Kama una stress pitia hapa, usiache kutupia na wewe maneno yako

Kama una stress pitia hapa, usiache kutupia na wewe maneno yako

Guasa Amboni said:
Mshkaji wangu ametangaza kuacha bhangi baada ya kuvuta na kupita kambi ya jeshi kijiti cha ukweli akaanza kuwaita wajeda nyinyi sio askari ni migambo flan tena sungusungu tu baada ya hapo hakumbuki kilitokea nini ila alijikuta hospital anamuona mama yake na dada yake .Mama akamwambia dada ameamka mpozee uji anywe jamaa akaropoka nimejifungua mtoto gani? bimkubwa wake akazimia
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Hehehe walimtia mimba
 
Numbisa said:
Uvivu wabongo tumeanza mbali muone huyu baada ya kuchoka kusali Kila siku akaamua kuandika Sala kwenye karatasi na kubandika ukutani kwa hiyo ukifika muda wa kulala akawa anasemaje"ee Mungu Kama kawa pale ukutani AMINA" Kisha analala[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
Click to expand...
[emoji16][emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji23][emoji2]i[emoji23][emoji1787][emoji23][emoji1787][emoji23]lv [emoji16][emoji1787][emoji16][emoji1787][emoji16]u [emoji1787][emoji23] kwa kweli[emoji23][emoji23]
Collection yakk ya jokes [emoji86][emoji86][emoji86]
 
WHY MY PASTOR BLOCKED ME ON FACEBOOK
I sent him a friend request on Facebook and he innocently accepted. Two minutes later his message came in;
*PASTOR: How are you?
*ME: I'm fine Daddy.
*PASTOR: May the building of heavenly favour collapse on your head.
*ME: (No reply)
*PASTOR: May the thunder of Blessing strike you and your family.
*ME: (No reply)'
*PASTOR: May God slash you with the axe of long life.
*ME: (No reply)
*PASTOR: May God stab you with the knife of riches.
*ME: (No reply)
*PASTOR: May you be sentenced to life imprisonment in the eternal jail of success!
*ME: (No reply)
*PASTOR: May the Trade centre of happiness collapse on you and your family.
*ME: (No reply)
* PASTOR: My son are you there?
*ME: Yes Daddy!
* PASTOR: You should be saying Amen to claim the Blessings.
*ME: Ok, it's my turn to pray for you Sir!
*PASTOR: Alright my son.
*ME: May the over speeding trailer of Blessings jam and crush you and your family,
*PASTOR: (No reply).
*ME: May the light of God blind your eye that you may not see the sufferings of this life anymore,
*PASTOR: (No reply)
*ME: May the earthquake of happiness swallow you and your family members,
*PASTOR: (No reply)
*ME: May the sea of miracle drown you and your family members,
*PASTOR: (No reply)
*ME: May the Boko-haram of joy kidnap you sir!
*PASTOR: (No reply)
*ME: May the death of riches kill you, your family members and all yours friends and relations,
*PASTOR: (No reply)
*ME: May the annointing from above destroy your church and kill all your church members excluding me and my family in Jesus name (Amen)!
*PASTOR: (No reply)
*ME:Ah Ah Daddy are you there? You should be saying Amen to all these wonderful Prayers.
*PASTOR: May thunder fire you! Idiot
 
CAN'T STOP LAUGHING
A woman was having sex in an
apartment 20 floors high with
another
man.She then heard her husband
coming… she told her lover to stay
like
a robot and not to move.
Husband: What is this?
Wife: This is a robot, I bought to have
sex with when you are travelling…
Husband: Okay…Lets have sex now…
Wife: No sweetheart… yesterday I
got
my period, so I will go and make a
cup
of coffee for you…
After she left the husband said:
Damn I
am so horny, I will f*ck this robot…he
tried f*cking. The man started
talking in
a metallic robotic way…
“SYSTEM ERROR…WRONG HOLE…
SYSTEM ERROR… WRONG HOLE…”
Husband: Damn robot is not working
properly…I am throwing it out of the
window…The man realized that he
was
on the 20th floor and said…
“SOFTWARE UPDATED…PLEASE TRY
FUCKING
AGAIN.....
 
[emoji615] Doctor: "You have to take at least 10 glasses of water every day"[emoji52]

Rich: "That's impossible"[emoji113]

Doctor: "Why?"[emoji53]

Rich: " I have only 4 Glasses at home"[emoji706][emoji124][emoji204][emoji45][emoji111]
 
JUST READ, SMILE AND ENLIGHTEN YOUR MOOD

RANDOM JOKES
1. What is demonic soft work?
That moment when you're drunk and want to jump across a gutter not knowing you are about to jump off third mainland bridge
__________________________ 2. You wear makeup but still look like a vampire, my sister thats what we call Adding salt to an injury
________________________
___________________________
3• Most girls nowadays sha. if their future baby knows how many old men sucked those breast, the child will prefer porridge
__________________________
4• Women who can Cook can be so dramatic, u find her wearing an Apron just to boil water
__________________________ ___________________________
5• This black lipstick is not for every lady, some of u end up looking like native doctors or traditional healers
__________________________
6• One Ibadan girl has been singing since morning "Shawa kote see kote" Instead of "Yawa go dey see gobe"
___________________________
7• Something bothers me, those girls who go to night clubs wearing crop Tops and leggings without hand bag, were do they put their money? Ahbi dem no get money??
________________________
8• So u deleted ur bibble App to download Snapchat, I hope u also download a filter that can reduce the heat temperature inside Hell??
__________________________ 9• Sister you are not Rihanna, wear bra and stop showing us that breast that are pointing at your shoes
_________________________
10• Girl: Dad, whats better? To pass or to fail?
Dad: To pass obviously! Girl: oh my God! You'll be proud of me cos I passed my pregnancy text & positive
Her Burial arrangement holds dis friday
________________________
11• My mom asked my girlfriend if she can Cook, Then she smiled and replied, " Mummy I cooked the tea we drunk at home this morning"
my mum is still looking for where to faint cos our dog fainted where she suppose to faint
_________________________
__________________________ 12• nowadays u can see a 7 year old girl singing "My money, my body na ur own baby"
when I was her age I was singing " My head my shoulders, my kneel my toes, they all belongs to Jesus"
________________________ 13• Nawao! one plastic of garri is now N1,200 & u ask all these garri sellers they will say cassava is scarce.. Please where is Tekno, he told us he have big cassava,, coman donate ur cassava to ur nation biko
__________________________
14• dating a guy having trust issues can b something else. U update ur status "I love God"
then his mind will now start telling him "It can't be God in heaven, it could be Godstime or Godswill or probably Godspower
Bros, so dis how u allowed ur village people control ur Destiny abi??
___________________ _________________________
15• My problem now is this Airtel people that have been sending my grand mother some beauty tips.. please for what?
__________________________
16• If you are single be fully single not when you are single your private part will be dating
_________________________
17• This my neighbor always tag me in her baby's pics everyday thats why I keep wondering if am raising her child with my data bundle
_______________________ ___________________________
18• Using Your Boyfriend's Picture As D.p Doesn't Scare Us.
No Be Today We Begin Dey Enter gates wey dem Write
"Beware Of Dogs"
________________________ 19• Girls are always complaining there are no nice guys. There are nice guys everywhere.
The problem is that your eyelashes are too much. U can never see dem
_________________________
20• Guys that turn back to look at yansh of every girl that passes The day you will turn to salt is coming
I have said my own
________________
 
A little boy was in a TAXI eating chocolate. He
took another one then another, up to 8
chocolates. Then a MAN next to him said:
Don't U know that too much of chocolate can
damage your teeth? The boy replied: My
Grandfather lived for good 150yrs b4 he died..
Then the man asked: was it because of eating
chocolate he lived so long? D boy replied: NO
sir: it's because he was always
minding his own business..
 
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