Mwezi August nimesoma vitabu vitatu, Cha kwanza ni Collapse chake Jared Diamond ambacho kinaelezea kwanini jamii mbalimbali zilianguka na baadhi zilifanikiwa kusurvive pale zilipokumbwa na madhila mbalimbali ya kimazingira (hiki sijakimaliza, nikimaliza nitakichambua pia); vitabu viwili vyote ni riwaya. Riwaya ya Kwanza ni yake Jeffrey Archer iitwayo Kane and Abel (hii inaelezea watu wawili waliozaliwa kwenye mazingira ya aina mbili tofauti kabisa na kisha kufanikiwa kukutana katika masuala ya kibiashara na hatimaye kuwa na ugomvi mkubwa sana kati yao ma familia zao) na ya pili ni Changes yake Ama Ata Aiddo. Hii ya Changes ndio nitaizungumzia hapa.
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Riwaya hii ya Changes imeandikwa na Mama Ama Ata Aidoo. Mama huyu mghana ni mwanaelimu na mwanaharakati wa usawa wa kifursa kwa wanawake, pia aliwahi kuwa waziri wa elimu wakati wa utawala wa Jerry Rawlings. Kwenye fasihi Afrika, ana mchango mkubwa hasa kwa wanawake ambapo kupitia Taasisi yake ya Mbaasem, anasaidia waandishi wa vitabu wanawake.
Riwaya hii alinipendekezea rafiki yangu mmoja kwenye mtandao wa Twitter baada ya kuona nukuu yake. Nukuu hiyo ilinivutia. Na kuamua kukisoma. Nikuhakikishie ni Riwaya inayofunza sana hasa kwa mwanaume.
Simulizi kwa Ufupi: Katika riwaya hii iliyotoka mwaka 1991, inaemuelezea Esi ambaye ni mwanamke wa kiafrika, msomi wa shahada ya Takwimu na mtumishi wa serikali ya Ghana. Esi ameolewa na Oko, ambaye ni mwalimu. Lakini Esi anachoshwa na maisha ya ndoa kwa sababu mbili moja, anaona kuwa Mmewe anamuhitaji muda mwingi kiasi anaona kuwa anashindwa kufurahia kazi yake kama kusafiri au semina na wafanyakazi wenzake na pili anaona kuwa yeye hana sauti kwenye ndoa kiasi kuwa anaona hata mwili wake hana mamlaka nayo kama vile mmewe kumlazimisha kingono pasi na kutokuwa na utashi—marital rape. Hatimaye Esi anapeana talaka na mmewe. Miezi michache baadae, Esi anaolewa na mwanaume tajiri aitwaye Ali kama mke wa pili. Katika ndoa hii Esi anaishi kwake na anaonana muda mchache na Ali, ambaye anakuwa kwa mkewe wa kwanza muda mwingi, hii inampa uhuru Esi aliokuwa akiukosa kwa Oko. Lakini baadae Esi anajikuta akihisi kuwa kuna jambo analikosa; nalo ni kuwa na mumewe muda mwingi, kukosa mtoto nyumbani na ile hali ya unyumbani. Upweke huu unampa njia panda ambayo anakosa namna ya kuitatua.
Kwanini nimeipenda hii Riwaya. Sababu kuu ni moja, licha ya kuwa mimi ni feminist na Riwaya hii inajaribu kuonyesha jinsi gani wanawake wasomi wanahangaika kufit katika tamaduni za kiafrika, kiislam pamoja na ndoa; lakini mitazamo ya wanawake (sijui kama ni wote) juu ya masuala ya mapenzi, familia na ndoa; ndio sababu ya kuvutiwa na Riwaya hii, na ndio sababu ya kusema, wanaume ndio inatufaa zaidi kuisoma Riwaya hii.
Nyakati nyingi pindi akikumbwa na matatizo au kuwa njia panda, Esi—akiwakilisha usasa— alimkibilia bibi yake. Ni mafunzo ya bibi yake—akiwakilisha mifumo ya kihafidhina.
Wakati Esi akimiani kuwa mwanamke anatakiwa aolewe kwa mapenzi, kwa mtazamo wa kihafidhina, ni kuwa mapenzi hayapaswi kumuongoza mwanamke kwenye kuolewa:
These days, young people don’t seem to know why they marry or should marry.’
‘What are some of the reasons, Nana?’
‘Ah, so you want to know? Esi we know that we all marry to have children
‘But Nana, that is such an old and worn-out idea! Children can be born to people who are not married.’
‘Sure, sure, but to help them grow up well, children need homes with walls, a roof, fire, pots.’
‘Oh Nana. But one person can provide all these things these days for a growing child!’
‘Maybe ... yes... Yes, my lady. We also marry to increase the number of people with whom we can share the joys and the pains of this life.’
‘Nana, how about love?’
‘Love? … Love? … Love is not safe, my lady Silk, love is dangerous. It is deceitfully sweet like the wine from a fresh palm tree at dawn. Love is fine for singing about and love songs are good to listen to, sometimes even to dance to. But when we need to count on human strength, and when we have to count pennies for food for our stomachs and clothes for our backs, love is nothing. Ah my lady, the last man any woman should think of marrying is the man she loves.’
Pia wakati mwingine ndoa hutazamwa kama fadhila anayoitoa kwa mwanaume baada ya jitihada za muda mrefu za kumtongoza.
Esi’s main problem was that she was easily bored. And no woman ever caught a man or held him by showing lack of interest. Esi had known that she would have to work up some enthusiasm in her relationship with men. ‘But how?’ she had kept asking herself. Now looking back she didn’t dare admit, even to herself, that perhaps what she had felt for Oko in the first years of their married life was gratitude more than anything else. Gratitude that in spite of herself he had persisted in courting her and marrying her.
‘Not many women are this lucky …’ Esi could hear her grandmother’s voice. ‘And who told you that feeling grateful to a man is not enough reason to marry him?
Mtazamo huu ulinifikirisha sana, kwa sababu sijaoa, ilinifanya nikumbuke maex wangu walioolewa na kuanza kuanalyse sababu zao za kuolewa; pia mashemji zangu na maisha yao ya ndoa zao, dada zangu na maisha ya ndoa zao na watu wengine ninaowafahamu ambao hunishirikisha masuala yao;
My lady, the world would die of surprise if every woman openly confessed the true reasons why she married a certain man.
It came home to me that, wengi wa wanawake wanaoolewa huwa na agenda zao za siri (si lazima ziwe mbaya), mapenzi huwa ni kisingizio tu.
Nilifanya utafiti wangu binafsi; mfano nilimuuliza nesi ambaye ni rafiki yangu baada ya kushare quotation hii, alicheka na kuniambia, ni kweli kuwa wanawake wengi huolewa kwa fadhila, fedha, huruma au malipizo.
Ni kitabu kilichonifungua sana macho juu ya mitazamo ya wanawake kwenye mapenzi na familia.