Ndiyo ni kitu kizuri ila haipaswi tu kuonyesha interest zako wazi wazi unawaumiza hawa wengine wanakuwa wana feel ignored..!!Sina mtoto wala nini ila Kuna watoto wa ndugu zangu ila nampenda mtoto mmoja sana kuliko wengine and I Feel we share some kind of bond, na yeye hunipenda hivo hivo, so same na wazazi wanapenda watoto wote ila Kuna wanaowapenda zaidi kuliko wengine I think sio dhambi hutokea tu hyo Hali hata kwenye bible ukisoma jinsi Esau na mdogo wake kila mtu alipendwa mwingine na baba mwingine na mama.
I think kwangu sio dhambi hutokea tu damu kuendana Ile deep waswahili husema
Haha..Ipo sana hii, au kwa namna ingine, Katika mmojawapo wa watoto, hata afanye nini anaonekana kizibo tuu.. hakubaliki.
Hili swala inabidi lipigiwe kelele sana siku hizi.
Ahsante C'ssy kwa mfano mzuri kabisa, na I just can't imagine huo upendo aliokuja kupata mtoto wa aunt..! Maana kama auntie yako alipendwa sana, otomatik anakuwa na ujazo flani hivi wa upendo wa kutosha yaani na wote anammwagia the only child, uwwiiiih'.!Niliwahi kumuuliza Aunt yangu(dada wa baba yangu) kwamba kwanini aliamua kuzaa mtoto mmoja tu akaniambia kwa sababu ni ngumu kuwapenda watoto wote equally na yeye hakutaka watoto wajihisi kubaguliwa kwa hiyo ili kuepuka hilo akajiapiza kuwa na mtoto mmoja tu ili aweze kumpa mapenzi yote
Sikuelewa ila baadae alinielewesha kwamba yeye aliwahi kupitia hali kama hiyo ya kupendwa kuliko wenzake na haikumfurahisha zaidi ilimbomoa maana alikua anapewa kipaumbele kwenye kila kitu ila wenzake walijipambania na sasa wana maisha mazuri wakati yeye alichelewa sana kuweza kujisimamia
Haha..Mimi ni litoto la mwisho na nilipendelewa kwa kila kitu. Kunyonya kwenyewe nilinyonya mpaka nikiwa na miaka saba yaani niko nachunga ndama na akili zangu kabisa lakini kichwani napiga akili kuwa nikifika tu home napata lishe ya uhakika kutoka kwa maza. Nakumbuka kulikuwa na mzee mmoja mkorofi sana alikuja pale home ndo akachimba mkwara eti hili litoto mtakuja kuliharibu hili (shwaini zake!). Na kuanzia siku ile ndo nikapotezea kunyonya. Mpaka mama amekuja kuzeeka mpaka kufariki tuko marafiki sana. Imagine anakata roho mi niko mbali lakini niko naye kwenye simu ananiaga.
Hali hii nadhani mwenyewe imeniathiri kiasi fulani (tender heart, huruma sana, kutokuwa na kifua; na mengine mengi tu) ila pia sikujua lakini baadhi ya ndugu zangu hasa wale wawili ninaowafuata wana reservations na mimi na hatuko karibu kivile no matter how hard I try. Wanasema everything came easy for me kwa vile nilikuwa mtoto mpendwa wa familia. Kwa wanangu najitahidi sana kuwa fair japo kuna katoto kamoja yaani nakapenda mpaka basi. Mungu na Atusaidie wazazi tusilete madhara na kupanda mbegu za uhasama; na hata kuacha makovu ya kudumu kwa malaika hawa tuliobarikiwa nao - hasa katika kizazi hiki cha mabroila [emoji1545][emoji1545][emoji1545].
thank you so much BAK, umenifunza kitu kikubwa sana, kumbe kuna namna huu upendo uliozidi sisi tunau-perceive tofauti kabisa, kuanzia ukhalisia kwa upande wa wazazi ulivyo na namna wanavyotuchukulia wao.!Your parents have a favorite child, but it's not who you think
Understanding parent-child bonds impacts the well-being of adult children even after their parents pass away.
May 22, 2020, 3:18 PM EDT / Source: TODAY
By Meghan Holohan
Most parents swear they don’t have a favorite kiddo. But children often beg to differ with their siblings, suspecting that the other is truly the most loved. It turns out that the kids are kind of right. Parents do have a preference, but it’s normally not who children think it is — and whoever their "favorite" is could have an impact on their health.
“The very large majority of both mothers and fathers — when asked directly — are willing to say that there is a child that they are … closer to, prefer to confide in, prefer as a caregiver, have more conflict with and have more pride in,” J. Jill Suitor, a professor of sociology at Purdue University in West Lafayette, Indiana, told TODAY. “Most of the time the children’s perceptions are wrong.”
For the past two decades Suitor and her colleagues have been looking at familial relationships as part of an ongoing study. When the researchers first started and interviewed hundreds of families, they wondered if the parents of adult children would admit to having a beloved child.
“Everyone sort of assumes that nobody would admit to it. Mothers and fathers would talk to us about it. They’d say, ‘Of course, I love all my children the same and feel equally close to everybody except Susan,’” she explained.
The researchers aren’t examining this information to create strife in families. Understanding parent and adult-child bonds is important for the health of everyone. Adult siblings already consider a parent's favorite — and it impacts them. In many cases, the research focuses on the mother and adult-child bond since husbands are likely to die before their wives.
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“Children are even more likely to think that their parents have these preferences,” she explained. “Adult children think about it quite a bit and it affects their relationships with their siblings and their own psychological well-being.”
But what child a parent prefers has more to do with their own priorities than what society considers a success. Parents feel closer to the child who shares the same values. While children might think the sibling with the fancy education who makes the big money takes the prize, that’s not often the case.
“Moms are much more likely to be closer to children, for example, who go out of their way to be nice to her, who seem very concerned about the family, who help their siblings, than the kid who went to Harvard law school and makes lots of money,” she said. “It’s much more likely that mom’s really proud of whichever child has been either extremely engaged in the family or has again gone out of their way to be helpful.”
Moms also often feel more connected to a child who has faced a lot of challenges. This could be why people think the black sheep is most beloved.
“It’s often the child who has overcome a lot of struggles,” Suitor said. “It may be that kid who has failed out of college twice but they’re on track even at the local community college … Mom is more likely to say she is proud of them.”
While the findings might not be fodder for the next family get-together, Suitor said understanding who parents have the closet relationship with has an impact on the quality of their care as they age. Elderly mothers experience better health if their favorite child cares for them.
“One of the times that transparency becomes really important is having those discussions with health care providers,” she said. “We want the doctor, the social worker talking with mom without the adult children.”
That makes it more likely that mom goes home with her preferred child after a health emergency, which helps her experience better mental health and faster recovery.
Suitor and her colleague, Megan Gilligan, an associate professor at Iowa State University, recently started the third part of the study examining how parental bonds continue impacting adult children after their parents’ deaths. While they’re in an early part of this phase of the research, the findings suggest parent-child relationships play a role long after mom and dad die.
“Many people lose contact with their siblings, have big fights with their siblings after their parents die," Suitor said. "Losing a parent is very hard on families.”
Ooooh' sweetheart,Watoto na wazaz wa siku mmekaa kindez ndez kijinga jinga..Et mtoto anakua hayuko sawa kisa hajaonyeshwa upendo..upumbavu huu wenu mnaojifanya wasomi..et na wewe umeambiwa tu "i was nit their best....blah blah" ukajiskia vibaya..au ni kingereza ndio kilikuchanganya?? Pumbavu sana huv nyie vitoto mngekulia kwenye family zile za kizaman tulizokulia sisi si mngekufa before age?? Na kwa mind set hii no wonder mnatengeneza kizaz cha kishenz na nyie watoto mnajiweka near poverty line... wakongwe wenzangu wanalijua hili. Kwenye family mko watoto 18 huo muda wa kuonyeshana upendo unatoka wapi?au wewe kama mtoto huo muda wa kuchunguzwa unapendwa au hupendwi unautoa wapi?? Na sometimea watoto wengine wanalelewa katika mazingira kabisa akijua hapendwi ila ndio inampa changamoto ya kujipambania na kujisimamia na kujitetea dhidi ya uonevu toka kwa wenzake....
Achen watoto kuwalea katika namna ambayo watashindwa kujisimamia hala baadae wajifiche kwenye kivuli hicho cha " nilikua sipendwi".
Endeleen tu kutengeneza kizaz cha kishoga shoga wapuuz nyie...
Haha..!Hizi lawama akina Mama tunazipataga sana. Sisemi hazipo lakini sometimes ni unfounded kabisa jamani hatuwabagui watoto wetu.
Ila sasa kuna vitu vidogo vidogo vinavyoweza kuleta taswira hii.
Mfano Mimi mtoto wangu mkubwa hakunisumbua kabisa katika malezi pamoja na kuwa sikuwa very experienced. Hata kulia hakuwa mlizi. So sikuzoeaga kabisa sauti yake akilia. Ni mpole by nature na sio mkorofi.
Hili toto dogo lilikuwa nyweeeee nyweeeeee na sasa wamekuwa kidogo. So ikitokea leo hii amelia hata I won't bother much nishazoea naona ni deko tu. Hili ni litubdu, likorofi na ngumi nje ila mwepesi kushtaki.
Lakini mkubwa akilia wallah it drives me crazy. I hate the sight of tears on my sons face. I hate to the core the sound of my elder son crying na ni mwepesi sana kureact sababu nahisi ameonewa na hapo ndo utaona familia zetu za kiafrika zikisema unampemdelea mtoto mmoja 🙄🙄🙄🙆♀️🙆♀️🙆♀️
ni baraka sana kama amekuja kutulia ukubwani, hivi ninyi hiyo hali haikuwasumbua kabisa.?Bro wangu alikua anapedwa sana na mother,japo wote tulikua tukipedwa Ila yeye ilikua zaidi ,na mzee na alikua mkorofi shule anazingua kila shule anasoma kidogo anaikataa,bimkumbwa yuko upande wake,o level tu kasema shule 8,,bimkubwa hakuweza kukata mpaka bro alivyo fika,ila saivi fresh katulia na kazi nzuri tu
that was blessing in disguise, Hongera sana kwa kuirudisha heshima Future..!!Nakumbuka wakati niko mdogo, mimi nyumban ndo first born....nilipita kipindi kigumu sana katika ukuaji, hasa nilikua naona waziwazi jinsi ambavyo wadogo zangu mapacha walivyokua wanapenda. Hawa mapacha ni wakike na wakiume, bwana hwa jamaa darasani walikua wazima..hivyo niliona ambavyo mama anampenda mdogo wangu wa kiume na baba alikua anampenda mdogo wangu wa kike. Iliniumiza na kuninyima raha, kuna siku tulikaa kibarazani, sijui ilikuaje tukawa tupo watatu mimi, mama na baba. Ndipo nikawaambia wazazi wangu kiukweli nyie mi hamnipendi mnawapenda hawa wenzangu, ila mama akapinga na akasema hapana si kweli.
Mimi kutokupendwa kwangu kulitokana na sababu nyingi, kama ugomvi aseeh wiki haipiti sijaleta kesi nyumbani, hizi ngumi nimepigana sana.
Kingine darasanai sikua nafanya vizuri kama watoto wengine, hasa huyu wakiume ndo alikua anakua wakwanza mara nyingi, huyu wa kike labda watatu hivi. Ila namba zangu mi huko 20 na kitu.
Kiukweli kutokuoneshwa sipendwi kulinikomaza kiakili, na nikaanza kupambana na kuwa mtu ambaye nataka kuwaonesha ndani yangu kuna kitu.
Kwasasa nyumban mi ndo napendwa hasahasa mama yangu, ananipenda sana na hilo nalijua na nampenda sana mama kuliko maelezo.
Nawasilisha.
Hongera sana Kisiran, ila jitahidi usioneshe huo upendo uliozidi waziwazi mpaka wengine wajiskie vibaya itawatesa sana katika ukuaji wao..Mimi kwetu wa mwisho Kati ya saba, hadi Leo Mabro zangu Wana jelasi na Mimi sababu wao walikulia kipindi cha ukata, halafu mie nilikulia maisha matamu sababu Mama alikuwa kwenye Ajira.
Now Nina watoto watatu, ninaempenda zaidi bint yangu wa pili (3yrs), japokuwa siishi nao, tunaonana kwa mwaka Mara moja (likizo),
Sababu ya kumpenda, ni mcheshi sana.
Wa kwanza wa kiume (12yrs) hatuna ushikaji (analijua Hilo) kutokana Tabia ya uchafu uliopitiliza, hapendi kuoga, kuswaki, kufua ni Mzembe Dunia nzima.
Wa mwisho cha kiume bado mdogo (6 mths), sijamfaidi kabisa nilikaa nae week moja wakati katoka kuzaliwa hadi Leo hatujaonana tena.
Pole sana Simon, Mungu akusaidieni kila kitu kitakuwa sawa naamini, na usisahau muda ni hakimu mzuri sana..!!hio ipo sana watoto wa dada zangu wanapendwa kuliko wa kwangu hlf mie naonekana nahamisha mali walizo takiwa wale wao, kwa hioo wakipigiana simu ni kutusema tuuu ila wamama bwana na watoto wao wa kike ?.
ila hawajui kama wana upendeleo.
Whoooops'...!Yes it happens; you love all your kids, but you like one the most
1. Single parenting; kuna wale wazazi ambao walijikuta wanalea mtoto peke yao kwa sababu moja au nyingine; automatically mapenzi yao yanakuwa makubwa sana na huyo mtoto kuliko watoto wengine atakaowalea na mwenzie. Mtoto anaumwa, anaumia, kila function upo wewe tu; maisha yenu revolve around each other; automatically upendo utaegemea sana kwao. Ingawa kuna wengine ile chuki juu ya mzazi mwenzie aliyemuacha labda, na uchungu wa kumlea mtoto peke yake; anahamishia uchungu wote kwa mtoto, aisee mtoto atateseka hadi ajiulize kama huyu ni mzazi wangu kweli.
2. Mazingira ya kutungwa mimba, kuilea hadi kujifungua na malezi kwa ujumla. Mzazi/Couple ambayo imehangaika sana kutafuta mtoto afu ikaja kufanikiwa kumpata mtoto baada ya struggles nyingi; upendo kwa huyo mtoto wa kwanza utakuwa ni mkubwa zaidi.
-Kuna wale unakuta wakati mama ana mimba labda ikawa inamsumbua sana, kakaa bed rest, sijui kajifungua ikabidi wabaki months hospitalini na mtoto; hako katoto kanatokea kupendwa zaidi ya wenzie
-Mtoto mgonjwa au anayehitaji special need, anachukua nafasi na muda wa wenzie zaidi. Ndiyo maana kuna baadhi ya wazazi/familia, wanaamuaga kutoongeza watoto wengine ili wampe attention yote yule mwenye special need.
3. Kuna watoto ambao wanapendeka kirahisi zaidi. Mtoto mwingine akishakusalimia amemaliza, huyo anaenda kucheza; wakati mtoto mwingine akishakuona tu kashakukimbilia, mara kakuletea hiki na kile, mara kakufanyia hivi, mara kaja kukaa mkapiga story; yaani anakuonyesha upendo hadi basi. Mtoto wa hivi automatically atakuwa anapendwa zaidi na wenzie. Kuna ka-niece kangu kenyewe hakana habari na mtu yoyite zaidi ya kaka yake; hata akilia haiti mama au baba, anaita tu kaka
4. Mtoto anaye-share/serve interest za mzazi;mzazi anajikuta anampenda mtoto huyo zaidi. Mfano kuna watoto wazito na watoto wepesi wa kazi; kukiwa na kikazi tu huyo ashanyanyuka kusaidia. Mzazi anajikuta yupo karibu na huyo mwepesi zaidi. Labda mzazi anapenda kitu fulani na mtoto anakipenda pia, automatically hawa wawili wanaconnect zadi
5. Last borns wengi wanapendwa zaidi.
6. Mtoto ambaye ni wa jinsia ya pekee kwenye familia yao; mara nyingi anakuwa kipenzi cha wazazi hata na wenzie. Mfano ukute familia ambayo mtoto wa kike ni mmoja tu; huyo anakuwa kipenzi zaidi na roho ya baba yake; wa kiume wa pekee ni pumzi ya mama yake.
7. Watoto wanaopewa majina ya kurithi ya bibi/babu/kipenzi cha mzazi. Ule upendo alionao mzazi kwa yule mwenye jina, huwa unahamishiwa kwa mtoto aliyerithi jina hilo.
N:B Ingawa kupendelea mtoto ni kama kitu kisichozuilika; inabidi wazazi tuwe makini sana. Huwa inaleta chuki na madaraja kwa watoto as wale wengine wanaona kama wenyewe hawapendwi; au wengine wanajikuta wana inferiority complex; anajihisi si bora kuliko yule anayependwa zaidi. Ingawa wazazi huwa tunajitetea sana like "sio kweli, tunawapenda wote sawa".
Changamoto niliyoi-notice haswa kwa baadhi ya wamama; ni pale ambapo favorite child wa baba anakuwa si mtoto wa mama wa kumzaa (mtoto wa nje wa mume). Huo moto utakaochochewa kati ya watoto wa nje na wa ndani mmh. Au huyo mtoto akiwa ndiyo mtoto pekee wa baba; hali ndiyo inakuwa tete zaidi . Mungu anatuona
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Ule upendo huwa haufichiki BAK ujue, mzazi anajikaza weeh' ila anateleza tu na ghafla dunia inajua fav child ni yupi,Kuna upendeleo wa kuwa first born au last born. Kuna upendeleo wa kufanana na Baba/Mama. Kuna upendeleo wa kitabia kuwa msikivu, msafi, kufanya vizuri shuleni, kusaidia kazi mbali mbali za nyumbani, kuwa na heshima na adabu si nyumbani tu bali hata kwa majirani na shuleni pia. Hivyo mtoto kama huyu anakuwa hana usumbufu wowote kwa Wazazi wake pale mtaani au shuleni ukilinganisha labda na ndugu zake au watoto wa majirani. Hivyo unakuta Wazazi wanampenda sana huyu japo wanaweza kuwa hawaonyeshi wazi wazi.