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[Shimba ya Buyenze]

Zimbabwe sasa wanafurahia ati wako na "former president"

 

[Shimba ya Buyenze]

When you want to charge your phone at a football viewing center and you mistakenly unplug the DSTV cable during penalty shoot out....

That is the moment you will remember your mum used to tell you that your phone will kill you one day! [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

[Shimba ya Buyenze]

*Long distance relationships really sucks at times.*

These ladies who stay in a different town say Kisumu and you're in Narobi.

She comes to visit you after six months long without seeing each other.

As a man, because bae is coming, you prepare to bomb the shit between her legs.

Bae arrives, hug ndio hiyo. Ah! Kifua iko sawa kushinda sidechick Wa mtaa.

Then ochwadi kiss[emoji8]. Jeeeez! The tongue is hoooooot yawa. You start to imagine the temperature of the cookie jar.

You give atoti time to relax. Anaenda bathroom. You watch her tie the towel as she catwalks to shower.

The Devils who made your ancestors die poor invade your mind and migrate to your balls.

Agal toto is in the bathroom. She recently received Jesus so she sings "facebuku facebuku, twita imekua aibu kwa dunia ya leo" [emoji120]x4

At this moment you're ready for a marathon night[emoji125].
You look at her Waiguru again as she tiptoes out of the bathroom. Eh! They're shaved. You commend God's artistic work.

She then goes to the kitchen, prepares dinner/supper (whatever the heck it is).

You feat as you narrate to her how you've been on dry spell for six months[emoji6]. Fool! You're lying.

Then you go to bed but as you shoot your filthy hands to touch "nyambura" (her cookie jar), eh! Pads! [emoji27][emoji52]The road to Canaan is blocked[emoji732]. Suddenly you see Chebukati[emoji69] and Chiloba!

You're not sure, you think it's the latest thong in town so you ask aswito, hiyo ni nini[emoji19]?

"Nilianza kuatend jana[emoji4]" Atoti innocently replies.
You try to be a gentleman. "na itaisha lini?" the fool in you queries.

With a voice that can make you curse all the family members, "inaendanga for four days" jaber quips.
Then you remember today is Thursday and she is traveling back on Saturday[emoji31].

Though you don't wanna ask her, you ask yourself "why the hell did she come in that state[emoji35]?"

You've no options. You pull back your hand mooooooos mos like a jubilee thief.

And at this time you realize there's no light at the end of the tunnel, the Kenyan flag drops from full-mast, to half-mast, to quarter-mast then disappears into your belly including your balls.

*I've seen problems in 2017 folks
]

 

[Yegomasika]

 

[Numbisa]

Tatizo la waya ni kubwa sana, tunajitahidi kuzinasa kwa kutumia kikosi maalum maana tuna vikosi tofauti; vipo vinavyofanya doria za mguu, vile vya kuvizia, tuna vituo maalumu vinavyotumia mitambo ya kisasa kuangalia wahusika,” anasema

 

[Numbisa]

Wanyama waliouawa

Kwa mujibu wa uchunguzi wa Mwananchi uliothibitishiwa na Hifadhi ya Taifa ya Serengeti, kwa kipindi cha Julai hadi Novemba mwaka huu, jumla ya wanyama 732 waliuawa.

 

[Numbisa]

Kwa kipindi hicho nyumbu waliouawa walikuwa 592, Pundamilia 136 na tembo wanne. Hata hivyo, ilibainika kuwa ujangili wa kutumia silaha za kivita umedhibitiwa kwa asilimia kubwa na kupunguza mauaji ya tembo, huku kasi ya utumiaji nyaya ukishamiri.

 

[Numbisa]

Uchunguzi wa Mwananchi ulibaini kuwa nyaya zinazotumika ni aina tatu; zinazotokana na matairi ya magari, zinazoshikilia nguzo za umeme zinazochakaa na zile zinazotoka kwenye magari yanayonyanyua mizigo ambazo ni ngumu na hazikatiki kirahisi.

 

[Numbisa]

Jangili mstaafu Joseph Marwa, anasema: “Nyaya za kutegea zinapatikana kwa urahisi maana mafundi wa viatu vya matairi wanauza kwa mhitaji na kuna wanaokata zile za Tanesco.’’

 

[Numbisa]

Anasema jangili mmoja hubeba nyaya kati 40-60 wanapokwenda porini na anategemea yote inase wanyama na wanakuwa kati ya 30 na 40 ambapo hugawanyika kwenye kambi tofauti wawapo porini.

 

[Numbisa]

Mmoja wa mafundi wa matairi mjini Mugumu jina limehifadhiwa anakiri kuwa wanaponunua matairi chakavu wanapata faida kubwa.

 

[Numbisa]

“Unanunua tairi kuukuu kwa Sh 5,000 hadi 10,000, lakini waya pekee kwa yale madogo unauza hadi Sh 10,000 hapo hujatengeneza viatu ama soli,” anasema.

 

[Numbisa]

Anasema siku za nyuma hapakuwa na soko kubwa, lakini kwa sasa wanaweka oda na wahitaji ni wengi sana na hazitapungua kama kampuni kubwa kama Grumeti, Senapa na Acacia na wenye mabasi wataendelea kuuza matairi kama mali chakavu.

 

[Numbisa]

Mwandishi wa habari hizi alipohitaji kupata nyaya kwa Marwa Chacha (25) fundi viatu na ambaye amewahi kuwa jangili, aliulizwa; “Unataka za kuwindia ama kwa kazi gani?”

 

[Numbisa]

Alipojibu za kujengea uzio wa bata, aliambiwa: “Wewe hutanipa fedha nzuri kama wanaokwenda kuwindia.”

 

[Yegomasika]

Subakheri, Numbisa! Wajisikiaje na hali? [emoji1]

 

[Numbisa]

Hata hivyo baada ya majadiliano alikubali kuuza nyaya za gurudumu kwa Sh 7,000 huku akilalama kuwa kama angeuzia majangili asingekosa Sh10,000.

 

[Numbisa]

Subakheri, Numbisa! Wajisikiaje na hali? [emoji1]

Swalama kabisa,za wewe?

 

[Numbisa]

Tanesco wakiri

Meneja wa Shirika la Umeme Tanzania (Tanesco), tawi la Serengeti, Magoti Mtani anakiri kuwepo kwa wizi wa waya zinazoshika nguzo (Stay wire).

 

[Numbisa]

Tunakabiliwa na hujuma hiyo, tumeishatoa taarifa polisi zaidi ya mara tatu. Tulikuwa hatujui wanaiba kwa kazi gani, kumbe ni kwa ajili ya ujangili, hii ni hujuma sana,” anasema.