Kama una stress pitia hapa, usiache kutupia na wewe maneno yako

Kama una stress pitia hapa, usiache kutupia na wewe maneno yako

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username1 said:
*HABARI NJEMA*
Habari njema kwa mtandao wa Vodacom wanakuletea kifurushi cha " Military Bundle" Unapata GB 500 na dakika 1,500 kwa Tshs 500
Jinsi ya kufanya tembelea Kambi ya jeshi iliyopo karibu na wewe ingia ndani uliza nimekuja kujiunga bando la Jeshi[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
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Kama hujarushwa kichura
 
*Dokta wa marekan ajitamba et kuwa alizaliwa mtoto hana miguu 2kamwekea ya bandia sasa ni mwanariadha na ana medali 3 za dhahabu". Dr wa China akasema cc kwe2 alizaliwa mtoto hana mikono 2kamwekea ya bandia sasa ni BONDIA maarufu sana dunian". Dr wa Tz akacheka kwa dharau akasema "hamja2fikia cc, kwe2 alizaliwa mtoto hana mdomo tukamuwekea mdomo wa ng'ombe sasa hivi ni mwimbaji wa kimataifa .....*[emoji38][emoji38][emoji38][emoji38][emoji38]
 
Mbwa dume said:
Kuna mdada hapa nimemuuliza anasema kilichokuwa kinawaliza zamani ni midume ya enzi hizo kuwa na madushe marefu na manene hivyo mdada akifikiria kwenda kulitumikia dushe kubwa kama la punda lazima kwanza alie.!
Ila eti siku hizi madume wengi wana "vifuniko vya peni"
a.k.a. Vibamia hivyo bibi harusi wengi hawana hofu tena.!
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Kuna huyu dada anasema walikua wanalia mana walikua hawalali kwa kupigwa shimo lakini sikuhisi anaweza lala hata week hajapigwa shimo na mumewe.
 
alibakari said:
Chukua sentensi ya kwenye mwezi uliozaliwa unganisha kwenye tarehe kisha malizia na mwaka kisha andika hapo chini yoote.

SELECT A MONTH
JAN: I spit
FEB: I killed
MAR: I slept with
APR: I raped
MAY: I slapped
JUN: I hugged
JUL: I played with
AUG: I jumped on
SEP: I got drunk with
OCT: I need
NOV: I kissed
DEC: I love

ELECT A DAY

01- Someone
02- a donkey
03- a monkey
04- a baboon
05- an elephant
06- my cousin
07- my girlfriend/boyfriend
08- Ronaldo
09- Nicky Minaj
10- a clown
11- Chris Brown
12- a virgin
13- a hobo
14- a genius
15- a gorilla
16- a drunkard
17- a pig
18- a model
19- nobody
20- my dog
21- my first love
22- my ex
23- an old man
24- a dinosaur
25- Kim Kardashian
26- a prostitute
27- the lecturer
28- my best friend
29- a cat
30- an old friend
31- an idiot

SELECT THE YEAR OF BIRTH
*1980*- in a bar
*1981*- in a car park
*1982*- in a dirty pond
*1983*- in an ocean
*1984*- in a police van
*1985*- in a garage
*1986*- in a forest
*1987*- in a swimming pool
*1988*- in a toilet
*1989*- in a garden
*1990*- in a hotel room
*1991*- in a bus
*1992*- in a taxi
*1993*- on my bed
*1994*- in the river
*1995*- in our room
*1996*- on thr playground
*1997*- with out my pants
*1998*- in my house
*1999*- with my eyes open
*2000*- but I'm lying
*2001*- with my eyes closed
*2002*- under the bed
*2003*- up the tree

SEND ME YOUR SENTENCE[emoji85] [emoji85] [emoji85] [emoji85] [emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23]
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I need my boyfriend on my bed![emoji41]
 
stickvibration said:
*Umerudi ghetto mida ya saa 2 ucku unaingia ndani*...
*ghafla unamuona nyoka kanyanyua* *kichwa juu anachezesha mkia na kiulimi* *kinatoka nje*..[emoji216]....
*Kwa ujasiri unaamua kuchukua fimbo ili kumuua[emoji123]...
lakini ulivyo *jasiri zaidi unaamua kufunga na mlango alafu funguo unatupia kitandani*... *Unajaribu kumuua lakini ghafla umeme unakatika*..[emoji15][emoji15][emoji15]..[emoji31]


*hapo ndo utajua kwamba no body can stop regee*


[emoji28][emoji23][emoji12][emoji3]
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Mtatuua kwa kichekio[emoji28] [emoji28] [emoji28] [emoji28] [emoji28]
 
Toyota escudo said:
A mother used to cook her kids chicken everyday, but the kids got fed up.
Gal: Nitaambia mum aache kupika kuku.
Boy: kwa nini?
Gal: Nimeanza kumea manyoya huko chini.
Boy: Nilidhani ni mimi tuu!
Gal: ata wewe? Ona zangu venye ni mob. Ebu nione zako.
Boy: taking short down. Ona kazi ya mum na kuku zake daily.
Gal: Ghai! Yako imezidi, si manyoya pekee,unamea shingo ya kuku pia.
Boy: hata si shingo pekee, shika usikie mayai mbili hapa chini ya shingo.......

[emoji13] [emoji13] [emoji13] [emoji13] [emoji13] [emoji13] [emoji13] [emoji13]
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Mamayee!
 
Kuna bibi huwa anauliza hivi hawa wavuta bange wanapata faida gani kuvuta bange??
Na tena wakivuta wengi wao wanacheka cheka tuu hovyoo.
Nikazisikia siku moja, mvua ikawa imenyesha hana majani ya kuwashia moto, alipokuja gheto nikampa majani awashie na vijikuni vya bange kavu,
Alifanikiwa ila leo nimemkuta ubungo anawacheka watu juu ya lile daraja la kuvukia daraja[emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] mjukuu wake ananitafuta sijui majani ya kuwashia moto yamemwishia[emoji134] [emoji134] [emoji134]
 
Leo asubui nmetoka zangu dar kwenda kijijini kwetu huko bukoba,njian nkaingia jf kuchek uzi mpya nkakutana na hii KAMA UNA STRESS INGIA HAPA kufika Dodoma basi likaingia hotelini,nmeagiza msosi huku napunguza stress na huu uzi nmekuja zinduka nmebaki mwenyewe nauliza nambiwa basi lina lisaa tangu liondoke
[emoji15] [emoji15] [emoji15]..bado sina stress[emoji32] [emoji32] ila ata hela ya kulipa msosi nlisahau kwenye beg[emoji27] [emoji27]
 
Toyota escudo said:
A mother used to cook her kids chicken everyday, but the kids got fed up.
Gal: Nitaambia mum aache kupika kuku.
Boy: kwa nini?
Gal: Nimeanza kumea manyoya huko chini.
Boy: Nilidhani ni mimi tuu!
Gal: ata wewe? Ona zangu venye ni mob. Ebu nione zako.
Boy: taking short down. Ona kazi ya mum na kuku zake daily.
Gal: Ghai! Yako imezidi, si manyoya pekee,unamea shingo ya kuku pia.
Boy: hata si shingo pekee, shika usikie mayai mbili hapa chini ya shingo.......

[emoji13] [emoji13] [emoji13] [emoji13] [emoji13] [emoji13] [emoji13] [emoji13]
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Ha ha haaa!!
We Jamaa nimefurahia hata hiyo Kiswahili yako.
 
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