Hali (situations) zinaniambia nimekwishafeli, naona km situations zinanipa both public and private insults.
Real insults and I have no power to argue. Nimebaki nainamisha kichwa chini tu na kusikilizia jinsi hali inavyouma.
Mambo yanakwama mbele ya uso wangu, mbele ya macho yangu naona. Nashuhudia mwenyewe. Roho inaniuma, nalia ndani kwa ndani kama wanaume waliavyo. I smile but don't mean it, I laugh but don't mean it. Naumia. Kilio cha wanaume.
Nakwama kuanzisha projects zangu ndogo ndogo tu. PESA sina. Nimefilisika kila kitu. Uzuri sina madeni yanayonikaba shingo, lakini kodi ya pango February kesho kutwa, sijui nitalipa nini. Oohh God simama na mimi, and make me strong forever.
Maisha ya kutafuta pesa natakiwa kuanza from 0 yaani zero, with nothing on hands.
Kweli life, are you unfair like this? Are you fighting against me? Nisamehe. You are always bigger than me, forever and ever. This punishment is bigger than me, am a little bit young and old I can't handle this intense. It's huge, very huge!
Cha ajabu Akili (brain), Moyo Mkuu (big heart) na Nafsi (Self) zinaniambia big NO sijafeli. Then, nasikia furaha kwa ndani. Lakini situations halisi zinaondoa furaha yangu ghafla. Naona sina pesa, naona siwezi hata kuanzisha ki mradi kidogo tu. Sina pesa mimi.
Kwa miezi ya mwishoni mwa mwaka jana nilipoteza shambani zaidi ya sh 14,521,000 kwenye nyanya huko Dakawa Morogoro. Hizi ndio situations zenyewe. Situations zenyewe ni hali halisi, najawa hofu kuu. Naanza kupoteza confidence, japo inside myself najiona nipo strong but weak.
Ujenzi umesimama rasmi. Nimekwama pesa. It's now very official. Wapi rafiki zangu wa karibu? Wanalia hali ngumu. Dah! Mwamba nimekamatika na mdororo wa kiuchumi. Oh God, shusha malaika wako uniokoe, wewe ndiye tumaini langu pekee.
Nina asset gani mkononi? Nina gari dogo nzuri tu. It's my last option. Hii ndio risasi yangu ya mwisho. Sitaki kuifyatua bila target, lakini naona hali halisi ikinishinda nguvu. Mungu ingilia Kati wewe ndo umebaki tumaini langu la mwisho. Nakusihi Mungu Mkuu. Sitaki kupoteza hii risasi ya mwisho. Naomba mwanga wako nipo gizani.
Nikipata mil 2 ndani ya miezi 3 naweza kurudisha labda na riba kidogo, let say 2.3ml. Wapi pesa hii hupatikana? In short hakuna. Zinapatikana kwa riba kubwa sana, ambayo sitaweza kuilipa. Otherwise atokee mtu mwema Mungu kamshukia asaidie. Ila ki kawaida kawaida hell no pesa hizo mtu hupati bila riba kubwa.
All shall pass. Kweli? Sijui.
Ma chief wa JF najua kuna wengi labda washawahi kuwakuta ya namna hii. Naomba tushauriane, nyie mlitokaje jamani? Kodi za nyumba mlilipaje? Heshima ya kumiliki pesa tena mliipataje? Mlirudi vipi kwenye form kama awali?
Tutiane Moyo na ushauri, tusaidiane tafadhali, hali ni tete sana.
Mungu Mkuu.