Habari wakuu, Huu ni Muendelezo....
Baada ya kukata mawasiliano na mm, hali yangu haikuwa nzuri, i wasn't in the mood to do anything, Mm ni mpenzi sana wa documentaries za wildlife, scince and space, hadi hizo nikaacha kuangalia, i was miserable, ilikuwa kipindi kigumu sana kweny maisha yangu.
Niliumwa vibaya sana hadi nikalazwa kama siku mbili hv, palepale hospitali ya chuo muhimbili, mama alivokuja kunitembelea alihuzunika sana, sio tuu kwa sababu nililazwa but kwa sababu doctor alimwambia mwanao anasumbuliwa na stress sana mwili wake unaishiwa nguvu, mama alinisihi sana nimweleze ninasumbuliwa na nn lakini sikumwambia kitu, nilimwambia tuu masomo magumu.
Baada ya kupona nilipunguza kuongea na watu, sikuwa mchangamfu kama hapo awali, mshkaji wangu wa karibu ambaye nilikuwa nakaa nae room moja, nasoma nae kozi moja na tulikuwa pia tunasali dhehebu moja alihisi siko sawa, Alinisisitiza sana nimweleze nn kimenitokea, nilimwambia kila kitu From A to Z, aliumia sana kwa sababu ana experience na haya maumivu, yeye mwenyew alishawahi kumpenda mdada flani huko nyuma but mahusiano yao hayakuisha vizur na alishawahi kuniadisia siku za nyuma.
Bac yule mshkaji wangu alikuwa haniachi nibaki mwenyew, kila sehemu niendako tuliongozana(of course ilikuwa rahic muda wote kuwa wote cause ratiba zetu zilikuwa zinafanana sana), aliogopa naweza kujidhuru, I'll admit sikuwa sawa kiakili but mawazo ya kujidhuru sikuwa nayo, but my friend didn't take any chances, hakuniacha room mwenyew, alikuwa akijitahidi kunichangamsha sana, baada ya muda hali yangu ikarudi kawaida.
A FRIEND IN NEED IS A FRIEND INDEED, Thank you brother.
Wakati tukiwa bado kweny mahusiano tulitumia Gmail kuchat mambo yetu sensitive, normal text zilikuwa za kujuliana hali tuu, niliacha kumtafuta yule mrembo because alinambia nisifanye hivo nitamkwaza, and the last thing I wanted to do is to make her sad, I never wanted that, alinambia niheshimu maamuzi yake na nikubaliane na hali halisi, tuliheshimiana sana, alinambia "Huumii peke yako hata mm naumia, sijawahi pata mtu tunaye bond kama mm na ww, inaniumiza na mm pia".
Nilimsihi bac hata tuwe marafiki, akacheka then akasema "tutaumizana zaidi, una hisia kali sana kwangu, ukaribu na mm utakuongezea machungu na mm sitaki nikuone unaumia, you're young you need to enjoy life" nakumbuka nilimjibu "there is nothing to enjoy about my life"
Ilipita miezi hatukuwasiliana, hali yangu ikaimarika, sasa kuna siku sister akaniita ofisini kwao nimsaidie kufanya mambo flani, nikaenda kumsadia chap ili nirudi chuo, baada ya kumaliza nikatoka nje ya jengo ili niondoke, nilikutana na yule mrembo bhana uso kwa uso, aisee mapigo ya moyo yalienda kasi sana, alishtuka kuniona, tulisalimiana vizur tuu na kujuliana hali, aliniuliza kulikoni nikamwambia "nimekuja kumsaidia sister na baadhi ya vitu" akasema "Sawa haina shida", tukaagana pale nikaondoka, hakutaka kuongea na mm sana na nilimwelewa.
Njiani nilimuwaza sana hadi nafika chuo, ni kama vile nimejitonesha kidonda, jioni ya ile siku nilipokea an email notification, kuifungua ni yule mrembo alikuwa amenitumia email anataka tuonane, alisema pc yake inashida siku hz ipo slow sana, aisee nilifurahi sana, I thought maybe she wanted me back, jioni ya kesho yake tulikutana sehemu flani, nikachukua pc yake nikafanya madude yangu pale na kumpa ushauri kidogo juu ya tatizo la pc ili lisitokee tena.
Aliniangalia sana usoni kwa huruma wakati naongea hadi niliona aibu, alinambia "I miss you so much" nikamjibu "well the feeling is mutual", alinambia kwa msisitizo sana "kusema ukweli our connection was strong na ulikuwa unanisaidia mambo mengi sana ya kila siku ambayo bila ww ilibidi niajiri watu niwalipe hela, ila ww ulikuwa unanifanyia bure ahsante sana, nimemiss sana kuongea na ww, ulikuwa unanielezea mambo mengi ambayo nilikuwa sifahamu kuhusu nature and science stuff, yalinivutia sana", kiufupi i was very resourceful to her.
Tuliongea mambo mengi sana kuhusu maisha, alinambia "Love is sacrifice, kama hauko tayar ku-sacrifice you did not love, just imagine tungeendelea na yale mahusiano kwa mwaka, tungezidi kupendana zaidi na ingekuwa ngumu kuachana, imagine tena mahusiano yetu yamedumu miaka miwili, ingekuwa ngumu zaidi, bora tulivo stop mapema, mfikirie mama ako angejua una mahusiano na mwanamke aliyekuzidi miaka 16, asingefurahi kabisa, na mm ni mama naelewa".
Kusema ukweli i understood her point of view, nilimwambia "sawa haina shida its all behind us". Nilimweleza sitakuja kupenda mwanamke mwingine kama ninavyompenda yeye, she will always be special to me, alicheka sana na kunambia nisiseme hivo namuumiza.
Nilimjulia hali mtoto wake alisema anaendelea vizur, mwishoni alinambia anahamishwa anapelekwa branch ya mwanza anaondoka wiki ijayo, anahitajika mtu akaongeze nguvu huko.
Nilimtakia kila la kheri, tukaagana nikaondoka.
Tuliendelea kuchat kwa email mara moja moja kwa kusuasua, likizo alirudi dar nilimwomba tukitane, alikuwa anakata alisema "I need to move on" bac tukawa tunachat hivohivo kwa email hadi mawasiliano yakakatika.
Her name was Rachel and I was Head over heels in love with her.
HITIMISHO