andromena
JF-Expert Member
- Sep 7, 2014
- 587
- 671
[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji119]
[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji119]Pesa ndo tatizo mkuu..
Hauna ukichaa wowote ww mzima kabisa, hiyo hali ya kuji feel inferiority ni kwamba tu pesa hakuna..
Mimi Pia nimekuwa nikifikiri kwamba nikishakuwa na uchumi mkubwa basi nitayamaliza ila kilichotokea ata one point in my life ilijikuta nina develop aina tofauti ya matatizo.But huwa najaribu some of you remedies for temporary benefits ingawa ngoma huwa inaendelea kupiga after some times
Unasubiri nini miaka yote hiyo?Nianze kwa kusema kwamba ningependa huu uzi uchukuliwe kama simulizi inayonihusu mimi au inayomuhusu mtu mwingine. Ila katika kuielezea nitatumia nafsi ya kwanza.
Mimi sasa sio kijana kwani nina karibia miaka 40. Nino watoto wanne,Sina mke ingawa nimewahi kuishi na wanawake tofauti ambao wamenizalia watoto hao kama mke ni mume na niliwapenda na kuwajali kwa kadiri ya uwezo wangu ila sikuwahi kuwatazama kama wake zangu ili niliwatazama kama wanawake ninaowapenda na hata leo najua kwamba wale ni wanawake ninao wapenda inagwa siwaoni kama wake zangu.
Ninao watoto wanne na ninawapenda a kuwatakia mambo mengi mema na mazuri kwa kadiri ya uwezo wangu lakini siwaoni kama watoto wangu.
Kwa ufupi mimi ninacondition fulani ambayo sijui inaitwaje ila sijuia kupenda, sijui kuchukia, sijui kufurahi wala sijui kuhuzunika. Sina ujasiri wala sina hofu. Najua hapa hutanielewa. Kwa wale ambao wamebahatika kuishi na mimi wataelewa kitu kimoja. MIMI NI MTU MWEMA BUT WITH A VERY COMPLEX PERSONALITY.
Ninapoandika andiko hili ninafikiria kujiua, kutoa uhai kabisa. SIO KWA SABABU YA MATATIZO YANGU INGAWA NINAYO MENGI ila ni kwa sababu I cannot find meaning or purpose in anything or any person. Niliijaribu kuwapenda sana wanawake wote ambao nimewahi kuwa nao nikifikiri kwamba watanipa sababu ila ilishindikana, I am still EMPTY on the inside. Nimejaribu kuwapenda watoto wangu sana lakini bado NAJISIKIA NIKO TUPU ndani.
SIJUI kama ni tatizo la kiimani, kiakili au ni la nini lakini nianchojua ni kwamba nimekuwa na hili TATIZO KWA ZAIDI YA MIAKA 15-20. Hata wakati nikiwa shule sikujali kama nakuwa best performer in the class au na kuwa mwisho. To me I knew I was smart. Nilikuwa na uwezo wa kuwa wa mwisho Darasani-Na nimewahi kuwa wa mwisho na NIlikuwa na uwezo wa kuwa wa kwanza na nimewahi kuwa wa kwanza.
Katika ajira pia nilikuwa tofauti nobody could boss me around, those who tried to boss me around I went after their position.Ukiwa BOSS wangu ilibidi tuwe level moja, If you BOSS me around I take your position fair and square.My last POWER struggle costed me my JOB. Cha kushangaza ni kwamba bado hata nilipokuwa nje ya ajira I waso the same person, My own person with my own principles.
Kwa ufupi Mimi niko DEPRESSED ALL THE TIME. Yaani wakati wote niko katika msongo wa mawazo and I love thinking about depressive issues. Vile vile mimi niko very suicidal kwa zaidi ya miaka 15 nimefikira kujiua, nimefikiria njia bora na painless za kutoa uhai wangu mwenyewe. Sijawahi jaribu kujiua BUT nawazaga sana kuhusu kujiua.
JE HILI ni TATIZO gani. Nimekwepa kutumia wataalamu maana nimegundua kuwa ninapoenda kwa wataalam wa kidini naona na wao wana demons wao wanawasumbua naishia kuanza kuwapa somo mpaka wanahisi labda mimi nawaigizia. Nimeenda kwa madaktari wa akili nao tunafika hatua wanahisi I am faking it because I take over theirpractice.
Baada ya kujikuta hivo nikaamua kujitibia mwenyewe nyumbani.Nikijihis kuchoka Naweza kuja JF na kuandika andiko na Mara nyingi huwa nikimaliza kuandika huwa SIPOST nalisoma tu kisha nalifuta. Au naamua kuzungumza na watu tofauti kuhus complex issues ili tu ubongo wangu ukae kwenye mstari. Nikishindwa kabisa natumia ALCOHOL. Alcholol inanitesa kwa sababu tu inanituliza halafu inanipadisha.
Kama sasa hivi ninvoandika andiko hili nimemaliza kasichana kamoja na SAFARI tatu kubwa na KITOKO kimoja. Nimekaa kitandani tangu saa moja ili nilale sijalala, nimetoka nimetembea KM 5 nikarudi nikaoga bado usingizi hauji.Nimesali na mwisho nimechukua PC nikaandika huu uzi. UNAJUA NINACHOWAZA SASA HIVI? Well I thinking of KILLING MYSELF.
Nimewatafuta watoto niongee nao but wamelala.SIKAI nao kwa sababu ya CONDITION yangu.Nimejitenga na familia yangu kabisa kwa sababu kila mmoja anafikiri mimi ni aina fulani ya kichaa who is unstable na sitaki hali yangu iwaathiri watoto wangu.
Nimepost huu uzi kwa faida ya wengine. Kama unapitia hali kama hii tushauriane ila SIJUI ni nini hasa kinaendelea kwenye ubongo wangu BUT it is FREAKING mad. Ninachukia zaidi kwa sababu to the rest of the world I am this normal and cool guy but on the inside I am an empty hole. WTF
Nasisitiza unaposoma huu uzi una option ya kuassume I am talking about some else or myself or you can relate.Ninahisi wapo watu wengi sana kama mimi around ambao kwenye macho ya jamii wana kila kitu but wao wenyewe wanafeel EMPTY. Je, na wewe ni mmoja wao?How do you deal with that.
Ushauri konki sana , mi pia ni muhanga wa kuzidiwa na logical intelligence aseeNa-assume kama ifuatavyo mkuu.
Una akili nyingi sana (logical intelligence) kiasi imeingilia uwiano wa akili kwa ujumla (Total intelligence i.e Logical intelligence + emotional intelligence).
Logical intelligence inatusaidia ku-facilitate maisha yetu hapa duniani kwa kutuwezesha kutambua na kuelewa mazingira yetu kwa kuyasoma na kujifunza sheria za kimaumbile na kimfumo. Na hii ndiyo wengi wetu hui-consider kua akili.
Emotional intelligence inatuwezesha ku-interact na mazingira yetu ya ndani (oneself) na ya nje (other people, creatures and structures) kwa ku-connect nayo na kuyapa value. E.g upendo, loyalty, sense of belonging, chuki, hasira n.k
Kikizidi kimoja maana yake kina-overshadow kingine na kuathiri impact yake kwetu. Mfano logical intel ikiwa juu sana kuliko emotional intel kila kitu kisicho na logical meaning kinakua hakina maana, mfano wataalam wa mambo mbalimbali na suala zima la usafi na mpangilio kwao hua sio muhimu sana maana it's all about looks na arrangements tu. Unakua kama mashine au robot, unatekeleza your mission basi, bila mission you are useless.
Emotional intel ikizidi unakua more of an animal kuliko binadamu, unakua sensitive na reactive zaidi kwa emotions kiasi cha kuonekana huna akili. Mfano hasira sana na visirani, upendo kupitiliza au chuki bila sababu mpaka unaonekana mjinga.
Ukiziangalia hapo utaona yeyote katika hao waliozidi aidha logical intel au emotional intel wanaonekana kama zimeruka kidogo au dishi limeyumba (at least wa logical anaweza akapretend kua sawa na jamii lakini asione umuhimu au value yake deep down inside).
Ubongo uko very tricky na una-operate in strange ways. Nakupa task moja ijaribu kwa uadilifu kisha tutatafutana mkuu tujadiliane kwa kina.
Iko hivi, ukimpenda sana mtu au kitu uou end up thinking very positive about that person or thing to the extent hata kukiwa na fault you just excuse them.
Likewise ukimchukia sana mtu au kitu utafikiria mawazo hasi zaidi kumhusu/kukihusu to the extent hata kukiwa na manufaa you end up doubting about it.
Reverse engineering is also possible though it takes time. Ukimfikiria sana mtu in a positive way you'll end up liking/loving them.
Na ukimfikiria sana mtu in a negative way you end up hating/disliking them. Ila huu mchakato wa kuanza kufikiria kwanza kisha hisia zifuate huchukua muda zaidi na huhitaji concentration nzuri (ambayo unayo).
Task nayokupa ni hii mkuu, tuliza kichwa kisha tafuta binti ambaye anakuvutia kiasi (attractive kwako na personality yake uikubali). Study her very well. Kisha jenga nae ukaribu wa kirafiki tu hila kulenga kuanzisha uhusiano au kumpenda. Jaribu ku-connect nae kirafiki kawaida ila kwa ukaribu kuanzia mawasiliano na kuonana na kufanya vitu pamoja ikiwa ni pamoja na kubadilishana mawazo (hii ya kukutana physically ni muhimu kuliko mawasiliano ya simu).
Hakikisha unakua number one priority yake na rafiki yake mkuu. Msamehe anapokosea na umuelekeze vitu unavyopenda wewe.
Na pia hakikisha unamuweka kwenye mawazo yako kama mhusika mkuu kila unapokuwa kwenye mawazo na imagination zako.
Including mawazo yako ya kujiua ukijaribu ku-analyse atakuaje na atafanyaje muda una-commit suicide and after.
Kisha jaribu kuobserve kama atakua na impact yoyote kwako then tuangalie namna ya kujadiliana vyema kuhusu maisha na nini maana na thamani yake.
Na kwanini tukawa created such complex creatures kisha tukawa hapa duniani.
Why are we here?
Is it worth it ukilinganisha na gharama za uundwaji na utendaji wetu kimifumo na kila kitu?
All the best mkuu.
Well said!!Na-assume kama ifuatavyo mkuu.
Una akili nyingi sana (logical intelligence) kiasi imeingilia uwiano wa akili kwa ujumla (Total intelligence i.e Logical intelligence + emotional intelligence).
Logical intelligence inatusaidia ku-facilitate maisha yetu hapa duniani kwa kutuwezesha kutambua na kuelewa mazingira yetu kwa kuyasoma na kujifunza sheria za kimaumbile na kimfumo. Na hii ndiyo wengi wetu hui-consider kua akili.
Emotional intelligence inatuwezesha ku-interact na mazingira yetu ya ndani (oneself) na ya nje (other people, creatures and structures) kwa ku-connect nayo na kuyapa value. E.g upendo, loyalty, sense of belonging, chuki, hasira n.k
Kikizidi kimoja maana yake kina-overshadow kingine na kuathiri impact yake kwetu. Mfano logical intel ikiwa juu sana kuliko emotional intel kila kitu kisicho na logical meaning kinakua hakina maana, mfano wataalam wa mambo mbalimbali na suala zima la usafi na mpangilio kwao hua sio muhimu sana maana it's all about looks na arrangements tu. Unakua kama mashine au robot, unatekeleza your mission basi, bila mission you are useless.
Emotional intel ikizidi unakua more of an animal kuliko binadamu, unakua sensitive na reactive zaidi kwa emotions kiasi cha kuonekana huna akili. Mfano hasira sana na visirani, upendo kupitiliza au chuki bila sababu mpaka unaonekana mjinga.
Ukiziangalia hapo utaona yeyote katika hao waliozidi aidha logical intel au emotional intel wanaonekana kama zimeruka kidogo au dishi limeyumba (at least wa logical anaweza akapretend kua sawa na jamii lakini asione umuhimu au value yake deep down inside).
Ubongo uko very tricky na una-operate in strange ways. Nakupa task moja ijaribu kwa uadilifu kisha tutatafutana mkuu tujadiliane kwa kina.
Iko hivi, ukimpenda sana mtu au kitu uou end up thinking very positive about that person or thing to the extent hata kukiwa na fault you just excuse them.
Likewise ukimchukia sana mtu au kitu utafikiria mawazo hasi zaidi kumhusu/kukihusu to the extent hata kukiwa na manufaa you end up doubting about it.
Reverse engineering is also possible though it takes time. Ukimfikiria sana mtu in a positive way you'll end up liking/loving them.
Na ukimfikiria sana mtu in a negative way you end up hating/disliking them. Ila huu mchakato wa kuanza kufikiria kwanza kisha hisia zifuate huchukua muda zaidi na huhitaji concentration nzuri (ambayo unayo).
Task nayokupa ni hii mkuu, tuliza kichwa kisha tafuta binti ambaye anakuvutia kiasi (attractive kwako na personality yake uikubali). Study her very well. Kisha jenga nae ukaribu wa kirafiki tu hila kulenga kuanzisha uhusiano au kumpenda. Jaribu ku-connect nae kirafiki kawaida ila kwa ukaribu kuanzia mawasiliano na kuonana na kufanya vitu pamoja ikiwa ni pamoja na kubadilishana mawazo (hii ya kukutana physically ni muhimu kuliko mawasiliano ya simu).
Hakikisha unakua number one priority yake na rafiki yake mkuu. Msamehe anapokosea na umuelekeze vitu unavyopenda wewe.
Na pia hakikisha unamuweka kwenye mawazo yako kama mhusika mkuu kila unapokuwa kwenye mawazo na imagination zako.
Including mawazo yako ya kujiua ukijaribu ku-analyse atakuaje na atafanyaje muda una-commit suicide and after.
Kisha jaribu kuobserve kama atakua na impact yoyote kwako then tuangalie namna ya kujadiliana vyema kuhusu maisha na nini maana na thamani yake.
Na kwanini tukawa created such complex creatures kisha tukawa hapa duniani.
Why are we here?
Is it worth it ukilinganisha na gharama za uundwaji na utendaji wetu kimifumo na kila kitu?
All the best mkuu.
Mkuu unakata tamaa haraka sana, kaza mkuu life haijawahi kuwa nyepesi kiasi hicho
Angalau Kuna Jambo umenifungua hapo kwenye "haiepukiki" inakera Sana hii Hali na bahati mbaya ni ngumu watu kukuelewa.Haiepukiki..hii huwa inawapata inawapata watu wengi sana waliozaliwa mwezi wa saba adi nane mwanzoni..ni kupambana nayo tu adi kieleweke..ilishatokeaga kipindi nilipata concussion nikazimia nikawa natoka na povu zikasambaa taarifa kua nataka kujiua na nimekunywa sumu..familia yangu kidogo ipo vizuri.nilikua nalindwa balaa kila sehem nafatiliwa adi nikiingia toilet nisipotoka kwa mda nakuja kugongewa kama nipo salama au nataka kujiua..
Nilivyoanza maisha yangu na yanavyoelekea naona umuhimu sana wa kua hai haswa kwa ajili ya kulinda kizazi changu..issue ni hiyo hiyo chance ya kujipa raha ndogo inayopatikana ni kuitumia effectively..
Sikufikiria kucheka jamanNafikiri ni jambao jema kutumiza ndoto zetu... All the best
Mkuu nashukuru sana kwa ushauri wako makini,nitaufanyia kazi pia kwasababu mimi na mleta mada hatuna tofauti sana.Na-assume kama ifuatavyo mkuu.
Una akili nyingi sana (logical intelligence) kiasi imeingilia uwiano wa akili kwa ujumla (Total intelligence i.e Logical intelligence + emotional intelligence).
Logical intelligence inatusaidia ku-facilitate maisha yetu hapa duniani kwa kutuwezesha kutambua na kuelewa mazingira yetu kwa kuyasoma na kujifunza sheria za kimaumbile na kimfumo. Na hii ndiyo wengi wetu hui-consider kua akili.
Emotional intelligence inatuwezesha ku-interact na mazingira yetu ya ndani (oneself) na ya nje (other people, creatures and structures) kwa ku-connect nayo na kuyapa value. E.g upendo, loyalty, sense of belonging, chuki, hasira n.k
Kikizidi kimoja maana yake kina-overshadow kingine na kuathiri impact yake kwetu. Mfano logical intel ikiwa juu sana kuliko emotional intel kila kitu kisicho na logical meaning kinakua hakina maana, mfano wataalam wa mambo mbalimbali na suala zima la usafi na mpangilio kwao hua sio muhimu sana maana it's all about looks na arrangements tu. Unakua kama mashine au robot, unatekeleza your mission basi, bila mission you are useless.
Emotional intel ikizidi unakua more of an animal kuliko binadamu, unakua sensitive na reactive zaidi kwa emotions kiasi cha kuonekana huna akili. Mfano hasira sana na visirani, upendo kupitiliza au chuki bila sababu mpaka unaonekana mjinga.
Ukiziangalia hapo utaona yeyote katika hao waliozidi aidha logical intel au emotional intel wanaonekana kama zimeruka kidogo au dishi limeyumba (at least wa logical anaweza akapretend kua sawa na jamii lakini asione umuhimu au value yake deep down inside).
Ubongo uko very tricky na una-operate in strange ways. Nakupa task moja ijaribu kwa uadilifu kisha tutatafutana mkuu tujadiliane kwa kina.
Iko hivi, ukimpenda sana mtu au kitu uou end up thinking very positive about that person or thing to the extent hata kukiwa na fault you just excuse them.
Likewise ukimchukia sana mtu au kitu utafikiria mawazo hasi zaidi kumhusu/kukihusu to the extent hata kukiwa na manufaa you end up doubting about it.
Reverse engineering is also possible though it takes time. Ukimfikiria sana mtu in a positive way you'll end up liking/loving them.
Na ukimfikiria sana mtu in a negative way you end up hating/disliking them. Ila huu mchakato wa kuanza kufikiria kwanza kisha hisia zifuate huchukua muda zaidi na huhitaji concentration nzuri (ambayo unayo).
Task nayokupa ni hii mkuu, tuliza kichwa kisha tafuta binti ambaye anakuvutia kiasi (attractive kwako na personality yake uikubali). Study her very well. Kisha jenga nae ukaribu wa kirafiki tu hila kulenga kuanzisha uhusiano au kumpenda. Jaribu ku-connect nae kirafiki kawaida ila kwa ukaribu kuanzia mawasiliano na kuonana na kufanya vitu pamoja ikiwa ni pamoja na kubadilishana mawazo (hii ya kukutana physically ni muhimu kuliko mawasiliano ya simu).
Hakikisha unakua number one priority yake na rafiki yake mkuu. Msamehe anapokosea na umuelekeze vitu unavyopenda wewe.
Na pia hakikisha unamuweka kwenye mawazo yako kama mhusika mkuu kila unapokuwa kwenye mawazo na imagination zako.
Including mawazo yako ya kujiua ukijaribu ku-analyse atakuaje na atafanyaje muda una-commit suicide and after.
Kisha jaribu kuobserve kama atakua na impact yoyote kwako then tuangalie namna ya kujadiliana vyema kuhusu maisha na nini maana na thamani yake.
Na kwanini tukawa created such complex creatures kisha tukawa hapa duniani.
Why are we here?
Is it worth it ukilinganisha na gharama za uundwaji na utendaji wetu kimifumo na kila kitu?
All the best mkuu.
Uko sahihi kabisa.Ume suffer emotional neglect in your childhood,ulikua unapewa kila kitu na wazazi wako ila hukupewa attention ukilia,ukiwa na furaha/huzuni haikuwavuta wakuangalie ..hujui ku express your emotions as a result yaani umekua na flat personality hucheki wala hununi ......kukutibu itakua ngumu sababu inaelekea you are happy with it
Inawezekana ulikimbia Seminari wewe! Hivyo wacha yakutafune! Endelea tu na mpango wako maana ukiendelea kubaki kuna hatari ya kuja kuua watu wengine! Ingia duka la mifugo tafuta kitu inaitwa Xylazine na kufuata maelekezo, kama utatoboa dakika 2 leta mrejesho hapa!
To committee succide is better solutions but don't forget to Left ur girlfriend number.
Asee!! Mimi pia nimezaliwa July,na hali kama ya mtoa mada naipitia kwa kias fulani ingawa suala la kujiua mmh sijawahi kulifikiria,ila hayo mengine hata mimi napitia.Haiepukiki..hii huwa inawapata inawapata watu wengi sana waliozaliwa mwezi wa saba adi nane mwanzoni..ni kupambana nayo tu adi kieleweke..ilishatokeaga kipindi nilipata concussion nikazimia nikawa natoka na povu zikasambaa taarifa kua nataka kujiua na nimekunywa sumu..familia yangu kidogo ipo vizuri.nilikua nalindwa balaa kila sehem nafatiliwa adi nikiingia toilet nisipotoka kwa mda nakuja kugongewa kama nipo salama au nataka kujiua..
Nilivyoanza maisha yangu na yanavyoelekea naona umuhimu sana wa kua hai haswa kwa ajili ya kulinda kizazi changu..issue ni hiyo hiyo chance ya kujipa raha ndogo inayopatikana ni kuitumia effectively..
Mkuu uko sahihi.Kesi za namna hii mara nyingi zinachangiwa pakubwa na mazingira uliyowahi kupitia, Mazingira uliyoishi ukiwa kijana mdogo yamekushep jinsi ulivyo leo katika mahusiano,Kazi, elimu nk.Ikiwa kuna masuala yalitokea kipindi hicho cha miaka 15-20 iliyopita na hayakuleta matarajio mazuri kwako inawezekana yakawa ndio chanzo cha kuwaza na kubehave namna ambayo umeielezea hapa. sasa cha kufanya.ikiwa kuna masuala ya zamani ambayo hayana afya kwako kwanza yasahau sababu huwezi kuibadilisha zamani.
pili jisamehe wewe mwenyewe na uwasamehe wengine kwa maana hata Mungu wa mbinguni hawezi kukusamehe kama wewe mwenyewe huwezi kutoa msamaha jisamehe kwa mambo mengi hata yale ambayo hujayatenda.