Hivi umewahi kuhisi kuna upendeleo wa baadhi ya watoto kwenye familia yenu?

[Carleen]

Amen, T.G.I.F, wale wenzangu na Mimi wapenda weekend tunaijua ile feeling ya Ijumaa,

Natumaini mpo salama, nimejikuta najiuliza hichi kitu maana ni situation ambayo nimekutana nayo sana kwa watu wengi, kuna ile namna unahisi kabisa kwamba kwenye familia yetu yenye watoto kadhaa, kuna kipenzi cha Baba na pia kuna kipenzi cha Mama, na kuna wale wanabaki wanajua kabisa Mimi siye miongoni mwao..!

Nilikuwa nazungumza na mtu wangu wa karibu siku moja, akanitamkia like 'I was not their best'...! yaani hapo si kwa Baba wala Mama, nilijiskia vibaya mno mno, na hakika ukitazama watoto waliokosa upendo wa hivyo kwa kushuhudia kabisa kuwa wenzie wanakirimiwa kuwaliko kuna namna hawako sawa kabisa kabisa tofauti na yule mtoto aliyepokea upendo wa kumtosha na kumjaziliza..!

Bado sijakuwa mzazi I don't even know how it feels, hivyo natamani nijue, unapenda watoto wote ni kweli lakini kuna yule ambaye anagusa kabisa mtima wako moja kwa moja (nimeongea na wazazi wengi na wamekiri hili), hivi hakuna namna unaweza ficha hili wenzie wasijue na wakajiskia vibaya.?

Ama umewahi pitia ile hali katika ukuaji wako ya kujua wewe ndiye unapendelewa zaidi ama ni kinyume na hapo kuliko wenzio, na ulijiskiaje.??

Natamani wajuzi wa malezi na wazazi waliweke hili sawa ili tujifunze, maana kuna kizazi chenye watu wenye tabia za ajabu sana kinazidi kutengenezwa hivi sasa na hakuna anayewaza kuhusu hili kabisa..! Kuna watu unaweza walaumu kwa tabia wanazokuonyesha ukaishia kuwalaumu na kuwachukia kumbe ni MALEZI yao tu maskiini ndiyo yamewafikisha walipo..!!

Anyways Karibuni..!

 

[Evelyn Salt]

Upendeleo huwa unakuwepo, kuna ule ambao it is obviously tu last born huwa anapendelewa kuliko wenzie, ukiachana na lb huwa kuna mtoto unakuta anakuwa na vitabia vizuri lazma wazazi au mzazi ampendelee....

Mi binafsi sijioni nahisi sina nnaempenda kuliko wenzie, naona nawapenda sawa, ila mwenzangu namuona anaupendo zaidi kwa first born kwa sababu ni mtoto mpole hana utundu.

 

[cariha]

Sina mtoto wala nini ila Kuna watoto wa ndugu zangu ila nampenda mtoto mmoja sana kuliko wengine and I Feel we share some kind of bond, na yeye hunipenda hivo hivo, so same na wazazi wanapenda watoto wote ila Kuna wanaowapenda zaidi kuliko wengine I think sio dhambi hutokea tu hyo Hali hata kwenye bible ukisoma jinsi Esau na mdogo wake kila mtu alipendwa mwingine na baba mwingine na mama.
I think kwangu sio dhambi hutokea tu damu kuendana Ile deep waswahili husema

 

[sonnita]

Ipo sana hii, au kwa namna ingine, Katika mmojawapo wa watoto, hata afanye nini anaonekana kizibo tuu.. hakubaliki.
Hili swala inabidi lipigiwe kelele sana siku hizi.

 

[Abrianna]

Amen, T.G.I.F, wale wenzangu na Mimi wapenda weekend tunaijua ile feeling ya Ijumaa,

Natumaini mpo salama, nimejikuta najiuliza hichi kitu maana ni situation ambayo nimekutana nayo sana kwa watu wengi, kuna ile namna unahisi kabisa kwamba kwenye familia yetu yenye watoto kadhaa, kuna kipenzi cha Baba na pia kuna kipenzi cha Mama, na kuna wale wanabaki wanajua kabisa Mimi siye miongoni mwao..!

Nilikuwa nazungumza na mtu wangu wa karibu siku moja, akanitamkia like 'I was not their best'...! yaani hapo si kwa Baba wala Mama, nilijiskia vibaya mno mno, na hakika ukitazama watoto waliokosa upendo wa hivyo kwa kushuhudia kabisa kuwa wenzie wanakirimiwa kuwaliko kuna namna hawako sawa kabisa kabisa tofauti na yule mtoto aliyepokea upendo wa kumtosha na kumjaziliza..!

Bado sijakuwa mzazi I don't even know how it feels, hivyo natamani nijue, unapenda watoto wote ni kweli lakini kuna yule ambaye anagusa kabisa mtima wako moja kwa moja (nimeongea na wazazi wengi na wamekiri hili), hivi hakuna namna unaweza ficha hili wenzie wasijue na wakajiskia vibaya.?

Ama umewahi pitia ile hali katika ukuaji wako ya kujua wewe ndiye unapendelewa zaidi ama ni kinyume na hapo kuliko wenzio, na ulijiskiaje.??

Natamani wajuzi wa malezi na wazazi waliweke hili sawa ili tujifunze, maana kuna kizazi chenye watu wenye tabia za ajabu sana kinazidi kutengenezwa hivi sasa na hakuna anayewaza kuhusu hili kabisa..! Kuna watu unaweza walaumu kwa tabia wanazokuonyesha ukaishia kuwalaumu na kuwachukia kumbe ni MALEZI yao tu maskiini ndiyo yamewafikisha walipo..!!

Anyways Karibuni..!

Niliwahi kumuuliza Aunt yangu(dada wa baba yangu) kwamba kwanini aliamua kuzaa mtoto mmoja tu akaniambia kwa sababu ni ngumu kuwapenda watoto wote equally na yeye hakutaka watoto wajihisi kubaguliwa kwa hiyo ili kuepuka hilo akajiapiza kuwa na mtoto mmoja tu ili aweze kumpa mapenzi yote

Sikuelewa ila baadae alinielewesha kwamba yeye aliwahi kupitia hali kama hiyo ya kupendwa kuliko wenzake na haikumfurahisha zaidi ilimbomoa maana alikua anapewa kipaumbele kwenye kila kitu ila wenzake walijipambania na sasa wana maisha mazuri wakati yeye alichelewa sana kuweza kujisimamia

 

[Shimba ya Buyenze]

Mimi ni litoto la mwisho na nilipendelewa kwa kila kitu. Kunyonya kwenyewe nilinyonya mpaka nikiwa na miaka saba yaani niko nachunga ndama na akili zangu kabisa lakini kichwani napiga akili kuwa nikifika tu home napata lishe ya uhakika kutoka kwa maza. Nakumbuka kulikuwa na mzee mmoja mkorofi sana alikuja pale home ndo akachimba mkwara eti hili litoto mtakuja kuliharibu hili (shwaini zake!). Na kuanzia siku ile ndo nikapotezea kunyonya. Mpaka mama amekuja kuzeeka mpaka kufariki tuko marafiki sana. Imagine anakata roho mi niko mbali lakini niko naye kwenye simu ananiaga.

Hali hii nadhani mwenyewe imeniathiri kiasi fulani (tender heart, huruma sana, kutokuwa na kifua; na mengine mengi tu) ila pia sikujua lakini baadhi ya ndugu zangu hasa wale wawili ninaowafuata wana reservations na mimi na hatuko karibu kivile no matter how hard I try. Wanasema everything came easy for me kwa vile nilikuwa mtoto mpendwa wa familia. Kwa wanangu najitahidi sana kuwa fair japo kuna katoto kamoja yaani nakapenda mpaka basi. Mungu na Atusaidie wazazi tusilete madhara na kupanda mbegu za uhasama; na hata kuacha makovu ya kudumu kwa malaika hawa tuliobarikiwa nao - hasa katika kizazi hiki cha mabroila [emoji1545][emoji1545][emoji1545].

 

[andjul]

Mimi ni litoto la mwisho na nilipendelewa kwa kila kitu. Kunyonya kwenyewe nilinyonya mpaka nikiwa na miaka saba yaani niko nachunga ndama na akili zangu kabisa lakini kichwani napiga akili kuwa nikifika tu home napata lishe ya uhakika kutoka kwa maza. Nakumbuka kulikuwa na mzee mmoja mkorofi sana alikuja pale home ndo akachimba mkwara eti hili litoto mtakuja kuliharibu hili (shwaini zake!). Na kuanzia siku ile ndo nikapotezea kunyonya. Mpaka mama amekuja kuzeeka mpaka kufariki tuko marafiki sana. Imagine anakata roho mi niko mbali lakini niko naye kwenye simu ananiaga.

Hali hii nadhani mwenyewe imeniathiri kiasi fulani (tender heart, huruma sana na mengine mengi tu) ila pia sikujua lakini baadhi ya ndugu zangu hasa wale wawili ninaowafuata wana reservations na mimi na hatuko karibu kivile no matter how hard I try. Wanasema everything came easy for me kwa vile nilikuwa mtoto mpendwa wa familia. Kwa wanangu najitahidi sana kuwa fair japo kuna katoto kamoja yaani nakapenda mpaka basi. Mungu na Atusaidie wazazi tusilete madhara na kupanda mbegu za uhasama; na hata kuacha makovu ya kudumu kwa malaika hawa tuliobarikiwa nao [emoji1545][emoji1545][emoji1545].

Hivi malastiboni mna nini na nyonyo [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
Mwezi huu miaka michache iliyopita ulikuwa unapita kwenye magumu sana.
Mungu aipumzishe Nafsi ya mama yetu[emoji120]

 

[Shin Lim]

Hivi huu ugonjwa wa kuandika na kufuta kabisa na ninyi wenzangu mnao?

 

[Shimba ya Buyenze]

Hivi malastiboni mna nini na nyonyo [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
Mwezi huu miaka michache iliyopita ulikuwa unapita kwenye magumu sana.
Mungu aipumzishe Nafsi ya mama yetu[emoji120]

Asante sana ndugu yangu...

Malast born na nyonyo we acha tu. Hata sasa na uzee wote huu bado tunahangaika nazo [emoji16][emoji16][emoji16][emoji2099]

 

[Kiranja Mkuu]

Watu tumechukiwa bila sababu Hadi timefukuzwa nyumbani na tumefuta undugu.
Saa hizi ndugu yangu ni mke wangu na watoto wangu tu, full stop

 

[Namge]

mzee wangu nae haka kaugonjwa kamemsumbua sana

 

[BAK]

Your parents have a favorite child, but it's not who you think​

Understanding parent-child bonds impacts the well-being of adult children even after their parents pass away.


May 22, 2020, 3:18 PM EDT / Source: TODAY
By Meghan Holohan
Most parents swear they don’t have a favorite kiddo. But children often beg to differ with their siblings, suspecting that the other is truly the most loved. It turns out that the kids are kind of right. Parents do have a preference, but it’s normally not who children think it is — and whoever their "favorite" is could have an impact on their health.
“The very large majority of both mothers and fathers — when asked directly — are willing to say that there is a child that they are … closer to, prefer to confide in, prefer as a caregiver, have more conflict with and have more pride in,” J. Jill Suitor, a professor of sociology at Purdue University in West Lafayette, Indiana, told TODAY. “Most of the time the children’s perceptions are wrong.”

For the past two decades Suitor and her colleagues have been looking at familial relationships as part of an ongoing study. When the researchers first started and interviewed hundreds of families, they wondered if the parents of adult children would admit to having a beloved child.

“Everyone sort of assumes that nobody would admit to it. Mothers and fathers would talk to us about it. They’d say, ‘Of course, I love all my children the same and feel equally close to everybody except Susan,’” she explained.
The researchers aren’t examining this information to create strife in families. Understanding parent and adult-child bonds is important for the health of everyone. Adult siblings already consider a parent's favorite — and it impacts them. In many cases, the research focuses on the mother and adult-child bond since husbands are likely to die before their wives.

Related​

HEALTH & WELLNESSThe oldest child is actually the smartest, study finds​

“Children are even more likely to think that their parents have these preferences,” she explained. “Adult children think about it quite a bit and it affects their relationships with their siblings and their own psychological well-being.”
But what child a parent prefers has more to do with their own priorities than what society considers a success. Parents feel closer to the child who shares the same values. While children might think the sibling with the fancy education who makes the big money takes the prize, that’s not often the case.
“Moms are much more likely to be closer to children, for example, who go out of their way to be nice to her, who seem very concerned about the family, who help their siblings, than the kid who went to Harvard law school and makes lots of money,” she said. “It’s much more likely that mom’s really proud of whichever child has been either extremely engaged in the family or has again gone out of their way to be helpful.”

​

Moms also often feel more connected to a child who has faced a lot of challenges. This could be why people think the black sheep is most beloved.​

“It’s often the child who has overcome a lot of struggles,” Suitor said. “It may be that kid who has failed out of college twice but they’re on track even at the local community college … Mom is more likely to say she is proud of them.”

While the findings might not be fodder for the next family get-together, Suitor said understanding who parents have the closet relationship with has an impact on the quality of their care as they age. Elderly mothers experience better health if their favorite child cares for them.
“One of the times that transparency becomes really important is having those discussions with health care providers,” she said. “We want the doctor, the social worker talking with mom without the adult children.”
That makes it more likely that mom goes home with her preferred child after a health emergency, which helps her experience better mental health and faster recovery.
Suitor and her colleague, Megan Gilligan, an associate professor at Iowa State University, recently started the third part of the study examining how parental bonds continue impacting adult children after their parents’ deaths. While they’re in an early part of this phase of the research, the findings suggest parent-child relationships play a role long after mom and dad die.
“Many people lose contact with their siblings, have big fights with their siblings after their parents die," Suitor said. "Losing a parent is very hard on families.”

Amen, T.G.I.F, wale wenzangu na Mimi wapenda weekend tunaijua ile feeling ya Ijumaa,

Natumaini mpo salama, nimejikuta najiuliza hichi kitu maana ni situation ambayo nimekutana nayo sana kwa watu wengi, kuna ile namna unahisi kabisa kwamba kwenye familia yetu yenye watoto kadhaa, kuna kipenzi cha Baba na pia kuna kipenzi cha Mama, na kuna wale wanabaki wanajua kabisa Mimi siye miongoni mwao..!

Nilikuwa nazungumza na mtu wangu wa karibu siku moja, akanitamkia like 'I was not their best'...! yaani hapo si kwa Baba wala Mama, nilijiskia vibaya mno mno, na hakika ukitazama watoto waliokosa upendo wa hivyo kwa kushuhudia kabisa kuwa wenzie wanakirimiwa kuwaliko kuna namna hawako sawa kabisa kabisa tofauti na yule mtoto aliyepokea upendo wa kumtosha na kumjaziliza..!

Bado sijakuwa mzazi I don't even know how it feels, hivyo natamani nijue, unapenda watoto wote ni kweli lakini kuna yule ambaye anagusa kabisa mtima wako moja kwa moja (nimeongea na wazazi wengi na wamekiri hili), hivi hakuna namna unaweza ficha hili wenzie wasijue na wakajiskia vibaya.?

Ama umewahi pitia ile hali katika ukuaji wako ya kujua wewe ndiye unapendelewa zaidi ama ni kinyume na hapo kuliko wenzio, na ulijiskiaje.??

Natamani wajuzi wa malezi na wazazi waliweke hili sawa ili tujifunze, maana kuna kizazi chenye watu wenye tabia za ajabu sana kinazidi kutengenezwa hivi sasa na hakuna anayewaza kuhusu hili kabisa..! Kuna watu unaweza walaumu kwa tabia wanazokuonyesha ukaishia kuwalaumu na kuwachukia kumbe ni MALEZI yao tu maskiini ndiyo yamewafikisha walipo..!!

Anyways Karibuni..!

 

[TheCombination]

Watoto na wazaz wa siku mmekaa kindez ndez kijinga jinga..Et mtoto anakua hayuko sawa kisa hajaonyeshwa upendo..upumbavu huu wenu mnaojifanya wasomi..et na wewe umeambiwa tu "i was nit their best....blah blah" ukajiskia vibaya..au ni kingereza ndio kilikuchanganya?? Pumbavu sana huv nyie vitoto mngekulia kwenye family zile za kizaman tulizokulia sisi si mngekufa before age?? Na kwa mind set hii no wonder mnatengeneza kizaz cha kishenz na nyie watoto mnajiweka near poverty line... wakongwe wenzangu wanalijua hili. Kwenye family mko watoto 18 huo muda wa kuonyeshana upendo unatoka wapi?au wewe kama mtoto huo muda wa kuchunguzwa unapendwa au hupendwi unautoa wapi?? Na sometimea watoto wengine wanalelewa katika mazingira kabisa akijua hapendwi ila ndio inampa changamoto ya kujipambania na kujisimamia na kujitetea dhidi ya uonevu toka kwa wenzake....

Achen watoto kuwalea katika namna ambayo watashindwa kujisimamia hala baadae wajifiche kwenye kivuli hicho cha " nilikua sipendwi".

Endeleen tu kutengeneza kizaz cha kishoga shoga wapuuz nyie...

 

[Arturo mateo]

Mimi ni litoto la mwisho na nilipendelewa kwa kila kitu. Kunyonya kwenyewe nilinyonya mpaka nikiwa na miaka saba yaani niko nachunga ndama na akili zangu kabisa lakini kichwani napiga akili kuwa nikifika tu home napata lishe ya uhakika kutoka kwa maza. Nakumbuka kulikuwa na mzee mmoja mkorofi sana alikuja pale home ndo akachimba mkwara eti hili litoto mtakuja kuliharibu hili (shwaini zake!). Na kuanzia siku ile ndo nikapotezea kunyonya. Mpaka mama amekuja kuzeeka mpaka kufariki tuko marafiki sana. Imagine anakata roho mi niko mbali lakini niko naye kwenye simu ananiaga.

Hali hii nadhani mwenyewe imeniathiri kiasi fulani (tender heart, huruma sana, kutokuwa na kifua; na mengine mengi tu) ila pia sikujua lakini baadhi ya ndugu zangu hasa wale wawili ninaowafuata wana reservations na mimi na hatuko karibu kivile no matter how hard I try. Wanasema everything came easy for me kwa vile nilikuwa mtoto mpendwa wa familia. Kwa wanangu najitahidi sana kuwa fair japo kuna katoto kamoja yaani nakapenda mpaka basi. Mungu na Atusaidie wazazi tusilete madhara na kupanda mbegu za uhasama; na hata kuacha makovu ya kudumu kwa malaika hawa tuliobarikiwa nao [emoji1545][emoji1545][emoji1545].

Hahaha

 

[Karucee]

Hizi lawama akina Mama tunazipataga sana. Sisemi hazipo lakini sometimes ni unfounded kabisa jamani hatuwabagui watoto wetu.

Ila sasa kuna vitu vidogo vidogo vinavyoweza kuleta taswira hii.

Mfano Mimi mtoto wangu mkubwa hakunisumbua kabisa katika malezi pamoja na kuwa sikuwa very experienced. Hata kulia hakuwa mlizi. So sikuzoeaga kabisa sauti yake akilia. Ni mpole by nature na sio mkorofi.

Hili toto dogo lilikuwa nyweeeee nyweeeeee na sasa wamekuwa kidogo. So ikitokea leo hii amelia hata I won't bother much nishazoea naona ni deko tu. Hili ni litubdu, likorofi na ngumi nje ila mwepesi kushtaki.

Lakini mkubwa akilia wallah it drives me crazy. I hate the sight of tears on my sons face. I hate to the core the sound of my elder son crying na ni mwepesi sana kureact sababu nahisi ameonewa na hapo ndo utaona familia zetu za kiafrika zikisema unampemdelea mtoto mmoja 🙄🙄🙄🙆‍♀️🙆‍♀️🙆‍♀️

 

[Hellenah]

Daddy’s favorite girl hapa! Mdogo wangu wa kiume ni kipenzi cha mama( eeh nashukuru tumezaliwa wawili tu)

 

[Arturo mateo]

Bro wangu alikua anapedwa sana na mother,japo wote tulikua tukipedwa Ila yeye ilikua zaidi ,na mzee na alikua mkorofi shule anazingua kila shule anasoma kidogo anaikataa,bimkumbwa yuko upande wake,o level tu kasema shule 8,,bimkubwa hakuweza kukata mpaka bro alivyo fika,ila saivi fresh katulia na kazi nzuri tu

 

[UP TO DATE]

Hivi vi last born vinasumbua Sana...

 

[Shimba ya Buyenze]

Hivi vi last born vinasumbua Sana...

Mtuwache [emoji16][emoji16][emoji16]

 

[Future Earth]

Nakumbuka wakati niko mdogo, mimi nyumban ndo first born....nilipita kipindi kigumu sana katika ukuaji, hasa nilikua naona waziwazi jinsi ambavyo wadogo zangu mapacha walivyokua wanapenda. Hawa mapacha ni wakike na wakiume, bwana hwa jamaa darasani walikua wazima..hivyo niliona ambavyo mama anampenda mdogo wangu wa kiume na baba alikua anampenda mdogo wangu wa kike. Iliniumiza na kuninyima raha, kuna siku tulikaa kibarazani, sijui ilikuaje tukawa tupo watatu mimi, mama na baba. Ndipo nikawaambia wazazi wangu kiukweli nyie mi hamnipendi mnawapenda hawa wenzangu, ila mama akapinga na akasema hapana si kweli.
Mimi kutokupendwa kwangu kulitokana na sababu nyingi, kama ugomvi aseeh wiki haipiti sijaleta kesi nyumbani, hizi ngumi nimepigana sana.
Kingine darasanai sikua nafanya vizuri kama watoto wengine, hasa huyu wakiume ndo alikua anakua wakwanza mara nyingi, huyu wa kike labda watatu hivi. Ila namba zangu mi huko 20 na kitu.
Kiukweli kutokuoneshwa sipendwi kulinikomaza kiakili, na nikaanza kupambana na kuwa mtu ambaye nataka kuwaonesha ndani yangu kuna kitu.
Kwasasa nyumban mi ndo napendwa hasahasa mama yangu, ananipenda sana na hilo nalijua na nampenda sana mama kuliko maelezo.
Nawasilisha.