Mimi na mzee wangu hatuko sawa, na sioni dalili ya kuja kuwa sawa tena

[Gunner11]

Pole sana
Naamini kwa kuandika humu kuna hatua utavuka na kuachilia hayo, ili uanze kuishi kwa kujipa furaha na upate familia utakapo oa. Omba upande mke mwema mtakuwa sawa kwa mengi pia.

Hili swala la maumivu watoto wanapata wengi hawaelewi trauma inavyopiga mtu baada ya matukio.

Omba Mola akupe muongozo ukamuone Mzee, unaweza mwambia unavyosikia mtakuwa sawa tu. 😍

Wazazi jamani watoto muwalee vyema.

Thanks and God bless🙏🙏

 

[Joanah]

Kitu ambacho hukukifahamu na hujakifahamu hadi leo ni kwamba wewe siyo mtoto wake. Ni hivi: Mama yako alimbambikia huyo unayemuita baba mimba yako na ndiyo sababu anakuchukia.
Sasa umejua. Uamuzi ni wako.

Hivi kwanini watu mnakuwa hivi?

 

[Gunner11]

Hivi kwanini watu mnakuwa hivi?

It is human nature, sishangai kabisa siku hizi

 

[walitola]

Mkuu nafikiri ulichoandika kama ulikuwa unaweza nilivyokuwa nawaza mimi kiukweli na mimi sijaelewa hapo labda aje atuweke wazi

 

[mbu wa dengue]

Nimesoma story yako yote hata sijaona kosa alilofanya mzee wako.
Kosa lipo kwenye ubongo wako kutafsiri vitu kiutofauti.
Inawezekana tu sababu ikawa ni msoto wa maisha uliopitia ukatafuta root cause kisha ubongo wako ukakupa jibu kwamba sababu ni mzee wako lakini si kweli maana vijana watu wengi wanapitia kwenye hiyo stage kabla ya kufanikiwa.
Mzee wako alisimamia jukumu lake kama mzazi katika kuwashepu watoto wake ila wewe ulikuwa unatamani life la kudekezwa kama wanavyolelewa watoto wa single mother.
Halafu kitendo cha wewe kuhama nyumbani kwenda kujitegemea na kupambana kwa kufanya vibarua vya kulipwa elfu 5 huo ni ujasiri ambao ni matunda ya malezi ya mzee wako,mtoto aliyelelewa kimayaimayai hawezi kujiongeza hivyo atatafuta shortcut ambayo inampeleka pabaya either awe chawa au shoga kwa hiyo hapo wewe inabidi kwanza umshukuru mzee wako kwa kukufanya uwe mwanaume kamili na pia ubadilishe mindset yako ya uadui uigeuze iwe urafiki kwa mzee wako.

 

[mbu wa dengue]

Akili za Gen Z ni uhitaji wa kulelewa kimideko mideko tu hatimaye ndiyo zao la akina Juniors mgeni akikaa sebuleni anaangalia TV naye anafika hajamsalimia anabadili channels, analilia soda na kumkodolea macho ya kifedhuli kama waasi boko haramu.

 

[gwapole]

Katika hilo uko sahihi,
I never want to have kids nije niwa treat like how my dad did. Thanks for your comment🙏

Kumbe ndo maana una tabia za ovyo! Ungemsikiliza mzee wako, usingekuwa hivyo

 

[Preciousvision]

Kila binadamu huwa anakuwa na mtihani wake... Leo nimeona nitoe japo snippet yangu, kwa vile hili jukwaa ni kubwa nadhani naweza kupata mtu wa kunibadilisha mawazo..

Kwanza kabisa.... I'll be 29 this month. Na kuna vitu huwa navipuuza but they're starting to make clear sense now..

Si unajua utu uzima dawa Buddha! So japo mapambano yanaendelea kuna time inabidi uwe vulnerable kidogo uache ego ikae pembeni maana haiweki chakula kwenye sahani wala kulipa kodi.

So, kufupisha stori ni hivi...

Mimi na mzee wangu hatuko sawa, na sioni dalili ya kuja kuwa sawa tena... Maana Kadri siku zinavyoenda nazidi kupata picha yake halisi na ninazdi kukosa connection nae kabisa sioni kama kuna umoja kati yetu..

Ninamheshimu sana mzee, amenipa maisha, ya kipekee sana, katusomesha, he was overly protective. Ila alikuwa sijui itakuwa sahihi kusema kapitiliza kutoa protection..

Baba yetu alikuwa mtu wa perfection yaani hataki kusikia ulisahahu nini, alikuwa hataki mazoea na watu growing up nimelelewa maisha ya geti kali.. Hatukua wa kishua hata ila ni vile tu mzee alikuwa na secure job.

Mama yangu was such a best woman ever existed (may she rest easy)

Sitaki kwenda deep zaidi, ila hayo maisha ni mabaya sana kwa watoto. Yanawaharibu sana kisaikolojia..
Mzee wangu alikuwa so controlling na ikifika hatua by the age of me getting to secondary school nikawa naona kabisa haya maisha sio right.. Yaani he was dealing with alot for sure, but even when since mom was still available akifanya vile vile kwake, so nimekuwa nikiona familia iliyo njema na yenye furaha kwa nje, but giza likitanda usiku ni hatari.. Kelele torture kwa wanaishi ndani.

Sitaki kuingia sana kuelezezea nini kulikuwa kinatokea ila nahisi mmepata picha sahihi..

Ili fika kipindi ikawa ukifika muda wa kurudi shule moyo unafurahi... Ila bado unatoka home na Maumivu tu, yaani it was hell... Na ukiwa mtoto wa kiume inapaswa umezee ndani. Usiwe weak, usiwe coward..

My school life was nerve wrecking, I never enjoyed it.. Hata ndugu hawakutaka kusikia kuhusu mimi na drama za mzee wangu. It was lonely as fvck.. It reached a point nikawa suicidal kabisa.. Ningekuwa najua mbinu za Kujimaliza ningelifanya hivyo.. I always thought of my mom.. Na hata kifo chake mzee pia alichagiza(she was tired of all the mess)... Na muda nikikaa kufikiri huwa natumia vibaya sana.

Kupunguza stori, ni kuwa beside yote hayo mzee katufunza kuwa disciplined, alikuwa ni mtu wa nothing happens usipo jituma. Na ilinisaidia sana kuperform shule I despite mazito niliyo kuwa na pambana nayo ndani.

Ila with all the chaos, nilipo fika chuo nilisema mazima home, or tuseme nilikuwa soo tired hata kumface mzee machoni ilikuwa trauma inducing. Ilikuwa hata akinioigia simu natetemeka kuokota.. Hiyo ni miaka ya 2021 na huko na maliza chuo nikasema.. I have nothing to do with him, nikajiapia ntarudi ila I was terribly tired of thinking atakuwa sawa. Ilikuwa ni kelele daily aisee..

Sasa baada ya kutoka home life ilikuwa ngumu mbaya mbovu... Sijawahi kuona uchungu wa kutafuta wazee, that's when life kicked me to the curve. Nililala chini mimi. All I had was money ya kodi tu. Nikifanya kazi kama mtumwa, na sijui hata ujasiri huo Ulitoka wapi.. All I did was for money, imagine unafanya kazi kutwa unapata elf5? Hapo Natafuta Ajira ya kujishikisha.

All was well, baada ya muda nikaanza kuwa stable, na maisha ya kaanza kuwa smooth, but trust me kuna muda kidogo nirudi home, ila ili shindikana kwa sababu ningeaibika tu. I worked my ass off nikaanza kuona matunda.. Japo Sija fika ila I see progress.

So baada ya miaka kama mi3 hivi ya ku struggle ndo sasa naanza kuiona picha halisi ya mzee, wangu. He only instilled fear on me. Nimejikuta nikichukia watu sana, nikichukia hasa kuona mtu ana I control... Hasa makazini. Sipendi mtu aniamrishe(huwa ina induce pain kutoka kwa mzee wangu)

I know ni kwa sababu ya zile kumbukumbu za mzee wangu, nimekuwa nikijibizana sana na maboss kazi baada ya kazi, nataka niwe my own boss. Ila we both know sio rahisi. Maisha ya nahitaji kujishusha ila kwangu inakuwa kipengele maana huwa naweza kuwa people pleaser au kujiona kupitiliza(hii ni imbalance ya bad treatment utotoni)
Najaribu kujifunza na kuwa bora, na naona matokeo kuhusu hilo(it's taken me years of shadow work)

Tukiachana na hayo yote, baada ya muda mrefu mzee amekuwa kama anataka nirudi, najua uzee na upweke utakua unammendea ila sioni kama nitaweza hata kumface tena.

Hivi unajua ile ya kuwa huna commonness na mtu? Yaani unajua kabisa huyu ni mtu wa namna gani, na unajua hata iweje hawezi kuwa wamoja?

Ndo ninavyo mwona baba yangu, I do respect and love him for being a good Dad. Ila ile treatment yake udogoni iliniharibu vibaya sana mustakabli wa maisha yangu, nimesha samehe na namtakia afya na maisha marefu sana but sioni kama tutakaa kuelewana tena. Yeye ana namna anayaona mambo ambavyo mimi sioni..

So kama mtu mzima, na utu uzima dawa nimeona hakuna haja tena ya kukaa na jambo lenye kuja kuwa na impact ambayo mimi huenda nisiione now.

Ningependa kama tungeacha drama kidogo katika hili, ingependeza kidogo.

We ni mhuni tu stori zenyewe umeaandika kihuni

 

[ephen_]

Mzazi ni mzazi.
Kitu kikubwa ulichozungumzia ni kua baba yako alikua anakuendesha! Lakini ukiwa mzazi utaelewa kua hakuna kitu kigumu kama kumlea mtoto ili aje kua mwema.

Labda balehe ilichangia ugomvi kati yako na baba.
Nashauri uende kwa baba yako na umwambie kila kitu unachojisikia kuhusu past yenu.
Kama utashindwa kuongea kwa mdomo basi mpe barua.

Mkikaa mkiongea kila mtu atajua alikosea wapi na mtarudisha upendo kati yenu.

Baba yako anakupenda sana! Kuna sacrifices alizifanya mbele na nyuma ya macho yako ili wewe uwe bora na imara.

 

[gwapole]

Nimesoma story yako yote hata sijaona kosa alilofanya mzee wako.
Kosa lipo kwenye ubongo wako kutafsiri vitu kiutofauti.
Inawezekana tu sababu ikawa ni msoto wa maisha uliopitia ukatafuta root cause kisha ubongo wako ukakupa jibu kwamba sababu ni mzee wako lakini si kweli maana vijana watu wengi wanapitia kwenye hiyo stage kabla ya kufanikiwa.
Mzee wako alisimamia jukumu lake kama mzazi katika kuwashepu watoto wake ila wewe ulikuwa unatamani life la kudekezwa kama wanavyolelewa watoto wa single mother.
Halafu kitendo cha wewe kuhama nyumbani kwenda kujitegemea na kupambana kwa kufanya vibarua vya kulipwa elfu 5 huo ni ujasiri ambao ni matunda ya malezi ya mzee wako,mtoto aliyelelewa kimayaimayai hawezi kujiongeza hivyo atatafuta shortcut ambayo inampeleka pabaya either awe chawa au shoga kwa hiyo hapo wewe inabidi kwanza umshukuru mzee wako kwa kukufanya uwe mwanaume kamili na pia ubadilishe mindset yako ya uadui uigeuze iwe urafiki kwa mzee wako.

Mzazi anayeshape mtoto wake hususan wa kiume, huwa mtoto hampendi. Nakiri, kama baba yangu asingenitandika, ningekuwa sijui wapi.

First born wangu, aliamini nampenda siku ya graduation yake -degree ya kwanza.

Last but one, tangu form one nilimweleza kuwa Nahitaji 4 As katika Mtihani wake wa form four za PCMB ili ajihakikishie kwenda MUHAS! Kwa vile ili kijana ajihakikishie MUHAS lazima form six awe na A au B ya Physics. Niliumia alipopata zote A isipokuwa Physics form four. Kutokana na ukali wangu aliweza kujiongeza na sasa amemaliza MD ila MUHAS haikuwa riziki.

Mzazi lazima ukomae na mtoto ili baadaye achomoze.

 

[Gunner11]

Ndio maana huwa tunasema katika haya maisha hakikisha una Yesu mambo yanaenda smooth sana.

Yes, yes, yes..
Katika hili sikupingi kabisa.. 🙏

 

[Mhandisi Mzalendo]

Nimejaribu kusoma huu uzi na comment zote sijaona kosa kubwa la mzee wako mpaka kuandika maneno makali kuwa HAMPATANI....

Malezi yana changamoto sana na bila kusimama IMARA kama mzazi unajikuta mpaka una staafu watoto hawaeleweki. Mzazi bila kuwa imara ni kuzalisha kizazi kingine cha hovyo.

Kitu kimoja nimeona ni kuwa mama yenu alikua MPOLE sana na ALIWADEKEZA na alikua ndio mtetezi wenu pale mnapokaziwa na mtoto.

Kitendo cha wewe kusema unapenda DRAMA ni aina ya malezi umepata kutoka upande wa pili. At the age of 29 unapenda DRAMA kama mwanaume. Mzee asingekaza tungekupoteza.

Anyway we are not here to blame you au mzee wako.

Cha kufanya
1. Achilia moyo wako fanya mapatano na mzee wako. Hakuna jambo muhimu km hili. Fanya kabla haijawa too late. You arenold enough kuface hiyo kitu.
2. Anza kujenga familia yako upate majukumu ili upunguze hizo drama uingie kwenye majukumu uone mbilinge la watoto. Nina mtoto wangu now ni standard 7 nilikuja kushtuka darasa la 3 hajui kusoma. Mbugi alilopata hataacha kusimuliana ni wa kike. Now ni yupo atleast ishirini bora...
3. Usipange kudekeza watoto wako.
4. Punguza kuangalia movie za ulaya ukafikiri maisha ni sawa.
5. Get busy.

 

[Mr the dragon]

Ni kawaida mtu mwenye tatizo la afya ya akili kusingizia wazazi, ndugu au girlfriend ndio wamemsababishia!

 

[po sumbe]

Kila binadamu huwa anakuwa na mtihani wake... Leo nimeona nitoe japo snippet yangu, kwa vile hili jukwaa ni kubwa nadhani naweza kupata mtu wa kunibadilisha mawazo..

Kwanza kabisa.... I'll be 29 this month. Na kuna vitu huwa navipuuza but they're starting to make clear sense now..

Si unajua utu uzima dawa Buddha! So japo mapambano yanaendelea kuna time inabidi uwe vulnerable kidogo uache ego ikae pembeni maana haiweki chakula kwenye sahani wala kulipa kodi.

So, kufupisha stori ni hivi...

Mimi na mzee wangu hatuko sawa, na sioni dalili ya kuja kuwa sawa tena... Maana Kadri siku zinavyoenda nazidi kupata picha yake halisi na ninazdi kukosa connection nae kabisa sioni kama kuna umoja kati yetu..

Ninamheshimu sana mzee, amenipa maisha, ya kipekee sana, katusomesha, he was overly protective. Ila alikuwa sijui itakuwa sahihi kusema kapitiliza kutoa protection..

Baba yetu alikuwa mtu wa perfection yaani hataki kusikia ulisahahu nini, alikuwa hataki mazoea na watu growing up nimelelewa maisha ya geti kali.. Hatukua wa kishua hata ila ni vile tu mzee alikuwa na secure job.

Mama yangu was such a best woman ever existed (may she rest easy)

Sitaki kwenda deep zaidi, ila hayo maisha ni mabaya sana kwa watoto. Yanawaharibu sana kisaikolojia..
Mzee wangu alikuwa so controlling na ikifika hatua by the age of me getting to secondary school nikawa naona kabisa haya maisha sio right.. Yaani he was dealing with alot for sure, but even when since mom was still available akifanya vile vile kwake, so nimekuwa nikiona familia iliyo njema na yenye furaha kwa nje, but giza likitanda usiku ni hatari.. Kelele torture kwa wanaishi ndani.

Sitaki kuingia sana kuelezezea nini kulikuwa kinatokea ila nahisi mmepata picha sahihi..

Ili fika kipindi ikawa ukifika muda wa kurudi shule moyo unafurahi... Ila bado unatoka home na Maumivu tu, yaani it was hell... Na ukiwa mtoto wa kiume inapaswa umezee ndani. Usiwe weak, usiwe coward..

My school life was nerve wrecking, I never enjoyed it.. Hata ndugu hawakutaka kusikia kuhusu mimi na drama za mzee wangu. It was lonely as fvck.. It reached a point nikawa suicidal kabisa.. Ningekuwa najua mbinu za Kujimaliza ningelifanya hivyo.. I always thought of my mom.. Na hata kifo chake mzee pia alichagiza(she was tired of all the mess)... Na muda nikikaa kufikiri huwa natumia vibaya sana.

Kupunguza stori, ni kuwa beside yote hayo mzee katufunza kuwa disciplined, alikuwa ni mtu wa nothing happens usipo jituma. Na ilinisaidia sana kuperform shule I despite mazito niliyo kuwa na pambana nayo ndani.

Ila with all the chaos, nilipo fika chuo nilisema mazima home, or tuseme nilikuwa soo tired hata kumface mzee machoni ilikuwa trauma inducing. Ilikuwa hata akinioigia simu natetemeka kuokota.. Hiyo ni miaka ya 2021 na huko na maliza chuo nikasema.. I have nothing to do with him, nikajiapia ntarudi ila I was terribly tired of thinking atakuwa sawa. Ilikuwa ni kelele daily aisee..

Sasa baada ya kutoka home life ilikuwa ngumu mbaya mbovu... Sijawahi kuona uchungu wa kutafuta wazee, that's when life kicked me to the curve. Nililala chini mimi. All I had was money ya kodi tu. Nikifanya kazi kama mtumwa, na sijui hata ujasiri huo Ulitoka wapi.. All I did was for money, imagine unafanya kazi kutwa unapata elf5? Hapo Natafuta Ajira ya kujishikisha.

All was well, baada ya muda nikaanza kuwa stable, na maisha ya kaanza kuwa smooth, but trust me kuna muda kidogo nirudi home, ila ili shindikana kwa sababu ningeaibika tu. I worked my ass off nikaanza kuona matunda.. Japo Sija fika ila I see progress.

So baada ya miaka kama mi3 hivi ya ku struggle ndo sasa naanza kuiona picha halisi ya mzee, wangu. He only instilled fear on me. Nimejikuta nikichukia watu sana, nikichukia hasa kuona mtu ana I control... Hasa makazini. Sipendi mtu aniamrishe(huwa ina induce pain kutoka kwa mzee wangu)

I know ni kwa sababu ya zile kumbukumbu za mzee wangu, nimekuwa nikijibizana sana na maboss kazi baada ya kazi, nataka niwe my own boss. Ila we both know sio rahisi. Maisha ya nahitaji kujishusha ila kwangu inakuwa kipengele maana huwa naweza kuwa people pleaser au kujiona kupitiliza(hii ni imbalance ya bad treatment utotoni)
Najaribu kujifunza na kuwa bora, na naona matokeo kuhusu hilo(it's taken me years of shadow work)

Tukiachana na hayo yote, baada ya muda mrefu mzee amekuwa kama anataka nirudi, najua uzee na upweke utakua unammendea ila sioni kama nitaweza hata kumface tena.

Hivi unajua ile ya kuwa huna commonness na mtu? Yaani unajua kabisa huyu ni mtu wa namna gani, na unajua hata iweje hawezi kuwa wamoja?

Ndo ninavyo mwona baba yangu, I do respect and love him for being a good Dad. Ila ile treatment yake udogoni iliniharibu vibaya sana mustakabli wa maisha yangu, nimesha samehe na namtakia afya na maisha marefu sana but sioni kama tutakaa kuelewana tena. Yeye ana namna anayaona mambo ambavyo mimi sioni..

So kama mtu mzima, na utu uzima dawa nimeona hakuna haja tena ya kukaa na jambo lenye kuja kuwa na impact ambayo mimi huenda nisiione now.

Ningependa kama tungeacha drama kidogo katika hili, ingependeza kidogo.

Pole sana kwa kutokua sawa na mzee, ushauri tu vyovyote uliyopitia jaribu sana kuwa naye sawa/utoe kinyongo kwani mzazi ni mzazi na ikitokea ametangulia basi itakutesa sana.
Kwa sasa unajitegemea hivyo nafasi ya wewe na yeye kukwaruzana haipo au ni nadra sana,piga simu mjulie hali&ukiweza fika nyumbani unapoweza ila usikae muda mrefu ukatengeneza nafasi ya mikwaruzano.
Ushauri mdogo tu usipende kuchanganya sana lugha mbili kwenye bandiko moja binafsi imenifanya nisimalize kusoma bandiko lako,maneno mawili matatu si mbaya ila umechanganya sana

 

[Gunner11]

Ni jambo la Muda, utakuwa sawia na mshua wako na utajua kwanini alikuwa anafanya aliyokuwa anafanya.

Unajua Wazee wa zamani wamejikaririsha kuwa Baba anatakiwa awe kauzu, na ndio Pride ya Wababa wengi.
Lakini hii haimaanishi kuwa haipendi familia yake.

Unachokosea ni Kuhusisha hayo malezi na jinsi wewe ulivyo.
Unajua kila mtu ana tabia zake za ndani. Na zinajidhihirisha pindi mtu huyo anapokuwa huru. Independent.

Nadhan unajijua kuwa ww una Ego,
Maana hata hii ya kuona mzee wako hakuwa sawa ni part ya hiyo Ego yako. (Tayar ushaona kuwa hakustahili kufanya alivyofanya juu yako).
Guess what! Alistahili. Ww ni mtoto wake na amekunyoosha the way ambavyo yeye aliona ni sawa.
Umemsifia kuwa kakufundisha Discipline. Well na hayo mengne ambayo unahisi sio sawa yalikuwa part ya somo la Discipline.

All in all, let it go. Appreciate what is done, and make peace with the past.

Thanks brother umeongea kitu uzima sana

I will make more efforts to make him see my point of view, japo nimejaribu mara nyingi na ilikuwa fruitless.. Maybe approach haikuwa more consize..

Ila uliyo sema yote yako sahihi kabisa.

Kwao ilikuwa upendo, ila zama huwa Zina badilika..

Will work on your advice mkuu🙏

 

[Robert Heriel Mtibeli]

Kila binadamu huwa anakuwa na mtihani wake... Leo nimeona nitoe japo snippet yangu, kwa vile hili jukwaa ni kubwa nadhani naweza kupata mtu wa kunibadilisha mawazo..

Kwanza kabisa.... I'll be 29 this month. Na kuna vitu huwa navipuuza but they're starting to make clear sense now..

Si unajua utu uzima dawa Buddha! So japo mapambano yanaendelea kuna time inabidi uwe vulnerable kidogo uache ego ikae pembeni maana haiweki chakula kwenye sahani wala kulipa kodi.

So, kufupisha stori ni hivi...

Mimi na mzee wangu hatuko sawa, na sioni dalili ya kuja kuwa sawa tena... Maana Kadri siku zinavyoenda nazidi kupata picha yake halisi na ninazdi kukosa connection nae kabisa sioni kama kuna umoja kati yetu..

Ninamheshimu sana mzee, amenipa maisha, ya kipekee sana, katusomesha, he was overly protective. Ila alikuwa sijui itakuwa sahihi kusema kapitiliza kutoa protection..

Baba yetu alikuwa mtu wa perfection yaani hataki kusikia ulisahahu nini, alikuwa hataki mazoea na watu growing up nimelelewa maisha ya geti kali.. Hatukua wa kishua hata ila ni vile tu mzee alikuwa na secure job.

Mama yangu was such a best woman ever existed (may she rest easy)

Sitaki kwenda deep zaidi, ila hayo maisha ni mabaya sana kwa watoto. Yanawaharibu sana kisaikolojia..
Mzee wangu alikuwa so controlling na ikifika hatua by the age of me getting to secondary school nikawa naona kabisa haya maisha sio right.. Yaani he was dealing with alot for sure, but even when since mom was still available akifanya vile vile kwake, so nimekuwa nikiona familia iliyo njema na yenye furaha kwa nje, but giza likitanda usiku ni hatari.. Kelele torture kwa wanaishi ndani.

Sitaki kuingia sana kuelezezea nini kulikuwa kinatokea ila nahisi mmepata picha sahihi..

Ili fika kipindi ikawa ukifika muda wa kurudi shule moyo unafurahi... Ila bado unatoka home na Maumivu tu, yaani it was hell... Na ukiwa mtoto wa kiume inapaswa umezee ndani. Usiwe weak, usiwe coward..

My school life was nerve wrecking, I never enjoyed it.. Hata ndugu hawakutaka kusikia kuhusu mimi na drama za mzee wangu. It was lonely as fvck.. It reached a point nikawa suicidal kabisa.. Ningekuwa najua mbinu za Kujimaliza ningelifanya hivyo.. I always thought of my mom.. Na hata kifo chake mzee pia alichagiza(she was tired of all the mess)... Na muda nikikaa kufikiri huwa natumia vibaya sana.

Kupunguza stori, ni kuwa beside yote hayo mzee katufunza kuwa disciplined, alikuwa ni mtu wa nothing happens usipo jituma. Na ilinisaidia sana kuperform shule I despite mazito niliyo kuwa na pambana nayo ndani.

Ila with all the chaos, nilipo fika chuo nilisema mazima home, or tuseme nilikuwa soo tired hata kumface mzee machoni ilikuwa trauma inducing. Ilikuwa hata akinioigia simu natetemeka kuokota.. Hiyo ni miaka ya 2021 na huko na maliza chuo nikasema.. I have nothing to do with him, nikajiapia ntarudi ila I was terribly tired of thinking atakuwa sawa. Ilikuwa ni kelele daily aisee..

Sasa baada ya kutoka home life ilikuwa ngumu mbaya mbovu... Sijawahi kuona uchungu wa kutafuta wazee, that's when life kicked me to the curve. Nililala chini mimi. All I had was money ya kodi tu. Nikifanya kazi kama mtumwa, na sijui hata ujasiri huo Ulitoka wapi.. All I did was for money, imagine unafanya kazi kutwa unapata elf5? Hapo Natafuta Ajira ya kujishikisha.

All was well, baada ya muda nikaanza kuwa stable, na maisha ya kaanza kuwa smooth, but trust me kuna muda kidogo nirudi home, ila ili shindikana kwa sababu ningeaibika tu. I worked my ass off nikaanza kuona matunda.. Japo Sija fika ila I see progress.

So baada ya miaka kama mi3 hivi ya ku struggle ndo sasa naanza kuiona picha halisi ya mzee, wangu. He only instilled fear on me. Nimejikuta nikichukia watu sana, nikichukia hasa kuona mtu ana I control... Hasa makazini. Sipendi mtu aniamrishe(huwa ina induce pain kutoka kwa mzee wangu)

I know ni kwa sababu ya zile kumbukumbu za mzee wangu, nimekuwa nikijibizana sana na maboss kazi baada ya kazi, nataka niwe my own boss. Ila we both know sio rahisi. Maisha ya nahitaji kujishusha ila kwangu inakuwa kipengele maana huwa naweza kuwa people pleaser au kujiona kupitiliza(hii ni imbalance ya bad treatment utotoni)
Najaribu kujifunza na kuwa bora, na naona matokeo kuhusu hilo(it's taken me years of shadow work)

Tukiachana na hayo yote, baada ya muda mrefu mzee amekuwa kama anataka nirudi, najua uzee na upweke utakua unammendea ila sioni kama nitaweza hata kumface tena.

Hivi unajua ile ya kuwa huna commonness na mtu? Yaani unajua kabisa huyu ni mtu wa namna gani, na unajua hata iweje hawezi kuwa wamoja?

Ndo ninavyo mwona baba yangu, I do respect and love him for being a good Dad. Ila ile treatment yake udogoni iliniharibu vibaya sana mustakabli wa maisha yangu, nimesha samehe na namtakia afya na maisha marefu sana but sioni kama tutakaa kuelewana tena. Yeye ana namna anayaona mambo ambavyo mimi sioni..

So kama mtu mzima, na utu uzima dawa nimeona hakuna haja tena ya kukaa na jambo lenye kuja kuwa na impact ambayo mimi huenda nisiione now.

Ningependa kama tungeacha drama kidogo katika hili, ingependeza kidogo.

Ukishakuwa chini ya Mamlaka nyingine kudhibitiwa, kuamrishwa na kuwekwa chini ya ulinzi ni jambo la kawaida kabisa.

Ukiwa na himaya yako utaelewa.

Unachojaribu kueleza ni kuwa hujakua bado

 

[rodrick alexander]

Wazazi wengi wanakuwq wakali wakqti tunakuwa sababu wanaamini wanatujengea misingi, wanaweza kuwa sahihi au la ila wakifika uzeeni wanabadilika kabisa

 

[Andromeda Galaxy]

Sijaona kosa kubwa la mdingi, nilichoona kwa ufupi tu ni aina fulani ya wazazi wanaopenda kuwalea watoto wao katika ile misingi mikali na migumu wakiwa na lengo la kuwaweka watoto katika mstari wanaoona ni sahihi kwao, wengi wanapenda kusema mzee fulani ni mkoloni kweli kutokana na strictness yake kwenye upbringing ya watoto, na kiufupi hii huweza kuwa na negative na positive side kwa mtoto hasahasa kisaikolojia, ila haipaswi kukufanya ushindwe kuweka mambo sawa na mzazi wako mbali na yote yaliyotokea still yeye ni mzazi wako na alikuwa analenga ustawi wako

 

[Strategist7]

I never said I dislike my Dad..

He taught me resilience and discipline, he's given his all to provide a life for me. I never dismissed that. We just have nothing to put us together for now, Atleast that's what I can say.

And, I'm not saying you dislike him. I'm simply saying you don't even have to like him to meaningfully connect with him. Talk to him frequently about different subjects. You will find something you both agree on. Then use that to cultivate a positive relationship with him. You obviously also have your own psychological issues. Work on those separately with the help of a professional or religious therapist.

 

[Gunner11]

Watu wengi hawakupaswa kuwa wazazi ila huwa wanalazimisha tu.

Sidhani hii kauli ni nzuri kuitumia
Hakuna asiyependa kuwa mzazi. Na kila mtu ana uhuru wa kuwa mzazi...

Nobody wanna do bad things but they just do it for lack of love, they come from a place of insufficiency