Kama una stress pitia hapa, usiache kutupia na wewe maneno yako

[Light saber]

When they say, Behind Every Successful Man there is a Woman. They mean His Mother Not you[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

[Kirokonya]

When they say, Behind Every Successful Man there is a Woman. They mean His Mother Not you[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

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[Kirokonya]

Lakini mbona ukiita mtu kondoo hukasirika? Tumekua tukiitwa kondoo kwa Bible na hata ukiwa mdogo hapo Sunday school ulikua unajiita kwa ile wimbo ya Ingia, ingia, ingia, ingia, ingia, ingia uwe mmoja wa Kondoo
wote humu ni kondoo kondoo za bwana[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji85][emoji87]

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[Khantwe]

Huyu mtu kamaaanisha mswaki wakuswaki huko chini

Hapana anamaanisha mswaki huu wa kuswakia

 

[Guasa Ambonii]

Behind every satisfied woman there is very tired man

 

[Gru]

[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

[Khantwe]

Behind every satisfied woman there is very tired man

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[Numbisa]

Mtu yoyote aliyepiga kura 2015 akachagua maisha haya mkimwona anataka kujinyonga mkamateni mumfikishe polisi asitufanye sisi wajinga eti sisi tubaki halafu yeye afe ayakimbie....nooooo![emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

[Numbisa]

Mume anamuonya mkewe: Haya mambo ya kubadilisha wadada wa kazi kila mara utakuja kutuuwa na magonjwa 😂😂😂[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

[Numbisa]

Kitambo tukiwa watoto ulikuwa unaitwa uje ule kwa lugha tofauti kulingana na chakula kilichopikwa siku na muda husika 1. UGALI NA KUNDE Mwitaji : 🗣Joniiiii Mwitikiaji : Eeeh Mwitaji : Uje ukule 2. UGALI NA SAMAKI Mwitaji: 🗣 we Joniiii Mwitikiaji : Eeeh Mwitaji : Unaitwa na Mama 3. WALI NA NYAMA/KUKU Mwitaji: 🗣 Joniiii Mwitikiaji : Eeeh Mwitaji : Shauri yako! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

 

[Numbisa]

NUKSI NI NINI??😂 NUKSI NI PALE UMEAGA KIJIJINI KWENU KUWA UNAENDA MJINI KUISHI KWA DADA YAKO NA UTAKAA MIAKA MINNE ILE TU UNAFIKA UNAMKUTA DADA YAKO NDO ANAFUNGASHIWA VYAKE HATIMAE UNARUDI NAE KIJIJINI[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

[Numbisa]

Mwanaume anaweza kumuacha mke wake kwa kosa LA kumfumania Halaf anaenda kuoa mwanamke mwengine aliyeachwa kwa kosa LA kufumaniwa .

 

[Numbisa]

Mwanamke akiwa na ujauzito huchukia baadhi ya vitu kama chakula, na wengine huchukia hadi waume zao, ........LAKN CJAWAHI KUONA MWANAMKE mjamzito AMECHUKIA PESA

 

[Numbisa]

Dokta alikuwa anakwenda kuwinda hivyo akamuachia majukumu assistant wake Jason. Dokta: "Jason nakwenda kuwinda hivyo majukumu yote ni yako na angalia wagonjwa wote!" Jason: "Ndio mkuu!" Baada ya kurudi dokta akamuuliza vp mambo yalikwendaje kwa Jason.. Jason: " Nliwashughulikia wagonjwa wa3! Wa1 kichwa kilikuwa kinamuuma nikampa panadol" Dokta: "Safi sana na wapili?" Jason: "Wa2 alikuwa anaumwa na 2mbo na kama linavuruga alisema, nikampa flagyl" Dokta: "Bravo, wee safi sana na wa3 je? Jason: "Dokta nlikuwa nimekaa ghafla mwanamke akaingia na akavua nguo zote akabaki mtupu na akalala kwenye meza. Akapanua miguu na kupiga kelele nisaidie dokta kwa miaka mi5 sijamuona mwanaume! Dokta: "Mungu wangu na ukafanyaje sasa?" Jason: "Nilimuwekea dawa ya matone kwenye macho yake!"[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

[Numbisa]

Majina ya kukwepa kuitikia Msimu huu wa krismasi na Mwaka Mpya: Ukisikia mtu kakuita hivi, usiitike na usijaribu ku-smile hata kidogo, utakuja kinishukuru baadae!! 1. Mkubwa 2. Tajiri wangu 3. Boss wangu 4. Kiongozi 5. Mkurugenzi 6. Manager 7. Chief 8. Brigedia General 9. Honey 10. Dear nikuambie kitu..? 11.Mutu Ya Nguvuu 12.Mzee 13.Patroo 14. Kaka mukubwaaaaaa 😂😂😂😂 Bro Kimbia tena kama hiyo 9 na 10 usigeuke hata nyuma!!

 

[Numbisa]

Jana usiku kuna Jirani yangu..kanitumia text "mambo vipi?"…halafu tunakaa nae mtaa mmoja nikaona nikimjibu ni uharibifu wa hela nikaenda kumgongea mlango saa 7 usiku. Alipofungua nikamjibu "shwari"halafu nikarudi nyumbani kulala zangu.. Sipendagi kuchezea salio..[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

[Numbisa]

TOFAUTI YA UKOPAJI, MZUNGU NA MSWAHILI: MZUNGU: Hi, I need $100, will pay back on Monday MSWAHILI: Kaka vipi, shwari? Dah.. hatuonani mzee, mishe vipi, mnatunyima nini? Juzi nimekuona kwa mbaaali… mzee shavu dodo, full kipupwe! Sie tupo bwana, shida tu, afu misiba mingi tu, wife nae kajifungua ghafla. Sasa, kuna cheque naisubiri haijatoka hadi leo, wanasema itatoka next week, hapa nimekwama kweli. Naweza pata 'Laki Moja' ya karibu hapo nitarudisha mwisho wa mwezi…?

 

[Mr Miller]

Katika kikao cha familia, kichaa wa hiyo familia alisimama kabla wengine hawajaongea nakusema: nashangaa kuona hali ya familia yetu,naona kama inalaaniwa mana katika familia hakuna hata mbunge,askari, mwanamuziki; yaani mimi mwenyewe nisingekazana hata kichaa asingekuepo[emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787] kikao kiliishia hapo mana kila mtu aliondoka

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[Mr Miller]

Ushawahi boreka kwenye ofisi hadi unaanza kujiuliza "na hizi meza kubwa hivi ziliingiaje kwenye huu mlango" [emoji848][emoji23][emoji23]

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[Mr Miller]

WHY MY PASTOR BLOCKED ME ON FACEBOOK
I sent him a friend request on Facebook and he innocently accepted. Two minutes later his message came in;
*PASTOR: How are you?
*ME: I'm fine Daddy.
*PASTOR: May the building of heavenly favour collapse on your head.
*ME: (No reply)
*PASTOR: May the thunder of Blessing strike you and your family.
*ME: (No reply)'
*PASTOR: May God slash you with the axe of long life.
*ME: (No reply)
*PASTOR: May God stab you with the knife of riches.
*ME: (No reply)
*PASTOR: May you be sentenced to life imprisonment in the eternal jail of success!
*ME: (No reply)
*PASTOR: May the Trade centre of happiness collapse on you and your family.
*ME: (No reply)
* PASTOR: My son are you there?
*ME: Yes Daddy!
* PASTOR: You should be saying Amen to claim the Blessings.
*ME: Ok, it's my turn to pray for you Sir!
*PASTOR: Alright my son.
*ME: May the over speeding trailer of Blessings jam and crush you and your family,
*PASTOR: (No reply).
*ME: May the light of God blind your eye that you may not see the sufferings of this life anymore,
*PASTOR: (No reply)
*ME: May the earthquake of happiness swallow you and your family members,
*PASTOR: (No reply)
*ME: May the sea of miracle drown you and your family members,
*PASTOR: (No reply)
*ME: May the Boko-haram of joy kidnap you sir!
*PASTOR: (No reply)
*ME: May the death of riches kill you, your family members and all yours friends and relations,
*PASTOR: (No reply)
*ME: May the annointing from above destroy your church and kill all your church members excluding me and my family in Jesus name (Amen)!
*PASTOR: (No reply)
*ME:Ah Ah Daddy are you there? You should be saying Amen to all these wonderful Prayers.
*PASTOR: May thunder fire you! Idiot

hahaha [emoji23][emoji23][emoji28][emoji28][emoji23] pastor ameona mwenyewe maneno alikua anatumia yanaogofya