Kama una stress pitia hapa, usiache kutupia na wewe maneno yako

Mke wangu ananilalamikia...

"Angalia wale majirani zetu. Yule bwana anamtreat vizuri sana mkewe. Humnunulia mizawadi, humtoa mkewe sehemu mbali mbali za burudani, na mpaka akitembea mtaani humshika mkono. Kwa nini wewe hufanyi hayo mume wangu?"

Nikamwambia "Una wazimu? Nitamfanyiaje hayo mke wa jirani na wala simjui vizuri. Mumewe hayatompendeza kwanza. Pumbaaaaf"

Kajikalia kimya nahisi anafikiria makarangizo ya jioni
 
Leo nina machache sana napenda niwakumbushe.

Kumbuka hata bibi alikuwa binti

Kumbuka babu nae alikuwa kijana

Kumbuka malaya nae alikuwa bikira

Kumbuka hata kuku alikuwa yai

Kumbuka hata mwalimu alikuwa mwanafunzi

Kumbuka hata mbuyu ulianza kama mchicha

Kumbuka hata walemavu Mungu amewapa nguvu za ziada;
Kama ni mlemavu wa miguu yote basi mmoja upo kati unakuwa na nguvu kuliko yote miwili, kama mlemavu wa mikono kumbuka Mungu amempa nguvu za miguu

Kumbuka hakuna askari muoga

Kumbuka hakuna mlinzi anaependa kuvamiwa kazini

Kumbuka hakuna jogoo asiependa ngono

Kumbuka konokono hawezi kujenga ndio maana anatembea na nyumba yake

Kumbuka hakuna mwizi anaekamatwa akasema ni mara ya ngapi kuiba ila atasema ni mara ya kwanza

Mwisho napenda niwaase kuwa tujitahidi kujituma, Kumbuka
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HAKUNA MWIZI MVIVU[emoji13] [emoji13] [emoji13] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji124] [emoji125] [emoji125] [emoji377] [emoji377] [emoji377]
 
mwalimu wa hesabu aliwauliza wanafunzi darasani.
Baba yako akikopa shilingi 10,000 bank na akikopa shilingi 10,000 kwa jirani Je atalipa shilingi ngapi jumla?
Mwanafunzi mmoja kanyoosha kidole juu.Mwalimu akamwambia haya jibu.Mwanafunzi akajibu halipi kitu.
Mwalimu umeelewa swali? Mwanafunzi ndio nimeelewa jibu halipi kitu.Mwalimu kapata hasira akamwambia Mwanafunzi kaa chini hujui hesabu.Mwanafunzi akamjibu mwalimu hesabu nazijua ile wewe humjui baba yangu.Akikopa halipagi.
 
*CHEKA KIDOGO NA MATENDO YA WANADAMU WA SIKU ZA MWISHO*
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Baba mmoja alikuwa na mfanyakazi wake wa ndani aitwaye Bakari (house boy); mara nyingi Bakari huiba wine ya boss wake na kisha kuongeza maji kwenye chupa ili boss asigundue.

Mara kadhaa boss alihisi ladha tofauti anapokunywa wine hivyo kuhisi kuna mchezo mchafu alihisi tu Bakari anahusika. Sikumoja bosi huyu aliamua kununua wine fulani ambayo ukiongeza maji inabadirika rangi. Kama kawaida, Bakari akanywa ile wine na akaongezea maji, baada ya muda ikabadirika rangi; bosi akaja kugundua. Bakari alipostukia hali ya hewa, akaenda jikoni kujibana.

*Mara mzee akaanza kumwita, fuatilia:-*

*Boss:* Bakariiii!
*Bakari:* Naam baba!
*Boss:* Nani kanywa wine yangu?
*Bakari:* Kimyaaaa[emoji40](hajibu kitu!) *Boss:* Bakariiiii !
*Bakari:* Naam baba!
*Boss:* Nauliza, nani kanywa wine yangu halafu anajazia majiii?
*Bakari:* Kimyaaaaa![emoji40] (Hakujibu kitu)

*Boss akaamua amfuate hukohuko jikoni...*

*Boss:* Kwanini nikikuita jina unaitikia, ila nikikuuliza kuhusu wine yangu unanyamaza?[emoji34]
*Bakari:* Baba, huku jikoni ndo kulivyo[emoji45], unasikia jina tu likiitwa; lakini maneno mengine husikii, na kama huamini baki jikoni mi niende sebuleni harafu nijaribu kukuita.

*Bakari akaenda sebuleni akaanza kuita...*

*Bakari:* Babaa!
*Boss:* Naam Bakari!
*Bakari:* Mida ya saa sita za usiku huwa unaenda kufanya nini chumba cha house girl?
*Boss:* Kimyaaaa![emoji40] (hakujibu kitu)
*Bakari:* Baba babaa!
*Boss:* Ndio Bakari!
*Bakari:* Nauliza hivii, chumbani kwa house girl saa sita za usiku huwa wafuata nini?
*Boss:* Kimyaaaaaaa![emoji40] (hakujibu kitu)

*Boss akatoka nje:* Aisee[emoji27], Bakari huku jikoni ni kweli husikii kitu zaidi ya jina, duh!!![emoji22]

*Mama akasema msinizingue nyie... Mbona siwaelewi[emoji35]*

*Bakari:* Mama[emoji45] kama huamini na wewe ebu nenda uone.

*Mama akaenda jikoni...*

*Bakari:* (akaita) Mamaaaa
*Mama:* Bee Bakari
*Bakari:* Eti hiyo mimba uliyonayo ni ya baba au yangu?
*Mama:* Kimya[emoji40]
*Bakari:* Mama nakauliza tena, hiyo mimba ni ya baba au yangu?

*Mama huku anatoka nje:* Aisee!!! kweli hili jiko inabidi lichunguzwe vizuri, humu unasikia jina tu‍♀...


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TADPOLE said:
Vita baridi ni nini?

Vita baridi ni pale ambapo we we na baba yako mnabishana kuhusu mpira yeye anasema Giroud mkali kuliko messi..halafu we we ukajisahau ukadhani upo kibandani unaropoka "msikieni huyu matako" [emoji23] [emoji23]
Click to expand...
your much mr
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Mtoto alikua akibishana na baba yake akisema 1+1=11, baba akamwangalia kisha akasema vizuri sana,akamtuma kununua mayai mawili,mtoto akaenda kununua,aliporudi akamwambia nipe moja lingne mpe kaka yako,wakaendelea kula,mtoto akauliza Mimi nakula nini? Baba akajibu kula tisa yaliobaki mjinga wewe
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Noma asee
 
Madrid[emoji736]
Chelsea[emoji736]
City[emoji736]
United[emoji736]
Everton[emoji736]
Spurs[emoji736]

Umetia 20000 inasoma utashinda 2307100.....unaisubir PSG tu..

Mara paap PSG 0-0


Ndo utagundua uwepo wa Freemason duniani[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]



Kwl uchawi upo dunian [emoji119]‍♂‍♂
 
Daaa jamii forums never boring
 
Mzee mmoja alikuwa anawafundisha adabu watoto wake.
Sasa mmoja wa watoto wake kasikia maneno ikabidi amuulize baba yake maana ya hayo maneno
Mtoto:baba nimesikia neno dhakari(ume) maanake Nini
Baba:mwamvuli
Mtoto: nimesikia kufanya mapenzi(una.ti wa)maana?
Baba:kaa chini
Mtoto:nimesikia ku.ka.zana maana yake nini?
Baba:kuoga
Basi siku mmoja mvua ilikuwa inanyesha wageni wamekuja kumuona baba huku wameshika miamvuli
Wageni hodi hodi wanyeji mpo?
Mtoto alikuwa varanda na baba yake alikuwa anakoga tupo karibuni.
Wageni baba yako yuko?
Mtoto: baba yuko chooni anakazana,nipeni dhakari zenu ni ziweke halafu kaeni chini mfanye mapenzi.
Baba alivyo toka kukoga kakuta wageni wakali kweli kweli.
Wageni kwa nini unamfudisha mtoto matusi?
Baba:Kwani kasema nini?
Wageni:wakamueleza alivyo waambia.
Toka siku Hiyo baba akawa akiulizwa swali anajibu kiukweli.
 
ALVARO -- 6 letters word
MORATA -- 6 letters word

ROMELU -- 6 letters word
LUKAKU -- 6 letters word

SERGIO -- 6 letters word
AGUERO -- 6 letters word

These players has 6 goals each to their name just by playing 6 matches....Amazing[emoji15][emoji15]

Maybe
Alexander
Lacazette
Will join the wen they reach... Calculate the number yourself[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
 
A man established a zoo and made the entrance fee 50000= but no one went there. He reduced it to 40000= but still no one came. He then reduced the fee to 20000= but still people didn't come. Finally, he made it free entrance and soon, the zoo was filled with people. Then he quietly locked the gate of the zoo, set the lions free and made the exit fee 150,000= and everyone paid [emoji13] [emoji13] [emoji13] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji124] [emoji125] [emoji125] [emoji377] [emoji377] [emoji377]
 
*Jana Mtoto wa Dada yangu aliniuliza swali la kizushi, Eti Mjomba ukichanganya OMO na FOMA unaweza kupata povu??*
*Nikamjibu, Lazima upate kwa kuwa zote ni sabuni za unga.*
*Kisha nikamwambia,Siku nyingine usiwe unauliza maswali ya kipumbavu*.[emoji849][emoji849][emoji849][emoji849][emoji849][emoji848][emoji848][emoji848][emoji848][emoji848][emoji848][emoji848]
*Akaniambia majibu yako ndio yakipumbavu. Utapataje povu bila kuweka na maji?*
*Tangu Jana najiuliza nimekosaje swali kizembe?*
*sasa namtafutia sababu afanye kosa nimtie bakora za maana kwa kunivunjia heshima.*[emoji3][emoji3]
 
Tajiri ana bwawa kafuga mamba nyumbani pake kaandaa tafrija katikati ya shughuli kawakusanya waalikwa wakawa wamezunguuka bwawa kisha katoa shindano atakae weza kuingia humo kwa sekunde 20 basi atamzawadia milioni 20 au amuozeshe binti yake basi kabla tajiri hajamaliza tayari wageni wakaona maji yanaruka kwa fujo sana timbwili bwawani ikawa hekaheka mara kidume kikaibuka huku kinatweta . Tajiri akakiuliza haya wataka pesa au bint yangu? kidume kwa kigugumizi kikasema "kwa kwa kwan kwanza na na na nat nat nataka ku ku ku kumjua ali ali alie nisu nis nisukumizaa
 
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