upendo uwe nanga kuu.
Mkiwa katika mahusiano be yourself's usijifanye kila kitu kiwe perfect kuridhisha upande mwengine (fake personality) show your true selfbeing.Hakuna aliyekamilika ila mwenye upendo wa dhati atakukubali jinsi ulivyo.
Kuna upendo,na upendo wa dhati... upendo wa kawaida una vitu vingine vya ziada vinavyosababisha ndoa kuwepo, mfano,pesa,u handsome,chura,elimu n.k,Mpaka watu wanaoana, au tuseme mpaka mwanaume anaamua kumuoa mwanamke fulani, huwa naamini upendo ndio sababu ya kwanza. Ila still ndoa nyingi zimekuwa zikivunjika, na zilizopo zinalega lega.
Kwa yale chanya tu,but kwa hasi hapanaNi sahihi unachokisema mkuu. Hapo kwenye uvumilivu nadhani ndio backbone ya ndoa, maana unavumilia for the rest of life, not only for few years.
I really do understand you, and I hope everyone doesIf I was to change anything in my marriage, these are the things I would have changed.
1. My husband was the first man in my life. He was my boyfriend and married me. That I don't regret. I kept myself intact. Ila we were together too long. We shouldn't have done that. We should have gotten married sooner.
2. I should have made some good female friends and kept them. You need good friends after marriage. I relied on my husband to make me happy and for the most part of my marriage I was lonely when he was at work.
3. My husband was only human. He is from Mars and we women are from Venus. Men can never be women and women can never be men. You cannot make a man think like you... We are wired differently.
4. Even after marriage you continue to be different individuals. Just because the Church unites you to be one it doesn't mean all your personalities are blended into one. Things on the ground are fairly different. Keep each of your hobbies and interests as long as the union is not affected.
5. Keep evolving. Keep getting better for you and for your marriage and family. Better yourself in all aspects. Marriage doesn't grow old, we do.
6. Keep God first in all your matters. Talk to God about the man you love so much. Tell God what you love about him, his little shy smile.... His infectious laughter... His silliness. Talk to God about His weaknesses, the things that make you strangle him in the middle of the night, lol. And Pray to God to take care of these little things.
7. Touch your husband. Kiss him. Pinch his cheeks. I loved to squeeze my husband's balls when he passed near me. I love the feeling of balls with no boxers underneath.[emoji85][emoji85][emoji85]
8. Before you start shouting about your problems to any person other than your husband and God think twice. His parents at the end of the day are still his parents, your pastor has his own problems with his wife and your friends might not be married in the first place. Fight for your marriage before God, on your knees before involving anyone else.
9. When you need motivation/ positive vibes regarding marriage look at the marriages that worked. Be optimistic. Pessimism never made a marriage. Refuse to let go of your marriage.
10. Forgive, Forgive, Forgive. Our husband are like little kids sometimes . Without forgiveness, we have a long way to go.
SawaIf I was to change anything in my marriage, these are the things I would have changed.
1. My husband was the first man in my life. He was my boyfriend and married me. That I don't regret. I kept myself intact. Ila we were together too long. We shouldn't have done that. We should have gotten married sooner.
2. I should have made some good female friends and kept them. You need good friends after marriage. I relied on my husband to make me happy and for the most part of my marriage I was lonely when he was at work.
3. My husband was only human. He is from Mars and we women are from Venus. Men can never be women and women can never be men. You cannot make a man think like you... We are wired differently.
4. Even after marriage you continue to be different individuals. Just because the Church unites you to be one it doesn't mean all your personalities are blended into one. Things on the ground are fairly different. Keep each of your hobbies and interests as long as the union is not affected.
5. Keep evolving. Keep getting better for you and for your marriage and family. Better yourself in all aspects. Marriage doesn't grow old, we do.
6. Keep God first in all your matters. Talk to God about the man you love so much. Tell God what you love about him, his little shy smile.... His infectious laughter... His silliness. Talk to God about His weaknesses, the things that make you strangle him in the middle of the night, lol. And Pray to God to take care of these little things.
7. Touch your husband. Kiss him. Pinch his cheeks. I loved to squeeze my husband's balls when he passed near me. I love the feeling of balls with no boxers underneath.[emoji85][emoji85][emoji85]
8. Before you start shouting about your problems to any person other than your husband and God think twice. His parents at the end of the day are still his parents, your pastor has his own problems with his wife and your friends might not be married in the first place. Fight for your marriage before God, on your knees before involving anyone else.
9. When you need motivation/ positive vibes regarding marriage look at the marriages that worked. Be optimistic. Pessimism never made a marriage. Refuse to let go of your marriage.
10. Forgive, Forgive, Forgive. Our husband are like little kids sometimes . Without forgiveness, we have a long way to go.
Kwa yale chanya tu,but kwa hasi hapanaNi sahihi unachokisema mkuu. Hapo kwenye uvumilivu nadhani ndio backbone ya ndoa, maana unavumilia for the rest of life, not only for few years.
1. mtu asithubutu kuoa MWENYE IMANI YA DINI TOFAUTI NA YAKE... HAIJALISHI KAMA WOTE NI WAKRISTO AU WAISLAMU... Ile tofauti ya IMANI, inaweza ikakuharibia ndoa... mfano, mwenzio kaokoka lakini wewe hujaokoka au ni mkatoliki... utamwambia nini kuhusu BIKIRA MARIA AELEWE..!? Siku moja hilo na la salamu kanisani litawaharibia ndoaAchana na ile misemo ya mtaani, kwamba kama unapata kila kitu kwenye mahusiano, basi ndoa haina umuhimu. Au wale wanaosema ukishamuweka ndani basi anaota mapembe.
Ukweli ni kwamba huwa inafikia point in this life unahitaji kusettle down. Kwamba hata kama ni kichomi au kivuruge unaamua tu kutulia nae, maana ushazurura sana. Sometime changamoto zinajitokeza mbeleni kabisa, ila wengine wanaanza nazo hizo changamoto, ila baadae zinapotea na wanatulia kwa amani.
Kuna nyumba moja niliwahi kupanga, yule baba mwenye nyumba alikuwa peace sana. Kwenye lile eneo ana nyumba mbili kubwa, moja anakaa na familia yake yenye watoto watano, nyingine ndio tulikaa sisi wapangaji. Kuhusu kodi ya nyumba, alimuachia mkewe ndio awe anachukua ili zimsaidie katika mahitaji ya nyumbani. Yeye Mzee alikuwa anasimamia gharama za uendeshaji mashamba yake na kusomesha watoto. Huyu mama mwenye nyumba alikuwa hapendi kabisa wapangaji wakike. Sometime hata kama kuna chumba kipo wazi, alikuwa anawaambia hapangishi. Alikuwa ni mlevi sana, ikitokea hujalock mlango, unaweza mkuta kajilaza chumbani kwako, hii huwa inatokea sometimes hata kama hajalewa.
Kuna siku nilikuwa napiga story na baba mwenye nyumba, akaniambia kitu kimoja "Jitahidi usije ukakosea kuchagua, kama nilivyofanya mimi baba ako"
Ofcourse mifano ipo mingi, nina broh mtoto wa baba mkubwa ambae alipataga demu kwenye harusi ya binamu. Huyo dem alikunywaga pombe mpaka akazima, ila kabla hajazima alifanya sana vituko. Broh alimsaidia at the end wakawa lovers, siku anatangaza kutaka kumuoa familia nzima iligoma, maana wanajua alipomtoa na vituko alivyofanyaga ambavyo kwa mwanamke ni fedhea. Jamaa alifosi ndoa, ila wakamwambia yakikukuta utajua mwenyewe. Leo hii ndoa yao ina zaidi ya miaka 13, wale waliokuwa wanajiona wamechagua pazuri, washaachana acha wengi tu, plus vikao vikao daily.
BACK TO THE TOPIC
Ningependa kusikia kutoka kwenu dada zangu na kaka zangu mlio kwenye ndoa. Kwamba kwa kutolea mfano ndoa yako, unawashauri nini ambao bado hawajaoa?
Share na wadogo zako, hii elimu ambayo hawatoweza ipata darasani.
Feel free to express anything, walau tuweze jifunza. Real life experience huwa ni mwalimu mzuri sana.
Thanks.
Regards.
Analyse
Hii reply utabid niiprint afu niiweke ukutanUshauri wangu kwa vijana wa kiume ni huu hapa kutokana na uzoefu wangu katika ndoa :-
1/ Usioe single mother....utanishukuru baadae.
2/ Usioe mwanamke asiye na shughuli yeyote ya kumuingizia kipato.... I mean usioe golikipa (utanishukuru baadae).
3/ Usioe mwanamke asiyesali dini yeyote...... utanishukuru baadae.
4/ Usioe mwanamke uliyetafutiwa au kuunganishwa nae na rafiki yako au ndugu yako yeyote yule tofauti na Mama yako mzazi....... utanishukuru baadae.
5/ Usioe mwanamke ambaye hujawahi kuishi nae (kiunyumba) japo kwa wiki moja...... utanishukuru baadae.
6/ Usioe mwanamke ambaye hapo mwanzo alikua na mahusiano ya kimapenzi na mtu wako wa karibu aidha ndugu yako au rafiki yako..... utanishukuru baadae.
7/ Usioe mwanamke ambaye kwake mitandao ndio kila kitu 24/7. Yaani yuko radhi watoto washinde njaa ila yeye apate bando!!...... utanishukuru baadae.
8/ Usioe mwanamke chapombe au mtu wa clubs na viwanja sana...... utanishukuru baadae.
9/ Usioe mwanamke usiyeifahamu background yake (wazazi na ndugu zake wachache) hata kidogo.... utanishukuru baadae.
10/ Usioe mwanamke anayekuzidi Elimu, Kipato, Cheo a.k.a mabavu..... utanishukuru baadae.
Fanya hivyo mkuuHii reply utabid niiprint afu niiweke ukutan